The Crown and the Key

by Andrey Vasilyev

  “Boots,” Vika said thoughtfully, looking at me. “And a pistol?”

  “A Nagant. Azov promised to find weapons for all of us.”

  “How many of us are there?” She was clearly turning something over in her mind.

  “A dozen, if not more. We’ll run in shooting the machine gun at the ceiling—blanks, obviously. It’ll be fun!”

  “That works,” Vika said to my amazement. “It could be interesting, and it’ll definitely be different than what everyone else comes as. I was already thinking about something in that vein.”

  “And that’s it?”

  Vika’s brows shot up. “What else do you need? A signed agreement?”

  Women will never cease to amaze me. I was all set to dig in for a long siege, and it was so simple.

  “You’re amazing,” I said with complete sincerity, going over to kiss her. That, from what I could tell, surprised her in turn.

  To ensure the air of harmony we’d established in the home, I told her about how I wanted to go shopping. She’d get some new clothes, I told her, I wanted to get out, I wanted to see people, and we’d have the chance to buy some presents for our near and dear ones. My offer was well received, needless to say. Vika went off to dry her hair, while I called Zimin to tell him about the chaos that had gone on the day before in Kadrans.

  Zimin didn’t pick up right away, and I could tell from his voice that he, unlike myself, was less than happy with the world.

  “Is it important?” he asked, without bothering to say hello.

  “Well, sort of.” I was taken aback—Valyaev liked to pull tricks like that, but prim and proper Zimin?

  “If it is, out with it; if not, call me back later,” Zimin replied. I heard voices in the background, which told me he had a meeting going on in his office.

  “I was in Kadrans yesterday. It’s a city, the one where the inquisitors—” I started off haltingly, but Zimin interrupted me almost immediately.

  “What the hell were you doing there?”

  “I had a quest to help the inquisition, so I went to finish it. You should have seen what happened!”

  “I know what happened,” Zimin said, his voice changing. “Okay, come over to the office.”

  Whoa. What about Vika?

  “I can’t right now,” I said, surprising myself. “Vika and I have a shopping trip scheduled. I haven’t been doing anything with her, and I promised this, so she’s been expecting it. I’m sorry—let’s do it later.”

  Zimin fell silent for a little while before sighing and continuing.

  “You know, Kif, everything with you is like this. Okay, go do your shopping, spoil your dearly beloved, and then get over here, because I need you. It’s ridiculous around here—I’m going to fire everyone after New Year’s. One, because he’s going shopping instead of running when the boss asks him to, another because he didn’t tell me about the witness in Kadrans, the third… Well, I’m just going to fire everyone.”

  “It’s up to you,” I replied cheerfully.

  Zimin snorted and hung up.

  I wondered briefly if they’d give me overtime, given that I was on salary at the paper and got the rest in an envelope, and then thought about how I needed to get Valyaev’s car signed over and brought down from the Raidion garage. I can sell it if all else fails. Then, I logged onto the forums, where I spent the next hour.

  The main topic of conversation was the events of the previous day. The conversation wasn’t all that heated, though it was certainly taking place. From what I could tell, there hadn’t been that many players in the city when it was taken. They’d all been taken out, too—the dark hordes hadn’t cared too much about whether they were up against NPCs or players. They just hacked up everyone in their path, mostly just getting on the players’ nerves. The consensus was that it was an event, though nobody could figure out why the community hadn’t been told about it. Nobody minds being sent back to your respawn when you’re in the middle of something fun and engaging. It’s when you have no idea what’s going on, and you’re killed by a bunch of raging wild men you don’t have anything to do with, that you start to feel frustrated.

  The discussion was ongoing, with a lot of people talking about complaining to the game admin, though there were already posts starting to pop up about how it could have been a test run for an event. The world was enormous, they said, and the gamemasters couldn’t have their eyes on everything at once. The Raidion team sure knows what they’re doing.

  People had noticed the Lords of Death, too. At least, they’d been noticed by a crew of very experienced adventurers who were in the city for whatever reason. They were in a local pub drinking to the successful completion of some complicated quest or other, completely unaware that the attack was beginning. Those four, a warrior, a cleric, a mage, and a thief, walked out onto the street right at the end, finding themselves under the hooves of the enormous black stallion. The unlucky thief was even trampled to death. The rest of the group tried to explain to the Lord of Death how wrong he was, and that led to the number of guests in the lovely city of Kadrans being reduced by three. They didn’t actually realize that he was a Lord of Death since nobody had heard of them—they just called him a big black beast, damn it! The most interesting part was that portals didn’t work in Kadrans or the surrounding areas for a good hour, just like in a castle siege. When the livid players finally got back in, the city was empty, the fortress was burned, and their things were lying right there where they’d left them. It was all very strange.

  Nobody had noticed the player on the dark side. Either he’d shown up later, once there was nobody to see him, or they just hadn’t been paying attention.

  We were getting some attention, too, though it wasn’t too active, either. People were writing about a cool NPC clan, about how it was a mix of NPCs—Sea Kings, hillmen, and knights—about how we had a funny, crazy fairy (there was even a screenshot of Tren-Bren with crossed eyes and her tongue sticking out), about how we weren’t accepting anyone into the clan, and everything else. It was the usual chatter, and that worked for me.

  Then, I read through a few other topics, mostly about clans, and couldn’t help but notice how tense things were in Rattermark. The smoldering fuse looked ready to blow. One clan had almost instituted a curfew the day before…

  Just when I turned off my computer, my phone rang. It was Azov.

  “Well, I hear you’re going shopping?” he asked gently, also skipping the greeting. All business, that guy.

  “Yes,” I replied warily. “Just like we talked about.”

  “Well, no, not quite,” he rumbled. “You didn’t call Alexey. Why did I give you his number? Didn’t I tell you?”

  “But we aren’t ready to go, yet,” I said, setting up my defense. “Vika is still drying her hair, and that’s a long, difficult process. We’re the ones with the short hair that dries by itself. They have to—”

  “Don’t play those games with me,” a clearly out-of-sorts Azov said. “You forgot, you bastard!”

  Yeah, I did. That kind of thing takes getting used to—you don’t always remember at the beginning.

  “How could you even think that?” I yelped into the phone. “You can just ask Vika. The first thing I told her when we were discussing heading out was that I need to call Alexey.”

  It was a miracle I could remember what his name was. All that was left to do was remember where I’d put that piece of paper with his phone number on it.

  “You’d better. So, Vika got on board right away?”

  “Believe it or not, yes. I’m still in shock.”

  “That makes sense—she’s a smart girl. You should marry her, you idiot. She’s beautiful, she’s smart, and she’ll grow out of all her quirks. With those wide hips, she’ll have no problem giving birth, and that will make things easier for you, too. And I’ll be your best man at the wedding.”

  “I’ll think about it,” I said without the least shadow of a joke. “Really, I will. Oh, and she asked for
a Nagant, I guess, to go with the leather jacket.”

  “She’ll get her Nagant. I already have a Mauser for you.”

  “And a machine-gun?”

  “And a machine-gun.” Azov laughed suddenly. “If anybody’s listening to us, they’re going to think we’re planning a robbery.”

  “Who could be listening?” I asked innocently.

  “This is Russia. Anybody could be listening.”

  Overall, it was a fun, optimistic conversation. When I hung up, I went over to where Vika was blow-drying her hair. I wondered on the way if Zimin had told him about our shopping expedition or if he was the one listening in on all our conversations.

  “Vika, do you remember the paper Ilya gave me, the one with our new bodyguard’s phone number?” She was using a small hair dryer she’d brought with her when she moved in—I certainly didn’t have one.

  “On the refrigerator door, stuck to it with a magnet that looks like a pineapple,” she called over the noise.

  As I looked for it, I noticed that there were other papers stuck to the fridge with magnets, too. I’ve opened this door a hundred times. How have I not noticed them? Memory apparently is selective. I really needed to give some thought to making her a permanent guest in the house. If it weren’t for how organized she is, I’d be looking for that paper until summer…

  Alexey picked up the phone, and had a very short reply to my mumbled, “Oh, yes, umm, this is Nikoforov.”

  “How soon are you planning to leave?”

  Looking over at Vika, I got the answer before I even asked the question.

  “Have him stop by in about forty-five minutes.”

  “I heard her,” he said immediately and hung up. There I was, reduced to a communication system.

  ***

  I wasn’t keeping a close eye on the clock, but our new man was nothing if not punctual: it was a few seconds more than forty-five minutes after our conversation that the doorbell rang. I decided to show off how security-conscious I was.

  “Who’s there?”

  “Alexey,” I heard from the other side.

  Sliding back the lock, I found myself staring down the barrel of a pistol.

  “Whoops,” was all I could say as I glanced at the lead-gray eyes of a man in a brown jacket that didn’t let me see what kind of body type he had.

  “Whoops is right,” he replied and pulled the trigger.

  I don’t know how people normally feel in that situation, but I just had the tremendous urge to run to the bathroom.

  The trigger clicked, and the guy slipped the pistol into a holster under his arm before sighing.

  “What are we going to do with you? How do you know I’m me?”

  “Who’s there?” Vika called from the kitchen. “The bodyguard?”

  “It could have been your imminent death,” Alexey called back. I didn’t have any more doubt that it was him—if it hadn’t been, I would have already been lying cold on the ground. Judging by where he was aiming, it wouldn’t have been a pretty sight, either.

  “That’s horrible,” Vika said as she stepped into the corridor. “What did my bumbler do this time?”

  “He’s criminally neglectful,” Alexey replied without the shadow of a smile. “That should worry you more than anyone, because you probably would have caught a bullet if I’d been a professional killer, too. If they shoot him, they’ll definitely shoot you. That’s a general rule you should keep in mind.”

  Vika scowled. “Yes?”

  “Well, unless it’s a sniper. But that’s doubtful, judging by what the boss says—they need the client alive. That means you’ll definitely be in the line of fire.”

  “Now, I’m back to being afraid,” Vika said. “Why would you say that?”

  “You need to know that the danger is real. This isn’t the movies, and it isn’t a comic strip; it’s real life. I’m glad you’re afraid—fear is your best friend. It means you won’t be stupid and you’ll listen to me.”

  “We’ll listen to you,” Vika replied, tugging on my sleeve. “Right?”

  “Of course, we will.” Damn, it really could have been that fish-eyed guy. Why didn’t I look out the peephole?

  Alexey looked at us. “We’re going to have very simple rules. When I say, ‘stop,’ you stop. When I say ‘run,’ you run.”

  “Got it,” I nodded.

  “No, you don’t.” Alexey shook a finger at me. “I’d know you got it if you asked which direction I want you to run in. If you’d asked that, I would’ve felt better about you.”

  I had no idea what to say to the strange character.

  “The most important thing,” Alexey continued, staring at me, “is that you give me the route, and you tell me who and when we’re meeting. When we’re out of the apartment or office, I’m in charge. That’s non-negotiable.”

  “Agreed,” I replied with relief.

  “Okay, we’ll figure this out in time.” Alexey exhaled. “Where are we going today?”

  “She can tell you that,” I replied, more than happy to let Vika talk with the bodyguard.

  Vika took a step forward and started explaining to Alexey where we were going and why. To my surprise, he didn’t stop her when she started listing what she wanted to buy; instead, he listened to her attentively. I went back to our room to get the watch Azov had given me. God helps those who help themselves, and the lessons we learn, even if they’re difficult ones, are important. After the experiences I’d gone through, I was starting to appreciate the life I had.

  Ten minutes later, we left the apartment. Alexey slipped out of the door in front of us like an ethereal shadow, saying that we’d be moving like that from then on. Where’s the black suit? Where are the glasses? The powerful shoulders? He’d apparently forgotten about the dry sense of humor TV had told me he was supposed to have, too.

  There was a car waiting for us downstairs. Surprisingly, it wasn’t the BMW I was used to—it was just your typical Japanese model.

  Deciding not to make a fuss over that, I sat down. Vika, on the other hand, couldn’t help but wrinkle her nose.

  “It looks like things really are bad.”

  Alexey’s brows didn’t even twitch. From what I could tell, he just ignored that kind of thing—it was his job.

  He was flawless at it, too. Sometimes, I thought he lost us, like at the first store, where I started looking around to find him.

  “Don’t do anything to stick out like that,” he said, appearing from out of nowhere. “I’m here, nearby. Just do your thing. Although, I’m not sure what’s so relaxing about shopping…”

  And with that, he disappeared again, melting into thin air. There’s a pro for you. I found respect for him growing inside me.

  Soon, I was even happy that a plain guy like him had been assigned to us. It happened when we were in our third shopping center, just when Vika had set off squealing toward a display case of tree ornaments. Right then, from behind one of the pillars they always have in places like that, Jeremiah came striding toward me.

  We were separated by about five meters when Alexey suddenly appeared between us. I wasn’t sure how he did it, but there he was, looking up with interest at Jeremiah. The latter was as calm as ever.

  “I’d like to speak with my friend,” he said to Alexey, apparently recognizing that he was my bodyguard. “I’m not going to hurt him.”

  “Of course, you aren’t,” came the equally cool reply. “I’m just not sure you two are friends.”

  “Let him say what he has to say,” I said quietly to Alexey. “There are plenty of people around, and he’s a peaceful guy, I think. At least, he has been so far.”

  “Having people around doesn’t necessarily mean anything,” Alexey replied, stepping slightly to the side. “But that’s fine.”

  I don’t think he was actually giving in to me. Instead, he had probably assessed the situation and decided that Jeremiah, who was dressed in a sheepskin coat reminiscent of the 80s, didn’t represent a threat.

 
; “I simply decided to pull you away from your Sunday festivities for a minute,” Jeremiah said as ornately as ever. How did he know I’d be here?

  “I’m listening.” To be honest, I didn’t like him. Our last meeting had left a poor impression on me, especially since I’d gotten so wet, though I didn’t tell him what I would have liked to have him do to himself. It’s always better to listen to people you don’t like—sometimes they give you good information.

  “We were informed that you had the misfortune of being beaten recently,” Jeremiah said. “I would like to say as directly as I can that neither I nor our management had anything to do with that.”

  “I didn’t think you did,” I lied with a shrug. “Just a few thugs.”

  Jeremiah shook a finger at me. “I think you’re mistaken—they were far from a few thugs. There’s somebody hunting you, and the faster you realize that, the better. Your bosses already know, which is why you have that guy here with you. We would like to also recommend that you take this very seriously.”

  “So, who’s hunting me?”

  “I don’t have an answer to that question.” He could have been lying, though his eyes looked completely sincere. “But the ones who sent me asked me to tell you that we will let you know if we find out anything. That will serve as a way for us to show that we want nothing but a strong, long-term relationship.”

  “I appreciate that.”

  “Okay, I won’t take up any more of your time. It was good to see you.” And with that, Jeremiah walked off. He disappeared into the crowd a few seconds later.

  Vika had a blast. She bought presents for everyone she could think of, including our colleagues (even Shelestova), both our parents, a bunch of her friends in Kasimov whose names I didn’t even try to remember, and, of course, her sister. She even tried to get me to help her. For my part, I just nodded in the direction of an adult entertainment store and suggested buying what her sister had been missing out on there. I noted that the foul moods she was always in could be because she needed something long and thick, and, in response, Vika called me an idiot and didn’t ask for any more of my help. I wasn’t terribly upset by that.