by Anne Hampson
Julian opened the door and stood there, eyeing her questioningly.
‘You’re a long while with that. Do you want some help?’
She shook her head.
‘The tray’s set.’ She picked it up, but he took it from her. ‘What do
you want to drink, Julian? Tea or coffee?’
‘Whatever you’re having,’ he returned obligingly, and carried the tray into the other room.
‘We’ll wait for the doctor,’ Julian said later, when Kim had cleared away the dishes and washed them up. ‘He’ll be here at three, you say?’
‘Yes, but you mustn’t stay—’
‘We’re staying. What time will Donna be back?’
‘About two.’ A pause and then, ‘I’ll be quite all right, Julian. So long as I’ve seen you I’m satisfied.’
Ignoring that, Julian sat down again on the stool beside her. From her chair at the other side of the room Kim watched him, saw the anxiety, and the tenderness in his eyes, and once again wondered at the strange personality of this man who was her husband.
The doctor came just after three and stayed only about ten minutes. After examining Aunt Sophy’s heart he stood chatting to Julian, and then left. Julian followed him out to the car, and when he returned he cast Kim a swift, all-revealing glance and then smiled cheerfully down at his aunt.
‘You know, you really should have come to us. It’s ridiculous your being here, so far away—’
‘Julian dear, we’ve been into this before, and Neil’s added his persuasions, but I’m content here, with Donna - she really is a gem, you know. And you all visit me, so what more do I want?’
Julian sighed, and went into the kitchen where Donna was preparing a warm drink for Aunt Sophy. Kim guessed he was giving Donna instructions to send for him and Neil immediately there was any change in his aunt’s condition.
They left at five o’clock and Julian drove in silence for over an hour. ‘Is she very bad?’ Kim ventured at last, in an almost frightened tone. Julian was so grim and deep in his own thoughts that it seemed an intrusion for her to speak. But she felt instinctively that he should be drawn out, even though the conversation centred round his aunt. ‘What did Dr. Hughes say?’
‘Two or three days.’ His voice was tight and low. ‘I’d pick up Neil and we’d go back tonight, but she’d guess straight away. I wish she had come to us in the first place.’
‘Two or three days ...’ Kim fell silent, her eyes dark and sad. She hadn’t known Julian’s aunt intimately enough to become attached to her, but she could fully appreciate her husband’s feelings and it was to him she extended all her sympathy and compassion. Strangely, Neil seemed not to be touched in the
same way, yet he alone was responsible for the accident. She turned to her husband as a deep sigh escaped him.
‘I’m selfish, Kim,’ he said, moving his head to give her a fleeting glance. ‘I’m selfish in wanting her to live. You see,’ he went on sadly, ‘were she to live, not only would she be an invalid all her life - bedridden probably - but she’d never be free from pain.’
‘Oh, Julian ... then this is the best way.’ The words were out before she could stop them and she again felt rather frightened, wondering how he would react to them.
‘You’re quite right, Kim,’ he said softly. ‘This is the best way. I’ve no right to wish her to live.’
CHAPTER TEN
THE end came even more quickly than expected; Julian and Kim had been back at the hotel only a couple of hours when Donna telephoned the news that Aunt Sophy was now very dangerously ill, and Julian immediately got out the car again and he and Neil went off, hoping to arrive at Penmon in time to be with Aunt Sophy at the end.
‘Don’t wait up,’ Julian said. ‘We don’t know when we’ll be back.’
Margery was in tears, and Kim suggested she come up to the flat, and even stay there, sleeping in her old bed in the study.
‘Oh, Kim, thank you. I suppose it’s silly, just moving upstairs, but I’ll feel better if you’re near.’
The two girls sat up till very late; Margery did most of the talking and Kim listened, learning a good deal about Aunt Sophy and her struggles, for Margery had been told all this by her husband.
‘And now, for this to happen - just when she was over all her struggles and looking forward to a happy retirement. Julian had given her money ever since he was old enough to work, and
when he came into that fortune he wanted to buy a lovely house in the country and have her with him. But she loved the cottage at Penmon, and always said she’d stay there till she died—’ Margery broke off, starting to cry again. Kim went into the kitchen and made some coffee, which she brought into the sitting-room on a tray, with sandwiches and biscuits.
‘Try to eat something,’ she said gently. ‘Just one sandwich,
Margery, if you possibly can.’
‘Thanks.’ Margery managed a smile, ‘I feel better now. Kim, it’s been wonderful having you for a friend. I never feel you blame Neil — what I mean is, you’re so understanding.’
So understanding? Kim sighed for something she would never understand — the complex character of her husband. For here was another circumstance to puzzle her. Julian had been willing to live a bachelor existence with his aunt ... and yet he had by his own admission married Kim for nothing more than the satisfaction of his desires. The two traits could not possibly be reconciled. And suddenly she recalled Julian’s having said that perhaps she would understand him, when she decided to try. Dwelling on this, she began to wonder what he had meant to convey. Surely there was a subtle invitation in those words. Yes, she saw it now ... and also there had been confidence, confidence that she would in fact one day come to understand him. Eagerly she said,
‘Tell me about Julian, Margery. I know so little.’
‘You never had a courtship.’ Margery smiled sympathetically at her. ‘You know, Kim, I’m thinking there was much more to Julian’s action than we know of. I said it wasn’t like him, and I still can’t bring myself to accept the fact of his terrifying you like that.’
Kim remembered how furious Julian had been at the idea of Margery knowing of his wicked action.
‘But he did, Margery. I’ve told you the truth.’
Margery shook her head bewilderedly and said,
‘I believe you, of course, but I still think there’s something of
which we’re in ignorance. Julian’s action was so out of character.’ She began to nibble at a sandwich, staring broodingly into space. Kim said again, with the same eagerness,
‘Tell me, Margery, would Julian have been happy living alone with his aunt? Would he have been satisfied with a life like that?’
‘He wanted to care for her,’ Margery explained. ‘He’s always been so grateful to her for taking him when his parents died. Yes, he’d have been happy to live a life like that. I’m sure of it.’
‘But a bachelor existence?’
‘That wouldn’t have troubled him,’ Margery began, then flushed as she realized it was not quite the thing to say to Julian’s wife. However, Kim smiled with faint amusement and Margery was encouraged to continue, ‘You see, Julian never was one for the girls - Neil told me - and that’s why it’s so difficult for me to believe he did that awful thing to you, carrying you off just for — just so that he could— Oh, dear, Kim, I’m not being very tactful, am I?’
‘Don’t worry about it,’ Kim said reassuringly. ‘Had I been in any way sensitive about the matter I shouldn’t have confided in you in the first place.’ Mechanically she reached for a sandwich and put it on her plate. ‘About his not bothering about girls - are you sure about this?’
‘As I’ve said, Neil told me. And certainly since I’ve known him he hasn’t had girls. It was the greatest surprise when Mum said he was engaged—’ Suddenly she gulped and Kim looked at her in some alarm, concluding that it was the food that choked her. But Margery turned, an expression of growing enlightenment on her face. ‘Kim!’ she a
lmost screamed, ‘I’m the world’s greatest idiot! To think I’ve been puzzling my brains to think why Julian should have done that to you. But I’ve got it now! The whole mystery’s solved!’
‘Solved?’ Kim gaped at her uncomprehendingly. ‘What are you talking about?’
Margery was exultant.
‘I know everything. It all fits into place — every single piece! Julian never married you for that horrid reason. He married you because of Neil’s mother!’
‘Aunt Sophy—?’ Kim trembled visibly. ‘I did think of that, Margery, and I even tackled Julian with it, but he emphatically denied it.’
‘He did?’ Margery stared unbelievingly, and then, shrugging, ‘Perhaps he had some reason, but he definitely married you for his aunt’s sake. Oh, I’m so relieved,’ she went on, forgetting for the moment that Kim must be waiting breathlessly for the explanation to be unfolded to her. ‘I just knew Julian wasn’t capable of doing that dreadful thing to a decent girl!’
‘Thank you,’ came the swift and rather tart rejoinder.
‘Oh, dear ...’ Margery looked embarrassed and an expression of apology crossed her face. ‘What I mean is —he didn’t mind doing it to you because you’d interfered in his life. I’m sure it wouldn’t have happened had he known you better. As it was, he had no compunction about carrying you off and frightening you into marriage.’
‘You’ll have to be a little more explicit,’ Kim returned, trying to be patient. Her heart was racing, for without doubt Margery was both excited and confident.
‘It all came to me an instant ago,’ Margery began. ‘I suddenly recalled something Neil said last Tuesday when we were driving back from his mother’s. He said, “Thank heaven Julian’s married!” and when I asked him to explain he went on to tell me that for a year or two she’d been anxious about Julian’s future, worrying that he’d be; lonely as he grew older. After the accident, and when she was able to write, she put all her fears in a letter to Neil, which he received in hospital. It was clear from what she’d written that she had doubts about her own recovery and it was also clear that she was actually fretting over the question of Julian’s future. She adored him; his happiness was of tremendous importance to her, and she desperately wanted to see him happily married. Neil was dreadfully troubled, because of course both he and Julian knew his mother hadn’t very long, and it seemed that her last few months would be lived in misery. She said in the letter that Neil must on no account mention her anxieties to Julian, for she seemed convinced he’d go off and find a girl to marry him, just to make her happy.’ She paused and Kim’s eyes flickered as she recalled the little she had overheard at the cottage before Julian had deliberately closed the door. ‘But Neil couldn’t keep it to himself, and Julian must have done exactly what his mother had been afraid of - though neither she nor us suspected anything at the time. Even now, Neil doesn’t know about Julian’s being engaged to Vicky. He thinks it was always you.’
‘Vicky,’ she murmured, her eyes kindling with perception. ‘If your deductions are right, and he did merely go out to find a girl
- any girl—’
‘Then it would explain why Vicky is so unsuitable. Julian was in a hurry, remember, and he had to find a girl who could be easily and quickly persuaded. You haven’t said a great deal about Vicky, but I imagine she’d fall at the first sign of flattery.’ Mechanically Kim nodded in agreement and Margery went on, ‘He’d have told his aunt about his engagement, hoping to make her happy, so that when Vicky jilted him he was in a worse position than ever, thinking he would have to upset his aunt again by telling her it was now all off.’ She glanced apologetically at Kim before adding, ‘It was understandable that he was furiously angry about your interference, since you’d ruined all his plans.’
‘So he decided to marry me instead.’
‘Exactly. For one thing, not only was he deeply concerned about his aunt, but Julian isn’t the man to accept defeat easily. Also,’ she added on a rather hesitant note, ‘he’s just the sort of person who’d enjoy revenge. So he decided to make you pay, to force
you into marriage, not knowing then that you’re so nice.’
‘Force me ...’ Kim was murmuring to herself, scarcely having heard Margery’s flattering remark. ‘He never really meant me any harm—’ She glanced quickly at her friend. ‘Never intended that sort of reprisal, I mean?’
Margery shook her head firmly.
‘It was only a threat - a very necessary threat in order to make you marry him.’
Margery was right. Kim recalled Julian’s hesitancy that first night in the bedroom; she saw again his startled look when, with sudden perception, Kim had said confidently that he was only trying to frighten her, and that she was sure he meant her no real harm. No wonder he was startled, for it must have seemed his plan was going to fail. So he had used her roughly in order to dispel her illusions.
‘It’s an odd thing, Margery, but all your deductions fit in with my own.’
‘How did you guess the real reason for his marrying you?’ Margery inquired curiously. ‘Did you have some clue, then?’
‘It was just that Julian said his marriage would make his aunt happy. That was before our first visit when he warned me to take care, and not let her suspect anything. Later I asked him if he’d married me in order to make her happy and he gave me a definite no for an answer.’
‘I still can’t understand that. He must have had a good reason,’ Margery said again.
‘And there’s another thing,’ Kim added suddenly. ‘He’s told me, more than once, that he loves Vicky.’
‘Loves Vicky?’ To Kim’s surprise Margery treated this with surprising lack of concern. ‘How did he come to say a thing like that? Had you been having a row or something?’
‘Well, yes—’
‘Then it was probably in retaliation for something you had said to him. But he doesn’t love Vicky,’ she scoffed and, when Kim would have interrupted her, ‘he doesn’t love her, Kim, he can’t.’
‘He’s paid her enough attention since she arrived here,’ Kim remarked, even though she was inclined to agree with Margery that Julian had lied when he had said he loved Vicky.
An odd expression crossed Margery’s pretty face; she seemed rather hesitant about her next words.
‘I suppose you’ll laugh at the idea that he’s been trying to make you jealous?’
‘Make—? Of course he’s not!’ In spite of that emphatic assertion Kim found herself trembling, and her tones were quite-unsteady as she added, ‘Do you know what you’re implying?’
‘That he loves you? No, don’t blush, Kim. It wouldn’t be at all surprising if he had fallen in love with you — in fact, in my opinion it would be most surprising if he hadn’t.’ Kim was unable to speak and Margery went on, ‘The idea that he was trying to make you jealous came to me yesterday, when they were talking outside. I can’t explain why, so don’t ask me. It was a sort of intuition because - you can correct me if I’m wrong
— but I have an idea that you’ve kept Julian at a distance, owing to what he did to you.’
‘Naturally I’ve kept him at a distance! Wouldn’t you?’
‘Not if I loved him,’ Margery returned seriously, adding, ‘You do love him, don’t you, Kim?’
‘I — I—’ The suddenness of the question startled Kim, bringing with it the recollection that it had in fact intruded more than once into her own thoughts. Each time she had dismissed it, but now.... Margery was waiting, eyeing her curiously. ‘Yes,’ she faltered at last, glancing away to hide the flush that suddenly mounted her cheeks. ‘Yes, Margery, I do love him.’
For ten days Kim waited patiently, curbing her longing to have a serious talk with her husband. He was so busy, first with the funeral, and then with seeing to his aunt’s affairs. For Neil was too grief-stricken to do very much at all.
‘He’s so filled with remorse,’ Margery had said, weeping bitterly. ‘Will he ever get over it, do you think?’
‘Certa
inly he will,’ Kim had declared soothingly. ‘It will take time, naturally, but I’m sure his mother wouldn’t want him to carry this weight of guilt all his life.’
‘No, but it’s hard to convince Neil of that.’
‘It’s all very recent, and vivid,’ Kim reminded her. ‘These things take time, Margery.’
Julian had added his comfort, both to Margery and Neil, agreeing with Kim that the very last thing his aunt would want would be for Neil to be oppressed by the burden of guilt for the rest of his life.
‘It will take a long time,’ Julian said rather sadly. ‘But he has the good fortune of having a wife like Margery who will help him through this ordeal.’ They were sitting out on the verandah after dinner.
The garden was filled with light, both from a full moon floating high above the mountains, and from the softly coloured illuminations picking out the fountain and the miniature waterfall.
There would never be a more propitious occasion for her to talk to Julian, Kim thought, and yet she remained silent, afraid to question him in case the answers were not those for which she longed. He sensed her tension, mistook the reason for it and said abruptly,
‘Shall we go for a stroll?’
She nodded and they took the path into the hills. They had been walking for about five minutes when Kim said, swiftly in case she should change her mind,
‘I’ve been wanting to talk to you, Julian. It’s about us.’ Glancing at his profile as she spoke, she was rather astonished to see it set in a firm inflexible line.
‘Us?’ The brief word was snapped out and instinctively she shrank from him.
‘Our - future,’ she said, scarcely above a whisper. ‘We — we can’t go on like this — at least, I can’t.’
‘No?’ Fleetingly he glanced down at her. ‘What have you in mind?’ His manner was too disconcerting; Kim could not go on, and Julian said harshly, ‘I’m fully aware that I can’t keep you — that you probably consider yourself free now than Aunt Sophy has gone — but although you might leave me, Kim, you will always be my wife. I shall never agree to a divorce.’
