With a tremulous breath, I left the room in haste. Once I exited, I stood silent, my hand over my mouth, trying to stop the churning feeling in my stomach. I was going to be sick. I experienced the familiar shimmer around the edges of my vision. I may have a full-blown panic attack.
The door opened behind me. I moved my hand from my face to my side. I knew who approached. I stood still, like I actually was a fly caught within a web.
“Well, well, what do we have here?” Reid taunted.
Reid smelled like Reid, yet he was tainted in the scent of perfume, and sex. He leaned in and brushed back a long curl from my neck before he placed his lips to the edge of my ear, flicking my earlobe with his tongue. My earring dangled against my flesh. I wanted to quake, but I held perfectly still. I would give Reid nothing.
“You like to watch,” Reid said in a low voice. His breath moved across my skin as he spoke, blowing small twists of my hair with the gust. “I like to be watched.”
I turned around and looked up into his harsh face. It was someone I did not know in this moment, yet I felt the overwhelming need to show him tenderness. My mind was splintering. Part of my mind told me to run, to leave Reid, while the other part yelled out no, you need him. A thousand thoughts, emotions, along with the need for answers swirled through me, pulling my body up, giving my body resolve as it straightened. I wondered where his rage came from. I wanted to know what had happened to make Reid into this person I didn’t know.
Reid wasn’t lying to me that night under the moon. He does not make love because he does not know how. Maybe my new sisters were right? Maybe he actually cared for me? He did not want to hurt me, fuck me, like he said. I considered Reid was somehow broken inside. I, of all people, understood what it’s like to be broken.
I stood on my tiptoes, placed my lips to the base of his throat, and kissed there. His overactive heartbeat thrummed beneath my lips. I licked my lips, and tasted the salty sensation of his sweat. Reid stiffened.
I slowly lifted my hand to Reid’s face like I was approaching a wild animal in need of taming. I traced my hand over his jaw then moved my fingers toward his lips. He grabbed at my wrist harshly, pinning it in place, stopping me. I raised my other hand, and ran my fingertip across the lines of his mouth. He gave, let go of my wrist. I looked up into his eyes to see something not as brutal raging within them before I turned in silence and walked away.
I made my way down the stairs then over to the main staircase, coming to a startling revelation. I had two choices. I could try to show Reid what it was to make love once I knew how to make love myself or I could learn how he liked to fuck, because no matter what I saw tonight, no matter what my mind was telling me, I realized my heart and my body were telling me something else. Regardless of what Reid truly was, God help me, I still had every intention of making him love me or fuck me, but either way he would burn for me.
Chapter Ten
The Château Le Rêve
I woke to find all of my new sisters in my room, most of whom were crowding me on the bed. Amelia reached out and brushed back some of my curls, freeing my face.
“Come on. It’s morning and you need to get out of bed,” Amelia said.
Serenity was having a bout of the giggles. “Yeah. Rise and shine.”
“Why?” I asked in a raspy voice, rubbing my eyes in an attempt to fully wake. My eyes felt like gritted sandpaper as I rubbed them.
“Pancakes,” said Breeze, far too cheery for this early in the morning.
“We always have pancakes on Saturday mornings,” Ceclie interjected with a titter.
“Here,” Amelia offered a long silken red robe, “put this on, pull that tangle of hair up off your face, and come with us.”
I gathered my wild curls, placed them into a long puffy ponytail, put the robe around me, and got out of bed with a whining protest.
“Do you always get up so early?” I droned, dragging my feet.
Tempest mussed my puffy ponytail. “Always.”
“You are going to love Alec’s pancakes,” Serenity assured, “they are always done in the shape of hearts.”
I’d been abducted from my bed, and drug by the hand into the kitchen where a large round oak table awaited. Alec stood proud. He reminded me of a Matador as he placed stacks of pancakes, along with bowls of blueberries and strawberries onto the table with a twirling flair of his arms.
“I was beginning to wonder where all my beauties were this morning,” said Alec.
The room smelled of cake, fruit and syrup. I placed my hand to my stomach. I was hungry. My stomach agreed with a resounding growl.
“Here,” Alec said. He quickly pulled out a chair for me, allowing the wooden legs of the chair to scrape against the stone floor. “Since this is your first breakfast with us, you get the first pancakes.”
“Thanks,” I replied, then took a seat. The other women were seated around the table as well.
“So, what did you think of Lord Archer?” Amelia asked.
I took a pancake, placed in on my plate, and slathered it in syrup before I gazed up from beneath my lashes to see all eyes upon me waiting, expectantly.
“He was very nice.”
Breeze giggled the sound of tingling chimes. “Yes, but being very nice does not tell us what you thought of him.”
Scarlet poured herself a glass of milk. “Very nice is the safe, diplomatic answer, my sister.”
I took a bite of my pancake.
“Good?” Alec asked.
“Yes, Alec. These are great.”
“I’m glad you like them, my beauty.”
Ceclie interjected, “Trinity, you must find his lordship attractive?”
“Um…” Desiree and Domonique muttered in unison. “Lord Archer is quite delicious.”
“And those eyes,” Ambre said, “I have not quite decided what I think about those eyes.”
I smiled behind my napkin then demurely wiped my mouth.
“Yes,” I agreed, “I cannot decide if he has eyes like an angel or a devil.”
All the women chuckled and laughed in unison. This sent the room into a symphony of joy.
“I lean more toward angel, but then all men have a devil,” Tempest commented.
“Is that really true? Do all men have the ability to be loving and be harsh?” I asked.
“Yes, just as all women do,” Scarlet said. “You must know we all have both sides to us. The saint and the sinner. The key, my sister, is finding the balance between the two.”
“Hmm,” I mumbled. “But some get lost within the sin and forget about their saint it would seem.”
“Yes,” Amelia said. “And your Reid may be lost within the sin.”
“So can he ever find the saint?” I asked.
Breeze lifted her chin. “He found it in you.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Do you know he speaks of you?” Breeze asked.
“No.”
Breeze was such a different person this morning. “He does,” she said. “He talks of his baby bird.” Tears welled up behind my closed eyes. “You make him feel things he does not wish to feel, so he runs from these feelings.”
“Why does he want to hurt women?” I asked, looking at Breeze.
“My dear sister, he wants to hurt himself,” she replied. She placed some of her blazing red hair behind her ear.
“And you Breeze? Why do you want pain?”
“I gain pleasure within the pain. It would be too difficult to explain.”
“Ah…” Jacqueline called out, breaking the conversation. “How are my sisters this morning?”
A cacophony of sound rang around the table as everyone talked at once before settling down.
“We were picking Trinity’s brain about Lord Archer,” Amelia announced.
Jacqueline took a seat, poured a cup of coffee, added two sugar cubes along with a dollop of fresh cream, took a sip then looked up. “In all the world, I believe Lord Archer is quite unique.”
Ever
yone eyed each other like they knew something I didn’t.
“Trinity never really answered our inquiry about Lord Archer,” Serenity said.
I took a large bite of my syrup filled pancake. My cheeks flushed hot.
“By that blush,” Ceclie added, “it looks like you may like our lovely Lord Archer.”
I studied the pool of syrup on my plate. “He is unlike anyone I have ever met.”
“So then one should assume you like him?” asked Scarlet.
“I find him intriguing,” I admitted.
Ambre inquired, “Enough to see him again?”
“Yes.”
All the women giggled except Jacqueline.
“My petit will be seeing Lord Archer next Friday at his estate, Briarwood Manor,” Jacqueline interjected smoothly with another sip of my coffee, followed by the bite of a strawberry that she dipped into the fresh cream. “Alec?”
“Yes, my pet?” Alec answered.
“As chaperone I am entrusting my petit to you. In doing so I trust she will arrive back to me in the same untouched condition in which she left.”
My eyes must have become as big as saucers. Did Jacqueline really think I was so pathetic as to spread my legs for the man the first chance I got?
“I am not a child,” I huffed, “and I am sure Lord Archer can control himself in my presence.”
Jacqueline laughed, waving a dismissive hand. “Oui, my petit. I am not concerned for Lord Archer’s behavior nor do I believe you to be a child. I am however concerned with the company which Lord Archer keeps. I do not wish to see you violated against your wishes.”
Alec moved behind my chair. He placed his hand upon my right shoulder. “Gavin will not come close to my beautiful Trinity, I assure you, Jacqueline.”
Jacqueline nodded her head in agreement, picked up another strawberry, and dipped it into the cream before she plopped it into her mouth. “Now, if all of you will excuse me, I have many things to attend to this morning.”
Jacqueline gracefully left the room; her dark blue dressing gown flowed behind her.
Unable to hold back my curiosity, “Who is Gavin?” I asked, once Jacqueline was gone.
Alec brushed the back of his knuckles over my cheek, obviously not willing to enter into this conversation. He turned swiftly, picked up a cup of coffee, and left the kitchen. I wondered if there was more to Alec and Jacqueline’s relationship than met the eye, but as soon as he was gone I looked around to see the others. Their expressions seemed to be grim, upset even.
“Lord Archer never spends time with any of us,” Amelia began. “He comes to our parties, talks with everyone, but never does he spend his time with any of us, one-on-one, that is.”
“We were surprised to see him spend time with you,” Tempest added.
“So he—”
“He does not partake in the pleasure of our bodies,” Ceclie confirmed.
“Then why does he come here?” I asked.
“Jacqueline loved him once,” Amelia said.
Jacqueline had come back. She’d left her notebook on the table. The women stilled as Jacqueline looked at the faces of her sisters. She smiled tenderly before she turned her attention to me.
“My petit, I too know what it is like to have a desperate love for a man,” Jacqueline offered. “I fell in love with Lord Archer when I was fourteen, he sixteen, but I was as you, a ghost where he was concerned. His brother, who was twenty at the time, knew I loved Ashton. He took advantage of my feelings for his brother in the worst way. Because of this, my life changed. I promised myself I would become a different woman. I would be the woman men worshiped, and even feared. I would hold the power, and no man would ever hurt me again.”
Jacqueline picked up her book, and left the kitchen for the second time.
“What happened?” I asked, scooting my plate away, and staring at the faces looking back at me.
Amelia reached over and patted the top of my hand. “Jacqueline put her trust into Lord Archer’s brother, in the hope of Lord Archer loving her. Gavin is Lord Archer’s brother. He is an addict, a sexual deviant, and the worst kind of fiend,” she said, taking a breath before continuing. “Gavin told Jacqueline Ashton would be waiting for her by the stables at the stroke of midnight on her fifteenth birthday. Jacqueline believed him. Gavin had been passing notes between Jacqueline and Ashton. You must understand their relationship had to remain a secret. Ashton was to be a Lord while Jacqueline was just the daughter of one of the estate staff. Her father worked in the stables. Even in this modern time, social standing, breeding, and class are considered among the social elite in Britain.” Amelia took a sip of juice then looked back at me.
“So Lord Archer and Jacqueline did have a relationship, then?” I asked.
“The beginnings of one, more through correspondence than through any other way,” Amelia offered. “At the stroke of midnight on the fifteenth year of Jacqueline’s birth she headed to the stables to meet Lord Archer, but he wasn’t there. Gavin was waiting instead. When Jacqueline asked Gavin where Ashton was, he attacked Jacqueline, taking not only her virginity, but beating her to such an extent she was hospitalized. Gavin of course, being from the family he was, never spent one hour in jail. Instead, he went back home to England, leaving the estate in France.”
I blurted out, “And Ashton and Jacqueline?”
“Went their separate ways, but have remained the closest of friends,” Amelia said.
“But Jacqueline said she loved him. Doesn’t she still?”
“My dear sister, sometimes in life we find places, people, and our circumstances change. What we once felt we could not live without can become something we no longer need to survive. We can find who we were and who we are to be totally different people. Sometimes we find we long for other things,” Serenity said.
“I believe a part of Jacqueline will always love Lord Archer,” Amelia contended, “but Jacqueline needed something different to survive.”
“All of you truly care for one another, share each other’s lives and hold onto each other’s secrets, don’t you?” I asked, staring back at the plethora of beautiful faces surrounding the table.
“We are family,” Breeze said. “What else is there but to love your family, flaws, secrets and all?”
“Come,” Amelia said, taking my hand, “we have a workout to complete then we are going to work on our poise and posture.”
“Is my posture bad?” I glanced down and took note of my body.
Ambre laughed. “It is uniquely American.”
Breeze stopped Amelia and I. “Amelia, I would like to speak with Trinity in private. I will escort her to the gym.” Amelia let go of my hand, smiled then nodded. “You need to know last night was the last time I will allow Reid access to my body. Jacqueline wanted you to know the truth and now you know.” Breeze smiled tenderly. “But you also need to know, none of your sisters, including me, will ever lie with Reid again because you love him and wish to have him.” Breeze hesitated for a moment. “Even in knowing the truth you have not changed your mind about him, have you?”
“No.”
“I told Jacqueline you would not change your mind about him.”
“And what did Jacqueline say when you told her?”
“I said, ‘I know my sister.’”
“Breeze…” I hesitated then decided to ask. “Did Reid hurt you?”
“Not how you believe. I allowed everything he did to my body because I crave a harder edge to my loving. There is a particular rush I seek. Having a man take me in such a way fills me. I may climax several times having sex in this way versus not at all if I have sex softly.”
“So could I learn to enjoy the type of thing Reid requires?”
“I believe you could learn to enjoy many aspects, however, I am unsure of just how far you would be willing to go. This type of pleasure is an acquired taste. You are untouched, Trinity, and in many ways fragile, are you not?”
“Yes. I suppose so.”
“If
Reid would touch you in such a way it could harm you, cause you pain, give you the opposite of pleasure and taint how you see and accept yourself, and skew your thoughts on the art of loving. Reid knew this. He did not want to hurt you. He was not sure he could be gentle with you. This is why he turned you down or at least one of the reasons.”
“What do you mean one of the reasons?”
“My sister, Reid is a complicated man with many strong desires. I do not wish to hurt you, but Reid may never be the kind of man who could be content with one woman. I cannot tell you all the reasons Reid had for turning you down, but I know there were many. I am sure in his mind he felt he was doing right by you, by not taking you. There still may be many obstacles in your pursuit of Reid.”
“So you don’t believe it is possible for Reid to love me?”
“Maybe not in the way in which you require to be loved. Love is more than physical. It is important to find out what you want, what you need, what you desire then you will better be able to know if you truly desire Reid. You talk about pleasing him, but what if he cannot please you?”
“Reid did please me. He just stopped, not allowing himself to continue. He told me ‘he doesn’t make love, he fucks.’”
“Trinity, you need to ask yourself some hard questions. What if Reid decides he wants you, he will do whatever he can to have you, including holding back his base desires to dominate, and he does. He accomplishes that. But then he finds he needs other women to fulfill those darker desires. Can you live with loving him while he loves not only your body but the bodies of others?”
“I don’t know.”
“Exactly, my sister. You need to find yourself, your needs. Understand your desires, what you can and cannot accept. This is what I am talking about. Once you know yourself, your body, your desires, you will better know if Reid is right for you.”
The Good Sister: Part One Page 14
