Blind Love: English

by Rose B Mashal

  "Good morning!"

  "Oh, crap!" I cursed, startled at the alien voice I heard coming from behind me as I was touching the mugs searching for mine, barely managing to catch the one I almost knocked off.

  "Oh, shit!" he cursed back. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

  "It's okay," I breathed, swallowing thickly. "I'm just not used to hearing a male voice around here, and I didn't hear you approaching. I guess I was too focused on Tan."

  "Yeah, right, she seems like a nice dog," he said awkwardly, and I stifled a laugh – my girl was huge and scary. "I'm Dominik, by the way, you must be Anna. Sandra had told me so much about you."

  So, you spent the night, huh?

  "Nice to meet you, Dominik," I said, raising my hand to shake it with his, but was met by silence instead.

  I internally shook my head and sighed, but from the outside, I kept the smile on my face. I guessed that among the things Sandra had told him about me, she’d failed to inform him that I was blind.

  You see, since my blindness had nothing to do with my eyes themselves, they still looked the same; nothing had changed about them. They were still the same shade of blue that I was born with. So at first glance, you couldn't always tell that I was blind. And it was mostly the handshaking that gave my condition away.

  When someone introduced themselves to me, I had no idea if they were offering me their hand or not, so I did anyway – which would always be in the wrong direction, or with a little fumbling until I would put it in their hand finally, so … you get the picture.

  "Uh, thanks," he said, shaking his hand with mine, then cleared his throat, not saying anything else. Expected. So, I filled the silence. "Do you want some coffee?" I offered.

  "Yeah, uh, but I don't want to bother."

  "Ah, please, it's no big deal," I waved him off.

  "Thanks, Anna," I could hear from his voice that he was still recovering. I sighed quietly as I poured him a cup of coffee then offered it in his direction. "Don't mention it. Nice shirt, by the way," I smiled, earning myself a chuckle, and the tension was gone.

  When Sandra came down the stairs and joined us in the kitchen, she greeted me with a kiss on the cheek and I was able to hear the kiss she placed on Dominik's – or maybe it was his lips, who knows, I just heard the sound. We then had breakfast together, and it was really nice. Dominik was really nice. We chatted about whatever for a few minutes, and then he told us about going with his brothers to the studio where they recorded their songs; they'd be recording a new one this afternoon.

  "You girls should come with me, it'll be fun," he offered.

  "Oh, my God! Are you serious?" Sandra exclaimed.

  "Dead," he replied.

  "This is so cool," I said. And go with him we did.

  Ethan and Carl Thompson weren't there yet when we arrived, and I learned that each one of them recorded solo before they recorded the whole thing together. Dominik entered into some room and we stayed outside of it with a woman named Lisa – the band's producer – and the rest of the staff who managed the process of recording.

  Sometime later when Dominik was on a break, Ethan Fucking Thompson made an appearance. My breath caught in my throat when I heard his voice as he greeted everyone with a, ''Hey guys!'' The smile was audible in his velvet voice.

  "Hey, bro, come meet Sandra," I heard Dominik calling and then I heard someone – I knew to be Ethan – approaching us.

  "Hello!" he said.

  "Hey, Ethan. Remember me?"

  "Of course I do. Dominik made sure that we’d never forget who you were," he chuckled, and Sandra giggled while I smiled big.

  "And this must be your shy friend, the only girl who’s ever refused to come on stage with The Thompson Brothers." I could still hear the smile in his voice, but his words made me blush and chuckle lightly.

  "She's my sister, actually – Anna," Sandra said.

  Ethan sounded like a nice guy, much like his brother, but I’d already learned he was when Sandra went up on stage instead of me and he didn't embarrass her by saying anything about it or telling her he meant the one beside her – me. It was something really admirable, because it wasn't often when you find a great talent with a good soul underneath it. Lots of celebrities – especially band boys – were full of themselves and arrogant.

  "Hi, Ethan, nice to meet you." Here comes the awkward moment … I offered him my hand, and like always, there was a pause of silence before his hand met mine a moment later and he shook it slowly.

  "Nice to meet you, too," his voice was lower and the smile I'd heard just a minute ago was gone.

  I decided to break the tension as usual and just force this awkward moment to pass. "You look even better in person," I remarked, and when I heard his light laugh, I knew it'd passed. I was good.

  That was the day I met Ethan Thompson. The day when it all started.

  "Did you finish that book yet?"

  "Like you mentioned, it's a book, not a grocery list, it takes time," I said into the phone, a bit frustrated.

  "Would you just answer the question?"

  "I just did."

  "Okay, so the answer is no. Would you just answer the question without lecturing me?"

  "You ask the same question every damn night, Ethan!"

  "Maybe if you stopped giving me smart-ass replies I wouldn't ask so much!"

  "Don't ask that question again."

  "Authors are mean," he mumbled to himself and I stifled a laugh.

  "So are band boys."

  "You sound tired," I told him.

  "I am. So fucking tired." I heard him yawning on the other end of the line.

  "Maybe you should go to sleep."

  "I'd rather talk to you," he said in a low, exhausted voice, and I had to smile at his words.

  "Okay, but at least get in bed."

  "Yeah, I probably should," I heard him moving around before he told me he'd taken my advice.

  "You should do nothing tomorrow except relax; it's been a long week," I told him, then there was a long pause. "Ethan?"

  No answer.

  "Ethan , are you there?" I asked, and it was only then that I heard his even, deep breaths, announcing that he'd fallen asleep.

  I didn't hang up.

  "Your brother is a jerk, did you know that?"

  "I think I have a pretty good idea."

  "Someone should teach him how empty milk cartons belong in the trash can and not in the fridge."

  "Mom tried doing that a long time ago; it's lost cause," he chuckled lightly.

  "Do you know that empty milk cartons belong in the trash can and not in the fridge?"

  "Well, you have to let me spend as much time at your place as Dominik, then you'll know the answer to that."

  "And then what happened?"

  "Then I told him that I was done," I shrugged one shoulder, though I knew he couldn't see me.

  "Did you tell him why?"

  "There was no need to, Ethan," I started. "Both of us knew it wasn't going to happen." Pushing the pain down and keeping the 'whys' to myself.

  "I'm glad you did."

  "What?"

  "Uh, I mean, you shouldn't go into a relationship that you know isn't going anywhere."

  "Yeah," I sighed, wishing it was that simple for me.

  "No fucking way!" I exclaimed.

  "I swear."

  "This is just crazy," I told him.

  "Your turn."

  "Okay, hmmm … I once put a roller in my mouth to see how much I could take."

  "Shit!" Ethan cursed under his breath after he took in a sharp inhale of breath.

  I didn't say anything, just blushed hard when I realized what I'd just said.

  "And, uh, how far … uh–"

  "Nine inches," I answered.

  "Oh, fuck!"

  "Are you okay?" I frowned into the phone.

  "Uh, yes, yeah, I mean – I gotta go," and he hung up without another word.

  "It's his loss, really, " he said, and I had to
smile.

  "Of course, it's his loss," I replied. "I mean, if he was into that BDSM stuff, I could've saved him from buying all of the blindfolds and shit," I let out a breathy laugh.

  "Wait, wait, how do you know about the BDSM lifestyle?" Ethan asked.

  "Er, the internet is such an evil invention, you know?"

  "Hmm, but it's only evil when you search for the ways that lead to hell, you know?" I could swear I was able to hear the smirk in his voice.

  "It wasn't like that, it's just I have this app that reads fanfiction stories for me. You can't imagine the kind of stuff I find on this site," I said, biting my bottom lip.

  "You mean that all day long you listen to a robot's voice talking dirty while reading you porn?" he asked in amusement.

  "Not all day long!" I protested, then tried to explain, no idea why. "You get used to it. It's not the robot's voice I hear anymore, it's mine mostly."

  "Your own voice? Even when the hero says, 'Get on your knees,' or 'Bend over'?"

  "Uh ..." my breaths started to become uneven.

  "How about when he says, 'Spread your legs for me'?"

  "Uh, Ethan, I–uh, I need to … good night," I said breathlessly and hung up.

  "Ethan?" my voice sleepy. "What time is it? Are you okay?"

  "Anna."

  "Ethan, what's wrong? You're scaring me."

  "I'm sorry, I'm okay, I just–"

  "What, what? What is it?"

  "I can't sleep."

  I sighed in relief, glad to know that he was okay and there wasn't something bad that had caused him to wake me up in the middle of the night to tell me. But then again I thought, even if there was something wrong, why would he call me? I was helpless; I was barely able to take care of myself.

  I shrugged the thought away and asked, "What do you want to talk about?"

  "Actually, I was wondering, uh, if I can, um … can I come over?"

  "Now?!" I sat up on the bed.

  "Yeah. You know what, forget it, go back to sleep."

  "No, no, it's fine, please come, I'll inform the security."

  "Hey," I greeted him by the door, and he answered me by taking me in his arms, hugging me tightly, burying his face in my neck and inhaling deeply.

  I ignored the tug in my chest. It was stupid. And I would be stupid if I let it affect me or even thought about why it was there.

  "Are you sure you're okay?" I asked him again, still letting him hug me as much as he wanted – it seemed like he really needed it.

  "Yeah, I'm fine now." I felt him smiling; and I could hear it in his voice. "I just missed you."

  "You see me at least once a week, and we talk on the phone almost every night," I reminded him, a little teasing and not able to hide the smile that he’d planted on my lips with his nice words.

  I felt him shrugging.

  "C'mon, get inside," I told him. "Mountain Dew?"

  "Please." he said and I heard a click, realizing that he'd turned on the lights that I had no idea were turned off, of course.

  I made my way to the kitchen and then to the fridge, opened it, and then touched my way to the left of the third row from the top and picked two cans, closed it and offered him one.

  "Thanks, I hope I didn't wake Sandra wi–"

  "She's not here, she spends weekends at Dominik's," I interrupted, assuring him it was fine and there was nothing for him to worry about.

  "Really? Since when?"

  "Hmm, almost four months now," I told him, opening my can and taking a sip.

  "That explains it."

  "Explains what?"

  "He never hangs out with us on weekends anymore."

  I smiled at that. "Let's go to the living room?"

  "Yep."

  In there, we settled on the couch and chatted a little about everything and nothing. I couldn't help but notice how off he sounded, and I wished he'd just tell me, but I didn't want to push him.

  "Ethan, I can sense the stress in your voice. You can tell me anything, you know that, right?" Yeah, I couldn't help but push a little – after all, I was worried about him. "Maybe I can help, I'm not completely useless, you know?"

  "It's not that, Anna, don't say that," his voice was even more down now, and I regretted what I’d said, but I couldn't help but want to ease his pain so much, anyhow. "It's just … our producer."

  "Lisa? What about her?"

  "She's an asshole!"

  "Ok-kay…"

  "Anna, I really, really don't want to talk about it," he sighed.

  "It's okay, Ethan, I just wanted to help."

  "You do, you do. Being here beside you … it helps a lot,"

  All I could do was offer him a soft smile, still wishing I could do more.

  "Is it okay if I spend the night here? I'll sleep on the couch."

  "Of course it is. And you can sleep in the guest room,"

  "Thanks, Anna, you're awesome," he kissed my cheek, causing me to blush.

  "Not at all, what are friends for?"

  "Friends … right," he said slowly and I frowned for a moment at his tone, but decided to forget about it when he asked, "Do you want to watch a movie?"

  "I can listen. But you'll have to tell me what's going on every time they stop talking and about how they kiss when they do, deal?"

  "I can do that. I can do more than just tell you about the kiss. I can tell you about all of the tiny details of the sex scenes, as well."

  "Perv."

  "Huh! Says the Sex Stories lover."

  "Shut up!" I chuckled.

  Ethan ended up sleeping on the couch after all. We fell asleep sometime while the movie played, and I woke up to find him hugging me tightly to his chest, my back facing him and his arms surrounding me – along with the feeling of safety that I'd longed to feel for too long.

  While I took a shower upstairs in my bathroom, Ethan did the same in the guest bath, then he put on some clothes he had out in his car. After we had breakfast, Ethan and I took Tan for a walk. The weather was wonderful outside, a bit warm but with a cool breeze that would ruffle my hair every now and then. As we made our way to the park, I could smell the wet grass as we walked around the gardens that circled the community and it was such a refreshing scent.

  We were stopped by some woman who recognized Ethan and wanted to get an autograph. Though I was smiling, I couldn't help but wonder if he was signing her boobs or why I felt an ache in my heart at that thought. An ache that I knew to be jealousy. Jealousy that burned even more when she asked me to take their photo and I had to tell her that I couldn't do that and why.

  I knew I was wearing sunglasses, but what was on Tan's back should've told that woman of my condition. But then again, Ethan had that effect on people; they'd block everything else out when they saw him. Sandra had just told me that the other day, so … I couldn't blame that fan. I just ignored the pain and pretended to be happy. The two things I’d mastered doing the most.

  "There is something stuck in your teeth, Ethan," I said, and was able to hear her laugh, but couldn't hear his.

  "Would you have dinner with me tonight?" Ethan asked out of nowhere when we made it back home.

  My stomach dropped.

  "Yeah, sure," I said. "I can cook something."

  "I love your cooking, but I want to take you out somewhere."

  I swallowed thickly.

  "Okay … but, won't the paparazzi bother you?" I asked.

  "I can manage something to get away from them."

  "Okay then," I smiled.

  "It's a date."

  My heart swelled.

  "Uh …" I didn't know what to say. I couldn’t think of anything, and when his hand touched mine, my mind just froze. Completely.

  "You already said yes."

  "You know, this shirt makes you look fat." I drew a grin on my face.

  "Stop that!" he said in a serious voice.

  My face dropped.

  "Just stop it, Anna," he said again. "You always do that, you always change the subject
or just block me out and shut down on me whenever I mention something that you don't want to talk about. Stop doing that, please."

  "What do you want me to do, Ethan?" I pulled my hand away from his and folded my arms in front of my chest; it was distracting, I couldn't think right when he was touching me.

  "You already know that I want more than the 'Just Friends' thing." His voice lowered to a whisper. "I want more – with you."

  I fought the tears, promising them that I'd set them free later, when I was alone, like I always did. "There is nothing I can offer you more than friendship, Ethan," I whispered.

  "Of course, there is," he said. "Anna, I like you so much, I like being with you, you always make me feel better. I need you in my life, more than you can know."

  "I can be in your life, I already am," I tried, pain wrapping my voice.

  "I want more. I need it."

  "I don't do that, Ethan," I said. "This whole dating thing … I don't do it. Not anymore."

  "Anna, I'm not him."

  My chest burned.

  "He wasn't him at first, but my disability taught him how to be what he became," my voice cracked. "He broke my heart. Broke me. I can't go into this all over again, I won't bear it, it'd kill me."

  "Anna, please." He was touching me again, this time with both of his hands on my cheeks, hugging my face between his hands, his voice just above a whisper when he spoke, "We could be something really good, don't deny us this. Don't prevent us the happiness we can bring into each other's lives." His forehead touched mine. "You like me, right?"

  I bit my trembling bottom lip, paused for a few moments, then nodded.

  "Let me take you out tonight," he all but begged. "Please!"

  "Okay," came my shaky, hesitant replay.

  I heard Ethan sighing in relief, then his lips replaced where his forehead had been on mine and he kissed me tenderly.

  "Thank you, you won't regret it, Anna. I promise."

  I wish I didn't believe him then.

  "You're not going to make me look like a clown, are you?" I asked, a bit worried and wondering if I’d made the right decision when I decided not to bother Sandra with asking her to come over.