Mail Order Mommy

by Christine Johnson

“My turn,” Isaac called out. “Can I take the sled down the hill by myself, Papa?”

  “Not quite yet, son.”

  “I want to go with you, Papa,” little Sadie insisted.

  Amanda smiled at the girl, who hung so desperately on her papa. Sadie wasn’t shy about demanding attention, but Isaac needed it just as much, even if he tried too hard to act grown-up.

  “I can handle the sled without help,” Isaac insisted, his little shoulders squared exactly the way his father’s were when confronting a challenge.

  Again Garrett denied the request, but this time for a reason. “First Miss Amanda needs a ride.”

  She gulped. That was the part of the plan that she’d hoped to avoid. She had never been on a sled. There was no opportunity in the city, and when the Chatsworths went on a sledding party in the country, she was left behind with the servants.

  “Poor Amanda,” Mrs. Brighton, the housekeeper, would cluck. “You and me’ll make something pretty for you to wear.”

  In those long, lonely hours, the sewing lessons gave Amanda purpose. She could create something beautiful and practical. Perhaps one day she might have a pretty gown like Lena. Over the years she’d practiced until she could sew almost anything. But she never learned to sled or to enjoy any rapid conveyance. The train ride to Chicago had nearly paralyzed her with fear. She had lost more than one meal before Pearl managed to calm her nerves.

  “Sit right here with your feet braced on this bar,” Garrett instructed.

  The same nausea she’d experienced on the train returned. Amanda pressed a hand to her midsection. “I don’t need a ride. Take Isaac and Sadie down again.”

  Garrett grinned. “Afraid?”

  She couldn’t admit fear. “There isn’t a lot of daylight left. It’s unfair for me to use any of it when this is for the children. Let them enjoy an extra slide down the hill.”

  Instead of agreeing with her, Garrett turned to his son and daughter. “What do you say? Shall we send Miss Amanda downhill?”

  “Yes!” the two screamed out together.

  “By myself?” she squeaked. Visions of crashing and breaking an arm or a leg danced in her head. “I don’t know how.”

  She began to back away but ran into Garrett’s solid form. He placed his hands on her shoulders while the children positioned the sled.

  “I’ll be right behind you,” he assured her.

  Amanda craned her neck to look back at him, and the smile on his face made her catch her breath. He would be right behind her, ready to catch her if anything should go wrong.

  “You’ll go with me?”

  He nodded. “Every inch of the way.”

  Though reassured, she found her heart still hammering in her chest. What if...? No, nothing could go wrong with Garrett in control. He had taken his children down the hill a half dozen times already without a single mishap. She could rely on him.

  She swallowed the knot of fear. “All right.”

  He grinned and gently pushed her toward the sled. “Sit down and tuck your skirts under your legs so they don’t drag on the snow and get under the runners.”

  Her nerves ramped up again. Between the petticoats and large skirt, there was a lot of tucking to be done.

  Garrett chuckled, and she glanced up at him. “Did I do it wrong?”

  He shook his head. “Just scoot a little forward so there’s enough room for me to sit on the sled.”

  Heat rushed to her cheeks. Even a fool would realize she couldn’t take up the whole sled unless she intended to ride it alone. She did not.

  Holding her skirts, which threatened to spill out with every movement, she slowly inched forward. “Is that enough?”

  “More,” he urged.

  She scooted farther, but again it wasn’t enough. Finally, when her knees were nearly pulled up to her chin, he stopped her.

  “Good enough.”

  She felt his weight on the sled behind her...terribly close behind her. Her skin prickled at the thought of him holding her, and the most delightful sensation teased her senses when his breath whispered against her ear. He placed one hand on her shoulder, and she couldn’t breathe. Garrett Decker was practically holding her. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.

  “I’ll need both of you to push us,” Garrett said to the children. “Get behind me and push on my back.”

  The children whooped and hollered as they complied. The sled slowly inched forward on the snow. Then Garrett gave the greatest thrust with his booted feet and free hand. Just when she was certain they were far too heavy to ever catapult down the dune, the sled began moving. Slow at first, it soon crested the rounded top, and the precipitous decline loomed ahead.

  “Eeek!” Amanda screamed.

  Garrett’s boots landed beside her feet. The sled picked up speed, and tufts of dune grass flitted past at alarming speed. Ahead loomed a small shrub.

  Amanda shrieked.

  Garrett seemed not to notice.

  They would hit it!

  She pointed.

  The sled continued toward it.

  She turned to warn him, and her head clunked on his jaw. The whole world tumbled as she hit the snow, back of her head first. Her hat went flying. She tumbled and slid, her eyes and ears and mouth filling with snow. Sandy snow.

  Using every means possible, she scooped and wiped and removed the snow from her face, but her eyes were watering and her mouth felt gritty.

  “Are you all right? Is anything broken?” Garrett must have landed near her, for he gently raised her to a sitting position. “Your arms? Your legs?”

  “Handkerchief.”

  “What?”

  She stuck out her sandy tongue and attempted again to wipe her eyes, but just got more snow and grit in them from her mittens.

  “Stop. I’ve got it.” With tender swipes, he cleaned the gritty wetness from her eyes and gave her some fresh snow to melt in her mouth in order to rinse away the sand. “I’m sorry.” His warm hand slid over her cheeks, and the awkward disaster turned into something else entirely.

  This time when she opened her eyes, she saw clearly. What she saw took her breath away. Garrett was gazing into her eyes with compassion. The fall had dislodged his cap and ruffled his auburn hair. His cheeks burned bright from the cold, but his concern was only for her. His thumb whispered over her lips, and she trembled at the gentleness of his touch.

  “Do they hurt?” His low voice rumbled through her.

  “No,” she managed to breathe out.

  “Your arms? Your legs? Do you hurt anywhere?”

  Oh, to be able to say yes and feel that touch again. Instead she had to shake her head.

  He sighed in relief but did not draw away.

  She could not stopping looking into those soft gray-blue eyes. His mouth was so close. She could feel his breath on her lips. Oh my. Was he going to kiss her? A drop of melted snow perched on the bow of his upper lip. Oh, to drink it in, to drink in the love of a good man. Tremors shook her. She closed her eyelids.

  “Papa!”

  “Miss Mana!”

  Garrett shifted away. Amanda opened her eyes to see the children running down the dune toward them. Garrett had removed his coat and wrapped it around her shoulders.

  “Don’t do that,” she protested. “You need it.”

  “I’m plenty warm, but you’re shaking.”

  She could not tell him that she was shaking from the hope that he might kiss her and might one day come to love her.

  He touched a finger to her forehead. It stung.

  “You’re going to have a bruise there, I’m afraid,” he said, that look of compassion still in his eyes.

  Small price to pay.

  Chapter Ten

  Garrett had been tempted. The so
ftness of her lips, the flush of her cheeks and the hopefulness in her eyes had lured him to the brink of a decision he would later regret. A kiss invariably led to expectations, and he was not ready to marry. Thankfully, his children’s voices pierced the fog of desire and rescued him from disaster.

  “We saw you crash,” Isaac said, concern furrowing his little brow.

  “Are you hurt?” Sadie’s lip quivered.

  He hugged them close, drinking in the smell and feel of his children. “I’m fine.”

  “We’re fine,” Amanda echoed, though she was still sitting in the snow.

  The children relaxed and then squirmed from his grasp.

  “Boy! You should have seen it,” Isaac said excitedly. “You tumbled end over end in a big cloud of snow.”

  Amanda winced, and Garrett wondered if she really was hurt. It would be just like a woman to claim she was fine when she wasn’t.

  “Now, Isaac,” Garrett chided, “it’s not polite to speak about another person’s misfortune.”

  “But—”

  Garrett spied Amanda’s embarrassment and cut him off with a single upraised finger. “Apologize to Miss Porter.”

  Isaac bowed his head and muttered something unintelligible.

  Garrett was about to insist he repeat the apology with more oomph when Amanda told Isaac that she was quite all right and accepted his kind words. Garrett frowned. She couldn’t possibly have understood a word Isaac said. This was yet another case of her overriding his authority.

  Amanda extended a hand toward Isaac. “Will you help me to my feet?”

  Garrett frowned. Shouldn’t that be his duty? Isaac was too small to pull a grown woman to her feet.

  He watched in amazement as his son leaped to assist. When Amanda got upright and thanked Isaac with a little curtsy, the boy beamed.

  Sadie sat down. “Help me get up.”

  Naturally, Isaac ignored that request.

  Garrett swooped in to the rescue, snatching up his little girl and swinging her around until she giggled. “That’s my princess.” He set her down and looked around. “Where’s the sled?”

  Isaac pointed to the back of the hotel. “All the way down there.”

  Garrett had to squint in the dimming light of late afternoon. Sure enough, the sled had lodged under the rickety fence behind the hotel. He sure hoped Lyle VanderLeuven didn’t see it before they retrieved it. The hotel owner would gripe about the sled damaging the fence, when in truth that fence had been falling down for years.

  “Amanda, er, Miss Porter, would you take the children home while I fetch the sled?”

  “No!” cried Isaac and Sadie in unison.

  “Can’t we have one more ride?” Isaac begged. “Please? You didn’t let me go down the hill by myself, and you promised I could after Miss Amanda went.”

  In this low light, Garrett wasn’t at all thrilled at the idea of sending his son down the dune by himself, especially considering the last crash.

  “That will have to wait for another day.”

  “But you promised!” Isaac’s face grew red and his little jaw jutted out.

  “I promise you will. Just not today.” Garrett steeled himself for Amanda to override his decision yet again, but she said nothing. “You can go downhill alone the next time we go sledding.”

  Judging from Isaac’s expression, that was a bitter pill to swallow. “That’s not the same.”

  “No, it’s not,” Amanda said.

  Garrett set his jaw. This habit of hers to interfere was a big problem.

  She knelt beside the pouting boy and attempted to lift his face with her finger. Isaac was in full protest, though, and could not be budged. The boy had resorted to this tactic too much of late. After supper, Garrett would have a stern talk with him.

  Instead of being dissuaded, Amanda continued. “I realize you’re disappointed. We all get disappointed when fun times have to come to an end, but they always do.”

  If anything, Isaac’s stance got stiffer.

  “Do you know what the best part is?” she asked, and then waited an incredibly long time for Isaac to respond.

  Garrett was about to demand they all head home when his son muttered something that must have satisfied Amanda.

  “We can remember the fun times we had and look forward to the next time,” she said, brushing a lock of hair from Isaac’s eyes. “Imagine how fun it will be with even more snow on the ground. Maybe some of your friends will be able to join in.”

  Garrett noticed the stiffness easing from his son’s shoulders. Had Amanda really gotten through to him? She had made a suggestion that Garrett would have to keep, but at least Isaac wasn’t fuming any longer.

  “I wouldn’t be surprised,” she finished, “if your father knows how to make the sled go even faster.”

  That brought Isaac’s attention squarely to him. “Will you do that, Papa?”

  Garrett felt a swell of pride that his son trusted in him. “I know a thing or two. But first I’m going to need your help fetching the sled.”

  The disappointment of ending this day’s sledding was forgotten as Isaac beamed at the assignment Garrett had just given him.

  Amanda smiled and nodded. “I’ll take Sadie home. You two men can handle things from here.”

  Isaac stood a full inch taller.

  Garrett would have to remember that. By giving Isaac responsibility and expressing confidence, the barrier between them had been broken down. As he walked with his son to fetch the sled, letting the boy’s excited chatter roll over him like a wave, all felt right with the world.

  Thanks to Amanda.

  * * *

  Amanda bubbled with excitement as she stitched the costumes the next evening.

  “He even complimented my beans. Mrs. Calloway says a little molasses makes them taste wonderful, and she’s right.”

  Pearl looked up from the lessons she was planning for the following week. “He?”

  “Garrett.” Amanda sighed at the memory of their near kiss. He had wanted to kiss her. She was sure of it. If the children hadn’t arrived, he would have. Her foot stilled on the treadle, and she closed her eyes to savor the memory. “He is the best father I’ve ever met.” Certainly nothing like Mr. Chatsworth, who would breeze into the house and go straight to his study.

  “The best ever? That’s a pretty bold statement.”

  “It’s the truth. He even pulled Isaac out of that dreadful sullen mood that he’s been exhibiting of late.”

  “I have noticed that Isaac is much more cooperative in class. I can’t imagine how that happened.” Pearl shot her a grin. “Perhaps your influence?”

  “Maybe a little, but Garrett figured out on his own that a boy just wants his father’s love and respect.”

  “So does a woman who loves that man.”

  Amanda ducked her face so Pearl couldn’t see the sudden heat in her cheeks.

  Pearl wouldn’t let it rest. “It sounds like that situation might be changing for the better.”

  “Maybe, but it’s only been a day. Your suggestion to go sledding really helped.”

  “That was only an idea. How you handled it was the real difference-maker.”

  Amanda touched the scrape on her forehead. It had turned purple overnight. “I have the scars to prove it.”

  Pearl laughed. “Battle scars, but well worth it, especially if Sadie’s Christmas wish comes true.”

  Now Amanda couldn’t possibly hide her blushes. Marrying Garrett and becoming those children’s mother was everything she could hope for, but Garrett had proved so changeable. One day he seemed to respect and admire her. The next he glowered and threatened to dismiss her.

  “I hope you’re right,” she sighed.

  “Pray on it. God will lead you exactly whe
re He wants you to be.”

  Amanda couldn’t echo Pearl’s confidence. Her path through life thus far had been filled with ruts and potholes. Looking back, she couldn’t see God’s hand in any of it. Though Pearl’s dreams had come true, Amanda’s dreams always turned to dust. Dare she hope in Garrett?

  Pearl had returned to her schoolwork, so Amanda resumed stitching the shepherd’s robe. These costumes were so simple that she would finish them well before the rehearsal a week from Saturday. The robes for Mary and Joseph she kept until last. They were especially precious to her, since Sadie and Isaac would wear them.

  “Why did you choose Sadie and Isaac to portray Mary and Joseph?”

  Pearl looked up. “They are brother and sister.”

  “The Norstrands and Clapps also have boys and girls in their families.”

  “That’s why I put the family names in a bowl and drew out one.”

  “You did? I don’t remember that.” Amanda had missed parts of the school day now and then, but she’d been there just before the parts were announced—or had she?

  “Mrs. Calloway supervised the selection.” Pearl laughed. “And added her opinion.”

  Amanda could believe that. “I’m sure she’s pleased that Isaac and Sadie won the draw.”

  “Pleased might be an understatement. Did you realize she donated sheets for the costumes?”

  “That explains a great deal except the colors.”

  “She dyed them. Isn’t the fabric for Mary’s robe a beautiful blue? A bit like your good dress, with that hint of violet, only a little darker. That gown favors your eyes,” Pearl added. “I’m sure Garrett has noticed. He can’t drag his gaze from you Sunday mornings.”

  “While he scowls,” Amanda said with a laugh. She finished another seam and snipped off the threads.

  “Roland says Garrett’s late wife had the same color eyes as yours.”

  “She did?” Amanda’s hands stilled on the fabric. It explained his occasional pained expression. “My eyes must be a daily reminder of his loss.”

  “Roland is sure Garrett’s getting past his grief and now sees you for who you really are.”

  “Who I really am?” Amanda wasn’t sure of that herself.