“What did you see?”
Garrett rubbed his stinging, sleepless eyes. “Promise me you won’t say a word to anyone. There’s always a chance it isn’t true. After all, I saw only one line.”
“This sounds serious.”
“It could be. The writer accused her of...of improper behavior toward her daughter’s fiancé.” Even now Garrett couldn’t say the word. Seduced. It carried horrible thoughts with it, things he didn’t want to ever consider again, not after dealing with Eva’s infidelity. He’d vowed never again to take such a chance. “I almost walked right back into it again.”
“Into what?”
Garrett didn’t realize he’d spoken the last bit aloud. “A bad marriage.”
“Look.” Roland grabbed his arm. “Stop thinking about what one line from a letter might mean and pay attention to what you know. You’ve had four months to get to know Amanda. Is this ‘improper behavior’ that she’s accused of something that you think she could do?”
“Not the Amanda I know,” Garrett admitted. “It seems far-fetched at best.”
“Then ignore it. For all you know, the letter came from someone who has a grudge against her.”
Except it hadn’t. Garrett had put that much together overnight. The letter had come from the Chatsworths. Amanda had said they were the family that claimed her from the orphanage. This wasn’t a vengeful rival. This accusation had come from Amanda’s new mother.
The front door of the store flew open with a rush of cold air.
“Garrett! I’m glad you’re here.” Pearl, her green cloak unbuttoned, flew into the store. “Please tell me Amanda is at your house this morning.”
Garrett stared at her, not comprehending. Slowly he shook his head. “Why would she be at my house? She doesn’t start work until after school.”
Pearl’s hopeful expression vanished. “Oh, no. Then where is she?”
Chapter Nineteen
Cold. So cold.
That’s the only thought that went through Amanda’s head when she opened her eyes to daylight. Inside her wool coat, she was shaking and could barely quiet the trembling.
Every part of her body ached, and she had no idea where she was. She’d run last night until she collapsed. Using her last bit of strength, she’d crawled beneath a thick spruce whose boughs offered a bit of shelter against the cold and any rain or snow that might fall. But it gave no warmth.
The morning’s feeble sunlight could not warm her, either. She had survived the night somehow, perhaps by the grace of God, but the new day brought no relief. Her body ached. She was lost. Her dress was torn and muddied. She’d lost her hat somewhere. Nothing but scrub trees surrounded her. She could not hear the river.
“I asked for Your help,” she whispered with thick tongue and chapped lips. “Why did You abandon me again?”
I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee. The Bible verse echoed through her mind. That’s what God promised, but He felt so very far away.
Alas, she knew why. Sin separated people from God. No matter how many times she’d cried out to Him to forgive her, the stain of shame remained. He could never accept her, just as the Chatsworths could not accept her. Or Garrett. Or anyone.
A bitter sob wrenched from Amanda’s chest even as another shiver seized control of her body. This time she could not stop the trembling.
If she stayed here, she would surely die.
Yesterday that had sounded preferable to facing Garrett’s scorn. But what of the children? Isaac and Sadie had suffered a terrible loss less than two years ago. If Amanda died, they would suffer yet again.
What a selfish woman she was! She saw it so clearly, and the dagger of shame drove even deeper into her heart.
“Forgive me, Lord,” she sobbed. “Spare them. Whatever happens to me, spare them any more pain.”
She laid her cheek against the tree trunk. Sharp needles bit into her skin like thorns, but no pain could remove the guilt of her actions.
Then she thought of Pearl, who would also worry.
“Oh, Pearl. I’m so sorry.”
If only Amanda hadn’t acted so rashly. If only she’d stood by her friend and taken the backlash that Garrett would level at her. Deserved punishment, to be sure. She deserved to stand alone.
I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.
Pearl had stuck by Amanda no matter what happened. She lived out what God promised. In spite of Amanda’s neglect during those months that Hugh secretly courted her, Pearl had stayed true. She’d always stayed true. Why hadn’t Amanda confided in her? Pearl would know what to do.
If only Amanda was still in Singapore. Even being shunned was better than dying alone in the wilderness. Alas, she had no idea how to return there. In the darkness she’d gotten horribly mixed up and lost. Singapore might lie in any direction.
A gull squawked overhead.
Often she’d watched the gulls soar and loop over the dunes. They lived near water.
The river. If she could find the river, she could find her way home.
Slowly she moved each weary limb, forcing herself to her feet. The way would be hard, and success was not assured, but she must try. Somehow she must right the wrong she’d done last night.
The storm would pass. Storms always passed.
A whisper of wind wrapped around her, but it was warm, not cold. It comforted, as if to reaffirm that truth. She was not alone. She’d never been alone.
* * *
“We’ll need every man from the mill,” Garrett stated, each muscle straining with the combination of fear and the desperate need to hurry. “We will fan out across the area looking for her. Do you have any idea where she might have gone?”
Pearl looked pale, as if the life was draining from her. “I can only think of one possibility. She wanted to see that lumberjack named Jake, who is in Allegan, but she told me she would wait until the New Year. Why would she suddenly leave? And in the middle of the night, no less.”
It was Garrett’s turn to feel remorse. “I refused to take her there.” But that wasn’t all. “She got a letter. From someone named Chatsworth.”
Pearl nodded. “Her foster parents. They never had a good relationship. Amanda was more of a servant than a daughter.”
That explained Amanda’s statement that they weren’t her mama and papa.
Pearl continued, “Relationships got very strained this past June. Amanda was engaged to marry, but her beau jilted her for her foster sister.”
“He did?” That didn’t fit one bit with the line Garrett had read from the letter.
“Rascal. Good for nothing,” Roland murmured. “A man like that isn’t good enough for Amanda.”
A few days ago, that would have been Garrett’s sentiment, too, but he couldn’t sort this all out now, while Amanda was alone and cold in the wilderness. Hopefully, she’d found shelter, but if she hadn’t...well, he’d known men who’d succumbed to warmer temperatures than they’d experienced last night.
“Roland, get every man you know and split into teams of two. Send some up Goshorn Lake way. The rest should spread out between the farmland and the ridge above the dugout road. My men and I will take from that ridge to the river.” He choked as the memory of Eva’s body flashed through his mind.
“I can help,” Pearl stated.
“You’re teaching school,” Roland pointed out.
“I can’t teach when Amanda’s missing.”
Since this was turning into a fight that only cost them time, Garrett put a stop to it. “Why don’t you walk the Saugatuck children back home and try to summon help from that quarter?”
Pearl brightened at the suggestion. “I’ll send Isaac and Sadie to Mrs. Calloway.”
“Sensible.” He stopped a moment. “Don’t tell them why.”
&nb
sp; Pearl’s expression told him that she understood. His son and daughter couldn’t take another loss.
“We’ll find her,” Pearl whispered. “We have to.”
* * *
The sound came upon her gradually. Perhaps it had always been there, and Amanda had been too overwrought to hear the gurgle and rush of water.
The river.
Excitement energized her aching limbs. The scratching branches no longer mattered. She pushed through them as if they weren’t there. Soon she would know which direction to travel.
Sand worked its way into her shoes. Bits of frost and ice glued the grains of sand to the hem of her tattered gown. None of it mattered.
The river was near. She would not die alone in the wilderness.
The brush grew more dense with each step. The rush of water had become a roar. She must be very near it.
Rather than get tangled in the impenetrable brush, she skirted along the growth until she found a place where she could peer through the prickly branches and see the river. It flowed from her left to her right. Now she knew which way to travel. Downstream to home.
Home. Until yesterday she’d not quite thought of Singapore that way, but the town and the people had become dear to her. The Calloways, the Elders, Louise... And even Fiona, though she made no secret of her almost desperate attempts to secure Garrett’s affection. Amanda understood, for she felt the same way. Her life seemed to begin and end with Garrett Decker.
After the letter, her chances had most decidedly ended. Garrett’s coldness toward her yesterday made that perfectly clear.
She found a clear spot along the river and watched the water flow. It rushed down from Allegan, where the man who might be her brother was staying. Downriver lay the familiar, with all its aches and triumphs. Love and despair battled each other there, whereas upriver dwelt only hope.
For an instant she considered resuming her walk along the river. How far was Allegan? Everyone seemed to think she would need to take a boat there. That meant travel on foot was either too long or too dangerous for anyone to attempt.
Her stomach rumbled.
She hadn’t had the good sense to bring one bit of food or water with her. If Allegan was very far, she could never make it on foot. But perhaps she might find someone in Saugatuck willing to take her upriver.
All she had to do was find the town.
It could be upriver or down. She had no idea.
Yet it must be fairly close, for students and even some parents walked the distance regularly. She’d wandered long hours last night. Most likely the town was downriver.
Having made that decision, Amanda set off to her right. Before long the thickets cleared at a bend in the stream. She scrambled down to the bit of mucky shore to get a glimpse downriver. Over the top of a cedar, smoke rose in a single column. A house!
Never before had smoke brought such joy.
It couldn’t be more than an hour’s walk. Soon she would be lost no more.
Chapter Twenty
The single column of smoke came from a house on the edge of a town. This must be Saugatuck. It wasn’t Singapore, and no other town lay that close. From all appearances, Saugatuck was at least as big as Singapore, if not larger.
As Amanda drew closer, she grew more concerned about her appearance. Even if she’d had a comb, it could not undo the many snarls that the night’s adventure had created. Bits of twigs and cedar were caught in her hair. Something sticky—sap, perhaps—glued an entire lock into a rope-like strand. Her mittens were coated in dirt, as was her dress and coat. Her skirt was torn in a dozen spots. She looked atrocious.
Who would let in such a woman? They would think her a hermit or crazy woman. Yet she must try. She could not spend another night in the wilderness. Last night was cold but without snow. Terrible winter might make its appearance at any moment.
She shivered.
There was no choice. She must go to town.
Since the riverbank was overgrown in most places, she needed to skirt around the brush and climb a small slope before descending into town. From that vantage point, she could see down the main street. Many people were out and about at this early hour, but one in particular made her catch her breath.
Pearl was here.
Angela and Beth Wardman skipped ahead of her, stopping before a tidy little house. Their mother stepped outside, wiping her hands on her apron. Though Amanda was a good distance away, she could see the woman’s surprise in the way she stood straighter and gathered her daughters near.
What on earth was Pearl doing? The children should be in school. Pearl should be teaching, not wandering the streets of Saugatuck.
Amanda stumbled forward, slipping down the small slope until her feet met the rutted roadway.
“Amanda?” Pearl left the Wardmans and ran toward her. “Amanda! Oh, my. Look at you. What happened?” She stopped before her, pausing only an instant before wrapping her arms around her. “We were so worried.”
A lump formed in Amanda’s throat. Pearl cared, truly cared, but would she still after she heard the truth of what had happened with Hugh?
Amanda began to tremble.
“My dear friend,” Pearl exclaimed, drawing her toward the Wardman house, “why are we standing here when you must be half-frozen? Debra, will you make sure the fire is hot?”
Debra Wardman squeezed Amanda’s arm very gently. “Come to the kitchen. It’s the warmest room in the house, and I have the fire stoked for baking. Girls, bring that quilt from my bed and make sure the kettle is boiling. We’ll make you a nice cup of tea to warm you through and through.”
Amanda barely heard anything else. The cold and the anguish and the fear had turned to numbness. She let Pearl lead her into the house, knowing all the time that her welcome would be brief. Once they learned the truth, they would throw her out. Even if she said nothing, Garrett would soon spread the word, and all of Singapore and Saugatuck would know she was a fallen woman.
A sob must have escaped her lips. She heard it, though she did not feel it.
Pearl hugged her more tightly. “You’ll feel better once you warm up and have a cup of tea.”
The little house was just as neat on the inside as it was on the outside. Like Garrett’s house, a table dominated the main room. Even now, at midmorning, it was already set for lunch with two place settings, for Mrs. Wardman and her husband. Ruffled white curtains floated at the windows, lending cheer to the room. The walls had been papered in a delicate floral pattern, lending an elegance to the small house. Every lamp and corner was spotless. The lovely smell of bread rising made Amanda’s stomach growl again.
“You must be starved,” Debra Wardman said as she bustled ahead of them to the rear, where the kitchen was located.
The main bedroom must be on the other side, with the children sleeping in the loft, Amanda thought dimly.
The kitchen was just as cheery as the main room. Here the walls were whitewashed and spotless, with children’s drawings tacked to them. Pretty china gleamed from shelves lining the wall opposite the stove. Beneath those shelves sat the worktable and two wooden chairs.
Pearl drew a chair near the stove and led Amanda there.
“I can’t,” she protested.
As usual, Pearl didn’t take any nonsense. “You can and you will.”
Fearing her friend would begin to chastise her, Amanda sank onto the chair. Its hardness bit into her sore limbs, but the heat of the stove began to thaw the numbness in her fingers and mind.
Pearl drew the other chair near as Debra handed Amanda a cup of tea. The girls hovered at the table, staring at her. She must look dreadful. Amanda lifted a hand to her knotted hair.
“I’m sorry,” she said thickly.
Debra turned to her daughters. “Girls, just because you don’t have school
today doesn’t mean you don’t have assignments to complete. Why don’t we go to the big table to work through those arithmetic problems.” She bent low to whisper something in Pearl’s ear before leading her daughters out of the room.
Soon Amanda was alone with Pearl. She bowed her head, waiting for the rebuke.
None came. In fact, Pearl said nothing at all.
Amanda looked up. “I’m sorry.” She couldn’t think of anything else to say. The wedding dress was sewn, but that was a surprise gift from all of them, and Mrs. Calloway still had to dye it. She’d left her friend without a helper at school, but Pearl could manage the classroom without her now. If Amanda had managed to get to Allegan and discovered the lumberjack was her brother, she wouldn’t have returned for Pearl’s wedding. She couldn’t bear to stand up with Garrett. No doubt he would have refused to stand beside her too. “Louise or Fiona would do.”
“For what?” Pearl’s green eyes bored into her.
“For a bridesmaid.” The words squeaked out.
“You planned to abandon your responsibilities?”
Ouch! Stated like that, her actions sounded petty and selfish. Amanda bowed her head. “I’m sorry.”
“Sorry isn’t good enough. Perhaps you ought to explain what really happened back in New York.”
Amanda sucked in her breath. Pearl knew. Somehow she knew. “N-N-New York? Did Garrett tell you? He must have. How could he?”
“Garrett didn’t tell me anything.” Pearl reached into her bag and produced a crumpled piece of paper, which she handed to her. “I found this next to the bed this morning.”
Oh, dear. It was Mrs. Chatsworth’s terrible letter. It must have fallen off the bed when Amanda was packing her carpetbag. In all the turmoil, she’d forgotten about it. And the carpetbag.
Mail Order Mommy Page 20
