“You know what? It doesn’t matter. None of this does. We need to get back—”
“But you didn’t have to sleep with her, Rod.”
“Why are you hung up on this? Damn it to hell. Who else was I going to fuck on short notice?”
“Why did you have to fuck anyone?”
“I don’t have needs? Do you think I like being alone?”
Her eyes flare, and she licks her bottom lip. I want to taste it too. “I just mean that if you went on dates, you’d find someone. You wouldn’t have had to stoop to her level.”
“You’re right. I don’t date. But goddamn it, I have an overactive conscience. Do you know what that equates to? Me not having sex since I was fucking 18 years old. So, I apologize if my sad story of prolonged dry dock is too much for you to hear. I wanted someone to want me for more than just a one-night stand. For some reason, women don’t see me as the forever kind. I’m only good for a laugh or a fuck. Never both.”
Hadley’s eyes light up but not in a good way. She’s onto me. I slide my hand behind me, reaching for the door handle to unlock it. “Rod... This... You... Is this because...?”
“It’s because of nothing.”
She sucks in a loud breath. “But you... You didn’t... You turned me down when I...” Hadley’s voice shakes, and so does my entire body. I need out of here. Now. “You refused me, Greg. But you slept with Shasta.”
“Hurts, doesn’t it?”
“I never refused you.” You didn’t have to say the words.
“Technically, you did at my mom’s house after my sister died.”
“That’s not fair. You were grieving, and we weren’t alone.” Her breaths are abrupt and angry.
“No. It’s because I didn’t make the cut.”
Her anger spikes, as does my heart rate. “Oh, my God! You slept with Shasta because I was with Dash?” Goddamn it.
“No.”
Hadley clenches her teeth. “You’re lying. Why? You always tell me the truth.”
I drop my head to the side, staring at the Berber carpeting that absolutely costs more than two years of my salary. “Hadley, let it go.” Even if I will never.
But she doesn’t, and she’s more adamant. “That night... When I begged you, but you wouldn’t... I gave you a chance, Greg. You said no and took off. You didn’t want me.”
“I never said that,” I whisper, hating I’m living this all over again in front of her. “You wanted a dick. You didn’t care whose.”
“I wanted you. That’s the truth.” But the truth hurts, just as loving her is killing me.
I ask, “Don’t you remember after Eden’s funeral and I showed up at your hotel? I did want you.”
“Then you changed your mind.”
“Because you would’ve hated yourself for having sex with me. I didn’t want you living like that.” She opens her mouth to respond, but I stop her. “So, we’re back to you not wanting me for the right reason. I was just a bookmarker. Do you think I wanted to have sex with you just so I could cross it off my to-do list? If so, I would’ve fucked you that night, not caring how you really felt about me. But it came down to how I felt too. I wanted more than a one-night stand, but you didn’t. At least with me. You wanted Wilder. Maybe Dash was okay subbing in for him, but I wasn’t.”
She covers her face with her hands but then drops them, incensed, screeching, “Why are you telling me this here? I thought we got past this already! You said we were okay! You lied to me!”
On impulse, I push off the door, standing inches from her face. “Yeah, I lied. I’m no angel. I’ve lied.” A lot.
“Why?” Hadley wipes her cheeks but keeps glaring at me.
“Survival mode maybe.”
“Why do you feel you have to protect yourself against me?”
I shrug, not ever telling her that truth. Still, I confess, “I told you I slept with Shasta five times. It wasn’t five.”
“Oh, shit. So, I’m right. It was more than that. You’re still sleeping with her.”
“It was once. I couldn’t go through it a second time. But you assumed I don’t have any self-preservation.”
“No, I thought you were telling the truth because I trust you.”
“You can always trust me, Hadley. I didn’t lie to hurt you. I did it so I wouldn’t hurt.”
“But what was the point of you lying about that?”
“Truthfully? I wanted you to think of me fucking someone else that many times. I wanted you to wish...” No. I can’t do this shit. I’m close to that something.
“Greg.”
“Hadley, you asked. And since you’re obsessed with knowing how it went down, I’ll tell you how it did. The truth.” Almost.
She shakes her head fast, swinging her hair. “I don’t want to know.”
“We did it doggy style.”
“Stop it!”
“But she wouldn’t let me fuck her pussy. If you get my drift.”
“No kissing. No pussy.”
“Huh? I... What the hell? What do you want me to do, then?”
“Don’t be such a virgin.” She rolled over, still handcuffed, and stuck her ass in the air. “Use lots of lube, Roddy.” Just her calling me that nearly made me lose the mediocre wood I achieved by stroking my dick, thinking of the only time I felt Hadley’s wet pussy through her underwear.
I nod as Hadley winces, stepping back. “Yeah. Shasta only wanted me to fuck her in the ass while she was handcuffed. So, I did. Definitely a first.”
“I can’t believe you’re telling me this!” I feel like a douchebag. But I also see the unasked question in her watery eyes.
“The million-dollar question: How did I knock her up? Well, when you adopt a manic speed, temporarily forgetting your problems, and you don’t use enough lube... I guess that one rogue swimmer had a mission and took the last train to Clarksville to get there. When I pulled out, it must’ve dripped into her other dark abyss.” I know this because a DNA test proved the kid is mine. I can’t even make this shit up.
“Oh, my God! Greg!”
“What? TMI?” I smirk at her frown. I’m a bigger dick than her husband.
“I don’t want to know that shit!”
“See, Hadley? There’s a whole other side of me you don’t know.” Like how I fucking bawled when Shasta caught me off guard, handcuffing me to the bed. I’ll have to figure out a joke for that one in case she tells anyone. Hopefully, Betsy will be the only stupid one to believe her.
“What are you trying to prove?”
“I guess I’m trying to prove every relationship has its breaking point. What’s yours?”
“Are you trying to get rid of me?” She looks at the door behind me, now the one needing out of here.
“No, but maybe you should re-evaluate what we’re doing.”
“We’re friends.”
I state the truth. “Then, you’re the one living a lie because that ship sailed a while ago. When Wilder took off for Baltimore, it changed everything.”
“But... We’re not... We’re not sleeping together. And we haven’t.”
“Does it matter, really?”
“Greg, I’m married. I love Finn.” Tears fall down her cheeks, but she doesn’t wipe them away.
“But when you’re around me, you run the risk of entering dangerous territory with the rumors. Everyone thinks we’re already fucking, Hadley.”
“Right now?”
“All the time.” I return my hands to my pocket because I’m the one who’s in the danger zone at the moment. “Do you really want them thinking that every time we’re together?”
“Fuck them.” I didn’t expect that answer.
“But Wilder... You told him about the parking lot. Why?”
“It slipped out. Is that what Finn wanted to talk to you about? Oh, God. I’m sorry. I didn’t think he was still mad. We talked about it. He knows there’s not more to us than just our friendship.”
“Keep telling yourself that.”
Her tears are faster. “Why’d you bring Finn back? Why’d you help us?”
“Because I want you to be happy.”
“But I want us to still be friends.”
“Well, maybe I’m not happy because of that.”
“Greg... It can’t be more than that. What the hell do you want me to do? Cheat on my husband with you?” I have no response to that. Even if I’d go for it, I can’t say it out loud. I’d rather her draw her own conclusion and just do it. Hadley shakily inhales. “I’m not cheating on him. I don’t want to lose you, either.”
“You lost me when you got married. Did you really think we could stay friends?” Realizing I’m shaking with her, I sigh. “Just go home to your husband and daughter.”
“What’re you going to do? Go to Shasta’s?”
“Probably.”
“Don’t sleep with Shasta.” Hadley sobs into her hands and I want to put my arms around her. But I’m not pressuring her to do anything. I can’t be that level of assbag.
“You can’t tell me who not to fuck.”
She raises her head, snapping, “Don’t fucking touch her! I mean it!”
“I’ll do whatever the hell I want! And I might just sleep with her again! You can’t say a damn thing about it! Fuck! I’m not yours, Hadley!”
“But you are!” Her eyes widen and shaking her head, Hadley pushes past me, and swinging open the door, it bangs against the wall. I go to the doorway and nearly bump into Amos Vaughn.
Jesus Christ.
I need a restraining order.
CHAPTER 9
“What happened? Why’s Hadley crying?”
“Not now, Amos.” I try to move past him, but he’s a stonewashed wall. When I dodge the other way, his hand goes to my chest, holding me in place. Either the dicknob has surprising strength or that kickboxing class I show up for once a month is worthless. Amos peers over my shoulder into the room as if he’s searching for a messed-up bed or a condom on the floor. The joke’s on him this time. I literally didn’t come close to either one.
“Rod...” He starts in on a seminar, but I don’t have time for this shit.
“Can we do this never?” I squeeze past him and I limp-jog out of the basement. My leg and ass hurt more than I let on. Why complain? No one listens anyway or would rub my ass. When I reach the patio, I see Hadley at our table, packing up her things in a hurry. Going up behind her, I put my hand on her arm. “Hadders, come on. Stay.”
“It’s Finley’s bedtime.” At the mention of her name, I see the kid already in her carrier while Simone assaults her with baby-talk garbage. I don’t need this kid scarred too.
“Five minutes.”
“I can’t.”
I sigh, still holding onto her arm. Audrey looks at me odd while Rhonda avoids my direction in general. Next to her, Val hones in on the two of us and asks, “Babe, you need help to your car?” The question is loaded with subtext, especially when Val makes eye contact with me, which I instantly break. Smooth one, Greg.
Hadley stops packing to answer, “Yes, Val. Would you?”
I gently squeeze her arm, hoping she takes that as a plea for her to listen to me, to forgive me, not to hate me, and to maybe give me a chance. For what, really? I brought her and Wilder back together just to split them up? I’m not that person, but as of lately, I’m proving even myself wrong. “I’ll help you.” Don’t fucking leave, Hadley. Especially now. I want her to explain herself to make sure I just didn't hear what I wanted to.
Hadley shakes her head, which rubs against my jaw, and she doesn’t bother whispering. “I don’t want your help.” With that announcement, Hadley sniffs, and it may as well be a flare shot above our table. Everyone in our immediate vicinity stops moving, suddenly absorbed in that small but significant sound. And I’m possibly crazy enough to think only the people sitting at this table heard it.
Maybe even more idiotic, with an attentive audience I still whisper, “Just...Let’s talk. Please.”
Rhonda tells everyone she’s leaving too. Well, that’s too bad. She’s been the fucking life of the party. I hope they’ll be able to carry on without her silence.
Val stands as Amos returns, giving him a subtle but earsplitting distress call. I’m not stupid all the time.
Ignoring me, Hadley picks up the car seat while Val and now Rhonda gather all the extra shit. This whole situation is eerily similar to Shasta’s bailing on me earlier. Tonight went to hell faster than I ever could. Glancing inside the car seat, I catch Finley’s gaze and rid my frown for a second to smile at her. And for that second, I see a flash of Eden in her face. Welcome to hell, kid.
Hadley says a quick goodbye to the table, and they return with preoccupied replies, watching the quiet drama underneath it all. Impulsively, Simone takes the car seat from Hadley, saying, “I got her.”
Hadley falters, but she trails Val, Simone, and Rhonda to the gate, which I follow. When the others exit the backyard, I say, “Hadders, wait. You forgot something.” I grab Hadley’s arm, dragging her between two tall bushes. Strange, yes, but desperate times... I plead, “Don’t go. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”
“You didn’t.” She tugs on her arm, but I tug back. “It’s been a rough day. Maybe we both said too much.”
“I didn’t say enough.”
People walk past us, and I’m weirded out by how many I don’t know and how many probably remember the Alamo firsthand. It’s supposed to be a party for the end of our softball season, not the fucking Nursing Home Oscars. Hadley stares at me, and when I look from the most recent fossil, back to her, she asks, “What happened to my best friend?”
“I’ve always been here. You just didn’t notice me until now. The real me.” Almost.
I sigh and let go of her, hoping she’ll still stay. Hadley turns away from me, watching people on the pathway. “I did notice you.” What the fuck? Although it was just above a whisper, I could be deaf, and I still would’ve heard.
I clear my throat, waiting for Hadley to bolt, but she doesn’t, and I’m not sure how to form words. “So, what you said... You said I’m yours. I don’t... I don’t... How do we...?”
When she turns back to me, Hadley’s breath is shakier than my reality. “I lied, Greg. How’s it feel?” Like a son of a bitch, no matter if she’s lying or not.
“Lie or the truth. They both fucking suck.” Hadley’s tits heave, and I crook an eyebrow at a prehistoric bastard walking past, leering at her. “Problem?” I ask, but he scurries along, probably late for his funeral. It’s not like I could actually take someone out, but behind my goofy smiles, I’m locked and loaded with looks that barely scratch.
Turning back to Hadley, I say, “You weren’t lying. But you are now.”
“So? You lied about how you felt.”
“Jesus, Hadley. You were back with Wilder. There was no point in telling you. It was my truth, not yours.”
“With everything I went through, you were the one person I could count on. The one person I knew.”
“You can count on me. That never changed.”
She bites her lip, looking at the gate and then back to me. “Greg, we can’t be...”
Her voice is hoarse while mine cracks. “I’m sorry. Just don’t... I need you. You don’t understand how much I do.” More geezers gawk at us. With the relic convention happening here, I feel like we’re at an archeological dig.
Hadley’s hand goes to her eye, smearing her makeup. “What about you sleeping with Shasta? You apparently needed her.”
“Fuck her.”
“You did.”
“That’s not... I won’t sleep with Shasta again. I promise you.”
Her eyes shoot to mine, and they rapidly drown in tears. “Bullshit, Greg! For weeks you talked about having sex with her! I begged you not to! Don’t make promises you can’t keep! And as you said, I can’t stop you from fucking her!”
I step closer to her. “Goddamn it, I want you to stop me.”
She grits her teeth harder
, twitching her entire face. “Why?”
“Because if what you said is the truth...”
Amid the shitty DJ’s sorry excuse for dance music, she screeches, “If you want to fuck around with Shasta, that’s your mistake! Have a fabulous time handcuffing yourself to her! Just remember to use more lube!” Hadley’s breath catches, and she pivots away from me. I move around her so I can see her face.
“She’s not the one I want to be with. She never was, Hadley.”
“You could’ve told me that night instead of telling me no and running away!”
“I fucking wanted to!”
“I didn’t push you to her! You had your chances with me, but you didn’t take them. Instead, you brought Finn back here. If you hadn’t... You did this to yourself.”
“I know I did. But I didn’t just want a random, one-night fuck with you.”
“It wouldn’t have been!” Hadley again tears up, and she folds her arms beneath her tits, dropping her gaze to the ground.
“Hadley, what are you saying?” Holy fuck.
She shakes her head, holding up her hand while trying to not look at me. “I’m saying I have to go.”
“We need to get this all out in the open. I’ll come over. We can—”
“You can’t.”
“I’ll leave before he gets home.”
“No!” she squeals and my heart pounds in my ears and breaks in my chest all at once.
“Okay, then. You blame me for running away. How about Wilder? If he came back to Richmond on his own, would you have picked me over him?” Hadley doesn’t answer even as more tears spring from her eyes. I nod because I have to keep reminding myself of the damn truth I always forget. “You would’ve picked him no matter what. No matter who. Don’t you get it? I was saving our friendship.”
“You said our friendship was gone.”
“It’s evolved.”
“It’s broken.”
“It’s ours.”
She sniffs, and I feel like shit for upsetting her, but it is what it is. This was bound to happen. I knew it would. Just not now. “Ours was a special friendship like no other. But now you’re telling me it’s changed. I can’t deal with that. It’s breaking my heart.”
“It’s breaking mine too, Hadley. If only you knew how much. That’s the fucking truth. But what am I supposed to do? I don’t know how to be friends with you since you got married.”
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