Unscrewed

by Ren Alexander

  “I know how it would’ve been. I’ve replayed it over and over. Every graphic detail.”

  “Greg.”

  “We would’ve kissed more in the elevator, impatient to get to your apartment. Kissed all the way to your door and as you tried to unlock it, I would’ve kissed your neck.” Bending, I kiss the side of her neck, smelling her skin, feeling her fast heart, and my slow death. I’m going too far, but I already passed that point. I can only go out in a blaze of glory.

  “Don’t.”

  Before I lose it, I raise my head to look at her face. “You would’ve shut the door, pushing me up against it. We then would’ve gotten rid of your skirt and my pants, grabbing each other all over. You would’ve pulled me to your room with your lips on mine. Once there, we would’ve torn off the rest of each other’s clothes, so fucking turned on.”

  She winces. “Greg, this hurts.” So does my dick, but I keep a distance between our hips, so I don’t grind against her. Because then I would absolutely fuck her against this wall.

  “I would’ve removed your bra, taking you into my mouth before it hit the floor. Your hand would’ve wrapped around my dick, and you would’ve then felt that you got me off earlier. But I was ready and willing to do it all over again. You would’ve been eager, getting on the bed, pulling me on top of you. But I would’ve slowly kissed you all over as you moaned in frustration. Pushing your legs open, I would’ve dug my tongue into you, tasting you firsthand, instead of from my thumb on the way home.”

  Hadley clutches my arms, which are next to her head, but she doesn’t push on them so she can leave. “Oh, my God. You didn’t.”

  “I did.” I lick my lips, thinking about it while Hadley grips my arms tighter. “I would’ve licked your pussy until you begged me to fuck you. And when you did, I would’ve eased inside you. You would’ve arched your hips, needing more and I’d still have so much more to give you. We would’ve made love. Skin to skin, breath over breath, our hips joined together, our hearts pounding to the same beat. That’s what it would’ve been about. You would’ve cried out my name as you came on my dick. My real name. And coming inside you, I would’ve yelled yours.” Thinking about it, I pant, “Hadley.”

  Frozen in front of me, she still holds onto my arms, and I flex them slightly so she feels how I would’ve moved with her. “Fuck. It would’ve been mind-blowing. Then we would’ve done it again, maybe up against the wall. Like you are now.”

  Her short, loud breath makes me lean slightly closer, almost letting her feel my restrained hard-on. I whisper, “If you wanted me to, I could lift up your ballgown, Cinderella, and fuck you right here.”

  “Greg, no.”

  “Are you afraid we’d get caught? The clock striking midnight?”

  She whispers, “Just stop.”

  “We can go somewhere else.” Hadley shakes her head, holding my arms tighter. “Is it because you’re afraid Wilder will find my creampie? He won’t know. I’ll wear a condom. I won’t get you pregnant.” Again.

  Hadley drops her hands from me as tears fall. “No, Greg! I love Finn! My God! I’m in love with my husband!” She sniffs and wipes her cheeks. “What are you doing to me?”

  Jesus Christ. What am I doing?

  The brick bites into my hands and I shove off it, stepping back. I go to push up on my sleeves, but they’re already rolled up. Seeing her tears, I say, “I wasn’t... Hadley...”

  “I won’t cheat on Finn. Stop trying to talk me into it.”

  I nod but can’t immediately speak. What have I become? I’m worse than a footnote. I’m a user agreement nobody fucking reads.

  Still, rejection maims. It never gets easier, regardless of how many times it punches you in the heart. As Hadley catches her breath, I ask, “So, you won’t care at all if I fuck another woman?”

  “Simone?”

  I shake my head. “I hope you contain your jealousy when thinking about me thrusting in and out of not you. Or how I’ll do all the things to her that I was supposed to do to you. Are you going to be okay with that?” She sighs, watching the fountains. No answer. “If I go out there and proposition Ali, you won’t give a damn?”

  Hadley cringes. “I love Val, but Ali... Not her. She’s not good enough for you.”

  “So, you claim that I’m yours when it only refers to me being your best friend, but in the same breath, you put restrictions on who I’m allowed to fuck. But you’re not the jealous type at all. Sounds legit.” Hadley bites her lip, again staring at the fountains. “If I’m yours, it means all of me. Not the parts you pick and choose. And all the time, not just to stop me from screwing someone you don’t approve of.”

  “That’s not what I’m doing!”

  “Then, what are you doing, Hadley? You keep trying to steer me away from Simone. Because she’s not a great match for me, as you said? Because it’d be weird seeing me with her? It’s eating you alive that I might date someone you didn’t hand-pick for me. Isn’t it?”

  “No!” But her eyes tear up before falling to my chest. “Stop it! I’m sorry if you’re mad I won’t have an affair with you!”

  I shriek, “Mad? You think I’m fucking mad? You’re not even listening to me!”

  “I am listening to you!”

  I cage her with my arms on either side of her again, our fast breaths heating the air between us. “Good. Because I see it crystal clear now.”

  She whispers, “See what?”

  “You want me all to yourself. Like a breakable souvenir, no one can touch. Not even you. I’m one of your most prized possessions that you hide from everyone, hidden on a shelf in a back room, collecting dust. And the only time you do touch me is to check to see if someone else has or to clear some of the dust, teasing the hell out of me. That’s how I’m yours. Not because we’re best friends. We’re more than that. We’re an affair stuck in fucking limbo. That’s the truth. And you’re afraid of another woman replacing you as my most prized obsession.”

  Hadley yelps, “Yes! Okay?” Her makeup runs along with her tears. “Yes! That’s how you’re fucking mine! God...” Stunned, her words sink in slowly, painfully, icepicks to my heart. She covers her face with her hands, crying into them.

  I tip up her chin so I can see her face. Dropping my hand, I lean closer. “Well, you know what, Hadley? No way. You don’t get to be jealous. You don’t get to call me yours. You made your choice. You married him. Now it’s your turn to desperately want something you can’t ever have. And if you knew everything, you wouldn’t want me anyway.”

  I push off the wall and start to leave, but Hadley grabs my arm, glaring at me. “Please, don’t...”

  “Don’t what? Dance with Ali? Don’t fuck her with the condom in my wallet? The one with your name on it?”

  Her hand goes to her mouth, but then she drops it, snarling, “Don’t you dare do something stupid with her.”

  I put my hand back on the wall above her head, and she squirms. I laugh, but only because I have nothing to smash against the wall. “Fucking hell, Hadders. You really said that to me? Damn. You know how I love a good dare. You know. Kind of like that one daredevil you will screw.”

  “Rod.”

  “He does a lot of stupid shit as we both know. I think I’m entitled to a few more, wouldn’t you?” Bending, I go to her ear. “Challenge accepted, baby.”

  This time I leave the patio, forgetting that I could’ve gone the other way and straight to my truck instead of schlepping through the damn party. But even before I leave the walkway, I just about knock over a vampire.

  “Sorry.”

  “Hey, Greg.” Ali purses her lips. “I was wondering what happened to you. I thought you disappeared.”

  “Nope.” I then hear Hadley’s footsteps on the patio stairs. Seizing the opportunity and Ali’s arm, I ask, “Wanna dance?”

  Behind me, Hadley hisses, “Greg!”

  Feeling like I’m returning from a bad acid trip, I anxiously search for the next great high, needing to be numb for the rest o
f the night. Or my life.

  It’s sort of a fast song, but no one could ever hold a candle to Hadley and me dancing.

  But I’m not with her. She’s told me for the millionth time that she doesn’t want me. Always Finn Wilder. Even that night, she would’ve changed her mind because of him. None of it would’ve happened, regardless of how much she says she wanted me. It was all my imagination.

  I say, “I thought you’d be here with Ricky.”

  “Ricky? No.”

  “Aren’t you two a thing...or something like it?” All fuck and no buddy?

  She laughs. “No. He’s just a big flirt.” Seriously? Who sent her that memo?

  When we reach the dance floor, Ali puts her arms around my neck and instantly starts grinding against me. Isn’t her mother somewhere watching us? Jesus. This isn’t helping me forget anything.

  Overhead lights swing and shine on the dance floor. When I take a quick look around, I don’t see Val anywhere. But before I turn back to Ali, I see Hadley watching me from a table. On impulse, I yank Ali against me, feeling sick for doing this. She giggles and I ignore the sudden need to bolt out of here. Bolt. Hardware has invaded my life.

  A faster song starts and Ali twirls. I grab her hips and pulling her against me, I pop her ass against my hips and groin. Apparently liking it, she slightly bends, and her dress rides up, but that doesn’t stop her from reaching back, gripping my hips and slamming against me in her own right. Ali laughs as her black wig bounces. Spotting Amos and Betsy gawking at us, I lean my head back, and even if the music drowns it out, I fake moan while we fake fuck. Watching, Betsy could catch flying golf balls with her mouth. I’d pay to see that.

  Amos’ turns away, talking on his phone. I guess he wouldn’t be interested in watching straight sex, fake or otherwise.

  I don’t gauge Hadley’s reaction. She doesn’t care what I do, as long as I’m not doing it with her. So, I can’t care anymore. I need to loosen up, but I don’t know how far I can go with that. Humping a boss’ daughter on the dance floor in front of coworkers is a good start.

  Ali leans back against me, with her hands still on my hips. With her head on my shoulder, she says, “Let’s go inside.”

  “Why?” Please, no. I’m all talk, no action.

  She takes my hands from her hips and puts them over her tits. What the hell? People, as in probably her mother, are watching. “I have something to show you.” No, thanks.

  Without waiting for an answer, she moves away from me and takes my hand, practically dragging me. We pass Hadley at her table with Audrey next to her. I wonder what happened to Rhonda.

  Hadley pleads, “Rod, stop.” When I don’t, she yelps, “Greg!”

  I want to stop, but I don’t. Nope. Can’t care. Don’t give a fuck. Even if I do.

  Going through the sliding glass door, Ali ushers me into Brandon’s basement. We go down one of the wide hallways, where more people I don’t know mill around in lame costumes. A scary man-baby. Mr. Rogers. A tube of lipstick. The Off the Wall version of Michael Jackson. Who in the hell did Brandon invite to a goddamn office Halloween party? These people are fucking freaks.

  Ali pulls me into a room and flips on the light as she closes the door, locking it. A bathroom. It’s bigger than my kitchen, but still. It’s a fucking bathroom.

  “What’re we doing in here?”

  She doesn’t answer, instead hoisting herself onto the sink counter. Ali slides up her dress and opens her legs, showing me her expertly groomed pussy. Is this really fucking happening?

  “Uh...”

  “Eat me, Greg.”

  “Excuse me?” I laugh because this is way past crazy.

  “Eat out my pussy until I come.” And this is Val’s daughter. Jesus H. Christ.

  Again, I anxiously laugh. “Did we skip over the first date?”

  “Stop wasting time. It’s getting cold.” Ali slips her fingers into herself, and I gawk at her doing it. She moans as her fingers tease herself. “I’m waiting.”

  When I don’t move, she reaches forward, jerking on my hand and I stumble forward. Instead of letting go of my hand, she puts it against her, below the hand strumming her clit. She tilts toward me, grinding against my hand as she holds it there. I had done this to Hadley, but I didn’t go past her underwear. Only my cum has been that far. But this isn’t Hadley. She made it painfully clear she wants my friendship, not my heart or even just my dick anymore.

  Ali pulls back some, panting, I search the ceiling for that overdue lightning strike. When it doesn’t happen, I close my eyes. Even if I don’t want to move on with Ali, I have to move on in some way. Looking to her gaping pussy, I slip my index finger into her. Ali screams, “Fuck! Yes!”

  She fucks my finger fast like it’s not enough. So, I add another finger. “Jesus! Oh, fuck!” Her cunt swallows my fingers with each of her thrusts. I don’t even have to move because she’s doing all the work. She moans loud, sounding like a seasoned porn star. Her yells echo in the bathroom, and probably all over the house. Ali holds onto my wrist, sinking my fingers into her knuckles deep. With her other hand, she reaches for my waist, feeling for my fly. “Pull out your cock. I want to fuck it.”

  I veer out of her reach. “I don’t have a rubber,” I lie. Even Simone had wanted to fuck me. I was hard with her, and it wasn’t because of someone else. With Ali, I could easily take a piss, not being into this and because the toilet is feet from me.

  I double down on my effort, curling my fingers inside her, and she wails, “I’m coming! Oh, fuck! Harder!”

  She pushes on my hand as she grates her pussy, still moaning loud. What the fuck did I just do? When her pussy tremors stop, Ali pants as I pull out my fingers, and again I’m nauseous. “Lick them. Suck me off your fingers.” No fucking way.

  “I’m vegan.”

  “Are you serious?”

  I don’t answer as I go to the other sink to scrub my hands. In the mirror, I see a guy I don’t recognize, fringe to core. I could pass for any of Brandon’s freakshow guests. Eden Rodwell’s brother lingers somewhat, somewhere, but he’s hard to find. I lost my way. I lost myself. But it’s all been a long time coming. So to speak.

  Ali also checks her reflection, smoothing her dress and wig. “You and Ricky are damn pussy teases.”

  “Uh, what?” I’d laugh if I didn’t do what I just did.

  “He wouldn’t fuck me either.” That’s nothing short of shocking.

  “Why wouldn’t he?”

  “Hell if I know. He acted like he wanted to, but then just...didn’t.”

  “Oh. I don’t skip a condom. It’s a rule of mine.” Didn’t help before with Shasta.

  She looks at me in the mirror, smiling. “Next time.” Uh, what?

  Ali doesn’t say anything more, only unlocking the door and leaving. Similar to a surgeon, I scrub my hands again, still in denial about what the fuck I just did.

  When I leave the bathroom, Ali is waiting for me by the sliding glass door, which is unexpected, but I walk out with her anyway. Outside, she takes ahold of my arm, sighing. “That was the best orgasm. I want more. Let’s get the fuck out of here.”

  “I can’t. I have to be somewhere. Raincheck.” The first of Never works.

  “Damn it,” she pouts. “Where’s your phone? I’ll give you my number.”

  “It’s in my truck. I’ll get your number from your mom.” When hell sells Popsicles.

  As if she was also waiting for me, Hadley jumps up from her chair, and we make eye contact. She doesn’t have to say anything. I already know what she’s thinking. She wants me to reassure her I didn’t fuck Ali.

  But I don’t. I want Hadley to hurt. I want her to feel my goddamn pain for once, knowing she’s fucking Finn Wilder instead of me. Or even in addition to him since that’s where I’ve ended up in this whole thing. I may be in last place, but it doesn’t mean I can’t eventually cross the finish line.

  Making a V with my fingers, I stick my tongue between them, licking the air. Ha
dley’s hand flies to her mouth, probably ready to puke, and I turn away as I head for the gate. Probably childish, massively TMI, and definitely a lie, I keep walking with Ali still on my arm. But what I really want to do is shake her from me and get the hell out of here.

  Even though she again begs me to go somewhere with her, I mumble a quick goodbye to Ali and rush for my truck before Hadley can stop me. I don’t even give a shit who wins best costume. I’ve had enough of people judging me for one night. On my way down the walkway, the overgrown garden gnome follows me. “Rod, where are you going? Wait.”

  But again, I don’t. The pain of Hadley shooting me down the way she did after I relived the fantasy that really was only in my imagination, burns a bigger hole inside me than was already there.

  At the bottom of the walkway, I see Red Riding Hood with her hood pulled up, picnic basket at her feet, staring out across the driveway. Shit.

  Unable to ignore her since I have to pass her and I do possess a douchebag threshold, I clear my throat and glance at her. “Night, Ronnie.”

  Instead of returning the sentiment, she says, “I saw you, Greg.”

  Stopping, I turn around. Please, not the bathroom. “On the dance floor? Uh, yeah. Not my best moment. We were just messing around.”

  She pulls down her red hood, unsmiling. I can’t tell what’s she thinking. “No. With Hadley.” Fuck me.

  “At the table?”

  “No. The side patio.” Shit.

  “Um, okay. We were talking.”

  She doesn’t smile at my joke or yell because of my lie. “You’re in love with her.” It’s a succinct statement, but a final judgment.

  “No.” I try to smile, but it’s lopsided, weighed down with the frown underneath.

  “It’s obvious. I thought since Hadley married Finn, you’d be over her. That’s why I took a chance on you.”

  I sigh, glancing up the walkway for any sign of stalkers and then back to her. “Look, it’s one-sided, Ronnie. Hadley’s not doing anything wrong. It’s all me. We’re not having an affair or even a one-night stand. I got a little carried away with her back there. She wanted none of it. Come on. Don’t tell—”