Safe With You

by DeMuzio, Kirsten

  By Monday morning I gave up trying to figure him out and focused all my energy on taking notes in class. I hadn’t decided yet if I would go to Starbucks as usual or if I would find another coffee place to frequent. Shaking my head at myself on my walk to Starbucks, I rationalized that it was silly to change my routine because of Wyatt. I mean maybe he really did suddenly remember something he had to do on Saturday. I had just come to terms with acting like everything was normal when I walked into Starbucks and found our table empty, no sign of Wyatt.

  The tears that involuntarily filled my eyes made me feel pathetic, so I blinked them back and stood up a little straighter while I waited in line to buy my own coffee for the first time in two weeks. I gave the girl my order and just as I was pulling my credit card out of my bag, I felt Wyatt’s hand on my lower back. “I’ve got this. And add a tall black coffee too,” he said slipping the girl his credit card. I looked up at him in surprise and smiled in spite of myself. He tucked his wallet back in his pocket and whispered against my ear, his breath rustling through my hair, “Sorry I’m late.” A tremendous sense of relief rushed through my body when I realized he wasn’t avoiding me.

  Once we were seated at our usual table, he leaned forward and said, “I’m sorry about rushing out on Saturday. It’s just…” I interrupted him, wanting to give him an out and not make him say he just wasn’t that into me, “It’s okay. You don’t have to explain.” He took a deep breath and exhaled in frustration, “Yes, Taryn. I do need to explain. I…I love having coffee with you every day. It’s honestly the highlight of my day.” I rolled my eyes and snorted, “Yeah, right.” He shook his head and looked even more frustrated, “Seriously, Taryn. I love spending time with you. I just can’t…I’m not free to be anything more than friends with you right now.”

  Whoa, that was not quite what I was expecting. A sense of dread rushed to the pit of my stomach. “Oh my God. You’re married!” I accused him. “What? No!” He laughed humorlessly. “No, I’m not married. I don’t have a girlfriend.” Now he laughed for real at the look of sudden understanding that passed across my face. “And no, I’m not gay.” I frowned. If he wasn’t married or involved or gay, then what was the problem? I guess he really wasn’t that into me.

  But then he continued, “Trust me, Taryn. I want nothing more than to take this further than friendship, but I just can’t right now. Please believe me when I say I value you in my life, but I just need us to be friends right now.” My head was telling me this was just a sugar-coated rejection, but my heart was screaming at me to believe him. “Okay. I don’t really understand what you’re saying, but I love our coffee dates too. So, friends it is.” I held out my hand and he shook it, relief evident in his warm smile.

  After that day, we continued to meet for coffee and chat, but he never walked me to my class again or touched me in any way, even casually. On Friday afternoon of our fourth week of coffee dates I practically skipped into Starbucks and took my seat at our table. Wyatt grinned at my energy, “You’re happy today. Glad it’s Friday?” I took a sip of my coffee and smiled back at him, “I’m glad my junior year is almost over. I just had my last class until September. I don’t have my late class today, and all I have left are two final exams on Monday.”

  His smile faltered for a moment, but he quickly recovered and replied, “So, what are your plans for the summer?” He tried to sound normal, but I could tell by the strain in his voice that something was wrong. Was he sad our coffee dates would be over soon? The thought had been lingering in the back of my mind all week, and even though he had made it clear before that we were just friends, I was constantly hoping he would change his mind.

  “Well, Lindsay’s parents have a house in the Hamptons, so we are going there on Tuesday for a week before Lindsay has to be back in the city for her summer internship. I have a big research paper to do this summer. I will be applying to grad schools next year, so I hope to get my paper done and hopefully published before then.”

  He nodded, “The Hamptons, huh?” He rubbed the back of his neck nervously and stood up, pulling his phone out of his pocket. “Will you excuse for a minute? I need to make a quick call.”

  “Sure,” I replied. I watched him walk outside before dialing and holding the phone up to his ear. His expression was serious and his brow was furrowed, and when he glanced at me through the window, I quickly turned back to the table not wanting him to see me watching. He returned to the table a few minutes later, “Sorry about that. So with finals on Monday, I assume you’ll be studying all weekend?”

  “Yup, I don’t plan to leave my apartment until Monday morning.” He looked out the window lost in thought for a moment, and then his eyes swung back to mine. My breath caught in my throat at the intensity of his gaze as he studied me. “Do you have to start studying today, or would you be willing to spend the afternoon with me? There’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”

  Oh, that was not what I expected him to say, but I could barely contain the grin that broke out over my face. I shrugged my shoulders, trying for nonchalant, “Um, sure. What do you have in mind?” He smiled and looked relieved, “Well, it’s a nice day out. How about we head over to the park and enjoy the sunshine.”

  “Okay, let’s go,” I said standing up and grabbing my bag and my iced coffee.

  We walked outside and headed in the direction of central campus. The sidewalk was bustling with people but Wyatt strolled along leisurely and took my hand to guide me around a group of people stopped at a food stand. He loosened his hold on my hand when we were around the group, allowing me to drop my hand if I wanted. When I didn’t he laced our fingers together and squeezed my hand, smiling over at me. I smiled back, almost giddy with anticipation for how the afternoon might turn out.

  Up until this moment I would have agreed that we were just friends, but now we were crossing over the line of friendship into something else. I mean, friends don’t walk down the street holding hands, right? We walked the few blocks in silence with Wyatt running his thumb gently over my hand in a soothing rhythm. He looked deep in thought, so I remained silent and enjoyed the warm weather and the feeling of his hand in mine.

  We walked through the grass to the edge of the water and Wyatt sat down, pulling me down next to him. I could tell something was on his mind. The tension was radiating from him, but he remained silent, just looking out over the water. I was suddenly feeling nervous and couldn’t think of a single thing to talk about. I was almost ready to resort to talking about the weather and was wringing my hands nervously in my lap when Wyatt gently wrapped his fingers around my left wrist. I was sure he could feel my pulse race at his touch.

  “You have a tattoo,” he stated looking up at me. “What does it mean?”

  “Why do you think it means something?” I evaded his question with a question. He raised an eyebrow at me, “Taryn, you’re not the kind of girl to get a meaningless tattoo.” I exhaled, “You know me too well, Wyatt.” He grinned at me, the intense mood lightened. “The tattoo…” he prompted. So much for lightening the mood – my story is going to be a real downer. But he asked and for the first time ever I actually wanted to tell someone. His thumb was still lightly rubbing my wrist and I moved my hand so I could lace our fingers together.

  “Well, it’s obviously a cross. And I got it when I turned eighteen as a reminder to thank God every day for my parents and for how my life has turned out.” I raised my eyes to his, and he remained silent, not pushing me, but the warmth in his eyes gave me the courage to continue.

  “I mentioned I was adopted before, but what I didn’t say was that my parents adopted me when I was nine years old. I don’t remember much from the first five years of my life – just flashes, sometimes dreams, but I don’t even know if they are real memories or not. When I was five years old I was abandoned at a hospital in Brooklyn – by my mother. At least that’s what I told the nurse who found me, but I don’t remember it now. I spent the next two years moving around to several different
foster homes, never staying for more than a few months at a time. When I was seven years old I was placed in the foster home I stayed in until I was adopted. Janine was my foster mother – I use the term mother loosly – she wasn’t necessarily mean, but I mostly had to fend for myself. She worked nights and slept during the day. When she would leave for work she would lock me in my bedroom in the dark.”

  I was talking so quietly now, almost whispering, that I wasn’t sure he could hear me. He squeezed my hand and pulled me closer so I was leaning with my back against his chest. I felt him rest his cheek on top of my head. I took a deep breath and went on.

  “My dad was running for his first Senate term and he and my mom were on a campaign visit to a children’s home. I happened to be there that day for a session with my social worker – I don’t like to think about what if I wasn’t there that day.” He pressed a kiss to the top of my head and wrapped his arms around me. “My dad says that the moment he saw me he knew I was their daughter. My mom wasn’t able to have kids, and she wanted them so badly. They had considered adoption before but it just never seemed like the right time. She says I saved them as much as they saved me….So, I got the tattoo so I would never forget or take anything for granted.” I choked out a laugh, “Not that I could forget….I still can’t sleep without a nightlight.”

  Wyatt hadn’t said a word through my whole story, and I was hoping I hadn’t scared him off. I scooted forward and turned around so I could see his face. As long as I live I will never forget the look on his face. He wasn’t looking at me with pity like many of my parents’ friends had when I had first come to live with them. Or with distaste like the socialite daughters of the aforementioned friends. He was looking at me with awe. His eyes were shining with unshed tears – tears for me.

  “Hey,” I said grabbing his hands in mine and smiling up at him. “It’s okay. I got the fairy tale ending – my dad’s a Senator, my mom loves to take me shopping for ridiculously expensive clothes, and they love me. Who cares if I’m twenty one and still afraid of the dark?” I joked. He brought his hands up to my face his thumbs caressing my cheeks. “I had no idea, Taryn.” His dark eyes were intense and I could have sworn he was about to kiss me, but my phone started beeping at the most inopportune time. Damn that phone! He dropped his hands from my face and his eyes to the ground. I sighed and dug in my bag to find the stupid mood-breaker.

  Lindsay: Going out tonight. Be home late.

  “It’s just Lindsay letting me know she’s going out tonight,” I said. Wyatt straightened up next to me. “Are you going with her?”

  “No, I don’t really like going to clubs. Besides I should probably get started on my studying.” He stood up abruptly and offered his hand to help me up, then handed me my bag. “I’ll walk you,” he said lacing his fingers with mine. I didn’t mean that I needed to go right now, but he seemed ready to go, and I hoped he wasn’t regretting having almost kissed me.

  I only made it a few steps before I remembered Wyatt had said there was something he wanted to talk to me about. I stopped walking and turned to him, “Hey, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?” His brow furrowed and he looked down at the ground, “Uh, it’s not important. We can talk another time.” He smiled at me but it didn’t reach his eyes. There was the sadness in his dark eyes that I had seen before and it worried me.

  When we reached the entrance to my apartment building, I was going to ask him if he wanted to come up, but before I could Wyatt squeezed my hand and released it – shoving his hands in his front pockets, almost as if he was stopping himself from touching me. He looked up at the sky before nodding towards the door, “You should go inside, Taryn.” I almost panicked when I realized I wouldn’t be seeing him at Starbucks anymore, and I didn’t know how to contact him.

  “Oh, right. Listen, Wyatt, since I’m done with classes I won’t be stopping in at Starbucks anymore…” I wanted to keep seeing him, but I didn’t really know what to say. I wasn’t exactly skilled at asking guys out. He reached around and pulled my phone out of my back pocket. I raised an eyebrow at him.

  “I’m putting my number in here, Taryn. I don’t want to bother you while you’re studying so I’m not taking your number. But you can call or text me anytime, okay?” He put the phone back in my pocket his hand brushing my waist on the way back. “Okay? Anytime.” I nodded as he chuckled and turned me toward the door and gave me a little push. “I’ll see you later, Taryn.” I looked back to say goodbye but he was already walking away. He was shaking his head and running a hand through his hair.

  Chapter Five

  Call Me

  By Sunday night I felt ready for my exams the next day. Lindsay was insisting we go out tomorrow night to celebrate the official end of our junior year, and she really thought I should invite Wyatt. Lying in bed I grabbed my phone and decided it was now or never. What’s the worst he could say? No? Ugh, I groaned. I really hoped he didn’t say no.

  Me: Hi. It’s Taryn.

  Wyatt: Hey. Are you okay?

  Me: Yes.

  Wyatt: How’s the studying going?

  Me: Good. I’m done.

  Wyatt: Can I call you?

  Oh, crap. I’m much braver over text. If he calls me I will actually have to speak the words and basically ask him out. But, if I say no he can’t call me, that would send the message that I don’t like him. And I do like him. A lot. A whole lot.

  Wyatt: Please? I really need to hear your voice.

  Oh, wow.

  Me: Call me.

  A second later my phone rang. “Hi,” I answered, not bothering to hide my grin since he couldn’t see me. “Hey,” he said in his low sexy voice. I bit my lower lip and tried to think of something to say. I didn’t need to worry, Wyatt spoke first. “Thanks for letting me call. I miss you,” he said simply. “I miss you too,” I said softly. There was a moment of silence before he asked me about my exams. We chatted about that for a while and then I told him about Lindsay’s plans.

  “So, Lindsay is making me go out tomorrow night to celebrate the end of the school year. And I was wondering if you wanted to come too?” I said in a rush. “I mean you don’t have to. It’s no big deal. I just don’t really love going out and I thought it might be more fun if you were there.”

  “Taryn,” he interrupted my babbling.

  “Yeah?”

  “I’d love to go.”

  “You would?” I said trying not to sound too hopeful and pathetic. He chuckled, “Of course. I love to spend time with you, no matter what we do.”

  “We’re going to Roxy’s on campus at 9:00.”

  “I’ll be there….I should probably let you go so you can get a good night sleep before your exams.”

  “Yeah, I guess so. Thanks for calling.”

  “Thanks for letting me call.” I didn’t want to say good-bye and judging by the silence, Wyatt didn’t either. “Good night, Taryn. Sweet dreams.” I smiled knowing I would be dreaming of him tonight. “Good night, Wyatt,” I whispered before reluctantly hanging up.

  My exams went great, and I took a nice long nap in the afternoon before it was time to get ready to go out. I had to laugh when I came back to my room after showering and saw that Lindsay had already picked out my outfit and laid it out on my bed. Sometimes I felt like her life size Barbie doll. I spent extra time curling my hair and applying makeup before putting on a short flirty black skirt that showed off my long legs and a sparkly white tank top. I was just slipping on my strappy black heels that added an extra 4” when Lindsay came in. She looked glamorous as always in a red halter dress that contrasted with her light blond hair. “You look awesome, Taryn! Wyatt is going to love that skirt.”

  “I don’t even know if he’s going to show up, Linz.” Lindsay rolled her eyes and she grabbed her purse and checked her reflection one last time. “Of course he’ll be there, Taryn. He said he’d be there, and he’s totally into you.” I followed her out of the apartment and hoped she was right – both about him meeting us tonight and
being totally into me. I really didn’t like going out and I knew I would be more comfortable if he was there. In the short time I had known him, I had really come to feel safe with him.

  We walked the five blocks to the club, and it was already packed when we walked in. Lindsay recognized a few people she knew from school and we stopped to talk for a few minutes. After Lindsay was pulled out to the dance floor by some guy named Chad, I made my way up to the bar to get a drink. I was sitting on a bar stool, sipping my Cosmo and people watching when I saw Ryan walk in.

  His eyes swung around the club and immediately landed on me sitting at the bar. As he made his way through the crowd towards me, I hopped off the bar stool and looked around desperately for an escape. Just before Ryan could reach me I felt a strong arm come around my waist and Wyatt’s low voice in my ear, “Wanna dance?”

  “Yes, please.” I breathed a sigh of relief, both for being saved from talking to Ryan and that Wyatt had showed up. He took my hand and led me through the crowd to the opposite corner of the dance floor. The music was loud, so we didn’t try to talk. It was a slow song playing, and Wyatt pulled me close with his hands on my hips. I ran my hands up his arms and held on to his biceps as we moved to the music.

  With my heels on I was closer to his height, and just right for resting my head on his shoulder. I inhaled his clean masculine scent and his left hand went around to the small of my back pressing me closer. My fingers lightly traced patterns on the back of his neck and wound into his hair. We stayed wrapped up in each other until the song ended, and he took a step back. I reluctantly released my hold on him and let him lead me back to sit at the far end of the bar, affording us as much privacy as possible in the crowded club.