Bad Blood Panther (Bad Blood Shifters Book 4)

by Anastasia Wilde

  “Save it,” he said. “I know why you didn’t bring him here. I’m crazy Xander. I live with all the other misfits and crazies, and I might go postal any second. Why the hell would you bring a little kid into this? If I had any sense, I wouldn’t want him here either. But damn, Jenny, it hurts. I want to be his dad so bad—”

  His voice broke, and he picked up a glass as if he were going to throw it against the wall. At the last minute, he stopped himself, glancing toward the spare bedroom. “Fuck,” he muttered. His hand tightened around the glass until it broke in his hand. Blood ran down his palm.

  He closed his eyes, taking a couple of deep breaths. Then he dropped the glass shards in the garbage, went to the sink and ran his hand under the cold water.

  She could feel his pain, and it stabbed her in the chest. He wanted to be Brandon’s dad. He’d wanted to throw the glass, vent his anger, and he’d controlled himself because he didn’t want to wake Brandon up. He didn’t want to scare him.

  He was trying so hard.

  She picked up the dishtowel, then went to the sink, right up next to Xander. She wet the towel. “Here, let me,” she said. She took his hand in hers and gently wiped the blood off. The cut was deep, but it was already starting to heal, the bleeding almost stopped.

  She raised his hand to her lips and kissed it. “To make it better,” she said.

  He turned to her and sighed. He looked so sad, so defeated, it tore her up.

  Still holding his hand, she said, “It’s true I didn’t want to bring Brandon here until I knew it was safe for him. Until I was sure you wanted him. Us.” She rushed on before he could speak. “But I was going to tell you about him. I started to tell you this afternoon in the cabana. Before Cindi came.” She bit her lips. “I didn’t want you to find out like this.”

  He pulled his hand away and pressed the towel to it, to stop the rest of the bleeding.

  “I get that part,” he said. “I do. How can I be a decent father to him? I have this kid, and he’s a fucking panther, and I can’t even teach him how to be one. I want him to be happy, and love being who he is, and how the fuck can I do that when I still hate what I am?”

  He gave a bitter laugh. “I don’t even fucking know any happy shifters.”

  Oh, Xander. Jenny leaned her head against his arm, her heart breaking in pieces.

  “You love him, though, don’t you,” she said. It wasn’t a question. She’d seen it.

  A little smile curved the corner of his mouth. “Yeah,” he said. “He’s so fucking cute when he’s a panther, with those little paws and all that soft fur. And I love how he knows exactly what he wants, and how he doesn’t take shit from anybody.”

  Jenny rolled her eyes. “Yeah, give that a couple months and see how much you like it. He’s a little hellion when he wants to be.”

  Xander snorted. “And this is a surprise to you? I wasn’t exactly mellow, even before panthermania.”

  “No,” Jenny agreed. “No you were not. I always loved seeing you in him, though, even when it made me sad.”

  “You did?” He turned to her. “I thought you spent the last three years practicing calling me an idiot, in case you ever found me again.”

  “I did.” She hesitated, then stepped in and put her arms around him. “But I still loved you. And I wished we could have been together. Raised Brandon together.”

  He closed his arms around her. “We can,” he said. “If you want to. I’m scared as shit and I’m probably not going to be any better as a dad than I am as a mate, but I’ll give it my best shot.”

  They held each other tightly, swaying back and forth. Jenny felt something loosen in her chest that had been fisted up tight ever since she learned she was alone with a cub on the way.

  Suddenly, she wasn’t all alone anymore.

  Xander pulled back. “What did Cindi mean about Alton and this prophecy?” he asked. “Tell me about that.”

  She sighed, and pulled him over to the couch. “You better sit down,” she said.

  He wouldn’t, though. He stood, pacing, while she told him how, when she’d learned she was pregnant, she’d let Alton think Brandon was his.

  “It was the only way I could think to protect him,” she said. “And that was all I cared about, with you gone. Making sure Brandon would be safe, that he’d be taken care of.”

  Xander still paced, clenching and unclenching his fists, growling in his throat. “But then Alton became alpha. And went nuts.”

  “Yep. I think he can’t have cubs—he’s slept with so many women, and none of them have ever gotten pregnant.”

  “So you and Brandon are his badge of manliness?” Xander snorted. “I always knew he was a loser.”

  “Yeah, but he’s a crazy, powerful loser,” Jenny said. “The Seer prophesied that Alton’s son would one day be alpha after him, and his line would restore the Broken Hill Clan to glory. That’s important for two reasons. First, to convince the clan they should still follow him. And second—”

  “To reassure them that the clan will still be here in twenty years, so he’s not really fucking it all to hell.”

  “Right,” Jenny said. “Unless Cindi can convince him that her cub is really his—and Brandon isn’t—then he’ll want Brandon back, as his son and the heir apparent. That’s why I hid him, and why I was so desperate to find you. It wasn’t enough just to leave—Alton would have found us and brought us back. I had to find someone who would protect my son and keep him away from Alton. He wants to raise him to be a killer.”

  Xander’s hands flexed, and his claws extended. “Fuck that shit,” he said, growling.

  “Will Flynn be willing to protect us? Will the others?”

  Xander said, “Believe me, this crew has a thing about shifters being taken away and messed with by crazy evil fuckers. Especially kids. They’d all fight for Brandon until they bled out, if they had to. And I’d be first in line.”

  Jenny felt a rush of gratitude and relief. “Okay, then,” she said, nodding. “Okay.”

  Xander said, “But we have to tell Flynn. We’ve had enough problems with people not telling him about threats to them and the crew, and it never ends well.” He sat down next to her on the couch. “I never thought I’d hear myself say this, but I’m rooting for Cindi to become Chief Evil Priestess, or whatever the hell she’s trying to do. If it keeps Alton Raines away from Brandon, she can tell him all the fucking lies she wants.”

  Jenny leaned up against him and shivered. Cindi was a champion liar. Jenny just hoped she was good enough.

  Chapter 20

  It turned out Xander really did love being a dad. He was still pretty sure he sucked at it, but damn, he loved it.

  If he hadn’t been Bearcat’s worst employee already, he would have plummeted to the bottom of the charts. Flynn had to practically drag him away from the trailer every morning, because Brandon was always doing something that was totally fucking adorable, even if it was just turning the kitchen into a disaster area while he ate breakfast. Or watching squirrels and chipmunks run by and saying excitedly, “Kill it?” Which slayed Xander every time.

  Once Xander was at work, he spent half his time blowing up Jenny’s phone with texts, wanting to know what Brandon was doing now, and annoying her to take pictures of it. And trying to get her to send him naked pictures of her, which she for some reason refused to do.

  After the third time he almost fell off the roof they were replacing, because he was scrolling through pictures of Brandon as a panther rolling in a mud puddle instead of looking where he was going, the whole site crew threatened to take the Skilsaw to his phone.

  Not that the crew wasn’t going gaga over Brandon too. They all spoiled him rotten when they thought Jenny wasn’t looking. He seemed fascinated by Tank and Flynn—maybe because they were the most dominant. Or just the biggest.

  The first time Brandon saw Tank’s bear, his eyes got the size of dinner plates and he said, “Too bib! Too bib!” “Bib” being his word for “big,” which was al
so too fucking cute for anything. Brandon followed the two of them around constantly, when he wasn’t following Xander. He called Tank “Bib Bear.” Flynn was “Alfacat.”

  Which made Flynn smile, when he thought nobody was watching. Sucker.

  The only thing that bothered Xander was the fact that Alton was still out there. If they were lucky, he would be happy with the evil Cindi and her little demon child, and he’d forget about Jenny and Brandon.

  Or maybe he’d be pissed off that Jenny had lied to him for so long, and made a fool out of him in front of his clan, and he’d come after her.

  And there was no way Xander was going to let fucking Alton Raines touch his family.

  That was the other reason he hated leaving them every day. He couldn’t protect them if he wasn’t there. He knew Jasmin and Brody were around in the daytime—their restaurant was only open for dinner. It wasn’t like Jenny was there alone. But his hackles still rose every time he thought about Alton. Something in his gut told him this wasn’t over.

  Jenny was worried too, though she tried not to let Xander know it. Alton had let them go too easily. Maybe he preferred Cindi and her baby, but it wasn’t like Alton to just give up.

  She’d seen him kill other panthers who he thought made him look like a fool, or who he decided didn’t respect him enough.

  She just hoped he didn’t know where they’d gone—or that if he did, he was too busy with his own wars to come after them.

  At least Anthea was safe, for the moment. Jenny had gotten a few messages from her, but she was staying under the radar too, visiting relatives in New Orleans.

  They were safe for now, but it was like living in Hurricane Alley. Everything might look bright and sunny, but sooner or later a storm was going to sweep through—one that could destroy everything.

  The other thing that made her nervous was Xander. He’d thrown himself into being a dad, and seemed to enjoy it—but it had only been a couple of weeks, and Brandon was mostly on his best behavior.

  She didn’t know how he would react when Brandon turned back into his normal two-year-old self. When he was annoying and frustrating and a lot of work. She’d been running interference, handling all the day-to-day maintenance and letting Xander have the pleasure of playing with Brandon when he was home from work, seeing him at his best.

  She knew eventually he would have to deal with the not-so-fun part of being a parent, and she would have to let him. But she was too used to walking on eggshells around Alton, arranging things so he didn’t get annoyed or lose his temper or want to punish her, or Brandon.

  Alton’s punishments could be brutal.

  She wanted to trust Xander. But it was a lot of stress on him, having an instant family. She wanted to wait a little while before she let his dad illusions come crashing down.

  It bugged Xander that Jenny wouldn’t leave him alone with Brandon. In his head, he got it. He had no experience Dadding, and there was a good chance he’d fuck it up. But how was he ever going to learn if she did everything?

  He tried to convince her to leave Brandon with him on a Saturday, and go shopping in Nashville with Lissa and Caitlyn. “But I don’t need anything,” she protested, which was a total lie.

  “Number one,” he said, “shopping with the girls isn’t about needing things. It’s about spending my money on shit you don’t need, just because it’s pretty or you like it. And number two, you do need stuff. Because that dipshit Alton practically kept you in rags. When was the last time he gave you money to go shopping?”

  He already knew the answer—never. She’d gotten an allowance from the clan budget for Brandon—that was it. All her clothes were over two years old—some of them a lot older than that. Even her sexy satin panties had holes.

  “Exactly,” said Xander, even though she hadn’t answered. Her silence said it all.

  “But I don’t want you to have to watch Brandon all alone,” she said. “And you know he won’t sit inside watching hockey.”

  Last part, truth. Which was fine with Xander—he’d rather chase squirrels with his kid any day than watch hockey, even if it was the Stanley Cup. The first part was true too—just not the way she pretended to mean it. She didn’t trust him to watch Brandon. It frustrated him, although he knew that wasn’t fair. He hadn’t had an incident of panthermania since he’d accepted Jenny as his mate, and his cat had stopped talking schizo most of the time.

  But that didn’t mean the crazy shit was totally in his past. Not that he’d ever hurt Brandon; he knew all the way deep down in his gut his cat would never do that. But if he went nuts when they were alone, nobody would be watching his kid. And she knew that as well as he did.

  “All the guys will be here,” he said. “It’s not like I’m on my own.”

  He finally talked her into it. On Saturday morning he sent her off with the other girls, shoving an extra wad of cash in her bag while he distracted her by giving her a toe-curling kiss goodbye. Hopefully Lissa would convince her to spend at least some of it. Once Lissa had gotten used to having money, she’d turned into a champion shopper.

  Now, all he had to do was manage to have a perfect day with his kid. Then Jenny could see what a good dad he could be, even when she wasn’t backseat driving. Or driving the whole damn train.

  At first, he did great. Diaper changing, check. Playing trucks in the beach sand pile, check. Cannon balls into the kiddie pool, check. Brandon had only peed in the pool a little before Xander got him out. Who was going to know?

  Squirrel-chasing, check. Lunch with the guys, check. Nap, afternoon snack and juice box, check. Brandon only spilled the juice box because a chipmunk ran by, and that red drink would totally come out of that romper thing he’d been wearing. Probably.

  Xander had only turned his back for one second, when he was putting the romper thing in water and something called enzyme pre-soak, which sounded stain-removery.

  And then he turned back around, and Brandon, who couldn’t run through the living room without his feet pounding the floor like little jackhammers, had somehow managed a ninja stealth escape.

  Shit.

  Xander went after him, calling his name and following his scent, wondering how dads who weren’t shifters managed to find their kids. Probably they didn’t lose them, he reminded himself. Because losing the kid was definitely an epic dad fail.

  He found Brandon’s diaper at one point, which told him he was on the right track, and also that his kid was running butt-nekkid through the woods. Awesome. He was going to be all scratched up, which meant Xander was going to have to not only live with the shame of his dad failure, but ‘fess up to it.

  He caught up with Brandon a few minutes later. He’d found a big pile of bear scat—probably fucking Tank’s, from the size of it—and was sitting in the middle of it.

  Smearing it all over himself.

  He clapped as Xander ran up with his useless discarded diaper.

  “Hi Daddy!” Brandon said brightly. He squished a handful of shit through his fingers and announced, “I found poop!”

  Xander looked at his poop-covered son, happy as…as a baby panther in shit. Brandon looked up, beaming, a miniature mirror of his own face looking back at him.

  He should be pissed. He should be appalled. Jenny was never, ever going to let either of them out of her sight again. But it was so…

  A bubble of laughter welled up inside him. Ah, hell. It was so damn funny. Xander pulled his phone out of his pocket and took pictures. Then he sat down in the middle of the woods, discarded diaper in hand, and laughed his ass off.

  Sloan and Tank found him there a few minutes later. They both stopped in their tracks, staring at Brandon.

  “Holy…um…shit,” said Sloan.

  “Oh, man, that’s not good,” Tank said. “I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to let them do that.”

  “Ya think?” Xander said. “And I’m blaming you, Bib Bear,” he added. “Because the only bear who’s bib enough to leave a pile of shit that size in the
woods is you.”

  Tank refused to dignify that with an answer.

  “That is a big fucking mess,” Sloan said, sounding awed.

  “Bib fucking mesh,” Brandon agreed.

  Xander sighed and climbed to his feet, stripping his shirt off and tossing it to Sloan. No point in getting it shit-covered.

  “Come on, you bib fucking mesh,” he said. “We’re gonna have a bath. Possibly two baths. Or maybe a shower and then a bath.”

  He hoisted his sticky, disgusting, shit-smelling son into his arms. “Your mother is never going to let me take care of you again,” he added. “Not until you’re eighteen, at least.”

  “Bad Daddy?” Brandon said, frowning.

  “Undoubtedly,” he said. “But I love the hell out of you, buddy.”

  “Undobbaly,” Brandon said, smearing bear poop into Xander’s hair.

  Chapter 21

  Jenny ended up having a good time on the shopping trip. Xander had given her a ridiculous amount of money, and she’d let Lissa and Caitlyn talk her into spending too much of it, but they’d convinced her that Xander wouldn’t have snuck it into her bag if he didn’t want her to have the things she needed.

  She’d spent some of it on sexy underwear that she knew he would love. Caitlyn even offered to look after Brandon some night soon, so she and Xander could have a romantic date.

  Jenny was starting to love being in a crew. She’d never had many close friends, but she was hoping that Caitlyn and Lissa would become real friends one day.

  Throughout the day, Xander had texted pictures of what Lissa called his “first solo flight” as a dad. Swimming, squirrel chasing, diaper changing, and an adorable one of Brandon doing a cannon ball into the kiddie pool.

  Then, since an hour ago…nothing.

  “He probably put him down for a nap and is watching hockey,” Lissa said.

  “Exhausted,” Caitlyn added. “Guys just don’t get how much energy it takes.”