Let Me Fly

by St James, Hazel

  After faltering on the gravel, the bike dropped down to a slower speed. The driver eased a few rows in to the cemetery, pulling up next to the baby section. After cutting the engines, the driver popped the kickstand down, but did not dismount. His head was angled down to the end of the first row of the tiny markers, indicating that he was focused on one in particular, since his head was locked in the same position.

  Since there was only one way back towards town, Bryn would have to walk right past the bike and rider if she wanted to leave. She was more than ready to go home, but she did not want to disturb the man. Fearing that he was mourning the loss of his own child, Bryn wanted to leave him in private. She fell to the grass next to her father’s grave, lying back in the grass to enjoy the sun.

  After a good half an hour, Bryn heard the bike spring to life, the engine revving. Not wanting to draw attention to herself, she held still, willing the man to leave without coming up this way. She realized how silly she must look, sunbathing in a cemetery. Not wanting to sit on the cold bench again was more than enough motivation to stay in the warm sunshine.

  The noise from the bike was getting louder, and Bryn could hear the crunch of the gravel under the tires now. Oh shit, he’s here.

  Bryn sat up quickly, as the visor flipped up on the sleek, black helmet. Blue-green eyes met hers from behind the shield, looking vaguely familiar. Switching off the bike, but remaining on it, he held it up with powerful, long legs. His standard black chopper boots looked fairly new, with a few scuffs and gouges, while his oily, frayed jeans were begging to be put out of their misery. Bryn had seen her father wear better jeans to clean the barns in. The bad boy look was finished off with a black skintight thermal shirt.

  “Are you ok?” The voice was hoarse, cracking at the effort.

  Not wanting to appear like a damsel in distress, Bryn simply shrugged her shoulders. “I was fine until you interrupted me.”

  “It’s pretty unusual to take a nap in a graveyard.” He started to undo the helmet straps, lifting the helmet off his head. Running his hands through his hair, Bryn could see the sweat sticking to his forehead. Immediately recognizing the face without the barrier, Bryn’s lips turned up in a grin.

  “Hey, Dr. Glynn. I didn’t know that you rode a Harley. That is so cool.” Walking over to the bike, Bryn ran her hands over the rear fender. “This is a beast of a bike. It has the Twin Cam engine, right? If this is the 2012 model, it has some serious balls. What does she top out at?”

  Dr. Glynn cocked his head to the side, watching her for a moment before he answered. “Hmmm. Not really sure. I don’t make a habit of burying the needle. Bryn, right? I remember you from the ER. Where did you learn so much about bikes?”

  Bryn snapped her hand off the chrome of the bike as if it burned her fingers. Feeling insulted, she shot back at him, “Women can be into bikes, too, dickhead.”

  Slumping his shoulders, he cocked his head to the side, feigning disgust, “I didn’t say that.” She could hear the ice dripping off his words. “Obviously, I know that you are ‘into’ bikes.” He used air quotes around the words, rolling his eyes. “I was surprised that you knew so much about the mechanics of bikes. Most girls don’t give a shit about the guts of the hog, as long as they look hot riding on it.”

  “Well, I am not most girls. I love all types of bikes, not just Harley Davidsons, and I have spent a lot of time around them in the last few years. You pick up a lot about the ‘guts’,” Bryn mimicked his air quotes when she said the last word. “Do you ride a lot? This one looks brand new. The tires don’t have many scuffs.”

  “I have had it for over a month now, but I haven’t had the chance to ride it. Too many shifts at the hospital.”

  “Ah, well, you better get to ridin’. This beauty was meant to be on the open road, not holed up in a stuffy garage.”

  He cocked his left eyebrow, his lips forming a smile that was hiding a secret. “You wouldn’t know anybody that would want to ride with me, do you?”

  The question was left hanging out there, like a snake coiling up to strike. She couldn’t tell him that she was petrified of riding double, he wouldn’t understand. Oh, hop on, sweetheart…I’ll give you a ride. Those words from long ago raced through her mind like a freight train, halting her breath, making her chest tighten. Her vision started to narrow as the panic attack started in her stomach, the tingling raced up to her neck and down her arms. Bryn reached for something to steady her trembling body, but quickly felt herself falling backwards. The darkness surrounded her, closing off all feeling. There is only silence in my hell. Just the smell of fear, the pain….

  “Bryn, damn it. Come back to me.” That voice, so commanding, so powerful. It was pulling her from her nightmare, making feeling rush back into her body. Groaning from the imaginary pain flowing out of her body, Bryn rolled over to try to right herself.

  “No, no, just hold still. Can you look at me, Bryn?” Dr. Glynn was here, she was in the cemetery in Amulet at her dad’s grave. She wasn’t back there, living the nightmare again. Safe. That bastard was behind bars, at least for another year. Second Degree Sexual Assault was barely cause for jail time anymore, or so her lawyer had told her. It didn’t help her situation that she had been drinking that night, and had willingly left the house to go riding with him. That still didn’t excuse him raping her. No meant No.

  Cool fingers brushed her bangs out of her eyes. Bryn peeled her eyelids back, trying to obey Dr. Glynn. “Good girl. I lost you there for a second, where did you go?”

  Bryn thought about telling him the truth, telling him that she had severe panic attacks that were triggered by seemingly harmless things. Someone asking her to ride a bike shouldn’t make her panic to the point of passing out. Unfortunately, she couldn’t predict what would make her mind slip back to that hell. As she gained more control over her life, the less the panic attacks claimed her. Within the last four months, however, they had started to regain the strangle hold on her mind.

  “It’s been a long day. I haven’t eaten since breakfast. No big deal.” Bryn pushed herself up off the ground as Dr. Glynn’s strong hands held her arms to steady her.

  “I would rather you let me take you to the ER to get you checked out. You recently had a head injury and this could be an after effect from that. Your body doesn’t shut down from going without food for a few hours, Bryn. Unless you’re anemic, but that seems unlikely.”

  Bryn pulled from his hold, turning around to sit on the stone bench beside her. She knew that this would pass quickly, that she just needed to sit for a bit to regain her senses. “Oh, please. They barely got me into the ER the first time. You really think that you can get me to go back there because I’m hungry?”

  Dr. Glynn growled as he narrowed his eyes on her. “You are a stubborn woman, you know that?”

  “I have been told that a few times.” Bryn shrugged her shoulders, feigning innocence. “I will call for Corey to come pick me up to take me home.”

  “I’m already here. I can take you home, Bryn. I don’t mind. Besides, you can come with me to eat. I’m sick of eating alone, and I can watch you to make sure that you don’t have any more problems. Deal?”

  Sensing the panic rising, Bryn quickly changed tactics. “Nah, I’m good. I don’t have a helmet, riding pants, or boots and I refuse to ride if we are not both wearing safety gear. Corey can come pick me up.”

  Dr. Glynn’s lips pursed as he looked down at the ground. Bryn could tell he was disappointed that she blew him off. There was never a time that Bryn felt comfortable with men, even the guys at the shop could make her nervous if they looked at her, as if they were memorizing her body with their eyes. As long as they treated her like one of the guys, and kept their hands to themselves, she was fine. Dr. Glynn, however didn’t make her nervous, in fact he could make her blood boil with the most innocent words. Bryn could remember every time he said “Good girl” to her, and the effect it had on her hardly used libido.

  Bryn remembered that sh
e came here for direction. Was this dad’s way of helping me? By sending an overbearing, albeit very hot, doctor? Bryn felt her courage growing as she made up her mind. Dinner out would be nice, knowing that she and Corey would probably be eating leftovers out of Tupperware again tonight, in front of the TV. He’s a good guy, Bryn thought, and it’s the polite thing to do. Before she lost her nerve, she quickly said, “After Corey picks me up, I will change and meet you at Torrey’s by the river in an hour. How does that sound, Dr. Glynn?”

  Dr. Glynn stopped pushing the gravel around under his feet, grinning wildly at her when he looked up from the ground. “Works for me, but only if you call me Charlie. Dr. Glynn is so damn stuffy. If it wasn’t hospital policy, I wouldn’t let anybody call me that.”

  Rolling her eyes, Bryn pretended to be bored with their conversation. “Whatever,” reaching into her pocket, she pulled out her phone to call Corey. “I will see you in an hour.” She had already started to walk over to retrieve her backpack. Bending over to grab the handle, she realized that she was sticking her rear end up in a flirtatious way directly at Charlie.

  “Jesus,” Bryn heard him mumble before the bike roared back to life. Bryn whipped her head around, glaring at him. He gave her a sexy grin before he flipped the visor shut, driving around the other driveway to exit. Bryn waited for the coldness to surround her, from being leered at. It never came this time. All that was there was a warmth spreading across her skin, a tingling that made her giddy. It was the first time in a very long time that the woman inside her body felt alive.

  Chapter Five

  “I’m outta here, Corey,” Bryn threw the words over her shoulder as she walked out the front door of the apartment.

  “Hey, baby girl, wait up.”

  Not wanting to wait for the proverbial talk, Bryn took off on a run down the stairs of their apartment. Corey and Bryn lived on the upper floor of a two story duplex, having a long set of stairs going down the outside of the building. The stairs wove back and forth, kind of like a fire escape. Getting to the bottom of the stairs without Corey catching her was going to be tough, since he could take the stairs two at a time compared to her one.

  Laughing at their game, Bryn had to stop on a landing to catch her breath. Corey easily grabbed her around the waist, lifting her up in the air, and spinning her back around. “Nice try, Bryn. Do you have everything?” Groaning, Bryn pulled each item out of her purse as Corey listed them off, “Lip gloss, cash, driver’s license, gum, condoms…” She smacked his arm at the last one.

  “I don’t need condoms, Corey. It’s not like that. I lied when I told him that I passed out because I hadn’t eaten since breakfast, and now he is pulling his Hippocratic Oath shit on me. There’s nothing to it. In fact, I’m shocked that you would even suggest condoms. Aren’t I supposed to be celibate until you pick my future husband? Besides, I told him to meet me at Torrey’s and I could really use their lobster bisque soup. I’ll bring you back some biscuits if you let me go without finishing your spiel,” Bryn tried to back to the last few stairs to make a run for it. Corey lunged forward, grabbing both her wrists, pulling her back.

  “I wouldn’t be much of a friend if I didn’t remind you each and every time you go out, Bryn. It’s better to be safe than sorry. No drinking, not even a glass of wine, stay at the restaurant, don’t let him walk you home, text me a couple of times to say you are okay,” Bryn put her index finger on his lips to stop his rant.

  “I know all this, Corey. You will worry no matter what I say, but trust me, this guy seems solid. He is a doctor for Christ’s sake.”

  Corey tensed up at her words, “You thought the last asshole seemed solid too, Bryn. Most rapists don’t have a flashing sign on their foreheads that say ”psychopath.“

  Bryn flinched at his harsh words. Slumping her shoulders, Bryn rolled her neck from side to side before taking a deep breath. “Please don’t say that, Corey.”

  A pained look crossed Corey’s face, making her chest hurt for him. He was there the night she was attacked, but wasn’t sober enough to know what was going on. Corey had been flirting with a bartender at their favorite bar in college, but Corey wasn’t sure if he was straight, bi, or gay. The guy called Corey, inviting him to a party at his house one weekend. Bryn agreed to come along in case it turned out that he really was straight, and Bryn needed to act as Corey’s girlfriend.

  As soon as they got there, Corey and his new friend were pawing at each other, making their way to the backroom, leaving Bryn alone at the party. A seemingly harmless guy, dressed in all leather introduced himself as Dave, the owner of the house she was partying in. Bryn thought he was pretty cool, especially after he continually brought her beer after beer, making her laugh at his stupid jokes about the other freaks in the house. Dave was a cool guy at first, who knew a lot about Harleys, and had innocently asked Bryn to go for a ride.

  Things got out of hand quickly when they got outside, and she ended up pinned underneath Dave in the backyard. Her screams were drowned out by the loud music and voices inside the house. Corey was too drunk and lusting over his date to hear her. Even now, Bryn knew that Corey blamed himself for Bryn’s rape. He tried making up for it by being overly protective of her, to the point that he could smother her, like now.

  Corey leaned down, resting his forehead against Bryn’s. “I have to go in to the shop tonight and finish the swing arm mod on Weaver’s custom bike. I would rather that you waited to go out with him until I can stay closer to home.”

  Sensing the tension rolling off Corey, Bryn tried for a compromise. “Okay, I will let him know that I have to help you at the shop tonight. I can have a quick dinner with him, walk home to get your truck and meet you over at the shop.”

  Corey pulled back from their embrace, flicking her nose with his finger. “Thanks, baby girl. I’ll make it up to you, I promise. We can go riding tomorrow out on old Dover Road. How does that sound?”

  “Works for me. Shit,” she said as she searched her purse, “I forgot my phone. I left it on the charger.”

  Corey tapped her on the rear end as he walked passed her, bounding down the stairs. “K, hot stuff. You better bring some grunge clothes to the shop, though. You can help me with this remount, and you’re gonna get all dirty for me.”

  Bryn giggled at the innuendo. “Are you sure you’re gay? ’Cause you touch my ass a lot and you always talk like you are ready to mount me. Should I be worried when I’m in the shower and you are shaving at the sink? Are you really gawking at me, Corey?”

  “Sorry, chicky. You ain’t got the right parts for me. Your parts are hot, but they don’t give me a stiffy or anything.”

  “Ewww,” Bryn stuck out her tongue, shaking her head and making a disgusted face as she turned to go back up the stairs. “That’s gross.”

  Corey had already made it down to his Honda. “Oh, you love me and you know it. Now get moving, bitch. I’ll drop you off at the restaurant before I head to the shop.”

  Bryn flipped him the bird as she opened the door. Dropping her purse onto the kitchen island, she pulled her phone off the charger, throwing it into her purse. Bryn remembered Corey reminding her of all the date appropriate things she should have in her purse. Condoms. Bryn only had two serious relationships in college, losing her virginity to the first one, losing her heart to the second one. Men were a serious pain in the ass, but that didn’t mean Bryn liked being celibate. She owned a vibrator, thinking that would be enough to keep her somewhat satisfied. As Bryn stood in the kitchen thinking about condoms, sex, and vibrators, she could feel her insides tighten as moisture seeped into her panties. Damn it, she was wound so tight she was going to explode. Bryn quickly walked to the bathroom, pulling out two condoms from the box under the sink, and shoved them into her purse.

  Resolving her nerve, Bryn pulled the shoulder strap of her purse over her arm, storming back out the front door. She practically flew down the stairs, two at a time to get to Corey. He had just lit a cigarette, smoke rolling out his m
outh and nose.

  “All right Corey, I will have dinner with him and then I will see where it goes,” holding up her hands to halt his impending speech, “I know, you don’t approve, but I gotta do this. I will text you a few times, and I promise I won’t go home with him. I need to do this, Corey.” Bryn walked the rest of the way over to him, wrapping her arms around his waist, slipping her thumbs into the loops on his jeans. He tensed as she laid her head against his chest. “I didn’t say I was going to let him fuck me in the parking lot, Corey. I just said I wanted to, I don’t know, maybe get to know him. Talk, or whatever.” Corey remained silent, so Bryn continued, “Let me do this, I wanna at least try. You can’t protect me forever.”

  Corey released the breath that he was holding and flicked his smoke to the ground. Pulling her back, he pinned her with his menacing glare. His voice was hoarse when he finally did speak, “Okay, baby girl. But if he hurts you in any way, I swear to God that I will put him six feet under, and you will visit me every day in jail. Got that?”

  Bryn gave him her most flirty smile, batting her eye lashes as she said, “Yup, but we need to go. I’m gonna be late now.”

  Corey gave her a playful push backwards. “Get your ass in the car; let’s get you to Dr. Hottie.”

  “That was so lame, Corey,” Bryn giggled as he got into the passenger seat of his Honda. “You really need to work on your material.”

  Bryn pushed through the door of the restaurant exactly 10 minutes late. Not wanting to look around the restaurant, she casually stepped past the hostess station, walking over to the bar. Pulling out the first available seat, Bryn plopped down in the high backed chair, swiveling to face the bar.