by Erin Trejo
“Put this on your head,” he says passing me the ice. I take it and do as he said not feeling much like fighting him too.
“Thanks.”
“You gonna tell me what that was about?” I shake my head. He huffs out a breath and walks away from me, back into the living room. I sit with the ice on my head until I hear the giggles. It sparks my curiosity. Shoving out of the chair, I walk to the living room and see Ryder on the floor with the kids. Joey is laughing hysterically and Carmon is smiling as she climbs in his lap. My heart nearly breaks in two at the sight.
“My daddy fell down the stairs at grandpas?” Joey asks looking up at him.
“Yeah, he did. More than one time. There was another time when he fell down that hill out back too,” Ryder tells him. Joey laughs again, falling over on the floor.
“I roll down that hill,” Joey says when he stops laughing.
“When we were little, that was your daddy’s favorite thing to do. He would always make me do it with him.”
“My daddy isn’t here anymore,” Joey says softly breaking my heart. I cover my mouth to keep the sob in.
“No, he’s not,” Ryder says sadly.
“Would you roll down the hill with me?” Joey looks up with hope filled eyes.
“Yeah, I will. Not today though it’s supposed to rain and I don’t think your mom would like us playin’ in the mud.” Joey laughs and so does Carmon when Ryder tickles her. I jolt when a hand lands on my shoulder. I look over to see Jenny with a small smile on her face.
“How was your appointment?”
“It was fine. You should tell him the truth, Xena. What happened to you?” Shaking my head, this isn’t the right time.
“Not now.”
“When?”
“I don’t know! Everything is just so, fucked up, Jenny! I don’t know!” I roar louder than I need to. I’m frustrated. I’m ashamed. I’m lost.
“What’s goin’ on?” His voice seeps into me and I want nothing more than to turn around and tell him the truth but that’s not what he’s here for. He isn’t here for me.
“Nothing.”
“Xena,” Jenny pleads.
“He isn’t here for me, Xena!” With that, I rush from the room and out the side door just as the rain he was talking about begins to fall.
39
Ryder
“How’d the appointment go?” I ask Jenny after Xena ran from the room. I don’t know what’s going on with her but I need to find out.
“It was good. Doc thinks she might come a little early.” A small smile crosses my face.
“That’s okay right?”
“Yeah, she’s fine to come when she wants. Are you…do you plan on sticking around a while?” The hope in her eyes rips at my fucking soul. I’ve been the worst brother in law that has ever lived. I wasn’t here when they needed me and I don’t think I can live with myself if I walk away again.
“I’m not goin’ anywhere anytime soon, darlin’. I’ll be here.” Her eyes tear up and I reach for her, pulling her into me.
“She needs you around, Ryder. I know it’s been a long time but she’s a mess.”
“I don’t think I can help her, sweetheart. You know the history there.” She nods against my chest before pulling back and looking up at me.
“Jack used to say that not everything is what it seems. Not all things that are said are spoken in truth. I learned that the hard way with him when it came to the drugs. She isn’t much different than him,” Jenny says as she watches me intently. I feel like there’s some kind of message here that I’m missing and it pisses me off that I’m missing it.
“Spit it out, Jenny.” She smirks.
“Not my place to say. Just know that Xena said things that she thought were right to say at the time.”
“And now? What’s this Dawson fucker to her?” Her eyes flash darker before she glances around to make sure no one is near us.
“Dawson is a fucker. He isn’t anything to her. He uses her, beats her. I hate it. I’ve said it so many times but he has a hold over this house.”
“What do you mean?” she licks her lips and shakes her head like she doesn’t really want to tell me. “Come on, Jenny. I’m doin’ all this for Jack. I’m goin’ after the motherfuckers.”
“Then you don’t need to know the deal between her and Dawson if this is all for Jack.” She starts to move past me when I gently grab her wrist.
“I hate what she did to me, Jenny. I hate it all but I don’t hate her, not anymore.” She steps back and a small smile crosses her face.
“She isn’t over you either, Ryder. Never has been. She regrets a lot of what went down between you two. Anyway, we were losing the house. Jack was so messed up that he barely worked. It was hard keeping food on the table.” She sniffs back the tears. “Xena works her ass off to take care of us. The Doctor didn’t want me working since at the beginning I had so many complications with this pregnancy so Xena picked up the slack.” She shrugs.
“Where does he come into this?”
“He pays the goddamn mortgage and bills.” His voice is like a knife slicing through an old wound. As I look at Jenny, a sad look appears in her eyes. I hate it. I fucking hate it all. I turn to face the bastard but instead of talking, I lunge. I take him down, falling out the back door. We both tumble down the stairs and onto the wet concrete. He jumps up and quickly rounds on me as I stand. The first hit I’ll give him but that’s it. My hands clench and the fighter in me ignites. I smirk at him as he comes toward me again. I’m ready. The first strike lands on his jaw. The second his eye. The fight goes on longer than I thought it would. Each swing from both of us lands but when I hear her, it all changes.
“What the hell are you doing?”
“Ryder!” My dad yells my name. I smirk at the fucker and swing again thinking about Xena’s head. The rain pounds on my heated skin as it seeps through my now torn shirt. Hands land on my shoulder, pulling me back a step.
“What the hell son?” My dad asks looking me up and down. My eyes stay on Dawson. Xena is in front of him, checking him for injuries which only fires me up more.
“Get the fuck away from him!” I roar stepping past my dad. Xena looks over her shoulder before turning to face me. Dawson smirks before grabbing her around the waist and pulling her back against him. His lips hover near her neck and my insides clench tighter. Her eyes are begging but for what? For me to help her? Or leave her? I can’t tell and that fact alone has my hands clenching once more as anger surges inside of me.
“You can have her but you just fucked up her little situation,” Dawson says shoving her toward me. She stumbles and begins to fall when I move in and grab her. Lifting her back to her feet, I keep my arms around her.
“You come back here, I will kill you,” I warn him. He laughs. “Try me, Dawson,” I tell him gruffly. He doesn’t know me. He doesn’t want to. I’ve killed plenty of times and as soon as I find out what happened to my brother I will kill again. He turns on his heel and climbs in his car quickly. Lightning flickers through the sky, thunder booming like a drum. The rain comes harder as I release the hold I had on Xena. She turns to look up at me but doesn’t say a word. She’s lost, confused.
“I’ll be inside,” my dad says over the storm that rages. Which storm? The one outside or the one that simmers between the two of us, I can’t be sure.
“You just fucked up everything,” she says shaking her head. Her long hair clings to her face from the rain.
“Did I?”
“You don’t know what you’re doing, Ryder! We are going to lose this house!” She cries, screams at me. Her fists slam into my chest as her frustrations get the best of her. Instead of letting this go any further, I lift her in my arms and carry her inside. I can hear her sobs; feel her hot tears as they hit my skin. I step in and everyone looks to me but I just give them a nod and walk past. Up the stairs and down the hall, I set her on her feet in her room before closing and locking the door behind me. My heart races in my c
hest, the pulse in her neck pounding. She stands in front of me, a different girl than before. She isn’t the same Xena that I loved. Her clothes cling to her body, her chest rising and falling.
“You’re soaked. You should change,” I tell her huskily. The air around us has thickened. I can feel it in my bones. She blinks rapidly, rain or maybe those are her tears clinging to her lashes. She opens her mouth to say something but she doesn’t get the chance. I reach for her, crushing my lips to hers. The sounds coming from her are more than I can handle. I strip her out of her wet clothes before shoving her on the bed. She looks up at me as I take my own clothes off. Her eyes leave mine to roam my body and a fire that has long since been snuffed out ignites full force inside of me.
“What are you doing?” She asks huskily. Shit, she’s just as turned on as I am. I climb on the bed between her parted thighs and make myself comfortable. Leaning down I kiss her again, slowly this time but that isn’t what she needs, what she wants. She wants me wild and unhinged, I can feel it. So that’s what she gets. I lean up, grab my cock and sink into her with a loud groan. It’s been six fucking years. Six! I haven’t felt this heat, this level of intensity in six long fucking years. Xena’s nails dig into my back, pulling me into her. I give it to her too. I thrust into her, listening to her moans of pleasure.
“Ryder!” She screams my name. I sit up, clasping both her thighs in my hands and spreading her wider for me. That’s when I really get to work. I pound into her, making her remember everything we had. Everything she ruined. I want to enjoy this moment but she has my head so fucked up that I don’t know if I can. The past slams into the future mixed with the here and now. I hate that I can’t separate the two. I pick up my pace, her wetness coating my cock. She feels like…home. This was us. This is who we were supposed to be for the last six years.
“Fuck, Xena. Still the tightest pussy I’ve ever been inside,” I grumble as I slowly roll my hips. I look down and watch my cock as it slides in and out of her. I don’t give two shits that I didn’t put on a condom either. I’ve never been with anyone but her without one. I’m still looking down at the way my cock fits inside of her perfectly when her hand comes into view. She slowly drags her fingers around her clit, her pussy spasming when she does.
“Oh fuck,” I hiss with each clench. “Do it. Make us both come, Xena.” She doesn’t stop either. She speeds up her motions as I keep watching. I can’t pull my eyes from the sight before me. It’s not until I feel her tense up that I look at her face. She’s in pure ecstasy right and that’s where I want her to stay. She keeps circling her clit but I start pounding into her. She screams my name, tears forming in her eyes as I fuck her senseless. My cock swells, a hot burn racing down my spine when I let go and release.
40
Xena
He’s kept me in his embrace for longer than I thought he would. I figured he would be gone after that hot round of sex. I didn’t expect it but damn was it good. Now that he has my head resting on his chest, I listen to his heartbeat beneath my ear.
“Tell me how he got involved in this shit,” he demands but his tone is soft. I sigh and trace the tattoos on his chest and stomach with my finger.
“Jack wasn’t working. He was off getting high and doing whatever it was he did. I was struggling trying to keep the bills paid and food on the table. I worked three jobs back then but it still wasn’t enough. Not finishing high school and having that diploma will do that to you. Well, that and living in this tiny ass town.”
“Where does that asshole come in?” I giggle as the words vibrate in his chest.
“I met Dawson at the bar I work at. He was nice to me. At first I thought he was a good guy but then his real motives came into play. He hung around and I was stupid enough to tell him the problems I was having. He offered to help,” I tell him truthfully.
“Then what?”
“Then he became abusive. By then he was living here. He has outside business but he was always all over Jack. I don’t know the situation between the two of them and I never asked. Jack wouldn’t have told anyway.”
“So you think that Dawson knows more than he’s sayin’?” I take a deep breath and think a second. Should I tell him what he said to me? The cause of the fight? Will he go after him too? I don’t know what difference it would make, I’m already screwed. “I can feel you tensin’ up, Xena. Say it.”
“He said something to me that pissed me off earlier. I went after him.”
“You what? What the fuck, Xena? He’s bigger than you are!” I giggle a little.
“Thanks for the pep talk, big man. Anyway, he said that Jack got himself killed.”
“I’m gonna kill that bastard,” he says harshly. I sit up and scoot back, looking down at where he lays next to me.
“Have you killed before?” He looks up at me with his eyes narrowed. He’s no doubt thinking I lost my mind but I find myself fascinated with this new Ryder.
“What difference does it make?” He says shoving himself up and moving. He grabs his wet clothes from the floor and begins to pull them on when it hits me.
“You have haven’t you?” Ryder looks over his shoulder at me before bending down to grab his shirt.
“If I said yes?” He raises an eyebrow.
“Are you going to kill whoever did this to Jack?” The look should say it all but I find myself curious as to what he’s going to say anyway. Something deep inside of me wants him to. Does that make me a sick person?”
“Jenny showed me the attic. I didn’t know he was that bad. Then again, I didn’t come around to fuckin’ find out. Did it happen often?” I lower my gaze to the blanket and pick at a loose string.
“Maybe a few times a month?” I shrug. “Those were the worst times. The last day, his last day, he was so happy. He smiled, talked about the baby,” I catch the sob that almost slipped free. The bed shifts when Ryder sits back down. I glance up and see his eyes burning into me.
“I’ve killed. I’ll kill all of them, Xena. Anyone that comes near this family, I will kill.” His eyes hold no remorse or regret for what he’s saying and I find myself nodding my head, agreeing with him.
“He missed you. We all did.”
“I don’t know what’s happenin’ here, between us. I just know that I fucked up stayin’ away from my family and I can’t do that again.”
“Does that family include…me?” My words are soft and I can’t stand it but I can’t stand looking him in the eye either. His hand comes toward me, lifting my chin so I have no other choice.
“That includes you. I just don’t know where my feelin’s are or where my heads at. I’m still pretty fucked up from what happened back then, darlin’. I need time.” Nodding my head, I reach up and wipe the tears that slowly roll down my cheeks.
“I get it. There are things that I need to tell you but I’m not sure now is the time,” I admit.
“Then hold off. Let me handle this shit first, yeah?” Nodding once more, he drops his hand and stands from the bed.
“Get dressed. We have some recon work to do,” he tells me.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, we’re goin’ on a bastard hunt. I have a few of my boys runnin’ me intel and I want to check it out myself.”
“Your boys? Like a club?”
“I don’t run with a club, I’m Nomad, sweetheart. It’s different. I’m free to roam. I don’t have to be held down in one place.” If that wasn’t a stake to the heart, I don’t know what is. He doesn’t have to stay around here after he finds those guys. He probably won’t want to anyway. Shoving off the bed, I walk to the closet and pull the door open.
“Walkin’ around naked isn’t gonna get us out of here sooner,” he says with a chuckle.
“And we all know how much of me can be seen,” I grumble.
“What is it with you? Size never mattered to you before,” he questions me.
“Maybe not but it bothers me now.”
“I don’t see why. You look fine to me
.” I huff.
“Fine? Yeah, I look fine. I used to look sexy,” I mumble as I pull some clothes on. It isn’t until I bend over to grab my shoes do I feel it. Ryder’s behind me, pressing one hand on my back to hold me in place as he grinds his cock against me.
“My cock thinks you look sexy,” he groans as he pushes harder.
“You’re a man.”
“A man that thinks you’re sexy as hell. Maybe you were too thin back then. I like you like this.”
“I was a size two back then, Ryder.”
“And?”
“And I’m a fourteen now!” I try to move but he doesn’t let me.
“I don’t give a shit if you’re a size eighty-four, I’d still fuck you senseless.” I almost laugh at that but something deep inside tells me he isn’t lying.
41
Ryder
“Are we supposed to be here?” Xena asks me as I kick my feet up on the edge of the building and wait.
“Why are you so worried?”
“Maybe because we’re trespassing?” She asks looking over at me as I yawn.
“Are you fuckin’ kiddin’ me? Of all the shit we used to get into and this bothers you?” She raises an eyebrow and giggles while she shakes her head.
“That was a long time ago.” Her voice has lowered and a sadness creeps in.
“The past is where it belongs, Xena. I don’t really wanna get lost there again,” I admit.
“I know. Me either.” The sounds of cars pulling up causes me to sit up and motion for her to be quiet. Pressing my finger to my lips, she nods her understanding and sits up next to me. I look over the edge as the cars and one van pull to a stop. Xena scoots closer to me and I can’t say that I don’t like the feeling of her being there. I never wanted to come back to this, to her but I can’t deny what I feel either. One by one we watch as men climb out of the cars. Xena gasps when that fucker Dawson climbs out. Glancing over at her, her eyes are glued to the scene in front of us. I turn back and take in as many people as I can. One I recognize from the club.
