by Erin Trejo
“Know any of them?” I whisper as her eyes keep moving.
“That’s Brad Shepard in the blue shirt. He’s Dawson’s ass buddy,” she says causing me to snort a soft laugh. I turn back and watch them shake hands.
“This is my associate. I don’t think you’ll have a problem with him,” Mitch fucking Hardy tells Dawson. I watch as the little prick shakes hands with one of the other guys.
“I don’t think so either,” Dawson adds with a smile on his face. It pisses me off and I want nothing more than to slap the fuck out of him.
“That other situation? Was it handled?” Mitch asks looking to Dawson. Xena’s hand comes up to cover her mouth. Tears sparkle in her eyes as she sits back down. I know what she’s thinking but I need to be one hundred percent sure that he’s talking about Jack before I can move in.
“Yes, sir. Everything is over and done with.” My anger creeps up on me. I can feel the shiver as it runs down my spine. I would love nothing more than to take that bastard out.
“Good. You’ll be working with Chris now as far as local distribution goes. Are you still housing it in the same place?” Dawson nods.
“Yes, sir. I’m not going to be there all the time like usual but the product is safe.” What the fuck does that mean? Questions circle my mind as listen to the rest of the conversation before they all climb back in their cars and leave. I drop back on my ass and look over at Xena.
“Do you think…what if it was all my fault?” she asks. I don’t need to ask her what she means, I already know.
“If Dawson had anything to do with it, I’ll kill him and it had nothin’ to do with you, darlin’.” She shakes her head but I can see the worry in her eyes. My heart beats a little a faster. I shove off the rooftop and offer her my hand. She takes it and I pull her up.
“Let’s get outta here. There’s somethings I need to look into.”
“Like what?”
“Do you know what he meant by storin’ the product somewhere?” I look over at her as I usher her into the old abandoned apartment complex. We walk down the stairs slowly, past a few junkies on the way. I don’t pay them any attention because if I look at them, I will think of him and I can’t do that, not right now.
“No. I mean; he has a house outside of town. He could be storing it there. I really don’t know of any other place since he was always at my house.” We step out onto the street and I take a deep breath of the night air. It’s hot, muggy and sticky out tonight.
“You need to be home soon?” I ask looking over at Xena. She shakes her head and I smile. Grabbing her hand, I lead her back to the bike, passing her a helmet. I made a point to pick one up until I get a truck. Xena straps it on as I climb on. She doesn’t hesitate to climb on behind me, hooking her arms around my waist. I smirk feeling her wrapped around me. I rev up the bike and take off heading back toward Maple Creek. One of the smallest towns in South Georgia, there isn’t much to do there. Maybe that’s why I wanted out so badly but now that I’ve seen the world, it doesn’t look so bad. We’re really close to the Florida border which is also nice. You can head down to the beaches easily but there’s a lake around here that all the locals hang out at or at least they did. Xena’s hands tighten when she sees me pull off onto the dirt road. It’s been a long time since we’ve been here. I think it was almost eight years ago. Pulling to a stop, I can hear the music as it blasts through the open air. No doubt the kids of Maple Creek and the small neighboring towns are having a party.
“What are we doing here?” She asks when I climb off.
“Swimmin’. It’s hot as hell and I need to work out some of this tension,” I tell her. She raises an eyebrow making me laugh.
“We don’t have anything to swim in, Ryder.”
I lean into her space, my lips so damn close to hers and ask, “Since when has that stopped us?”
“There are kids out here.”
“Oh come on, Xena. They’re probably eighteen anyway.” I turn on my heel and start walking toward the sound of the party. Xena races behind me, trying to keep up with my long strides. When the bon fire comes into view, I smirk at her over my shoulder. We walk closer when I spot them. Just like I thought. A bunch of teens just kicking back and enjoying life.
“Mind if we crash?” I ask looking around at them. They all turn to look at us, Xena’s hands grabbing at the back of my jeans.
“Who are you?” the tall one I assume is the ring leader asks.
“Ryder. Used to live here a while back. You might know, Xena,” I say grabbing her and dragging her up next to me. A few of the guy’s gasp, a few of the girls slink back. I pinch my brows together wondering what the hell is going on.
“Oh, I know a few of you. Twenty-one huh?” Xena asks raising an eyebrow.
“You know the kids?” I ask.
“They come into the bar with fake ID’s,” she adds. I nearly laugh because the kids look like they are about to freak the fuck out.
“We didn’t…I mean…” They have no idea what to say to her and it’s funny.
“It’s all good. We’re just tryin’ to find a beer and take a swim. We good?” I ask. The guy looks to Xena before nodding his head and moving toward the cooler. He tosses me a cold one and one for Xena before I grab her hand and drag her toward the water.
“I can’t believe those little shits had fake ID’s,” she says softly more to herself than to me. I chuckle.
“No different than we were.”
42
Xena
He makes my head spin. The scent of his leather cut, the cologne he still wears. I feel like I’m spinning around in a tornado that’s all Ryder. I don’t know how I feel about it either. I want to be pissed that he left me but I also know why he did. It was my fault after all and now I can’t help but feel responsible for Jack’s death.
“Whatever you’re thinkin’ just stop,” he says as he slides his cut down his arms. I watch as he drapes it over a log that’s close by.
“How do you know I’m thinking anything?”
“I can see it in your eyes. And you’re pickin’ the corner of your lip.” He remembers that? Why does he have to remember that I pick my lip when I’m thinking something over?
“You don’t know shit,” I tease. He winks at me before reaching over his shoulder and pulling his shirt off. My mouth drops as I take him in. He was well built back when we were together but now? Now he’s absolutely hot! His muscles are defined. Each ripple and crease draws my attention. I watch his hands drop to his jeans and I moan.
“What do you want, Xena?” My eyes jerk to his. He knows I was watching him. I can’t believe he caught me looking at him like that. My cheeks heat up as he slides his jeans down his legs, kicking them off with his boots and socks. “Come on.” Shaking my head, he shrugs and heads toward the water. I watch him wade in before he dips underneath. When he comes back up, his long blond hair sticks to his face, his smile so bright it could light up the world.
“Is the water warm?” I call out to him.
“Isn’t it always? Come on, Xena.” I stand up and start pulling my clothes off, leaving me in nothing but my bra and panties. I’m about to head toward the water when I hear it.
“Goddamn. You looked hot in your uniforms but shit.” I spin around with my mouth hanging open staring into the eyes of a kid that can’t be more than eighteen.
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me. You look fucking hot,” he says his eyes roaming over my body making me feel even more self-conscious than I did before. A bunch more kids come down toward the water, the girls laughing, the guys whistling. I’m about to grab my clothes and pull them back on when hands wrap around my waist. Ryder’s hard wet body is at my back as he carries me toward the water.
“Put me down!”
“No.”
“Ryder! Put me down,” I tell him once more although there’s a smile tugging across my face. This is the man that I’ve missed. The fun one that always knew how to make me laugh. Before I ca
n tell him again, he tosses me in the air. My body flies up before slamming into the water. The coolness hits my skin as I slip under before popping back up. I smile as I look around and see all the kids swimming too but it’s him that draws my gaze. He runs his hand through his long blond hair pushing it out of his face. It’s slicked back, his eyes burning as he looks at me.
“What else have you been doin’ all these years?” he asks as he swims closer to me. He treads the water as I do the same.
“Working mostly. I helped your dad paint his spare room,” I giggle as I remember that day.
“You did?” He asks cocking his head to the side.
“Yeah. It was fun. We talked a lot about you.”
“What about?” I slip under the water once more before popping back up finding him closer than he was.
“He misses you. He blames himself for you leaving. I told him it was my fault.”
“Xena…” He looks away before bringing that sexy gaze back to me. “It wasn’t just your fault. I made the choice to leave. I needed out. I couldn’t deal with shit and I needed to figure out who the fuck I was. It was selfish of me. I left the people I cared about the most and for what? Look what happened when I was gone. You got fucked into a mess with Dawson, my brother got messed up on drugs. I left my dad to handle it. I was a shit son, shit brother.”
“You were not. You just needed out, Ryder. No one blames you for that,” I try to reassure him. He moves closer, wrapping his arms around my waist as he pulls me into his chest. His lips linger near mine and I want nothing more than to lean in and kiss him but I don’t.
“Did you have a girlfriend after me?” His eyes dance between mine. He doesn’t need to say it; I can see it.
“She wasn’t really a girlfriend. She wanted to be but that’s not what I wanted. I couldn’t see myself bein’ with her like that even though we were together a lot.” I try to pull out of his grasp but he holds on tighter. My chest rises and falls. Jealousy is new to me. I was never jealous before but for some reason, I can feel it now. He isn’t mine, not anymore and that’s just something I have to deal with. But if he isn’t mine, what are we? What are we doing together?
“Where do you think you’re goin’?” he asks huskily.
“I need space,” I whisper.
“Why?”
“Because this is too much. It’s all too consuming, Ryder.” He stares at me not saying a word. The kids are all screaming and having a good time around us when his hands slip further down my body. Cupping my ass in his hands, my insides tighten. He makes me crazy with need just like he always did.
“Tell me you don’t want me, Xena.” His words, God those words. Why is he doing this to me?
“You said you needed to think, Ryder,” I remind him. A slow smile crosses his face.
“I am thinkin’. Now I’m askin’ you what you want,” he says with a low husky tone. My body reacts, pressing against him. He smirks and leans in brushing his lips over my neck.
“Ryder. There are things you need to know.” He sucks my flesh into his mouth causing a gasp to escape my lips. His tongue tortures me as I grind against him. This is wrong. I can’t keep doing this until he knows.
“What is it baby? Tell me,” he urges softly, his tongue still playing over my flesh.
“I didn’t have an abortion.” His lips stop moving, his body stills.
“What do you mean?” He doesn’t move, just holds me close like he doesn’t know what to do with himself or me.
“I…it was a miscarriage.”
“You lied to me. Why the hell would you lie about that?” He pulls back, dropping his grip. I swim sideways until my feet can touch the bottom. He follows but the anger in his gaze unnerves me. I shouldn’t have done this.
“I knew you wanted kids,” I say as tears fall down my cheeks.
“Yeah so you fuckin’ lie?” He growls. A few people glance over but for the most part, they move away from us. I shake my head and start toward the shore. I need away from him. I can’t do this. As much as I thought I could handle telling him the truth, I can’t. I climb out and grab my shorts, pulling them on quickly when he grabs me, spinning me to face him.
“Why the hell did you tell me you had an abortion?” He roars. Wrapping my arms around myself, I stare up at the man that I’ve always loved. The man that I couldn’t keep.
“Because it was my fault that I had a miscarriage! Because it had to have been something I did! I couldn’t give you the baby that you wanted. I’m a fuck up, Ryder. I couldn’t handle seeing you look at me like I was the worst person in the world.”
“But that’s exactly how I looked at you, Xena! I thought you killed a piece of me, a piece of us! What the fuck were you thinkin’? Why didn’t you just tell me the truth?”
“I couldn’t! I knew you wanted kids, Ryder. I knew I couldn’t give you that.”
“A fuckin’ miscarriage isn’t your fault! Did they tell you you couldn’t have more kids?” He asks keeping his eyes trained on me. I shake my head slowly. He huffs and walks past me, grabbing his clothes.
43
Ryder
Her admission was one I didn’t see coming. It was a punch to the chest. She lied to me. All those fucking years of hating her for something that wasn’t even her fault. I’m angry. No, I’m beyond that. Blame lies heavy in my heart although in my head I know it shouldn’t be there. That doesn’t stop me from feeling it though. It’s there sitting on my chest like a fucking lead weight.
“You okay?” my dad asks. I lift my head from where it rests in my hands and look at him shaking my head.
“Xena dropped a fuckin’ bomb on me, Pop. I don’t know what to think anymore.”
He nods his head and moves inside to the kitchen coming back with two beers. He passes me one before sitting in the chair next to me on the front porch of my childhood home.
“Women will be the death of us men. Something about them that we can’t live without but they sure as hell give us hell when we’re with them.” I smirk at his choice of words.
“Mom used to give you hell?” I ask glancing over at him as he nods.
“Oh, the worst kind of hell. Your mom was a good woman. She had a heart of gold but the temper straight from the devil. She used to catch me glancing around at a restaurant and assume I was looking for someone new. She blew up on me more times than I can count but when we’d get home, I’d kiss her and remind her why she loved me.”
“She told me she had a miscarriage,” I tell him. His eyebrows shoot up. Shock evident on his face just like it was on mine.
“That changes things, doesn’t it?” He asks leaning back in his chair and taking a drink of his beer.
“I left because she said she had an abortion, Pop. I left because I thought she took away the one thing I’d always wanted. I’m pissed at her.”
“Are you pissed at her or yourself, son?” What the fuck? I know he isn’t taking her side on this. He should be just as pissed as me. He is my dad after all.
“The fuck does that mean?” He chuckles.
“We all make choices. You chose to leave. Is that really her fault? You didn’t stick around because you wanted more. I get it, I do but blaming her isn’t going to make this any easier.” The silence after that statement lingers between us. I think it over. My dad is always right; I know he is but that does little to ease the ache in my chest. I left my family behind. I left it all because I thought she had stolen something from me. My brother lost his life because I was a selfish bastard and now that’s something I have to live with the rest of my life. Regret is a hard pill to swallow and when this is over, I’m not sure if I can deal with it.
“Everything’s so fucked up,” I grumble as I drag my hand through my hair.
“It is but that’s why they call it life, Ryder. Your brother would have been proud of you though.”
“For what? Leavin’ him when he needed me the most?” Apparently that set him off. My dad stands, grabbing the beer from my hand and throwing
it to the ground. It shatters on impact before he has his hands wrapped up in the front of my shirt, jerking me from the chair.
“You listen to me and you listen good, Ryder. Jack loved you. He knew as much as I did that this little town was never enough for you! You needed more and we watched you go for it! He’d roll over in his grave if he heard you talking like this! His problems were not yours,” he hisses the last of his words before shoving me back and walking back inside. I take a deep breath and try to settle the rapid beat of my heart. I know I should go talk to him but what good will it do me right now? Running my hand down my face I walk off the porch and head down the road. I didn’t ride over here today. I needed a break and to clear my head. I needed to refocus but that all went to shit. A few cars drive past as I make my way back to Xena’s when my cell rings.
“Yeah?” I ask when I pull it out and answer.
“That’s how you answer your phone now? Fuckin’ prick,” Ryker mumbles into the line. I laugh. Ryker is a member of the Fallen Angels Mc. He’s also a good friend of mine back from his Nomad days.
“You fuckin’ love it,” I respond, a smile curling my lips.
“Yeah, you’re goddamn lucky too. I got some intel for you. Thought about sendin’ it in a text but there was one thing that was botherin’ me about it.” That’s never good when he says that. I’ve known Ryker for a long time and if he’s calling, it’s something.
“What is it?”
“Jack was a mule. Accordin’ to this shit, he was the one runnin’ a bunch of the product around the good states of Georgia and Florida. Not sure how he got involved in it all but that’s where this is poitnin’. The upstate guys you had me run, Hardy? That piece of shit won’t touch a thing with his own hands. He shoves it off on his men.”
“Keeps himself clean,” I mumble.
