by Erin Trejo
“One last stop and we’re free, baby girl,” I whisper as I run my hand over my stomach.
101
Lynx
Two shots. That’s all it will take. Turning the gun on a man that I used to call my brother tears at my heart. I swallow the frustration that eats away at my insides. I hate to do this; I hate that it’s come to this. I hate that he caused this, my dad.
“What the hell, Lynx?” Jonny asks when he looks up at me.
“On your knees,” I tell him. His eyes widen but he slowly drops to his knees in front of me.
“This about your girl? I wasn’t gonna touch her, man,” he pleads.
“Touch her? No one is gonna touch her!” I roar and he jolts.
“I was only doin’ what I was told to do! I didn’t want any part of this shit!”
“And the takeover?” His expression changes when the words leave my mouth. Bastard.
“Fuck you, Lynx! You were out! That takeover was the best thing that could happen around that fucked-up club!”
I pull the trigger, watching his body fall to the ground. The puddle of blood slowly webs out around him. I hated that this had to happen, but that motherfucker forced us into this position. Time to clean up.
“Not the best idea,” I mumble turning to Gunz.
“You wanna cry your way outta the inevitable, too?” Vic asks him coming to stand next to me. Gunz shakes his head and lowers himself to his knees in front of us. He places his hands behind his back, holding his head high.
“It’s nothin’ personal, Gunz. Choosin’ between you and my girl, it’s an easy one,” I tell him. He opens his eyes and smirks at me.
“I get it, Lynx. No hard feelin’s brother. She’s yours, do what you have to do to make sure she’s safe. I would shoot you in a heartbeat to keep my woman safe.”
His words filter through my veins as I raise the gun to his head. Each one of my kills flashes before my eyes in this moment. Each life I’ve taken. Then it’s her. Her face. Her smile. Her. It’s always her. The bruises she used to wear on her perfect skin. The scars that she now has because of that asshole of a foster dad. The scars on her heart that no one can see. Everything in my life has revolved around her. Everything that I am and strive to be is because of her. I want better for her. I want to be what she needs. I want to be a good father to our child. I want more out of my life than just killing and being ruthless. I want to love Harper the way no one else has. I want to be her everything, and when she cries, when she’s hurt, when she needs someone, I want her to run to me.
Pulling the trigger has never been easier in my life. All the visions, all the feelings that are running through me just solidify the fact that I had to do this. I had to make sure that our future is secure.
“You okay?” Vic’s voice pulls me back to the here and now. I nod and slide my gun into the back of my jeans.
“I’m better than good. Let’s finish this shit so I can get my girl,” I tell him slapping a hand on his shoulder. We head out to the bikes and climb on, heading back to the clubhouse. My dad should be on his way back, and as soon as he gets there, I’ll handle him too. Once we get back and pull in, I climb off my bike with Vic close behind.
“You think about who you want as VP?” I ask when I glance over at him.
“Not really. I would’ve said you but you won’t stay,” he laughs. I shake my head and pull out a cigarette and light up.
“No fuckin’ way. My girl is happy where she is. She has a good place, good people. I wanna make that work with her.”
“Are you all the way out?”
I shrug. I hadn’t thought that far ahead. I mean, I have thought about it but that’s the extent of it. I haven’t made any decisions because I wanted to talk to Harper first. I just need this shit to be over so that I can get back to her.
“Somethin’ to think about, yeah? I just want a real life with her this time, brother. We’ve lost so much already,” I admit, blowing out a ring of smoke.
“Heard that.” We both stand in silence when I see a car pulling in. Vic and I share a glance only to realize whose car it is.
“Fuck!” I growl under my breath.
“That’s her? Shit, Lynx. Get her outta here,” Vic says, nudging me toward the car. She pulls to a stop and so does my heart.
“Fuck!”
“Hey! What the fuck? Strike is here, brother!” Grind hollers as he walks out of the clubhouse. I look at him and then back to Harper as she climbs out of the car. My heart beats rapidly in my chest as everything happens in slow motion.
“I need you to sign this,” Harper says, holding out a packet to me.
I take it in my hands and look to Vic. He’s on edge and I understand why. He overheard my dad saying that the way to keep me was taking out Harper. That way I’d not have any reason not to come back. My heart jumps into my throat.
“You need to leave, Harper.”
“I need you to sign those papers first, Lynx.” She crosses her arms over her chest and my eyes fall to her stomach. Instinctively I reach out and place my hand over the bump that holds my child. When I feel it move, my eyes jump back to Harper’s. Tears fill her eyes and my heart begins to race.
“I can’t do this right now,” I say, pulling my hand back. “You need to go.”
“I’m not leaving until you sign those papers! I drove a long way here, damn it, Lynx! Don’t do this to me! I just need the closure,” she cries.
What the hell is she even talking about? Closure of what? I don’t have time to think about any of it when the club doors fly open. I storm toward them, tossing the paper as I go.
“What are you doin’?” I snap as soon as my dad steps in front of me.
“Comin’ to say hi,” he says with an evil snarl. I shake my head as he walks past me. I turn and lock eyes with Vic. He gives me a small nod letting me know that we’re ready, but Harper is still here and I don’t want her around any of this.
“My grandchild?” he asks her when he’s close enough to her. My heart races, my stomach churns. I walk over and stand next to them.
“It’s not mine,” I tell him. Harper’s eyes fill with tears. My heart slices in half. I hate hearing myself say that.
“Lynx, it-”
“Isn’t mine! Now get the fuck outta here, Harper!” I roar, doing whatever I can to get her out of this situation.
She opens her mouth but she doesn’t say anything. I let out a breath when she turns to leave only to hold it again when my dad grabs her arm. One of his hands goes to his gun, the other holding onto her. He spins her around, pinning her to his chest, the other bringing the gun to her stomach. I could be the devil himself right now. The fire that courses through my veins is burning me from the inside out.
“You better watch what the fuck you do with that thing,” I warn him, nodding toward the gun. Harper’s face pales.
“Why? You said it isn’t yours. What do you care?” He’s taunting me. That bastard wants to play games right now.
“Let her go. She doesn’t have shit to do with this!”
“Oh, but she does. If it wasn’t for her I wouldn’t have lost you to begin with!” he roars.
“You never had me.”
“You’re right. That traitor did!” He moves the gun to aim at Vic and I take that as my sign to move.
I pull my gun at the same time he fires. I pull the trigger and he falls to the ground howling in pain but I move quickly. Kicking the gun away from him, I grab Harper as her body falls limp into my arms.
“I got you, baby,” I whisper. Her soft cries nearly kill me, but I have to pass her off to Grind for the time being. The other guys are either over near whoever my dad shot or at my side. I walk over to where he’s writhing on the ground and stand over him. Aiming the gun at his head, he smirks.
“Still choosin’ that little bitch over me? Over family?” he screams, spit flying from his lips.
“You were never my family. You never wanted me to live, you always tore me down.” Pulling
the trigger, I feel a sense of relief. I don’t move, staring into the lifeless eyes of a man who was supposed to raise me to be a strong person. Instead, he tore me apart and made me something he wanted.
“Lynx!” Grind yells, pulling my attention. I pass the gun off to Rim and turn to look at Grind.
“No. Fuck!” I run toward them, drop to my knees, placing my hand over the wound in Vic’s chest.
“Don’t fuckin’ do this, Vic! Goddamn it, man! You can’t leave me now, brother!”
“Lynx?” Harper’s soft voice pulls me to her. I look down at her face and my heart nearly stops beating.
“Harper, baby? Harper, what’s wrong?”
She’s so fucking pale. Her lips are turning blue. My mind is spinning.
“Harper!” I scream louder as she slowly fades in my arms.
102
Lynx
Hospitals are eerie for a lot of reasons. You know people die here but there is also life being brought into the world too. For me, it’s sort of a reminder of both. Vic’s gone. I knew it before they told me. Harper was rushed off to surgery and I’m left standing here at a crossroads. Harper’s donor heart failed. When I asked the doctor about it he said it was from the pregnancy and all the stress she’d been under. That part is my fault too. I will blame myself for that as well.
My life hasn’t always meant much to me. I was always a take it or leave it kind of guy. I’d never had much hope for a future of happiness or living as long as I have either. When you grow up in the MC lifestyle and with a dad like mine, you kind of expect death to be knocking on your door. You expect it open it and find the grim reaper waiting for you with open arms. I’m blessed that I haven’t had that happen to me yet, but at the same time, I know it’s inevitable.
I smile at my baby girl through the glass of the nursery. She’s a little early but the doctor said she’s strong, just like her mom. She has the cutest little cheeks that you would want to squeeze but that fire red hair is what makes her all Harper. It amazes me that I made something so perfect. How two people could create a life that will go on do great things. I have high hopes for my daughter.
I press a kiss to my fingers and hold it to the glass before turning and heading down the hallway. I know the way to her room. I’ve been walking it for days now waiting on the test results. The doctor thought I was insane but with enough cash you can get them to do anything you want. Money talks to some. When I walk in her room, I smile. She looks like an angel with her pale skin. Her red hair is such a contrast to all the white in the room. It’s almost laughable. I walk over and lean down, pressing a kiss to her lips.
“You were always mine. Even when I hated you more than I loved you, you changed all that. I realized that I never really hated you, Harper. I hated me. I hated who I was. I hated what I did. I blamed you when the truth was it was always me. I should have saved you sooner. I should have kept you safe and I failed at that. I saw our daughter. She’s so fuckin’ beautiful, Harper. She has your hair,” I chuckle. “You are perfect. I just want you to know that I love you more than anything else in this world. You and her are my life, but if you aren’t here then what’s the point of it all? I’ll make it right, Harper. For her. She deserves to have you in her life, Harper. I couldn’t handle it if she didn’t. I love you, baby and when the times right, run to me.” Pressing a kiss to her lips once more, I walk out of the room. I head down the hallway and stop in front of the nurse’s desk. They all look at me funny as I smile and pull the gun from the back of my jeans.
“Tell her I love her and you better not fuck this up,” I tell them before aiming it at my head.
103
Harper
Lydia smiles. That’s about all she does. She’s not big on crying either. Just when she’s hungry. She’s all dressed up for our day out.
“She looks so cute in that dress,” Josie squeals. I smile over at her and nod.
“If she’d stop chewing the bow it would be great,” I say as I yet again pull the little bow from her mouth. Lydia smiles and coos up at me. She’s beautiful. I never thought something could be so beautiful. She was born with a headful of red hair like mine, but over the last five months, her looks have changed. She looks so much like Lynx. From her little eyes down to her ears. She is a mini version of him.
“I can’t get over that hair,” Josie says running her hands over her little head.
“I know. It’s so bright.”
“She’s too cute. How are you feeling?” she asks and my heart sinks. I reach up instinctively and run my fingers over the scar. My first heart surgery I don’t even remember but this one… I wish I never had to have it. The life that was lost… for me. Tears spring to my eyes as I think about it. Giving someone an organ is the greatest gift in the world, but his heart? Once I found out, I cried. I cried for hours because I didn’t want it. I still don’t but I can’t complain much because I’m here and alive and with my daughter. I take a deep breath and clear the fog that surrounds me.
“I’m good. I feel strong, which is always good. The doctor said everything looks really good,” I tell her with a small smile.
“He would have wanted it this way, Harper.”
“I know, it’s just hard to accept it. My life isn’t what I thought it would be, Josie. There is so much that happened and I feel so torn. I’m just glad that Lydia is okay and that I have you guys.”
“You about ready?” Stan asks, walking toward us. I look to Josie and she nods happily.
“Yeah, we are.” I load Lydia into her car seat and into the car. Stan and Josie remain silent on the drive to the bar. Chip has worked his ass off on finishing it in time for the big party. After Josie had some big time singers come in, the bar attracted a lot more attention. The expansion was the best part of all. That space is going to come in handy now. We haven’t seen it yet but we’re told the finishing touches are done and ready to be seen by the world. I couldn’t wait to see what it looked it.
“You don’t think he did something dumb like hang up disco balls or something, do you?” I tease from my spot in the back seat.
“Goddamn you, Harper! What if he did? Shit. You got me nervous!” Josie squeals as I laugh. I can’t help it. I love getting this girl riled up.
We pull up behind the bar and park. We all climb out as I grab Lydia and follow behind them. Josie looks nervous as hell and I find it a tad funny. Stan pulls the door open and ushers us all in. The room is dimly lit, but when we step inside, all the lights flip on. I gasp and look around. I can’t believe what I’m seeing. There room is decorated as if there might be a wedding or something here. Flower petals line the floors and as I follow with my eyes to where they stop, I gasp. Tears spring to my eyes when Josie takes Lydia from my arms. Tears keep falling as I cover my mouth with my hand. He walks toward me slowly, my heart beating quickly in my chest. When he offers me his hand, I take it. We walk to the front with Josie and Stan right behind us.
“What is this?” I ask through the tears.
“This is a real marriage.” I hiccup a laugh when he lets my hand go. Leaning down, he presses a kiss to the scar on my chest.
“Without you, I wouldn’t be here. Without you, she wouldn’t be here. There will never be enough thanks in the world for you. You made a dream come true for the both of us and that truly means the world to me,” he whispers. I cry harder. This man is killing me here. When he pulls back, I nearly sob looking into his eyes. He grabs my hands and holds them tightly.
“I watched you lie there, lifeless. I knew that I had to do somtehin’. I couldn’t let you go, but I knew that little girl needed you more. My life was nothin’ without you in it. It never will be. If one of us were to live, it had to be you. Someone stopped me, though,” he says as my eyes find Grind, giving him a huge smile before looking back up. “He made me realize that I needed to be here. I needed you. I needed her. I never want to live without either of you, Harper. I love you more than my own life. Will you marry me?”
“We’re
already married,” I giggle.
“The right way. Marry me the right way, baby. You already know I’d give my life for yours.”
“I love you, Lynx. I will always love you. Yes,” I say. Lynx leans in and kisses me softly.
“I love you so much if fuckin’ hurts.”
“Your best friend gave me his heart, Lynx. Vic will always be with us now and I can’t think of a better way to honor him than marrying you again.” What Lynx didn’t know is that I was on the waiting list for a new heart for a long time. I couldn’t bring myself to tell him or anyone that. It was my secret to hold on to and I did. People wait a long time for transplants, and if one doesn’t come, well, you know the outcome. The doctor said it was a one in a million miracle that Vic was a match for me. Some would say it was luck, I say it was love.
“Fuck, Harper,” he rasps, kissing me harder. When he pulls me into a hug, I sigh in happiness.
“I’ll always run to you, Lynx.”
THE END
Afterword
Stay in the loop!
