In Dreams Forgotten

by Tracie Peterson

  “So did I.” She glanced toward the church. “Did you have any sick to contend with?” As both a doctor and the pastor’s son, Micah visited the weekly luncheon to offer free medical services whenever he was able to do so.

  “Nothing too dire. A couple of expectant mothers and one case of rheumatism.” Micah smiled. “And how are things going out here?”

  “Just fine. The children are always such a pleasure to be with.”

  “Did Kenzie not come with you today?” He glanced around. “I didn’t see her inside.”

  “No, her cousin needed her help with some extra work over the lunch hour. He was none too happy about me leaving either, but I assured him I would race back to work as soon as possible.”

  “I’d be happy to drive you back. My father was just praying with the women, and I’m sure they’ll be by shortly to collect their little ones.”

  As if by unspoken agreement, the women began to exit the church and call to their children. Judith received several hugs before the rambunctious gang raced off to join their mothers.

  “I suppose that was much too timely to be anything but God’s planning so that I wouldn’t have to walk or run back downtown.” Judith smiled at Micah. “Yes, I would be most grateful for a ride.”

  “Wonderful. Come along, and we can discuss what you’ll be doing the rest of the day.”

  “Or we could talk about Kenzie.” She nearly giggled at his look of surprise. “I know how you feel about her.”

  “I feel abused by her most of the time,” Micah said, opening the car door with a smirk. “She is just as fiery as that red hair of hers.”

  Judith said nothing until they started down the road. “She has been hurt quite deeply, you know.”

  “Yes. Stood up at the altar.”

  “Exactly. She has sworn to never love another.”

  “That’s foolish. She’s young and beautiful and has so much to offer.”

  Judith could hear the longing in his voice. “Yes, but you’re a doctor, and you know that deep wounds take time to heal. Give her time, Micah.”

  He glanced at her and smiled. “I don’t have any other choice—do I?”

  She smiled. “No, not if you want to win her over.”

  He dropped Judith off at the factory door minutes later. “I appreciate the advice and will do my best to remain patient. However, as is often said, doctors make bad patients.”

  Judith had no chance to reply, as he maneuvered the car back into traffic and was gone. He was such a nice man, and Kenzie could do much worse than to accept his attention.

  The scent of chocolate welcomed Judith as she entered the factory. She put aside her hat and outer coat, then donned her work apron and set to filling boxes with candy. It wasn’t at all a difficult job. The most strenuous thing was sometimes having to fetch the crates of boxes or trays of chocolates when the delivery boys were too busy. Judith found sitting at the table arranging candies gave her plenty of time to think. Maybe too much.

  Usually she dwelled on dreams of the past—her dreams and those of her parents. When she was young, they had always talked about the large place they’d have one day. Her father wanted to run five thousand head of Angus beef, as well as raise a few fine riding horses. Judith’s mother talked from time to time about how wonderful it would be to have servants who could cook and clean so that she could enjoy riding those fine horses. Sadly, none of their dreams ever came to pass.

  Judith’s dreams had always been of having brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles, cousins and grandparents. She often daydreamed about large family gatherings—especially at Christmastime.

  “Miss Gladstone, I need you to fill a rush order for one of our best customers,” George Lake said, startling her out of her thoughts.

  “Of course. Which arrangement?”

  “The assorted creams—no nuts.” He looked at the paper in his hand. “I need twenty made up immediately. I’ll send Kenzie to attach the ribbons.”

  “I’ll have them done before you know it.” Judith gave the short man her best smile. George Lake was always so serious and anxious. She wished he could find some peace, but he always feared saboteurs were lurking around every corner. It seemed the chocolate industry in San Francisco was full of espionage and rivalry.

  By five o’clock, the boxes were filled, trimmed, and waiting for delivery. Kenzie had said very little. She had been rather distant, in fact, and Judith couldn’t help but wonder what was bothering her. Even Judith’s attempts at small talk on the cable car home went unanswered. Kenzie excused it as nothing more than being tired, but Judith wondered if she were pining for her lost love. She sank into these moods at times, and there was nothing to do but wait for her to come out of them again.

  Once they returned home for the evening, Judith was determined to mention Micah and his kindness in driving her back to work. If she spoke well of the young doctor, maybe Kenzie would start to think of him in a different light.

  But then she saw Caleb dressed for an evening out, and all other thoughts left her head. She hated that he’d no doubt spend his time in the company of some beautiful woman. Probably that Florence Brighton. Her beauty was renowned. Even Camri had talked about how her black hair and green eyes gave her an exotic look that drew attention from men and women alike.

  No one would ever speak of Judith in such a manner. Blond hair and blue eyes could hardly be considered exotic.

  “Patrick and I will be gone for a while this evening,” Camri told Judith as they crossed paths in the upstairs hall. “Don’t worry about us if we’re late. He’s promised to take me to see the warehouse property Kenzie’s cousin told us about.”

  “I hope it’s suitable.”

  “Patrick and Pastor Fisher tell me it looks very promising. I’m excited to see it. Caleb is going with Patrick and the pastor tomorrow, and if we all agree on it, then Caleb will purchase it. It’s all so exciting.” Camri hurried toward the stairs. “I’ll see you later.”

  Judith nodded. It would be a quiet evening with just herself and Kenzie to fill the hours.

  She no sooner thought this than Kenzie came rushing out of her bedroom, coat and hat in hand.

  “Where are you headed in such a rush?” Judith asked.

  Kenzie didn’t even pause to answer. “I promised Cousin George I’d accompany him to an organ recital. I told you on the way home from work, remember? We’re going to get some supper out first.” She flew down the stairs, not even waiting for Judith’s response.

  Frowning, Judith shook her head. Kenzie had said nothing of a recital. She’d not said much of anything.

  She sighed. Once again, she was to face the evening alone. It seemed to happen more and more often. And there would be no chance to talk to Caleb and see if he had learned anything about her aunt.

  Judith felt a wave of self-pity settle over her. “Well, there’s nothing to be done about it. I’ll just change my clothes and settle in to have a nice quiet time to myself. It’s not like I don’t know how to do that.”

  She quickly slipped into a worn gingham blouse and brown wool skirt. Both were articles she’d brought with her from Colorado, and both had been her best clothes prior to purchasing new ones for herself in San Francisco. She had to admit she loved her newer things. She had two plain navy blue skirts and two equally simple white blouses for work. Added to this was a bevy of undergarments and two fashionable dresses. One, the plaid she’d purchased with her Christmas bonus, and the second was a more formal gown handed down to her from Camri. The latter was something she’d only worn a few times but cherished just the same. She’d never had anything so lovely. The blue of the silk material complemented her eyes, and the lace trim made her feel delicate and pretty. Completely different than her life on the ranch.

  In truth, everything about living here made her feel different than she had as a child. Growing up, there had never been quite enough of anything, and the lack of necessities wore down her parents’ spirits like a bad tooth.

  Jud
ith made her way downstairs, noting the beauty of the house. Her mother had lived with so little, and yet if their presumptions were correct, her family had money. At least enough that her mother knew it hadn’t been very important that she’d taken some of it.

  “You like to eat supper now?” Mrs. Wong asked, appearing at the bottom of the stairs.

  Judith nodded. “I suppose so. It’s just going to be me, so you needn’t make a fuss.”

  Mrs. Wong offered her a sympathetic smile. “You like to have supper in front room with fire?”

  She thought about it a moment. “Yes, that sounds very nice.”

  The housekeeper smiled and bobbed her head. Judith gave it no more thought. She wasn’t all that hungry anyway.

  She made her way to the piano and sat down to play out her misery. Without benefit of written music, she pulled from memory a repertoire of songs. The rich tones of the well-made piano filled the air and took away some of her sadness. By the time Mrs. Wong returned with a tray, Judith was feeling marginally better. Perhaps it wasn’t so bad to have the evening to herself. There was the piano and books to be read and no one to bother her.

  She squared her shoulders and made her way to where Mrs. Wong had set up her meal on a small table. “I am just fine by myself, and if I never find any family . . . I’ll be fine then too.”

  She sat down and bowed her head. At least she now understood who God was and that He loved her. Coming to know God had filled most of the emptiness inside her.

  “Thank you, Lord, for this food and for Your love. I don’t mean to think lightly of all You’ve done to bring me to this place, nor of the friends You’ve given me. I am thankful. But . . . if You wouldn’t mind . . . I would very much like to find my aunt.”

  She paused for a moment, thinking of Caleb and how much she cared for him. Might she pray that he could return her feelings? No, it was probably best to leave it unsaid. She’d already asked for help with her aunt. She didn’t know if there was a limit to what one could pray for, but she didn’t want to risk things by asking for more. At least if she could find her aunt, then she could leave this house and perhaps forget about Caleb Coulter, as he so easily seemed to forget about her.

  CHAPTER

  5

  Judith startled at the sound of the front door slamming shut. She’d been reading in the front room and had dozed off. A quick glance at the clock revealed it was only eight-thirty. Sitting up straight, she couldn’t help but wonder who had come home and why they were in such a rage. She started to get up but heard Mrs. Wong in the hall.

  “Mr. Caleb, you back early.”

  “Yes, well, there seemed to be no reason not to come home.”

  “I take your hat and coat.”

  “Thank you. I won’t need anything else. Please take the rest of the night for yourself and your family.” His tone was curt—clipped. Completely unlike him.

  Judith saw him storm off down the hall. Something had definitely put him in a foul mood. She’d never seen him like this before. What could have happened?

  For several long moments, she did nothing but ponder the matter. She knew he was going out with friends—including Miss Brighton. Perhaps Miss Brighton had been rude or even insulting. One could hope.

  Judith chided herself. “That isn’t kind. I must have a better spirit about such matters.” Still, if Florence was the cause of Caleb’s anger, then perhaps he would no longer have any interest in her, and that could be an answer to prayer. Was it all right to hope Miss Brighton had been ill-behaved?

  She walked to the piano, still thinking. Prayer and looking to God for answers was so new to her. So too was dealing with a man she loved. How could she offer him help? She knew Caleb enjoyed music. Perhaps if she played that nocturne he loved so much, he would calm down and be at peace again.

  Sitting down to the keys, Judith drew in a deep breath and began to play. She let the music speak her feelings, hoping—wishing—Caleb might understand her heart.

  It wasn’t long till he appeared in the doorway. He leaned against the wall for a moment, a hint of a smile on his lips. Judith pretended not to notice him. Instead she focused on the music and prayed God would heal whatever hurt he had experienced that night.

  Make him happy, Lord, but don’t let him love Florence Brighton.

  When the final notes of the Chopin nocturne faded, Judith looked up and smiled. She didn’t say anything, knowing that words would probably do nothing to help.

  “Your music is like a salve to my wounded spirit. Thank you.” Caleb came to stand by the piano.

  “You’re welcome.” She began to play again, this time choosing Handel.

  “I know that melody, but I can’t place it.”

  “It’s Handel’s ‘Largo’ from the opera Serse.”

  “Ah, yes. I remember now.”

  “Mother told me it was an abysmal failure when Handel first played it for the public. Can you imagine? Such sweet, somber music, a failure? I’ve always felt there was something of the very heart and soul of Handel in this song.”

  “Perhaps whoever called it a failure lacked any real depth of soul,” Caleb countered. “And maybe knew nothing of the heart.”

  She smiled. “My thoughts exactly.”

  He drew a deep breath and let it go. “It would seem there are a great many such people in San Francisco.”

  She continued to play. “Why do you say that?”

  “Because I was with a group of them tonight.” He crossed the room to his favorite chair and sat.

  Judith finished the piece and then quietly closed the lid of the piano to cover the keys. She got to her feet and, without waiting for an invitation, joined Caleb near the fire. “I’m a good listener if you’d like to talk.”

  He looked at her with such depth of emotion that Judith wondered if she’d made a mistake. How could she possibly maintain a façade of calm and ease if he continued to look at her like that?

  “So many of the people I once considered friends have no interest in spiritual matters,” he said. “One of them asked me tonight to share about when I was shanghaied. I did so, telling them how God encouraged me to share the Bible with my fellow prisoners. They scoffed at this, telling me I would have been better off planning an attack. They spoke of how they would have mutinied and taken over the ship.

  “I continued, trying my best to explain the depth of feeling I had for God and how I wanted to share that with others. I told them that I intended to go into some sort of ministry work, and they laughed.”

  Judith could well imagine. “They don’t understand. They’ve probably never had cause to believe they need God.”

  “Well, I know from experience that such a time will come into the life of each man . . . and woman.” He fell silent.

  Perhaps Florence Brighton was one of the people who had scoffed. The way Caleb had said the word woman, it seemed this might be at the crux of his misery.

  “Did Miss Brighton feel the same as the others?” Judith asked quietly.

  “Florence?” he said, sarcasm dripping in his tone. “She started the entire conversation about the foolishness of believing in an unseen force—a divine deity. She said she’d received better advice from a fortune-teller than any minister who’d ever droned on from the Bible. It saddened me to the heart.”

  “I’m sorry. I know you must care very much about her.” Judith tried not to let her feelings show. “Perhaps she was simply out of sorts.”

  He looked at her and shook his head. “No. Florence has made clear her lack of spiritual interest. She has declared herself to be an atheist—a person who doesn’t believe in the existence of God.”

  “But why?”

  Caleb shrugged. “Who can say? I truly thought I could change her mind.”

  “I admit that I don’t know much about God. I’ve only just come to understand His love for me. No, that’s not quite right. I still don’t understand that, but I have come to believe it is there.” She smiled. “But I do remember Pastor Fisher sa
ying that only God could change a heart.”

  Caleb considered her words for a moment and then nodded. “Of course, you’re right. I suppose I thought that I had some great abiding wisdom that could reach her in her unbelief. It was truly humbling to be laughed at for my faith.”

  “I would imagine so.” Judith didn’t know what else to say. She felt sorry for Caleb. He was such a kind man with a loving nature unlike any she’d ever known.

  “They see no value in my helping others to know God. They find it boring and completely lacking in purpose for their lives. They can’t understand that in helping their fellow man, they help themselves.”

  “Perhaps they truly have never been shown the way.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Just that I know how that is. When I was young, I never knew people like you or Pastor Fisher. My parents were not religious people. They were kind and good to most everyone they met, but they didn’t attend church or even read the Bible.

  “I was taught right from wrong, but I never knew what that right and wrong was based on. I presumed that good was when a person felt best and benefitted others most, while wrong left a person troubled and guilt-ridden. For instance, I knew it was wrong to steal, not because the Bible said so, but because it hurt other people.”

  His expression showed genuine interest. “And nothing was ever said about God being displeased or that we needed Him in order to overcome sin?”

  She shook her head. “Nothing was ever said about sin. I’m not sure I ever even heard the word before my father died. The closest thing to a sermon I’d ever heard preached before coming here was the funeral services for my father and mother. Even so, my first real understanding of sin came from Camri.”

  “Well, I’ll be. I had no idea a person could be without knowledge of sin. Even my friends understand the meaning of sin.”

  “But understanding what a word means is hardly the same as understanding the effects of it on one’s life.”

  He looked at her oddly, his eyes narrowing ever so slightly. “You are quite wise, Judith. For all your isolated upbringing, you understand things that elude me.”