Lucky Number Four

by Amanda Jason

  I know it’s not me, so it’s got to be the fabulous four hotties on my heels. I feel sudden disgust for my female sisters. These men are just flesh and bones—okay, so fever-inspired hotness—but still, only guys with penises.

  There I go with that word again. I’m going crazy. I’ve never been sex-crazed, but all of a sudden I’m thinking about penises. I need to find a nice guy and have nice sex. A guy my mom will approve of.

  Quit it, Dora, just run.

  Sex is overrated, even if it’s with a hottie. Of course, I don’t know for sure, but one of my mom’s favorite sayings is: “It’s all fluff with no substance.” That’s what Colin is. He has to be. I can’t waste time pining after a dream.

  Without any other thought, I pick up my speed, running so that the people I pass are just blurs.

  I see a fountain up ahead. The water has been drained in preparation for the winter weather that will soon pounce on us. I make my way around it and travel back, following my steps back home. My breathing is steady. It amazes me that I’m still in such good shape after a few months of inactivity. The boys are just ahead, not wheezing or trying to catch their breath, as I’d evilly hoped. They’re jogging as if they could go all day.

  They smile at me and make a U-turn, ending up behind me again. I realize I’m giving them a view of my rear end. I haven’t looked at it in forever. I hope it hasn’t sagged since that time so long ago. Maybe I should get behind them. No, I’m not going to drool over perfection. Let them look. I don’t care if it’s as wide as a bus. At least I have one, not like those skinny anorexics they hang out with.

  All I wanted was a nice jog in the park with Jeff. Is that too much to ask for? Yes, I guess it is. I bet everyone is wondering why four tall, amazingly attractive guys are following a short-legged, average-looking girl with fiery red curls. I don’t blame them. I would be wondering the same thing.

  I reach the building and quickly enter, waving at Brad. Thankfully, the elevator is open and I run in and press the button, giggling as I see the four fighting to get through the front door all at once.

  Bath or shower? Such a dilemma, but I guess a shower will have to do because once I get into a bath, I won’t want to leave. I spy Jeff’s toiletry bag sitting on the counter and grab his shampoo. It’s my fave, but it’s not in the budget. Letting me have some is the least he can do since he sided with the others this morning.

  “It’s about time. I was going to call the Coast Guard to come and rescue you.” Jeff is lying on my bed still wearing his sweaty exercise clothes when I exit the bathroom.

  “Don’t speak to me, you traitor,” I hiss. I throw my dirty clothes at him and enter my closet wearing only a towel.

  “Hey, I like your roommates. What’s wrong with that?” he says, twirling my sports bra on his finger.

  “Yeah, all you men stick together. I wanted just us to go for a run. You’re here to study, and so far, we haven’t.”

  “That’s not my fault. You’re the one who flaked out last night and couldn’t get up this morning. I’m going to jump in the shower and maybe you’ll be in a better mood when I get out.”

  I hear the bathroom door close as I throw on my clothes. Why am I so mad? Julie would say it’s either that time of the month, which it’s not, or it’s sex deprivation/frustration.

  Okay, so it’s been six months, and I think I mentioned it wasn’t that great anyway. But it must be good sometimes, if you have the right person. Maybe it’s that mysterious climax that makes all the difference. As if I know how that feels.

  God, I’m still a climax virgin. No, really … I’ve read about how awesome it feels, so I know I’ve never come close. Maybe I’m impotent. I know that describes men who can’t get it up, but surely there’s a similar female condition too. Maybe I need to go to that adult store a few blocks from the coffee shop and get one of those dildo thingies.

  What am I thinking? Like I could walk into a sex shop. Knowing my luck, I’d know half the customers. Awkward much?

  “Ready, Red?” Jeff’s voice interrupts my X-rated thoughts. Okay, so not X-rated, but definitely not PG.

  Jeff and I stop by the takeout restaurant across the street from our building and load up on Chinese food. I’m really sure if it’s considered brain food, but it’s so good. Brad is absent from his post when we re-enter the apartments, and we ride the empty elevator in silence, except for my stomach making loud noises at the yummy smell coming from our white plastic bags. Jeff stops at the front door, but I keep walking, not wanting to see the roommates right now. I open my door and Jeff jogs over and follows me in, shutting the door behind him.

  Moving quickly to the coffee table in my sitting room, I start pulling out the little white containers. Luckily, I have plates and silverware in an armoire, so we don’t have to leave the room for anything. I also have a medium-size fridge, so I grab a couple drinks—no, not alcohol. Remember, I’ve sworn off that evil stuff. There is no talking as we polish off all the food. Now pleasantly stuffed, we crack open our books and start studying.

  “Sorry,” I say later when a loud yawn escapes me.

  “I guess it’s time to call it a night,” he says. “I’m so glad we have a few days off from work so we can sleep in. Oh, how I miss sleeping in. Then we can run, and then off to school again. Do you ever think we’ll have normal lives? You know, where we only work a sixty-hour week instead of the hundred we’re doing now?”

  “I know. It sucks, huh?”

  “Well, at least your life has some spice in it now.”

  “I guess you could call it that. But really, Jeff, I wish I wasn’t here. I’m so out of my league. It would be okay if I didn’t have feelings for one of them. But damn my hormones! I just need to focus, exercise more, and think less about sex, penises, and dildos.”

  Jeff starts laughing, and then I start laughing and can’t catch my breath. Suddenly, I’m trying not to pee my pants.

  “Come in,” I manage to say as I hear knocking at my door.

  “Just had to come in and see what fun I might be missing.” Drew pokes his head around the door, flashing a big smile when he sees us sitting on opposite sides of the room with piles of books around us. “Studying. That’s a good way to spend an evening, and Chinese food for dinner, good choice.”

  “Come in, Drew, and join us. We’ve finished studying for the night,” Jeff tells him.

  “So, I won’t be interrupting anything important?”

  “Nope, like Jeff said, we’re done. Where are Liam and Colin?” I ask, hoping he doesn’t notice I stumbled over Colin’s name. Damn me, talking about sex, dildos, and penises.

  “They’re watching a movie.”

  “Gosh, my idea of a model’s life is way off. I thought it was work in the day and party all night,” I say with a smirk.

  “Yep, you’re way off. There are some who do that, but they don’t last long. Takes a toll on the body and looks,” Drew says, stretching, which makes his shirt rise up.

  I catch a glimpse of his washboard abs. Nope, they haven’t changed since the day I came to answer the ad. Still nice and firm. Like an erect penis.

  OMG, you are not even attracted to him. What’s up with you?

  As if Jeff can read my mind, he laughs, his eyes aimed at mine. I stick out my tongue and get up to get a bottle of water. The little devil just laughs harder and I pick up the nearest pillow and throw it at him. He easily bats it away. Drew sits in a chair close to the door, looking puzzled.

  “Hello … can we come and join the party?”

  I silently groan internally as I hear the one voice I’ve tried to avoid. My head is blocked by the open fridge, so I grab a bottle and put it to my forehead, trying to cool myself off. I swear the temp just went up a hundred degrees.

  “Sure. The more, the merrier,” Big Mouth Jeff replies.

  Oooh, I could smack the shit out of him. See, he’s making me swear. Pulling my head out of the freezer, I see Liam and Colin taking their seats, and the spacious room suddenl
y feels overcrowded.

  “Would anyone like a drink?” I ask. My mom would be proud that she has brought me up right. All I really want to do is take a cold shower.

  “Dora, are you okay?” Jeff’s question has gotten what he wants: everyone’s attention on me. Butthead.

  “Just peachy,” I repeat a phrase my mom says when she’s mad at my dad. If Jeff grins, I will smack him right in front of everyone. But to my relief, he just looks concerned with a gleam in his eye.

  I sit on an overstuffed ottoman, drinking my water, listening to the guys talking. I keep my eyes averted from the group, but I feel someone staring at me. I’m afraid to look up. Julie’s ringtone saves me, and I stand, grabbing my cell and moving out of their earshot.

  Hanging up, I say, “Hey, guys, that was Julie. She needs to see me. I’ll be back in a few.”

  I don’t give them time to answer, just grab my keys and quickly exit my door. In the elevator, I take a deep breath and try to calm my pounding heart.

  Well, there goes my reason for being in here. Have I done something wrong? She seems so natural with this Jeff guy. Who is he to her? The others said he’s her friend and study buddy. I wish he was ugly. Maybe she doesn’t want a “shallow” model. That’s how she sees me, I’m sure. Do I have a chance? Maybe I have to work harder to make her see the real me. She is so worth it.

  Four hours later, I sneak back into my room. Julie and Kevin had their first fight since being hitched. It lasted all of one hour, and then they made up. Unfortunately for them, I refused to leave until I felt it was safe to return to my room. Make-up sex probably started right after I left. I know it was mean of me to make them wait, but hey, how many sleepless nights did I endure because of them?

  “So, the prodigal daughter returns.” Jeff’s voice startles me. “I’m irked at you for leaving me to entertain your guests.”

  I squint, trying to see where he’s located, when a light suddenly comes on. He’s lying on my bed in his pajama bottoms. How many times am I going to mention how terribly sad it is for the female population that he’s gay?

  “Oh, I’m sure it was such a chore hanging out with three models. Wait a minute while I play the world’s smallest violin for you,” I say in my snarkiest voice.

  “You’re right, it was fun. They aren’t at all what I expected. Shallow, self-centered, or big on themselves is how I imagined them being, but instead they’re just average guys.”

  “You do know that shallow, self-centered, or big on themselves is basically saying the same thing three times, right?” Again snarky. Love it when I’m right.

  “I’ll give you that one. So, what was the big emergency with Jules?”

  “First post-marriage fight, lasted about an hour,” I answer.

  “You made them wait for make-up sex? That’s an all-time low for you, Red.”

  “Yep. Payback for all those sleepless nights. So, spill.”

  “Spill what?”

  “What did you guys talk about? Anything interesting?”

  “Nope. They tried to pump me for info regarding a hot little redhead, but I’m not a telling kind of guy. All your secrets are safe with me. Two of them kept looking at their mega-expensive watches, like they were wondering where you had run off to.”

  “Was one of them Colin?”

  “No. Liam and Drew,” he says, his grin pure evil. I march over and smack him on his shoulder. “Ow, that hurt. I’ll probably have a bruise in the morning.”

  “Quit being a wuss. So, Colin wasn’t upset that I’d left?”

  “I didn’t say that. I only said that Liam and Drew checked their watches. They all stayed for about two hours and then bounced.”

  “Quit trying to be cool. You sound super lame,” I say, plopping down on the bed next to him. “Jeff, I need a man.”

  “Sorry, my dear, not this man.” Jeff’s look of mock horror makes me giggle.

  “Not you, moron. A nice, straight guy. He doesn’t have to be uber attractive or anything, just nice,” I say, biting my lip.

  “What about Drew or Colin? They seem smitten with you.”

  “Smitten. How archaic. No, not them. I’m so out of their zip code. So who else?”

  “Honey, you literally live in their zip code.”

  “You know what I mean,” I say dryly.

  “No, I don’t. I’ve never seen you like this before. You’re always so confident. You’re so beautiful, and you have two men that know that.”

  “You don’t understand. I don’t want to be attracted to a pretty boy. I want regular. Relationships with stars never work out. I’m just a novelty, which will wear off quickly. They want a taste of something average, and they’ve picked me.”

  “So, have sex with Colin and scratch your itch.” He pats me on the head like I’m a puppy.

  “I don’t want just casual sex, I want … oh, I don’t know what I want. Just help me find me an average, nice guy so I can stop thinking about penises. Okay, one particular penis. Not that I’ve seen it or anything though.”

  Jeff pulls me into his arms and I begin to sob jokingly at my situation. Oh, hell. My mom will definitely call in the morning.

  I wake up snuggled in Jeff’s arms—him in only his pajama bottoms, and I’m still completely dressed. I don’t want to wake him, but I have the sudden dire urge to pee.

  I move carefully, and then I feel the stare. Jeff is awake and watching me. If I have to make a guess, he’s trying to gauge my mood.

  “Thanks for last night. Do I look as bad as I feel?” I ask, dreading the answer.

  “You look beautiful. Now let’s get up and go for a run. I think you need it.”

  “First, I have to use the little girls’ room. Bladder is about to burst.” I jump up and make it just in time. Sitting on the pot, I study my reflection in the mirror-laden walls and see Jeff is right. I don’t look so bad. Beautiful? No, but at least my eyes aren’t swollen slits.

  Time to stop feeling sorry for my no-sex-for-a-long-time, frustrated self and get a move on.

  Jeff and I quietly exit my door and take the stairs. I don’t want company this morning, what with my nerve-endings still raw.

  Brad is at his post, but to my dismay, he has company, and they look like they’re waiting for us. How do I know? They look at us, smile and are dressed for running. At least they’re wearing long pants and sweatshirts, like us. They must have checked the weather, as today is supposed to be thirty degrees colder than yesterday.

  “Hey, Dora, did you take care of Julie’s emergency? We missed you last night,” Drew says, giving me one of his delicious smiles.

  “Yep, took longer than I thought. You guys going out?” I ask innocently.

  “We’re just waiting for you. Jeff mentioned that once you start running again, you try not to miss a day. We need the exercise, and we know you don’t mind us tagging along, right?”

  What can I say? If I say yes, I look like a bitch, and if I say it’s okay, I’ll be near Colin, and that’s not good right now with my emotions all over the place.

  “We’re happy to have you run with us, right, Dora?” Jeff prompts.

  “Sure, try and keep up.” Good thing I stretched in the apartment. I start running, hoping they need to stretch. But no, they take off with me, four tall trees and me, the little sapling.

  Jeff stays with me and the others are close behind. I need to forget they’re there. Of course, that’s not going to happen without a little extra effort. I start thinking about my upcoming exams, and then I engage Jeff in some problems I’ve been having while studying. Before I know it, I’ve completely occupied my mind enough to forget the three models are behind us …. Yeah, right.

  We get to a stretch of park where there is more room and Liam moves up beside me. He makes eye contact with me while smiling and I smile back. My mom’s statement that I needed to help him and Drew makes me focus on that. I think I know what Liam’s secret is, but Drew … maybe it’s his family. I know money doesn’t always buy love, and maybe
that’s what Drew’s problem is—a lack of love. Anyway, I need to take care of this soon.

  The park is full of people again. As we near the fountain, I spot a crowd of young women. One of them looks our way and screams. They all look at where she’s pointing and then rush forward, blocking our path and circling like vultures. They’re carrying notepads and pens.

  “Can I have your autograph, Drew?”

  “Liam, I need your autograph.”

  “Colin, I want to have your baby,” a tall curvy blonde yells, pushing me aside and making her way to her target.

  What the hell? How dare that little skank push me! I grab her arm and pull her away from Colin. She goes to hit me with her bag and Jeff saves me from being clobbered with it by pulling her not so gently away from me. Jeff then grabs my hand and pushes his way through the crowd until we have a moment to catch our breath.

  “Come on. They can take care of themselves, and here comes the cavalry.” He points to a group of policemen making their way to the crowd.

  “What the hell was all that?” I say as we jog back to the loft.

  “I guess we were spotted yesterday and someone told someone, and then someone else, and thus, the mob formed.” Jeff shrugs his shoulders. “I’m so glad I’m not famous,” he says, slowing down as he realizes I’m not keeping up with him.

  “See? How can I compete with that? It’s a lost cause. That woman who wanted Colin’s baby was beautiful—crazy as hell, yes—but beautiful.”

  “But—” Jeff starts.

  “Don’t you dare say I’m beautiful on the inside and any guy worth anything would see that.”

  “I’m so happy you put words into my mouth. I was going to say, before I was rudely interrupted by a petulant child, that woman doesn’t hold a candle to you,” he comments.

  I groan. “Jeff, why don’t you like girls? It would be so much easier for me.”