by Amanda Jason
“She always zones out like she’s in another realm or something. Dora?” Jeff’s voice floats into my consciousness and I raise my eyes to see that I’m the center of attention.
“Sorry, thinking about my last exam in two days. I really should be studying,” I lie, and Jeff just grins. It’s like he’s a mind reader.
“Did you hear that Drew is free for Christmas, and he’d be delighted to join us? Isn’t that right, Drew?”
“I would love to spend time with your family. Mine are … well, Christmas is just another day for them. I kind of miss having family time.” The look on Drew’s face is heart breaking. He’s usually the happy-go-lucky guy who acts like he doesn’t have a care in the world.
“Well, if you get a headache, it’s not my fault” I say. “My family is different, so you’ve been warned. I will not be held responsible for what they do, or say.”
I’m relieved when a smile appears on his beautiful lips. Hey, lips can be beautiful, right? Oh, great. I’ve missed something else.
Concentrate, Dora.
“Drew said he’ll take his chances,” Jeff explains. “I think it’s time for me to put little Dora to bed. Her brain needs a rest.”
Everyone laughs when I stick my tongue out at him. “Little Dora can put herself to bed, thank you. But I am tired. Good night. Come on, Jeff, I’ll tuck you in.”
Jeff flops on my bed after changing into some comfy sleeping clothes. “Well, that was fun.”
“Yeah. It was like spending the evening with ordinary guys, not Greek gods.” I pull on my pajama pants and look over at him.
“I told you they’re normal and they just want to fit in,” he replies, causing me to roll my eyes.
“They’re not normal. Normal is only a few hundred people might know your name, not the whole world.”
“Dora, that’s an overstatement. I bet there’s a tribe in Africa or some poor slob in Siberia who doesn’t know of them.”
“Okay, so maybe a hundred haven’t seen their pics, but you have to admit it’s a little daunting being around them sometimes.”
“Only Liam causes me to be daunted.”
“Yeah, if you like the gorgeous, tall, and solemn type that won’t come out of the closet.”
“Your mom told you Henry says you need to help him and Drew. So maybe your job is to help him come out. I get first shot when you do, okay?” Jeff is so good at pleading.
“Maybe you’re too ugly for him. You are on the homely side.” I giggle as Jeff sends a pillow flying through the air and it hits the top of my head as I bend over to miss it.
“I’m not ugly. I’ll have you know I could’ve been a model, but I didn’t want people attacking me, wanting a piece of this awesomeness.” He laughs as I roll my eyes again, and I move his legs so I can lie beside him.
“Okay, stud, but I don’t want to be mending your heart back together if he doesn’t respond like you want him to. I have to get him by himself before he goes home. It must be horrible living a lie every day. No wonder he doesn’t smile much.”
“Yeah, I’m a lucky one. My family didn’t even blink an eye when I came out to them.”
I turn my head to look at Jeff, who is staring at the ceiling. I scoot over and put my arm across his taut stomach and he places his arm around me. The last thing I remember thinking is that I hope Liam doesn’t break Jeff’s heart.
Playing cards tonight was hard for me. All I wanted to do was stare at her. She has no idea what she’s doing to me. I wish I was the one she’s tucking into bed. I know Jeff’s gay, but I still feel the green-eyed monster raising its dark, ugly head. I wish I knew what she thought about the kiss on Halloween. If I declare my feelings for her, would she laugh in my face? Would she even believe me? I’m so tied up in knots, which is something I’ve never encountered before. I have to bide my time until she trusts me and sees me for who I really am.
“I’m so glad it’s over. I never want to see another math book again for as long as I’m alive.” I grab Jeff’s arm and loop mine through his. It’s freezing. Winter has come early and I’m thankful I bundled up this morning. “I think I nailed it though. Thanks, Jeff. I couldn’t have done it without you.”
“Anytime, my friend. To pay me back, you can buy me lunch.”
“Okay, I guess that’s fair.”
The ringing of my cell has me pulling off one of my gloves and pulling the phone out of my coat pocket. “Hi, Mom. Yes, it’s finally over. I think I did well. Sorry I haven’t called. We’ve been hitting the books hard. Yeah, I asked them and Drew accepted. The other two are going home. Okay, he’s right here. I will. Love you too.” I quickly end the call and throw my phone back into my pocket, pulling on my glove before my fingers drop off from frostbite. “Mom sends her love, and she’s so happy Drew is going to be able to make it. Now she’s stressed about what to buy him.”
“She has a point. What do you buy a zillionaire?” Jeff responds, pulling my hand through his arm again.
We pick up the pace and finally arrive at his car without my frozen nose falling off. The blast of hot air from the vents is almost painful for a few seconds, and then it feels wonderful. I love Jeff’s little sports car. I don’t know what make or model it is though. Cars aren’t really my thing.
“So, where are we going for lunch?”
“Somewhere cheap. Remember, I haven’t worked for a few weeks, and Christmas shopping just about wiped me out.”
“Well, I guess I’ll pay, because I’m not going to eat cheap when I received my Christmas money from my parents today. I went from dirt poor to—let’s just say I have money now.”
“Then we’ll go all out for lunch.” I smile at Jeff’s cute smirk and settle back in the plush leather seats, letting the warm air wash over me.
“I’m stuffed. I shouldn’t have had that dessert, but it was oh-so-good.” I feel like a bloated pig. My three-course meal was amazingly scrumptious, and I finished it off like I hadn’t eaten for months. Now I’m searching through my messenger bag looking for something to calm my tummy.
“If you’re looking for antacids, I could use a few as well. I don’t think the lobster is sitting very well with me at the moment.”
“I thought I had them in here, but they must be in my medicine cabinet. Damn.”
“We’ll be home in a few minutes,” Jeff says as he swerves to miss an idiot who pulls out in front of us.
“I’m glad I’m in the car with you and not my mom. She would’ve chewed that driver out just then, even though he wouldn’t have heard her. I hate when she drives. It’s a wonder she hasn’t been arrested yet.”
“It doesn’t do any good yelling at them. It just makes your own blood pressure go up. Most terrible drivers couldn’t care less.”
We pull into the parking garage entrance and Jeff swipes his card across the machine’s sensor. Within seconds the security gate slides to the side, allowing us to enter. There aren’t any other cars on the basement parking floor, and I’m relieved. All I want to do is to go upstairs, take my tummy meds and lie down.
The lobby is warm and Brad is MIA, which allows for Jeff and me to enter the elevator unseen. Okay, so there are security cameras all over the hallways, but no human has seen us, unless someone is looking at the monitors.
“Jeff, do you know where the monitors are that those cameras feed into?”
“Never thought about it. Maybe they’re in that locked room behind the front desk?”
“I just realized how creepy it is being videotaped and not knowing who’s watching.” I shiver as the elevator doors close and we start to ascend.
“It’s not like there are cameras everywhere, Dora. Just in the stairwells, hallways, and lobby. Or maybe I’m mistaken and there’s one in your bathroom.”
I hit him on the shoulder and he laughs. I storm out of the elevator as soon as the doors open.
“You’re a butt, you know that? Now I’m going to be paranoid about going to the bathroom and showering now, thanks.” I unlock
my door and try to shut it before he comes in.
“Dora, I’m only kidding. Look, I’ll show you there’s no camera in the bathroom, and then you can rest easy.” Jeff takes me by the hand and we go into the humongous bathroom to begin our search.
I’m still not convinced ten minutes later. Jeff laughs after I tell him so and he leaves the bathroom. I hear knock at my door and then hear Jeff talking to someone. I open the medicine cabinet and pull out my bottle of antacids and pop a few in my mouth, hoping it helps, but also hoping that whoever Jeff is talking to will be gone when I come out. No such luck. I walk out and there’s Liam, Drew and Colin lounging in my sitting room, making themselves at home.
“Hey, Dora.” Drew’s grin holds me spellbound for a second, and then Colin draws my attention by patting the empty seat next to him on the couch. I plop down, gracefully, of course, and listen to them banter. Apparently, tomorrow is the last day Liam and Colin will be here before departing for home, and they want to go out tonight and celebrate Christmas early.
“What do you two think? Are you up for an evening with us poor unfortunate souls?” Drew glances at me then Jeff.
“We just ate and are stuffed. Frankly, we were going to take some antacids and have a nap. Our last exam was today, and it was brutal.”
“Well, that’s okay. You guys rest, and we’ll leave about seven. We’ll make it a ‘last exam and farewell until New Year’s’ celebration.” I start to shake my head, but Drew raises his hand and shakes his head first. “Not going to take no for an answer. We’ll go to my club so it won’t be crowded, and we’ll just hang out and have a few drinks.” He smiles at my grimace at the word “drinks.” “Or not, and dance, so be ready by around six-thirty, okay? We’ll take my car.”
He stands up and so does his silent partners as they leave without another word.
“Well, I guess we’re going out tonight,” Jeff says as he makes his way to the bathroom.
I lie down on the bed and close my eyes. I feel the bed dip as Jeff joins me. I snuggle up to him and sigh. “I guess we have to go.”
“Yep, we do.”
Drew’s club is exactly the same as it was the last time we were here. The same girl is checking coats and her bright, white smile greets him and then encompasses all of us in her cheerful hello. Its cozy feel is still there, and the music isn’t blaring.
Drew leads us to the farthest booth in the back, where we can actually talk without having to yell at each other. The booth is a semicircle, and somehow I end up between Drew and Jeff, with Liam and Colin opposite us. Can I say I’m disappointed? Well, I am. Colin keeps looking at his phone and Liam is brooding. Yeah, I can feel it. Remember, empath.
A waiter arrives at our table and takes our orders. I move a little in my seat and I feel a thigh pressing against mine. Drew is a little too close for comfort. In fact, I feel a little claustrophobic, or maybe it’s something else. I look over at Colin and catch his eye, and his smile should make me forget the thigh, but no dice. My leg is warm and so are other regions of my body, really warm, in fact. I must be coming down with the flu, that’s it. It is flu season, and I didn’t have the shot. Drew shifts his body so that his whole side presses against mine.
Damn flu.
“Jeff, I need to go to the ladies’ room,” I whisper to him.
He quickly gets up and I scoot over and out, nearly colliding with our waiter, who is bringing our drinks. I find the bathroom and make a beeline for the sink, grabbing a paper towel along the way. I wet it with ice-cold water and pat my neck and forehead. My eyes don’t look feverish, and I don’t look pale, or feel clammy, so maybe it’s not the flu. Maybe it’s early menopause hot flashes, or maybe I’m starting my period several days before it’s due.
Or maybe it’s being too close to a hot guy? I’m going out there to see if it happens when I sit next to Colin. I did have butterflies before.
Arriving back at the table, I lean over and whisper in Liam’s ear and I move back as he gets up and lets me slide in next to Colin. Jeff raises an eyebrow and Drew looks puzzled.
“I want to look at your handsome faces.”
Jeff looks skeptical and Drew flashes an Earth-shattering smile. What the heck … Earth-shattering? What am I thinking?
“I’m too ugly for you to look at?” Liam asks with a straight face.
“Well, you aren’t all that handsome when you frown all the time, so yes, it’s hard to look at you,” I quip and then giggle when he turns to gives me the most beautiful smile.
Me? Giggle? Go figure. Wonders never cease. These three have really done a number on me.
“So I’m ugly too?” Colin’s proper English accent makes the butterflies flutter in the old stomach, or maybe it’s gas, but I’ll go with butterflies.
“No, you’re too handsome for me to stare at for any length of time.”
Before I can finish, he reaches for my left hand that is resting on the table and kisses the back of it. I can feel my face turning beet red, and I hope none of them can see it in this light? I have to act normal and not like some awkward teenager.
“Why, thank you, kind sir. You’re definitely the only gentleman of this group.” Yep, the laughter stops and I feel so smug. “Jeff, would you be a love and pass me my drink?”
He does, and Colin reaches over to grab it in order to place it in front of me. His arm and thigh are glued to mine, and I begin to feel overheated. Hot guys do funny things to me. Maybe I should call it lust. I just need a normal guy to give me WOW, that’s all.
“Care for a dance, sweet thing?”
What the F? Oh, lord, I almost said it, but it’s Liam who’s asking for a dance. I nod my head and he pulls me out of the booth and out onto the dance floor. It’s a slow song, so we move close together and even though my heels are high, he still towers over me.
He bends down and whispers in my ear. “Is something wrong?”
“Well, first of all I feel like dwarf compared to you, even in my heels. And second, I’m kind of trying to figure out how I’m supposed help you.”
“Help me?” He pulls back, looking at me intently.
“Yeah. My mom says I’m supposed to help you. Well, really Henry told her and then she told me,” I ramble, not wanting to start this conversation, but when I talked to my mom this morning, she told me Liam needed my help sooner than later.
“Maybe we should go outside for a minute.”
I nod my head. He grabs my arm and we head out the nearest exit. The cold stings me in the face like a dozen icicles, and I start to shiver. Liam guides me to a little alcove, which keeps most of the frigid wind away from us. He stands in front of me, blocking the rest.
“So, what exactly do I need help with?” he asks.
I look up at his face. It’s semi-illuminated by a weak yellow light attached the building above us. “I know about your secret, and I know it must be so hard for you to conceal it from everybody you love.”
He runs his right hand through his hair and sighs. “How did you find out?”
“I’m what they call an empath, which means I feel people’s emotions. You don’t give off the signals, but I felt your sadness, which most people view as being aloof. There were other signs too, like for instance the way you always look at Jeff.”
He looks at me with a sad smile, which makes me want to hug him, but I need to wait for him to reply.
“Yes, it’s hard,” he admits. “I think Drew and Colin know, but they just don’t know what to say. It’s not easy being me. I know that sounds trite, but it’s true. I’m from a small town, and being gay isn’t an accepted lifestyle there, no matter who you are. God that sounded good to finally say it out loud.” Gone is his sad smile. He actually looks part happy and part amazed.
“Henry wants me to help you, and my gut feeling tells me that you’re supposed to tell your family when you go home tomorrow. No, wait …” I take his hands in mine when he starts to object, and then look deep into his eyes. “I don’t say this lightly. I feel it
will turn out that some of them already know. They’re just waiting for you to say something. Trust me, Liam. Everything will be good. Now, we better get back inside before we catch pneumonia. My family will kill me if I’m sick over Christmas.”
“Thank you, Dora. I’m so glad you’re our lucky number four. Thank your mom and Henry too.” He leans down and wraps his arms around me, pulling me in close for a hug.
“One thing you definitely have to do is to call me after you talk to them, and let me know how it goes.”
He beams at me again and puts his arm around my shoulder before pulling out a key card and sliding it into a slot near the door.
Entering the warmth of the club feels like a million bucks, and I realize I had suddenly forgotten how cold I was outside. We bypass the dance floor and make a beeline for the booth, with me holding Liam’s hand the whole way. Now I only have to help Drew. But with what? I need to pump Henry for more info.
“Where have you two been? We looked for you on the dance floor, but guess what? You weren’t out there.” Jeff looks at us with eyes that say he has many questions. It’s kind of cool to be so in tune with someone.
“Wouldn’t you like to know? Sorry, it’s our little secret. Right, Liam?” He looks at me, and yes, I feel so much joy as he gives me the most stunning smile. I know Liam will be just fine.
“Okay, spill it,” Jeff spits out as soon as he closes the door to my room.
“Spill what?” I ask innocently.
“The two of you go missing for a few? And?”
“Okay, Mr. I Need to Know Everything, we were talking about him coming out to his family over the holidays.”
He looks at me with worry in his eyes. “Wow, that’s really deep. Are you sure they’re going to be accepting?”
“I think someone has a crush.”
“Maybe, but I’m concerned. It’s a big step.” Jeff takes off his coat and sits on the edge of the bed to pull off his boots.
“Henry is always right, and I think—no, I know everything will be fine for Liam.” I kiss the top of Jeff’s head and enter my closet, stripping down as I go.
