The door creaked open, and Jasper appeared, looking sympathetic. I had embarrassed the shit out of myself out there. All the strength I had tried to show was washed away in one single outburst.
“Sorry to bother you Lily, but it’s time to move,” Jasper said.
“Move? Where am I going?”
My heart started to pound in my chest, and panic was quickly coming to the surface. As mad as I was, I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to Shane yet.
“Not just you. All of us. We have to keep moving. Have you ever ridden in a helicopter?” He smiled.
“No,” I answered. Now panic was setting in for a whole new reason. I had never been in a helicopter, and there was a reason for that. I wasn’t fond of heights.
“Then you’re in for a treat. We have an Agusta A109C, and she is a beauty. Come on, the guys are ready.”
I patted my back pocket to make sure my cell phone was still in there. Not that it mattered much in here; I had no cell phone signal, and my battery was almost dead from playing Candy Crush. I would need to charge it and check in with Rebecca soon. I always took the day of Shane’s death off, but if I didn’t check in by tomorrow, she’d be worried.
A thousand thoughts raced through my mind. Would I be allowed to call Rebecca? Would I have to fake my death? Was someone still after me? I was afraid to ask Shane. Terrified really to bring any of this up and have him send me away.
I followed him back into the main room. All of the white boards were wiped clean, laptops were gone, the photographs that were once spread over the table were absent. They had completely cleaned the space. Three computer monitors remained on a makeshift desk, but there was no computer attached.
Jasper held open the door leading to another large hangar. I don’t know how I missed the other bay. It was a little frightening that I was so tired and overwhelmed I wasn’t paying attention to my surroundings.
“Wow, that’s bigger than I thought,” I commented on the size of the helicopter. It was shiny silver with black pin striping and details. Levi was pulling it out with a four-wheeler on to the tarmac in front of the huge open door.
“That’s what she said,” Jasper chuckled.
“You just couldn’t help yourself, could you?” I joined him laughing.
“Sorry. I lost my manners years ago. We spend most of our time hot and sweaty in third world countries. Our sense of humor is that of children. When you’re stuck somewhere miserable, any laugh will help. Even the most juvenile.”
I fully turned to look at Jasper. He was a good-looking guy. Tall and well built by the looks of how he filled out the tan tee he wore. He looked war-hardened and lonely. I can’t explain how someone looked lonely, but he did. Like he craved some sort of affection. I wondered if Shane had that look, too. In the hours I spent with him, I was too caught up in myself to really look at him. I was either losing my shit on him or begging him to fuck me. I wasn’t even going to examine why or how that had happened. Not only had I never asked a man to have sex with me, I had certainly never done it with such vulgarity.
I didn’t regret that it happened, I only regretted that it was in a car and I didn’t get to properly explore his body. And by the way things looked now, I never would.
“She’s all ready,” Levi called out when he pulled the four-wheeler back in the hanger and shut off the engine.
“Where are we going anyway?” I asked.
“Big Bear,” Clark answered as he walked up behind us. I looked around the cavernous space looking for Shane, but I couldn’t find him. “He hit the head,” he informed me.
“Big Bear? Why don’t we just drive? It’s only about two hours west by car.”
It seemed overly wasteful flying a helicopter only a hundred miles.
“It’s a matter of safety. We can be followed in a car,” Clark explained.
I guess that made sense. What the hell did I know about someone following you? Nothing, that’s what. I had been completely oblivious to someone following me and taking pictures of me for months. I needed to look at those pictures more closely and figure out for how long. Not that it mattered much, I suppose Clark was only humoring me when I suggested it earlier.
I wasn’t the priority, catching that guy Roman was. I felt so stupid that I had been completely duped by Calvin Kincaid. Thank God I never accepted his invitation to dinner.
“Let’s roll,” Shane threw over his shoulder as he made his way to the helicopter.
His voice sent shivers through my body, I still couldn’t believe he was alive. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I’d see him again.
Walking behind him gave me a perfect view of his nice firm ass. I couldn’t help but stare. Even his walk was sexy, his long legs ate up the distance in powerful strides. His confidence and power shone in the way he strutted. I couldn’t see his eyes, but I was sure they were scanning the area for threats. So damn hot. Wait, I was mad at him, I shouldn’t be drooling over him. I should’ve been plotting how to maim him after all the grief he had caused.
All too soon the show was over, and Jasper was helping me into the helicopter. I had flown on many private planes. Hell, my ex-husband and father both owned one, but I had never seen the inside of a helicopter. I didn’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t plush cream-colored leather seats and a glossy wood trim package.
I ducked inside and took a window seat. Jasper, Clark, and Shane followed in behind me.
“Who’s the pilot?” I asked.
“Levi,” Shane answered when he took the seat next to me.
Oh, goody, he was speaking to me again.
“Levi? There’s not a real pilot?”
“Sweetheart, Levi is the best pilot I know,” Clark laughed and took the seat across from me, Jasper taking the one next to him.
I heard a low rumble coming from beside me. Sheesh, someone was grumpy. I was about to ask Shane what his problem was when Levi interrupted me.
“Engine one a go. Clear rotor,” he yelled out the open window. I looked out but didn’t see anyone.
“Habit. He always calls when he is starting the engines. If someone were out there it would be dangerous,” Jasper explained. I nodded my head in understanding. “Put your headset on.” He pointed to a headset hanging from the roof of the cabin.
I watched as the other guys put them on and followed suit. As soon as they were snug over my ears, the engine noise was gone and I could hear Levi clearly.
“Fuel pressure up.”
I felt, rather than heard, the whining of the engine. The cabin started to vibrate as the rotor blades gained speed. I hated heights, but so far this was exciting.
“Test,” Levi’s voice rang out in my headset.
“Copy.” Three voices came over next.
My body gently started rocking with the swooshing of the blades chopping through the air. They were winding faster and faster until it was a steady strum. I startled when the helicopter lifted off the ground and started making a steady ascent. Shane’s hand went to my thigh and stopped my bouncing knee.
“We’re good. Everything will be fine, promise,” Shane tried to reassure me.
“Last time you said that you pushed me out of an airplane,” I reminded him.
“For someone who is afraid of heights, you sure did love it.”
Ha! I didn’t love it. I was scared shitless the whole way down. Little did Shane know I had only agreed to jump with him when he explained I would be strapped to him for a tandem jump. I had my eyes closed all the way down and enjoyed the feel of him pressed against my back.
I continued to look out the window as we passed over the bland, brown desert. There was nothing fascinating to focus on, leaving me to my wandering thoughts.
How in the hell did I get here? Yesterday I was living my uninteresting life, one day bleeding into the next. And today two men tried to abduct me. I still hadn’t thought about or processed that Shane had killed them both right in front of me. Yet another thing I should’ve been freaking out about, but I
was completely numb to it. That seemed to be the theme of the day. Everything else paled in comparison to me finding out that Shane was alive.
I suppose I should’ve started calling him Lenox or Carter or whatever the hell new name he was going to take once he left me again. A few hours ago, I thought I’d have the chance to convince him not to leave again, or to take me with him. But that was before I met Lenox. Lenox was nothing like Shane. He had changed so much over the years. I’d heard stories of men coming back from war completely different than when they left, but I’d never seen it firsthand.
Now that I had, and I had seen this new person in front of me, I wasn’t sure I had a chance. Hell, I was still so pissed at him I wasn’t sure I even wanted to stay with him. Who the hell was I kidding? Of course I wanted to stay with him. It didn’t matter how mad I was or how bad he had hurt me. Those feelings would dissipate and leave me wanting him. Again.
“Ten minutes out,” Levi said.
I blinked my eyes and focused on the ground, the desert had given way to evergreen trees and mountains. I had spaced out the entire ride.
“Where are we staying in Big Bear?” I asked.
There were plenty of hotels and resorts around the area, but being a tourist town, they were normally booked. Not to mention where the hell do you leave a helicopter?
“Lenox’s place,” Jasper answered.
“I’m sorry, I think I heard you wrong. Did you say Lenox’s place? As in Shane?”
“Yes. We’re gonna stay at my house,” Shane answered.
Steam must’ve been coming out of my ears. He had a fucking house in Big Bear, two hours from where I lived. Not to mention, Big Bear was one of my two favorite spots to drive to when I needed to relax.
“Nice,” I snickered. “Next thing you’re gonna tell me you own a house in Monterey, too.”
Jerk.
He didn’t answer nor did he look at me. He did - he had a house there, too. Un-fucking-real.
“Why? Why would you buy real estate in those places? Are you trying to torture me?”
“Not now.” He tightened his grip on my thigh.
Damn, I had forgotten he had put his hand there. I quickly swiped it off and crossed my arms over my chest. I could feel my tears starting to swim in my lids and prayed they wouldn’t fall. I couldn’t cry in front of these men. I need to put my “Lillian Nelson” armor on and be the ice queen my father had taught me to be. My only problem was, I’d never been able to be her around Shane.
A beautiful log cabin came into view. It was more of a chalet than a regular cabin. It was huge with a large clearing around the house. But the property was surrounded by trees.
“Is that Bluffs Lodge?” I asked.
We had camped there many times when we were in high school.
“It is,” Shane confirmed.
“And you bought a house near Bluffs Lodge?” I questioned him.
“It was your favorite place up here,” he stated. As if that answered my question.
Levi landed the helicopter in front of Shane’s massive home with ease. Or maybe he didn’t. I was so preoccupied planning ways to strangle a Ranger…black ops…badass - whatever the hell he was - to notice how we actually made it to the ground.
The guys all moved around taking off their headsets, opening the cabin doors, talking to one another while I stayed frozen in my seat. The vibrations started to lessen, and the slicing of the blades slowed and finally came to a stop. I saw Clark’s lips moving and his hand gesturing for me to get out, but I was still in a state of disbelief and unable to make myself come unglued. The shock was too much.
Why? Shane had gone to such great lengths to extradite me from his life, why did he continue to insinuate himself into mine?
Clark continued to stare at me, his eyes softening in understanding. With a sad smile, he nodded his head and tapped Jasper on the shoulder, leaving Shane there to deal with me.
“Lily,” he whispered.
That was all it took for the tears I was fighting to fall.
Chapter 14
There were no words for the pain I felt at that moment. My carefully ordered world had come crashing down on me. Lily was shattered, and it was all my doing. She was slowly learning how deep my betrayal went, how close I was to her all these years without her ever knowing.
“I want to go back to yesterday when I didn’t know…didn’t know you were alive. That pain was easier than this,” she cried.
I jumped back into the helicopter and pulled her onto my lap, letting her sob into my chest. She felt so good in my arms, even her tears felt right. She was where she belonged. Where she should’ve always been.
“Why?” she asked.
There was no easy answer to that question. Nothing I could explain would ease her pain.
“Because I am a selfish prick. Because when my world was dark, I needed some of your light. Something that made me feel clean and good. Anything to give me just a sliver of you.” I brushed her hair from her face so I could see her pretty eyes. They were shiny with unshed tears. She was so damn beautiful it made my heart ache. “You loved it up here. I have memories of us here, camping and waterskiing at the lake, you sunbathing on the shore. I could come here and feel close to you, to us. When I go to Monterey, I can sit on the pier and watch the seals playing in the water and remember your smile. I needed something to hold on to. If I couldn’t have you, I needed the memory of you.”
And that was the God’s honest truth. I needed her. I would’ve completely lost myself if I didn’t have her to ground me. All the bad shit I’ve seen, all the horrific things I’ve had to do in the name of God and Country, she is what kept me sane.
We sat there for long moments in silence, both of us lost in our own thoughts. I couldn’t bring myself to insult her by saying I was sorry. They would’ve been empty words. I wasn’t sorry I faked my death to keep her safe. I was sorry, however, for the aftermath, all the agony and grief I caused. But in the years I was away, she had found herself. Lily was an amazing woman and had pulled herself up and created something good. If she had stayed with me, that would’ve never happened.
“Come on babe, let’s get you inside. I need to feed you, and we need to figure out what to do about Rebecca.”
She didn’t speak but acknowledged me with a nod of her head.
We exited the helicopter, and I caught Levi in my peripheral vision. He was far enough away not to hear our conversation but still close enough to have my six. I didn’t know what I’d do without my team. The three of them are like my brothers; we were thick as thieves and always have each other’s backs. The four of us made the perfect team.
Could I walk away from them? My gut knotted at the mere thought of leaving the Army, but my heart tightened just as painfully when I thought about not having Lily. Was it even possible for me to leave with her and live some normal life? Was I mentally equipped to work at a hardware store somewhere selling tools? Could I leave my brothers and pretend to be a regular Joe off the street and not a trained killer? I didn’t see how I could possibly do that. And I couldn’t keep Lily while I was off trying to save the world, either. I was in a lose-lose situation. Bottom line, I was fucked.
As soon as we walked in the door, I heard Clark and Jasper in the kitchen banging around. Trying to find food no doubt, and beer. They were definitely trying to find the alcohol.
“Man, you got nothin’ in this place,” Clark yelled.
Lily stood by my side stock still, her eyes taking in the vaulted ceilings and large windows. The cabin was rustic and done in deep browns and reds. There were no personal effects downstairs in the main room. It was completely generic and lifeless.
There was one thing I needed to show her, and I might as well get it over with now.
“Cases of beer are in the garage. There should be steaks and burgers in the freezer. I’m taking Lily upstairs to get cleaned up. If you need anything else take the Yukon to town and buy something,” I yelled back, directing Lily toward the st
airs.
She still hadn’t uttered a word. This was so different than the Lily I knew. When she was pissed, she yelled. When you made her really mad, you got the hot side of her tongue and she’d cut you down to size. And if she was happy, the whole world lit up with her joy. It was a beautiful thing. Everyone gravitated to her in high school. I know she thought it was because of her family name, and for some, that was the reason. But for others, they just wanted a piece of her happiness. This silence was a new thing, and it worried me. I wanted her to rage and yell. She needed to process everything that had happened, not shut down.
We made our way upstairs and through the open loft that looked over the downstairs, coming to a stop in front of my bedroom door. I debated whether or not to warn her, but what was I going to say, hey Lily I swung by my parent’s house and took all of my personal belongings out of my room? I didn’t think there was a way to tell her, so I simply opened the door and allowed her to see for herself.
“Oh my God.” She covered her mouth with her hands as she took in the room.
My football trophies and state championship medals were displayed on a side table. The comforter draped over the bed was the one I had in high school. I even had the framed Rocky Horror Picture Show original movie poster hung on the wall that Lily had given me for my seventeenth birthday.
We used to sneak out to the Valley and see the midnight showing. We both knew all the lines. Those nights were some of the best nights. Every time I looked at the poster, I could picture Lily singing and dancing in the aisle of the theater.
It might’ve sounded ridiculous for a grown man to have replicated his childhood bedroom complete with trophies, but this was all I had left of her. She had been present and cheering me on when I earned each of those awards. That was the comforter she would wrap herself up in when she would lay on my bed. She had slept curled up in that very blanket many times. I couldn’t bear to part with any of it.
I stood in the doorway while she walked to the bed and ran her hand over the cover. She remembered, too. Many nights we slept together in my bed. She and I talking into the early morning hours before we both passed out next to each other. Never a single kiss between us, not an inappropriate touch or fondle. Just two best friends enjoying each other.
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