(Un)bidden

by Melissa Haag

  Mary grinned and shook her head. “Don’t worry. It’s no secret. Every leader has a limit on the number of members he can hold in his pack. Winifred says it’s like how much a person can lift. It’s different for everyone. The connection I have with Thomas doesn’t feel strained. Adding two more members shouldn’t be a problem.”

  I nodded and began to dry the plates.

  “Winifred has no limits, though, right?”

  “No. But, she doesn’t really hold our kind together like a pack leader does. She says her role is a bit difficult to explain, and she’d rather do it in person.”

  “There’s no need. Tell her I was just curious.”

  I put the dried plates on the mantel and pulled the pots from the stove. Mary had already filled most of them with water to make cleaning easier. Once we had the roasters washed, I started filling the pots with water for our evening meal.

  “Do you know what kind of meat we’re getting tonight?”

  Mary was quiet for a minute.

  “Thomas is sending the new pack members out to hunt something big.”

  “Big?”

  Mary nodded slowly, a slight frown growing.

  “There are quite a few new members. Thomas wonders if we can make enough to feed twenty.”

  We’d been feeding twelve, sometimes a few more, when he only had nine members. I looked at the pots on the stove and the supply cabinets.

  “Yes,” I said firmly. I put two pots on the stove. I emptied a large bag of beans into one. If they weren’t ready for tonight, they could soak overnight for tomorrow. Carrying another pot to the pump to fill for wash water, I thought of the meal we’d just eaten and wished we had more fresh vegetables. “Do you know where the carrots came from or who might have gotten them?”

  Mary shrugged.

  “They weren’t from one of the pack, so I’m not sure.”

  The door opened, and I turned from the pump to see Thomas and Grey stride in. Thomas seemed frustrated. His eyes didn’t give him away; it was his hands. He tapped his middle finger on his leg as he walked. He made his way to the table and sat. I noted a dark slash on his pants and knew he’d bled a bit more after putting the clean pair on.

  “Is everything all right?” I asked.

  “Everything’s fine. I sent all of the new members out to find bigger game since they feel it is now their right to eat at a table.” He ran his hand through his hair. His fingers lingered at his temple.

  “Headache? I’m not sure if medicine will work the same on you, but there is some pain reliever left.” I made to move toward the cabinet, but he stopped me.

  “It won’t help.”

  “What will help?” I asked.

  “Cooperation.”

  I studied his face. He looked tired, which I would expect after the morning and afternoon he had. But there seemed something more weighing on him. His weary gaze held mine as if begging me to help.

  “I don’t understand,” I said.

  “Eight more have joined my pack...eight angry men with the single purpose of pulling my pack apart.”

  “Why let them join, then?” I asked, leaning back against the trough.

  “Several reasons. As a member of my pack, there is little any of them can hide from me; and when I command them, they must obey. That means more protection for us from those who still want to cause trouble. But, it also means resistance because the new members are doing things they don’t want to do.”

  “Like what?”

  “Leaving these buildings to hunt for food to feed the pack. They would rather stay and make nuisances of themselves, in hopes of making you leave. Their resistance to my command...” He rubbed his head again. “Imagine I’m holding one end of a rope, and the other end is held by a member of my pack. We are both pulling to keep the rope taut. When the member cooperates in holding their end steady, it requires very little effort on my part to keep the right tension in the rope. However, if the member pulls, I need to use more force to pull back to keep the member from pulling away completely.”

  It sounded a lot like how I controlled a human’s will.

  “Now imagine sixteen ropes. I hold the end of all those ropes in one hand, and each member holds their own end. If one of those members pulls hard enough to jerk their rope from my grasp, I lose hold on all the ropes. The pack will fall apart. A leader can only hold so many ropes here.” He tapped his head. “And the more ropes he holds that resist him, the harder it becomes to maintain control.”

  “So you need their cooperation.”

  “Yes.”

  And he didn’t have their cooperation because of my presence.

  “Do you want me to leave?”

  He gave a weary smile and shook his head.

  “No. I want to know how I can Claim you. As my Mate, they are less likely to resist you. As my Mate, you could help me hold the pack together.” He sighed, his expression rueful. “I want to keep trying, Charlene. I promise I won’t hurt you again.”

  I couldn’t believe he was asking.

  “Does your neck hurt?” I asked.

  “A bit.”

  “Good,” I said. He exhaled a laugh, and I put my hands on my hips, annoyed with him. “It’s not fun being bitten, is it?”

  “If you were doing the biting, I’d think it very fun.”

  My stomach pitched wildly, and heat rose to my face.

  “I’m tempted to bite you just to prove it wouldn’t be.”

  He stood suddenly and crowded me until I backed up against the pump. The sound of a door closing distracted me, and I pulled my gaze away long enough to note we were now alone in the room.

  “Do it,” he said, reclaiming my attention.

  He tilted his head to the side, daring me with his eyes to follow through with my threat.

  “Perhaps when your neck doesn’t look like raw meatloaf,” I said.

  “My neck hurts. My ribs hurt. My head hurts.” He sighed, again, and leaned down until his forehead rested on mine. “May I sleep in your room tonight?”

  I knew he was playing on my pity. Yet, I didn’t want to say no. Why should I? He promised not to bite me. He wanted to stay in my room to protect me. And he was asking permission instead of assuming. He was respecting every condition and limit I’d put on our relationship.

  I pulled back and focused on his eyes. Relationship? Mary was right. For saying no to Thomas, I did have a soft spot for him. But was it any different than Anton? I thought so. The sight of Thomas made my heart race and my stomach stir.

  “What are you thinking?” Thomas asked.

  “That you’re too old and too wise for me.”

  “Too old?” He snorted. “I’m no more than four years older.”

  I grinned at him.

  “I like how you didn’t try to defend your wisdom.”

  “You’re much wiser than me. Even if you’re four years younger. May I sleep in your room tonight?”

  “Yes, Thomas. You may.”

  He leaned forward, and for a moment, I thought he would kiss me. Instead, he rested his forehead on mine again, closed his eyes, and exhaled.

  “If I’m the hand that holds this pack together, you’ll be the heart.”

  * * * *

  The group brought back a deer. Thomas made them skin and quarter it before Gregory brought it inside. Mary had enough experience that she could help me butcher it. We saved four larger roasts for the oven and tossed the rest of the meat, diced into cubes, into two pots. For such a large animal, there was less meat than I’d anticipated. But, soon the smell of roasting meat filled the common room.

  Thomas walked in, appearing more agitated and pale.

  “Two more.”

  “I think you should start saying no.”

  “If I do, it will only make those already in the pack more resistant.”

  I stopped stirring the meat and went to join him at the table. Mary still sat there cutting up the last bit of meat. When I’d caught her nibbling on pieces raw, I’d left her to
finish alone.

  She grinned at me and popped another piece in her mouth. I shook my head and focused on Thomas, who sat across from me.

  “I thought the leader of the pack could give any command and have to be obeyed. Can’t you just command them to stop struggling against you and cooperate?”

  “I can’t command them to give up their freedom of will. I can remove certain choices, but ultimately, they have to be willing to obey and concede to my command. If they aren’t, they can ask to leave the pack and become Forlorn.”

  “Wait. I thought you said if they didn’t obey, they could shake the pack apart.”

  “A voluntary and agreed upon leaving doesn’t hurt the whole pack. It’s the willful resistance of many that can break a pack.”

  “Wini says it’s nature’s way of ensuring it’s possible to mutiny against a bad leader,” Mary said.

  “Could Winifred ask them to obey?”

  Thomas shook his head.

  “Elders can make rules and laws to bind the will of all of our kind, but only when they are in our best interest.”

  “Who decides what’s in your best interest?”

  “The Elders.”

  “So two people decide the fate of your race?”

  “Yes.”

  “She wants me to point out they are trying to find more,” Mary said.

  I nodded to acknowledge her. I hadn’t meant to infer what they were doing was wrong or unjust. I only meant to try to understand it.

  “You have to keep saying yes until the pack shakes apart, then.”

  “I’m hoping they run out of recruits before it becomes more than I can manage.”

  Tapping my fingers on the table, I considered what I knew of these new members. They didn’t like me. They couldn’t force Thomas to evict me so they meant to undermine his authority, thereby shaking the foundation of the pack, while also finding ways to drive me away. How did they plan to make me leave? Winifred wouldn’t let them bite me—neither would I. As long as I had a dry roof over my head and food in my belly, I was fine.

  They already brought back the food. I stopped tapping and met Thomas’ gaze. Had he figured out what they would do next, too? Was that why he’d pushed to sleep in the room with me tonight?

  “Charlene? Are you all right?”

  “Yes. Fine. Dinner will be ready in a few hours.” I stood and went back to the stove. Behind me a chair scraped on the floor. The hairs on the back of my neck rose as I picked up the spoon and stirred the meat. A moment later, his hands settled on my shoulders and his jaw pressed against the side of my head.

  “Did you know we can sense lies?”

  “Yes, I believe that was mentioned already.”

  “Then why do you keep lying to me?”

  His breath moved the hair by my ear, and I struggled not to shiver. What was it about Thomas that made me want to relax and trust him? Was it that he’d held me while I cried? Or maybe it was that he had a burden of responsibility like I did, and I desperately wanted someone to relate to me.

  “Telling you I’m fine won’t always mean I’m fine. Sometimes it might mean I’m not fine but don’t want to talk to you,” I said.

  Mary started giggling behind us.

  “Wini says you might want to take notes, Thomas. This wisdom is universal for females of all races. She also says ‘It’s fine’ has several meanings. If you’ve done something for us and we say ‘It’s fine’ that means you should go away so we can just do it the right way ourselves.”

  Thomas let out a long-suffering sigh.

  “Must you share everything with Winifred?”

  I tilted my head down as if I were staring into the pot so he wouldn’t catch my grin.

  “She likes me keeping her up to date. I get cookies,” Mary said.

  “I need to go back out. There’s another waiting to make his oath.” Thomas’ hands fell from my shoulders. The urge to turn around was there as I listened for the door.

  I wished I could help him. I just didn’t know how.

  * * * *

  During the night, a sound on the roof woke me. A single footstep, then silence. It saddened me that I’d been correct. They would try to destroy this place just to force me to leave.

  In the moonlight, I could see Thomas. He sat with his back to the door, his head tilted back, and his eyes on the ceiling. From the set of his jaw, I was sure he was mentally scolding someone. From the sweat on his brow, I was equally certain that someone was resisting.

  I sat up, drawing his attention. I slowly shook my head at him and held out my hand.

  “Leave it,” I said.

  He stayed where he was for a moment then stood and walked to me. His hand wrapped around mine, and I gave him a light, reassuring squeeze before I released him. I scooted over on the narrow bed and patted the mattress.

  He studied me for several long moments. The disbelief in his expression made me grin; and with an arched brow, I patted the mattress again. He quickly claimed the space, lying on his back beside me. My heart gave an odd triple beat as I stared down at him. His eyes reflected in the light as he watched me.

  He reached out, curled an arm around my waist, and gave me a gentle nudge. I gave into what I wanted and rested my head on his shoulder. His arm wrapped around me, anchoring me to his side. I laid my hand over his heart and snuggled in with a sigh. He felt so right; so safe.

  In the dark, we both listened for any clue as to what the new members of his pack meant to do. The longer I lay against Thomas, the more I became aware of the way he smelled. Like outdoors, just after a rain. I normally wouldn’t have thought it a good smell; but lying on him, it made my head swim.

  I adjusted my position, scooting a little higher so my nose touched the undamaged side of his neck. Moving my hand from his heart, I gently feathered my fingers over his chest. The feel of his smooth skin teased my senses. I desperately wanted to kiss his shoulder and moved my head slightly. The arm around my waist held me tighter, an indication of how much he liked me close to his neck. Had he been serious about wanting me to bite him? Would he actually like that?

  Worry made me stop what I was doing. I curled my hand into a fist on his chest.

  He didn’t say or do anything for several heartbeats. Then he sighed, and I felt him relax. His hold on my waist loosened a bit. He turned his head slightly and kissed my brow, a gentle reassuring touch.

  His ease helped me relax, and without realizing it, I flattened my hand on his chest once more. When I started exploring his skin with my fingertips, his hold didn’t retighten.

  “Are they still on the roof?” I asked. I could barely hear myself and hoped I kept quiet enough that any others nearby wouldn’t hear.

  He nodded. He let go of my waist and brought a hand up to my hair. The feel of his fingers running through the strands lulled me. I stopped exploring and let my arm rest across his chest. The position pressed my lips against the skin over his collarbone. His fingers continued to travel the length of my hair.

  He seemed completely at ease with our positions now. I kissed him like I’d wanted to and sighed. My mind started to drift, ready to let sleep pull it under.

  As my breathing slowed, I wondered if this place would ever be a home.

  * * * *

  Before I opened my eyes, I knew something was wrong. It wasn’t that I was alone in the bed; it was a weird niggling feeling that told me I really didn’t want to wake up right then.

  I opened my eyes and almost screamed. Mary’s face hovered inches from mine. The fright of it had me flipping backwards out of bed.

  She laughed.

  “That wasn’t nice,” I said, sitting up.

  “I’ve been waiting over an hour for you to wake up. It was taking too long.”

  I glanced at the window. It was barely sunrise. A yawn cracked my jaw before I could say anything else.

  “What’s the hurry, today?”

  She just grinned at me.

  “You’re behaving oddly,” I said, pullin
g myself and my bedding off the floor.

  “Not really. I’m just wondering if there’s anything you wanted to tell me.” She kept grinning at me, a big goofy smile that hinted she knew some big joke.

  “Mary, did you take some of the medicine from the paper bag?”

  She huffed.

  “Of course not. It wouldn’t work on me, anyway.” She gave me a pouty face. “Are you really not going to tell me about last night?”

  “Last night?” I said, completely confused. What was there to tell? We’d gone to our room, Thomas came in, once we were settled into our beds, and sat on the floor. At some point, members of his pack jumped up on the roof, woke me, then...I blushed.

  “Finally!” she said. “I saw him hold you.” The goofy grin was back.

  “You were watching?”

  “Absolutely. So...you seemed to like it.”

  I started to remake my bed and tried for innocence. “Of course I liked having him next to me. Someone was walking around on the roof. It was unsettling.”

  She snorted.

  “And the touching?”

  “Reassuring.”

  “You mean exciting. I could smell what being next to him did to you.”

  I stopped straightening the quilt to stare at her.

  “So could he,” she said. She walked around the bed and gripped my arms. “If you like him, even if he can’t Claim you, tell him. Tell everyone. Be happy.”

  “Mary, I’m fifteen. I won’t be sixteen for another few months. You know what will happen if I tell him or any of them I have a preference. I’m not ready for that.”

  “Stupid human rules,” she said, with a shake of her head.

  “Stupid werewolf ways,” I said back at her using the same tone of exasperation.

  She laughed and followed me from the room. I was quiet, thinking of what she’d said as we made our way to the common room. Did I prefer Thomas? I liked him, but I’d had crushes on other boys before. Thomas wasn’t a boy, though. He wasn’t a man, either. He was a werewolf. I needed to remember that.

  “Good morning,” Gregory said when we walked into the main room. He lifted a pot from the stove and brought it to the table.

  I peered down at a pot full of oatmeal.

  “You cooked?” I couldn’t keep the surprise from my words.