[Harbinger 01.0] Plain Jane

by Carolyn McCray

  She closed the phone and mumbled to herself, “Who needs voice mail when you’ve got me?”

  Nicole pulled up to her house to find a light on in the kitchen. At least she had been right about one thing tonight. There was only one person who would break into her house, then fix himself a snack.

  Quietly she made her way into the house, then into the kitchen. Sure enough, there was Kent standing over the table. Probably making a sandwich.

  “I knew I’d find you here.”

  The profiler looked over his shoulder, an unreadable look on his face. Then he moved to the side, revealing that he was elbow deep into the abdomen of a pig.

  A pig tied down to her kitchen table.

  A pig whose belly was splayed full open.

  “Bet you weren’t expecting this.”

  “What in the…” Nicole couldn’t speak. What could she say? There was a dead, cracked-open pig on her kitchen table, for Christ’s sake.

  Kent obviously didn’t have any problem, for he pulled up tissue to show her. “This is the uterus.”

  He displayed the bloody organ like a cat who had caught a mouse and presented it as a display of affection. She could not respond.

  “What? You wouldn’t let me practice on humans.”

  Whatever connection she had felt back in the interrogation room, whatever sense of guilt and responsibility she had felt back at the motel room, Nicole snapped, “That’s it.” She heard herself say, “That’s enough.”

  Nicole tried to pull him away from the pig, but Kent balked. “What’s your problem? I put down plastic.”

  For the first time, she realized what had changed over the last twenty-four hours. “Damn it. Let me see your eyes.”

  Kent tried to resist, but Nicole persisted. With his hands still inside the pig, she pulled his head back and pried open his eyelids. “I knew it. You’re not taking your meds.”

  She physically pulled his hands out of the carcass and dragged him over to the sink like a small child who had been caught finger painting on the walls. Trying to regain her composure, Nicole silently washed his hands under the tap.

  “Drugged, four women died. Almost a fifth.” Kent sounded drained but determined.

  “The only reason the doctors let you out was because I promised, I swore, you would keep up with your meds.”

  Finished washing the pig’s blood off, she grabbed a towel and dried his hands. Now he sounded angry as well. “You’re not my keeper.”

  Nicole was no longer angry, she was livid.

  “But you’re mine?”

  She pulled out the candid photo of herself.

  Kent actually grinned. “That’s a good one.”

  Disgusted by so much this night, Nicole dropped the picture onto the kitchen counter. Surprisingly, the profiler tenderly picked it up and dried off the corner.

  “Don’t you agree?”

  “You broke into my house to take it.” Did the man have no more civility left in him?

  “No, I didn’t,” Kent retorted.

  This was all too much. Ruben had been right. The profiler was out of control. “Kent, don’t lie. The picture—”

  “Was not taken here.” He sounded serious for once.

  Confused, Nicole looked at the picture in his hands again. “But I haven’t slept anywhere else for…” How long had it been since she shared Ruben’s bed? “It’s been months.”

  “Yeah, back when you were still having sex with Gaucho-boy.”

  No. Kent couldn’t mean it. He could not. He would not. “You… You broke into Ruben’s house?”

  The profiler casually nodded, like “duh.” The concept was inconceivable. Kent had broken into her partner’s house, no, broken into his bedroom to take pictures of her. It was something an obsessed stalker did. It was something people were arrested for.

  She tried to express her horror, “Oh, that… It’s just…”

  “His security system was a joke.”

  “It’s perverse.” Nicole backed away from him.

  “You are sick.”

  Instead of being insulted or even mildly upset, Kent’s tone was almost teasing. “That’s debatable, but tell me that you didn’t feel the most alive when you were drawing the killer out of that loser back there in the interrogation room?”

  Nicole took another step back, less sure of herself. How could the profiler cloud her mind so easily? “Maybe.” How could he know her so well, only to violate her privacy? “I would never conceive of stalking you.”

  Suddenly serious, Kent’s eyes gleamed in the low light. “You would if it helped hone your skills.” He took another step forward, forcing Nicole to back away again, only this time she bumped into the sink. She couldn’t go any farther back as the profiler smiled.

  “Face it, Nic. As much as you are repulsed by my eccentricities, you want to grow up to be just like me.”

  “In your medication-hazed, psychotic dreams.”

  Kent closed the distance. Nicole had nowhere to turn, so she held her ground, glaring, but the profiler seemed unimpressed. As a matter of fact, he was downright seductive. “You want to be able to walk through the Valley of Death and not be afraid.”

  Resisting his tone, Nicole held her chin high. “I think I was striding pretty confidently in that interrogation room.”

  CHAPTER 78

  Kent looked into her eyes. The detective was trying oh-so-hard to be brave. That made him want her even more. Only Nicole could balance being aggressively vulnerable.

  He brought himself as close to her as she had gotten to Martin. Close enough that her left breast pressed against his chest. Close enough that his lips were nearly kissing her ear.

  “Only because you knew I was in the shadows, whispering, keeping you safe.”

  Nicole slipped from their intimate contact, and indicated her badly bruised neck.

  “I would not exactly call this ‘safe.’ “

  Ever so gently, Kent traced the outline of the bruise. He noticed she did not step any farther away. “A small price to pay for knowing exactly what a victim feels like.”

  The sexual tension they had generated during the interrogation was pressing in on them, nearly smothering them. He took a step behind her, his left hand finding her belly. Her muscles tightened, which only served to excite them both.

  “You must have wondered what it would have felt like if he had cut into your belly. Tugged at you from the inside while you were still conscious.”

  Bringing his right hand into play, he let it slowly travel up her side, just barely missing the outer curve of her breast. He could feel her tremble under his touch.

  She was his.

  “Did you know that the hormones released in the fear response are exactly the same as those released during sex and even more so during an orgasm?”

  Kent wondered how long it had been since she had climaxed. From what he had seen, Ruben got an A for effort, but a D for execution. Not that Nicole was not without her own set of skills.

  From his memory, he knew she was pretty damn good at self-service. But both knew there was a world of difference between convincing your body to climax rather than surrendering to another and allowing them to coax you there.

  “Well?” Kent asked.

  Nicole tried to respond, but what came out was just a guttural response. No words. Just desire given breath.

  “Is that why we did so well together?” Kent rubbed his five o’clock shadow against her neck. There were other soft, delicate spots where his stubble was going to come in handy.

  “Were you a little afraid of what I might do?” He asked her as his left hand slowly made its way down to her waistline, exploring just under her belt for a window of entry. “Did the fear double your hormone release? Sweeten the sex? Heighten the orgasm?”

  A moan was all Nicole could muster as he found an opening below her belt within the hollow of her pelvic bone. She sucked in a breath as his finger cautiously made its way along her panty-line.

  “Feel the
blood pounding,” he encouraged.

  CHAPTER 79

  How could she not feel it? Her pulse was just about the only thing she could hear. It roared so loudly that it almost drowned out Kent’s voice. It was not his words that drove her heart rate, though. It was his touch.

  Despite the deep bruises up and down her neck, his light touch there made her nipples harden. So tightly that it almost hurt. Almost. Then his other hand was halfway down her belly. Just the thought of what he could do once he finished his travels sent a shiver through her body.

  His hands slowed. His touch more firm. His murmurings had taken on an edge. Nicole tried to regain some semblance of control and listened more closely.

  “The killer must have loved this moment,” Kent said, his seductive tone waning. “Right when the victim knew that something terrible had begun.”

  Nicole’s pulse raced, only now hormones weren’t driving it. Worry was. She tried to break free, but Kent gripped her.

  “The vessel of life would be engorged.” He murmured against her skin, “So perfect. So ripe.”

  The profiler’s hand moved back up to her belly. Kneading his fingers as if he could touch her womb. This officially was not fun anymore.

  “Kent.”

  “You’re not… Not perfect. The womb had been lucky enough to hold life once, but then it was violated. The life ripped from it.”

  Nicole squirmed beneath his steely grip.

  He didn’t even acknowledge her anymore. Instead Kent pulled her tight against him. Not in sexual conquest, but in domination. Nicole could feel he wasn’t even hard against her. This erection was mental.

  It was no longer the profiler talking, but the killer. “It was my right to take it. To reclaim it. These women didn’t understand the precious gift they were given, that they let be torn asunder.”

  Nicole struggled against Kent’s restraint, however, her movement only fueled his mania. He didn’t know what he said anymore. Didn’t know how he’d hurt her.

  “It’s my job to redeem the vessel.” His finger sought purchase as if he could reach the precious trophy. “My responsibility to make it pure.”

  Nicole ripped away. “Stop. Just stop!”

  CHAPTER 80

  Kent snapped back like a switch had been flipped. He found Nicole shaking, holding her arms tightly over her belly.

  “What?” Truly puzzled by her sudden change of mood, Kent smiled. “My intuition usually turns you on.”

  He reached a hand out. Nicole recoiled.

  Not her usual take-a-step-away-to-see-if-you’ll-follow kind of retreat, but a true rejection. “Not this time.”

  Ever confident when it came to Nicole, Kent lowered his tone. “I’m sure we can recapture the mood.”

  He tried to brush the hair back from her cheeks, but she actually pushed his hand away. What was up? They had just been on the cusp of making love.

  Nicole certainly didn’t act like she had felt the same way. “Just go.” Her tone flat. Not even angry. Just frustrated past the point of caring.

  Which only meant he needed to turn up the burner. Remind her of what they had just shared. “My dear, I was pretty set on coming.”

  “Trust me. There is no sex on your horizon.” Nicole said it like a stripper who had been given a cheap tip. Said it like she actually meant it.

  Kent’s mojo was in serious disrepair.

  No, his mojo had been working just fine. He’d revved the engine, and she had purred. Something was up with Nicole. “Where is this coming from?”

  “Just go,” she stated as she headed out of the kitchen.

  “No,” Kent said, blocking her exit. “Not until you explain why you flipped an arousal U-turn.”

  Nicole’s face registered shock, then anger. Big anger. Anger like the profiler had never seen from her. “Because you can’t handle the consequences. That’s why.”

  “Just because a guy doesn’t want to sleep in the wet spot doesn’t mean that—”

  Kent stopped mid-sentence as Nicole turned away from him, though not before he saw her eyes tear over. There was no joking his way out of this one.

  There was something seriously wrong.

  “Hey,” Kent said as he gently placed a hand to her shoulder. “What did Torres do to you?”

  With the back of her hand, Nicole swiped away the tears. “So typical.” Her voice dropped, and her lips turned downward. “Point the finger at anybody but yourself.”

  Wow. What had gotten into her? He was at a complete and total loss. He had tried seduction. He had tried humor. He had tried blanket compassion. The only thing left was honesty and that had never worked well in the past. But he knew he better try something or lose her.

  “I usually pride myself on being able to follow twisted feminine logic, but I have to admit, I’m lost.”

  Nicole sighed and hung her head.

  For the slimmest moment, Kent thought he’d won.

  “I know.” Then Nicole looked up with a sad stare. “That’s why I told you to just go.”

  He hadn’t just opened himself up to have her turn him out. “No. I came here to—”

  “Not to have any kind of honest relationship.” Anger rose again as she pointed at the gutted pig. “You came to fulfill your need to have a uterus of your very own, then you were hoping that if I did not notice how profoundly disturbed that was, you’d get your other needs met. End of story.”

  Kent stared at the woman that he thought he knew. That he thought knew him. Is that what she deduced from all this? A little wounded by her outburst, the profiler pulled back into comfortable territory.

  “If you are going to play the swami role, you’ve got to get a little more imaginative.”

  Obviously that was exactly not what Nicole wanted to hear, for she lost her temper, lashing out at him. “When you left me jobless and—”

  Well, Kent had enough of being her punching bag. “You weren’t fired.”

  “They took my badge and my gun, Kent!”

  “You got them back.” What in the hell was she going on about? Didn’t she know the sacrifices he had made? “You got everything back.”

  “Not everything.” Tears rose again, making her eyes shimmer. “Some things can’t be returned.”

  Unexpectedly, a feeling welled within Kent. He wanted to go over to her again. Pull her into his arms. Tell her whatever the problem, they could get through it together. But he did not. He could not. He could not even find the words to console her as she continued.

  “It was not just being broke and jobless. It was…”

  Was what? Kent almost verbalized the question, then wisely bit his tongue.

  “I was alone and…”

  The profiler waited for the end of the sentence. And waited. His empathy drained with each second.

  “I was…”

  Another eternal silence.

  A silence that so loudly blamed him for his every inadequacy that Kent snapped, “Damn it all. How many times do I have to apologize?”

  CHAPTER 81

  Nicole stood in complete shock at Kent’s audacity. She had been trying, really trying to open up to him. Tell him secrets she swore she would never reveal, and he dared to complain? Dared to say he has paid his penance? How could he? He didn’t even fully know his crime.

  She struggled to find words. There were so many of them. So many curses she wanted to hurl.

  Finally she chose the one closest to the surface. “Once, damn it! Once would be a fucking start!”

  His retort was instantaneous, “I’ve apologized plenty.”

  “In your head? Probably,” she spat. It was time Kent had a little taste of reality. The gloves came off. “Role-playing with your therapist? Possibly.” Nicole shoved the snapshot in his face. “To a photograph? Maybe.” She threw the picture onto the floor. “To me? To my face? Never.”

  Unflinching, Nicole stared into Kent’s eyes. Daring him to challenge her. Daring him to try and defend his actions. Daring him to say anything at all. A
s always, the profiler chose a silent, enigmatic response. It took a few heartbeats to realize that he really wasn’t going to answer.

  More wounded by his current lack of participation now than his hurtful actions in the past, Nicole pointed to the door.

  “Get out.”

  “Gladly.” Kent stomped off, slamming the kitchen door behind him.

  With one hand on the sink, Nicole took in each breath consciously, slowing them, guiding them. She stood strong. She wasn’t going to let Kent get to her. Break her. Break her again. It was best he left. Best he was out of her life. Then a wave of sorrow came up from her gut. A wave of hurt. A wave of disappointment. A wave of loneliness.

  Once again she had gotten her hopes up. Hopes that Kent had finally realized that he needed her as much as she needed him. Hopes that he had missed her as much as she had missed him. Hopes that he would take her in his arms and tell her that he loved her as much as she loved him. That would never happen though, would it?

  A sob arose from her very soul and erupted in her chest. She struggled to contain it. Struggled to hold the tears in, but it was effort in vain. Racked with sobs, Nicole couldn’t hold herself up. Even the sink became ineffective support. Nicole slumped to the floor, crying, rocking, and hugging herself. There was no one else to do it for her.

  CHAPTER 82

  Kent leapt down the steps and into Nicole’s car within seconds. Firing up the engine, the profiler squealed out.

  He pounded his fist against the steering wheel. “Don’t take responsibility for my actions?” He hit the unforgiving plastic again. “I was voted best in group therapy for that!”

  Oh, there was so much he had wanted to tell Nicole. Actually there was so much he had wanted to shout at her, yet none of it would come. What would it have mattered?

  Swerving around a corner, the profiler hit the curb and just kept on driving.

  Damn it, why couldn’t Nicole let go of the past? Wasn’t she always harping about carpe diem? She was like a freaking dog with a bone about it. But when push came to shove, she was the one who couldn’t let go. The detective had to rehash every detail of the implosion that was their breakup.