Theodora

by Christina McKnight

  The mood was bleak, and Alistair’s mouth set in a straight line as he tugged at his coat, straightening it from the carriage ride.

  Abel had yet to cease his pacing long enough to speak—or so much as acknowledge Alistair’s presence.

  “Adeline.” He adjusted in his seat to face his unruly sister. “I presume you are responsible for this gathering. Please state your purpose so we may all return to our day. I am certain the children still have lessons to study, and Arabella and Adelaide’s musical tutor should be arriving any moment.”

  As if on cue, his siblings stood to depart.

  “Wait,” Adeline shouted, holding up her hand to stop them all from fleeing the coming battle. “This concerns all of us, not only me.”

  “Do not be ridiculous, Adeline.” Abel threw his arms wide with annoyance. “You are the only one causing us trouble.” Alistair wanted to pat Abel on the back for his support, but drew up short when next he received a scathing look. “We were having a marvelous time at Tattersall’s with a trip to White’s this evening, but you had to go and ruin it all. I do not favor being assigned as your companion. And Alistair,” Abel said, moving to stand before his eldest brother, “if Adeline is determined to ruin her good name, let her do as she pleases. I shall not waste my time in London locked in this townhouse in an effort to keep an eye on her.”

  He didn’t wait for Alistair to reply before nodding to Alfred and Adrian and departing the room.

  His sisters followed suit, closing the door behind them, leaving only him and Adeline.

  “Traitors,” she mumbled, pushing her chair back to stand.

  “You cannot fault them for not wishing to be in the middle of another of our arguments.” Alistair reclined in the chair, crossing his ankles. He was ready for another long shouting match that would end with Adeline reluctantly agreeing to behave, and Alistair promising to curb his high-handedness. The truce would be forgotten within a day, and they’d have the same confrontation again within a fortnight.

  It was the way of their youth…and the path their adult relationship would continue down.

  “Will you ever see me as an adult, able to make my own decisions?” she asked with a sigh. “Trust me enough to know I would not willingly and recklessly shame our family. Is that too much to ask?”

  Alistair was stunned into silence, his anger disappearing with each word. It was the most rational argument she’d set before him in all her years. Normally, she yelled, screamed, and cried to get her outlandish point heard, but today, she spoke like a sensible woman—a grown woman, ready for her society debut.

  And he was at a total loss for how to react. No part of him wanted to admit he’d overreacted or that she’d matured without him noticing the transformation.

  “Theo, Georgie, Josie, and I are trying to help Miss Emmeline and her school, a place we all dearly love and hope our daughters will someday enjoy. But with the limited funds the school receives from parents, Headmistress is unable to perform general upkeep of the property. The roofs need patching, the stables need new fencing, the dormitory needs new beds, and the classrooms would benefit from a fresh coat of paint. Are you willing to donate the funds needed for all of this?”

  It was the same story he’d heard from Theo’s lips only hours before.

  Theo’s lips…

  He shook the wayward thought from his mind. “You know Mother and Father barely collected enough coin to pay for your schooling,” Alistair said. “At the moment, I am uncertain if boarding school will be an option for your sisters. What about Lady Georgina’s father? He is a duke, why not ask him for help before risking your reputations?”

  Adeline frowned. “His new duchess has withheld anything but the bare necessities from Georgie for her upcoming season. Her Grace, Duchess Balfour, is with child, and they have every hope that the child will be the future heir to the Dukedom.”

  “What of Lady Josephine?” Alistair knew nothing of the woman—her family or financial position.

  Adeline laughed, finding something humorous in his question. “She is worse off than we are, Alistair. Her father passed away, leaving her mother to care for them all, her guardian only giving enough coin for Josie’s continued education. She will likely not be presented to society at the start of the season, but married to the quickest bidder.”

  She stared at him, waiting for him to say something, anything. But Alistair couldn’t give her the reply she sought, and for that, he was conflicted. It would put his entire family at risk. But he owed her something…even if it was only to commend the good deed she’d set out to accomplish.

  “Do you understand that our plan must succeed?” she prodded.

  “I do, but I still cannot allow it to continue.” If it were in his power, he’d tell her to do whatever was needed, but he was not even remotely influential with the ton. A Viscountship on the verge of poverty did not make the rules, nor risk breaking them.

  “Why ever not?” Her over-bright stare silently pleaded with him.

  “Bloody hell, because I care too much about your future,” he confessed. And he cared too damned much about Theo’s. His feigned relaxed posture fled, but he continued, “This family means far too much to me.”

  Not Lady Theodora. Not Lady Theodora’s family or future, but his own family’s prospects. He repeated the words over and over in his mind, hoping they’d take root and return him to his senses.

  “Father entrusted me with the duty of presenting you to society while caring for Abel and the others,” he continued once he had his rebellious thoughts under control. “You cannot fault me for attempting to secure the future you deserve, Adeline.”

  “Even if it is not a future of my choosing?”

  “You have no idea what the future of your choosing resembles.” Alistair stood, pacing before the hearth, following Abel’s exact path. “I can assure you a future locked away in the country would not be to your liking. I can guarantee a future wedded to a man seeking a marriage into the ton or a bride of convenience will not make you happy.” He sighed, his tone softening. “And I can promise you a forced marriage to a commoner would be filled with a life of hardships I will not be able to rescue you from.”

  He needed her to understand—silently begged her to see reason as she wordlessly begged him to understand her reasoning.

  “And what of you and Lady Theo?” Her change in topic took him off guard, exactly as she’d planned he suspected from her intense expression.

  “What of Lady Theo? There is no ‘me and Lady Theo.’”

  “Do you think I have not noticed the way your eyes follow her, or how you stand a bit taller when she is around?” she asked. “She may not notice, but I do. And Alistair?”

  “Yes,” he replied, preparing himself for her sharp retort to stay away from her dear friend, that an overbearing, insufferable man like he was not the correct fit for a woman as perfect as Theodora. These were all things he was already aware of, and he despised it. He didn’t want to hear her state the obvious truth, the thing Alistair had shied away from since he’d met Theo. She was a headstrong, determined, intelligent sister of an earl, while he was the heir to an almost impoverished estate with eight siblings depending on him—and him alone. There was nothing he could offer a woman like Lady Theodora.

  “I will not have you setting your aim on my dear friend,” Adeline said softly. “The pair of you would not suit well. Keep your attentions where they belong, on making a successful season for me.”

  “If it is any interest to you, Lady Theodora and Lady Georgina were triumphant and will compete again on the morrow.” Alistair hoped his comment distracted her enough from her previous train of thought, though if she begged him to return to the tourney the following day, he would likely not give in to her request.

  “I have already received word of that, not that I expected any other outcome.” With a smug smile, she stood. It was nothing like any argument they’d had in the past. Her words were spoken with no yelling; to the point, and her thr
eat unveiled. Her brother would need time, and silence, to come to terms with his shifted priorities and the new path his sister had openly said was denied to him. A future he dared not hope would come to fruition, for that would only increase the hurt when it was taken from him.

  Alistair was certain of one thing: he owed Lady Theo an apology. For his brutish and intolerable attitude, his high-handed manner, and for thinking he had any right to command her about and involve himself in her daily life. And to make it all the worse, he’d unwittingly thought to turn Theo against her dear friend. He should have found solace in knowing a person cared as deeply about Adeline as he did, enough to keep his sister’s confidence when it would have been so easy to alert Alistair of Adeline’s whereabouts, allowing him to handle her unruliness.

  He hadn’t trusted Adeline nor treated her as an equal, so had he perpetuated the behavior with Theo.

  She was a grown woman, an intelligent lady who likely had her life more in line than Alistair could ever hope to achieve in the next fifteen years. His entire existence was a burden—not him, exactly, but the family he brought with him. They were inexplicably tied together, a package of sorts. A daunting task to care for them all…something he wouldn’t wish on anyone.

  Which was why Alistair needed to push any thoughts of Lady Theo from his mind. Certainly, he owed her an apology and confirmation he would not trespass in her life again, but that was all he was able to give her.

  “I will leave you to your ponderings.” Adeline moved toward the door with nary a sound. “Good day, brother.”

  Alone, the weight of his responsibilities settled on him—heavier than a thousand stones of sand.

  Alistair was tired. No, not just tired, he was exhausted.

  “Maybe a bit of rest,” he mumbled to the empty room. Though his hand instinctively reached into his pocket, retrieving the letter from his mother. If it held good news, then certainly his relief would aid his rest, allowing him to find a deep slumber he’d been unable to obtain since arriving in London.

  He slipped his finger under the wax seal with his family crest, breaking it easily and removing a single folded slip of paper.

  Not a long note. Mayhap his mother was only informing him she would journey to London after all, and Alistair could soon relax, knowing the marchioness would arrive before long and rein in her many children.

  His hopes were dashed as he unfolded the letter to see many of the words smudged.

  She’d cried when writing him.

  There was no other explanation for the droplets that had marred his mother’s perfect script, making several words undecipherable.

  My Dearest Son,

  I know the burden I’ve placed upon you is one of great obligation and sacrifice. For that, I will be forever sorry and in your debt. However, I would never forgive myself if I were not at your father’s side during his time of need. My children need me, as well. This I understand, but when a person truly finds love, they will make many sacrifices others may not truly comprehend. This is my time to sacrifice. But I am blessed beyond measure with an honorable son, Alistair. I have no fear or unease, knowing you are caring for my babies. I hope we are all reunited before the season is over. Please do not speak of your father’s declining health with the others. The weight may very well be too much for them to carry. Take heart, my dear, sweet boy.

  My love,

  Mother

  Damn it, but Alistair understood every word she’d written, the concept of an affection so great one would sacrifice everything to hold onto it, keep it close…and alive. He’d thought his mother neglectful and selfish. In a way, she was being exactly that, but not in her eyes. She was unwilling to sacrifice her remaining days with the man she loved.

  The viscountess was correct: her children needed her—her guidance, her love, and her support here in London. She’d journeyed through the ton, causing quite a stir during her first season, even capturing the eye of a marquis, his father. It should be her duty to help Adeline successfully navigate the intricacies of society.

  Alistair was unprepared and lacking in many ways. His siblings were besting him in every way, and he feared his hold on them would not last until his mother could be with them once more.

  Would the day come he would make a similar decision for the woman he loved?

  He shook his head. He had many years yet to explore that question.

  Slipping the letter back in its envelope, Alistair set it on his desk, ready for a few moment’s rest. Certainly, he could sacrifice a few hours to slumber.

  Chapter 20

  Theo rushed from her dressing closet and glanced around her bedchambers for the fourth time in the last several minutes. Her desk was strewn with books and maps spread wide from the previous night’s work by candlelight. Her boots from the day before were aligned neatly against the wall with her gloves on her side table. Her bed cover lay askew, as Daisy hadn’t called on her mistress as yet. The only place she hadn’t searched was under her bed. Dropping to her hands and knees, she lifted the edge of the bedcovering and stared into the dark space below. Nothing. Not a single dust mite or misplaced hair ribbon.

  A loud gong sounded below stairs, followed by the echo of a knock at the front door.

  Georgie and Josie must be early to collect her for the tourney. Of all the times for Georgie to be prepared and arrive on time, today was the day Theo wished she’d be late.

  Where had Daisy put her cloak?

  After the incident yesterday, Theo feared her name would be reported in the morning’s Post, but other than a short article summarizing the Grand Archers’ Competition and detailing the number of entering contestants and the forecast for the remaining two days of competition, there’d been no mention of any lady archers.

  She pushed to her feet, her hair falling into her face. She huffed, attempting to blow the tendrils from her eyes.

  Of all the days for her cloak to go missing.

  Theo snatched a ribbon from her dressing table and hastily tied her hair back, unconcerned with her messy locks, knowing it would be hidden under her hood—if she ever located the thing.

  “Lady Theodora?” a light voice squeaked. “I did not expect you to be dressed so early. You were up awfully late working.”

  She turned to see Daisy standing in the doorway. “Oh, heavens. Where is my cloak?”

  “It is downstairs,” her maid said. “I had it cleaned last night. The hem was filthy, and I feared the material would stain if left to sit. My apologies for not attending to you sooner, my lady.”

  “I am quite capable of dressing myself, Daisy. Do not fret, I would have rung for you if it were necessary.” Theo glanced in her mirror, confirming her hair was tied securely and her linen shirt buttoned to her throat and neatly tucked into the waistband of her riding skirt. The attire was non-constraining and allowed Theo the freedom to pull her bowstring back without fear of tearing her shirt.

  “My lady,” Daisy cleared her throat. “You have a visitor downstairs.”

  “Yes, I know,” Theo snatched the drawstring bag that held enough coin for a meal while at Greenwich Park and made to leave the room. “Of all the days for Georgie and Josie to be early. Please tell them I will be right down and to await me in the carriage.” She gave Daisy a peck on the cheek before slipping past her and out the door.

  Her jovial mood for the day ahead was undeniable. It had felt amazing to take the field the day before, to allow her skill with a bow to be appreciated by such a wide array of spectators. Not that Theo desired affirmation from others. Certainly not. She was most commonly the woman noticed last when in Adeline, Josie, and Georgie’s company—always overlooked, though she didn’t think that a horrible thing, especially the previous day.

  After spending several hours noting all the details she would speak with Cassini about when they met, Theo had crawled into bed exhausted; however, she’d been unable to find solace in slumber. She’d lain awake for hours, assessing every shot she’d taken, and thinking through ways t
o better her stance. It was highly improbable Adeline would successfully slip from her home, and that left Theo to continue in her place. Much rested on her and Georgie’s shoulders. If they failed, all the money they’d collected for Miss Emmeline would be gone, with no time to gather more. They’d agreed to compete only until the season officially began.

  Their free time would be scarce between morning social calls, afternoon tea, rides in Hyde Park, and their many evening engagements. There would be no hope of morning practices.

  She hadn’t time to dwell on her appointment with Cassini and his sister the following day. She would find a way to accomplish both, even if Adeline were unable to escape and compete in the final.

  Theo bounded down the stairs to meet Georgie and Josie in the carriage. They would arrive at the tourney grounds earlier today and find a more secluded place to wait their turn. It was highly doubtful another fight would ensue between their male competitors, but the trio had decided to take no added risks as there would be no one present to protect them today.

  “Let me collect my cloak and gear and we can depart,” Theo called, turning on the final landing and taking the remaining stairs in one leap. “They are just over—“

  Theo stopped in her tracks, her booted feet skidding across the polished floor.

  “Lady Theodora, good day to you.” Mr. Gladstone stood, clutching a rather sad display of wilting flowers before him, hiding his paunch from sight.

  An older woman, a decade older than Theo’s mother, stood at his side. Her hair was pinned back in a severe knot, and a gown of the darkest grey clung to her rail-thin body from toes to chin, a white ruffle decorating the high collar the only frill. The pointed tips of walking boots peeked from below her floor-length hem. The only adornment to the drab gown was a golden broach secured at her neck.

  “May I introduce my dear mother, Mrs. Eugenia Gladstone,” Gladstone said, his lips parting in a forced smile. “Mother, this is Lady Theodora.”