Truly Madly Awkward

by Beth Garrod

  I nodded. “There’s no one who knows more about the books than you – and I include JK herself in that.”

  A smile spread on Rach’s face.

  “I guess it IS defining. And he didn’t say it couldn’t be a modernish classic?”

  “Exacto!” THIS was more like it. Maybe I was OK at advice after all? “So, while I’m clearly ON FIRE, anyone got any other probs they need New Wise Bella to sort?”

  Tegan propped herself up on my pillows. “Yeah – can you get Jaz to hurry up? I’m going to have to have to go… My cousin’s picking me up at half eight.”

  Rach and I exchanged a quick look of, Sorry, what? She hadn’t mentioned she had to go, right? With a dash of, Did you even know her cousin was down? Cos normally we all hang out at least once?

  Tegan totally saw.

  “Don’t be like that. It’ll all be back to normal once next Sunday is out the way.”

  Well, at least she was admitting that things had been getting a bit weird.

  “Promise?” Rach sounded hurt.

  But I knew it wasn’t the training that stung. Cos we both only wanted Tegan to do her absolute best. It was something else.

  The fact that somewhere, somehow, over the last few weeks, and without us realizing, Rach and I seemed to be last in line to know what was going on in her life. And when we normally knew every detail about each other (some would say too many, unless they thought Rach’s updates on her verruca being burnt off were key to a good friendship), it felt extra weird.

  Tegan reached over to hug Rach. “I promise.”

  She meant it. And I knew I had to push my weird thoughts out of my head, cos I had the best friends in the world.

  But as the wait for the competition dragged on, and more messages came through, the more I worried that Tegan was going to have to go, and my nerves began to get the better of me. And when Jaz’s question finally came it was ten minutes too late. Because the only one of us that was still positive, composed and confident was Tegan. And she’d just said a massive apologetic goodbye and headed off with her cousin.

  Disaster.

  Amil’s breathless voice kicked it all off. “So sorry we’re late. Our video shoot totally overran!”

  I looked at Rach. “Toadally know the feeling?!”

  She laughed. “Letty probably blagged a cameo to get more votes.”

  “Thank you so much for alllll your questions. It was SO amaze reading them all.” He sounded genuinely touched. “I know it sounds cliché, but our fans really are the best. Seeing you all supporting each other with all your questions and advice? It’s been immense.” He waited a beat. “Helicaners ROCK!”

  But Jaz was too focused on her script to pause for genuine emotion. Still, at least she hadn’t mentioned Letty’s attempt to get me chucked out.

  “As Amil said, the response has been phenomenal. And thoooousands of people are tuned in right now to try get their school into the final.”

  I clutched my stomach as it had its 1032nd nerve spasm of the hour. “So, Amil … what IS the dilemma you picked for today’s question?”

  He cleared his throat. “Well, here goes – and if you’re on the Radio Shire Twitter, they’re going to post a direct link to it too…”

  Rach already had the profile up on her laptop. We were like a mission command centre.

  As Amil read it out, we read along online.

  vavavoom

  Elite Poster

  Hi, guys – hope you’re “Beyond Incredible and Back”.

  Their last single – nice touch.

  Here’s the question I want to submit for the semi-final. What one bit of advice would you give the other competitors to help them get to the final?

  Or is that too weird?!

  X

  WOAH. This was like an actual RIDDLE.

  “Tricksy, huh?” said Jaz, loving it. “And don’t forget – semi-finalists? You’ve only got till the end of the song to send in your response. Everyone else – that’ll be your time to start voting! So get thinking while we enjoy one of Lis’s new favourite new bands – Velvet Badger.”

  Lis always had impeccable taste.

  But I’d got distracted reading the poster’s follow-up post below.

  PS Thanks for being so awesome. When I feel the most crap it’s the Helicans that get me through.

  PPS Soz I’m being pathetic.

  PPS No, scrap that. I’m just bored. Cos I’m spending another lunchtime on my own. Again. Like, will one person ever acknowledge me?! Ambition or what?

  PPPS Why am I posting this?! But what have I got to lose – everyone hates me anyway!

  I kind of wished that was the post we were meant to be helping with. Cos I knew that feeling all too well from last year, and it sucked.

  But there was no time to waste. Rach was focused and got stuck straight in with an idea.

  “How about something like Tegan always says, about ‘sticking to who you are cos everyone else is taken’?”

  I wrinkled my nose. “Nah, I think we need to go big. Go final worthy. Get those votes.” Only problem – I had no idea what that was.

  Rach hmmmmmed. “Something about not bribing your way along like Queen Be-at-ch?!” She was joking, but the hate was real.

  But a thought had come to me. And with time against me (and also the “S” key which had a toast crumb jammed in it) I typed as fast as I could. When Rach approved, I pressed send – and instantly felt more petrified than ever.

  It only got worse when Amil came back on, and started reading out the five entries.

  “Aisha has written, ‘Just be yourself. And may the best person win!’”

  Kind of sweet. Kind of boring. Obvs Amil was really nice about it anyway.

  “Great job, Aisha – and good luck, Royal Orchard. Now, Letty from JOGS …” (“QUEEEEEVVVVIIILL,” Rach and I yelled quickly.) “… has said, ‘The best advice I can give is to… Be more Letty’.” Despite trying not to give anything away, I’m convinced he sounded a bit grossed out. “Cos no one can tell it like it is like I can…” Yup, he deffo sounded like that combo of words had never come out of his mouth before.

  I couldn’t help but heckle. “Oh, come on?! As IF anyone will vote for that?!” But that’s exactly what we wanted. Rach went off on such a long rant about how Letty was clearly not a true Helicaner that we missed the next entry from Blessed Trinity School entirely.

  We caught Jaz reading the next one. “Saz from Malvern Academy has written that ‘you should all just do your best, cos there’s nothing more anyone can do than that’.”

  Amil gave a supportive “Aaaaah”. Now – I’d liked all Saz’s other entries, but this one was a bit motivational assembly-y. Jaz carried on.

  “And finally, Bella from St Mary’s. Amil? You got this one?”

  I grabbed Rach’s leg. Total terror.

  I pictured every single person I knew – and didn’t know – listening.

  Amil paused. Had I messed up?!

  But, no?! He did exactly what I’d hoped. He laughed.

  “Bella reckons you should all ‘do a really good job of answering this question – and make it a better answer than this one … if you want to win this round by being better at answering than this answer’.” He made a sound like water spraying out of his mouth. “Meggaaa metaaaa!” He was laughing. “Peeeeeakkk meta.”

  WAIT. Had we made one quarter of the Helicans laugh?!

  Rach and I spontaneously high-fived like we were in a cheesy American drama.

  But Amil had more. “And, Bella – I totally saw your special message for vavavoom. So will v. quickly pass it on, if that’s OK, Jaz?”

  Jaz made an “ermyermnerm” noise like the answer was no, but she didn’t want to say it. But Amil wasn’t one for rules. “Mr/Ms Voom, Bella says, ‘Hi, Vav. This is me talking to you. And technically one other person too, if someone is reading this out’ – which I am?! ‘So now two people have spoken to you, why don’t you make the first move with someone else? Try a ne
w seat for lunch or something?’… Hear that, Voom? Bella and the Helicans say go get ’em?!”

  NOSTRIL FLARE. Amil just said my name like I was on their wavelength.

  But Jaz was NOT impressed.

  “Remember, guys, you’re not voting for that, you’re voting for the answer to the original question. Probably shouldn’t have read that bit out, hey, Amil?”

  Amil apologized. But I wasn’t trying to get more votes. I’d just known exactly how vavavoom felt, from when I didn’t have Tegan and Rach to talk to last term. And it totally sucked.

  But there was no time to dwell on if I’d jeopardized our chances. All we could do was vote like crazy. We didn’t have long. I yelled at Shay and Mum to remind them (although they could only text at old-person speed, so were only worth one fifth of one of us) and with shaky fingers sent in as many as I could. I’d roped everyone I knew into helping. Even Jo and her uni mates.

  Which also meant literally everyone I knew was about to hear me succeed or fail.

  By the time Amil came back on, I almost didn’t want to know. Because there would be no going back. Ultimate hero, or public enemy number one?

  He sounded uncharacteristically serious.

  “It sucks to lose someone, anyone, at this stage, so I’m going to get it done quickly.”

  Pleeeeease let one of the next three names we heard be mine.

  And let none of them be Queevil.

  “In no particular order the three finalists are …” He swallowed. “Letty.”

  NOOOOOOOO.

  HOW COULD THIS BE?!

  “Aisha.”

  Oh my hairy toe bushes. I’d messed it up, hadn’t I?

  Unless. Pleeeeeease pleeeeease let the final name be us?!

  “and … Bella.”

  Oh. My. Word.

  We’d done it.

  We were in the final.

  CHAPTER

  SEVENTEEN

  My bedroom erupted with happiness. Rach was leaping round like the floor was too hot to step on, I was yelling so much I induced two accidental shock hiccups and Mum and Shay burst in full of hugs and congrats. Even my phone was on fire with (and one from Mikey).

  If I’d felt popular earlier, now I felt like Emma Watson’s more famous sister. What would it be like if I actually won?!

  In the background Jaz was still waffling on, reading some of the emails she’d had in. There was fanmail for Letty (probs from her dad*)(*he’s a lawyer). And some “We love you anyway”s from friends of the two that had been knocked out.

  “And ’scuse me if I’m not saying this right, but Hitchhiker100 says, ‘Yeaaahhhsssss! Come on, St Mary’s – it’s time the best band played at the best school in the local catchment area.’”

  Amil snorted. “Love some good catchment-area chat!”

  Jaz didn’t laugh back. “So, on to a week Saturday… The final!”

  Amil whooped. “Yesssss, sirrrrr. Letty, Aisha, Bella – we are SO LOOKING FORWARD to meeting you?!!”

  WAIT. WHAT?! Did he say MEET?!

  I, Bella Fisher, was going to meet the Helicans?!

  Was this actually my life? Rach went instantly teary. “Bellss … do you think…”

  But she didn’t need to finish.

  “Rach – it’s all three of us going or nothing, you wallyhead!”

  She started to snort-laugh-cry so hard Shay stroked her hair to calm her down. But this just made her blub even more.

  I turned my attention back to Amil. “Can’t wait to hear what you all have to say in the live final?! Get your radio voices at the ready!”

  It was all too much?! We were going to be live!

  On the radio!

  In thirteen days’ time!

  SORRY, WE WERE WHAT?!

  I WAS GOING TO HAVE TO SPEAK LIVE ON THE RADIO?

  The other three were still cheering like we’d won the lottery.

  But I was silent. The realization hit me like a snowball in the face.

  THE WHOLE HOPE OF MY ENTIRE SCHOOL WAS NOW RESTING ON ME GIVING ADVICE LIVE ON THE RADIO.

  This couldn’t be happening.

  Rach was still yelling, “WEEEEE’RE GOING TO MEET THE HELICANS!” on repeat. Which wasn’t really helping.

  “I’m so proud of you, darling!” Mum planted a kiss on my head.

  But how was I going to do well when I would be mute with fanic?! Argh, I meant panic or fear. Not both. See?! My mind had already stopped working with fanic?!

  No one had noticed I’d gone the colour of Tippex – they were too busy celebrating. Rach was vibrating with excitement, already lost in preparing for the big day.

  “We’ll have to plan outfits carefully. Show Letty that Bella’s got game?!”

  Mum mumbled something about being sure there must be something in my cupboard – but Shay snorted.

  “Yeah – cos what you wear on the radio is really important.” She immediately realized how bad it sounded. “Rach – how about you borrow the shoes?”

  Rach nodded like today couldn’t get any better.

  But I didn’t know if it could get more terrifying.

  Still in silence, I made a mental list of petrifying things that were now looming.

  •Representing the school (on live radio)

  •Having the hopes of the school on my shoulders (on live radio)

  •Speaking (on live radio)

  •Meeting the Helicans (on live radio)

  •Meeting Queevil (on live radio)

  •Doing live radio (on live radio)

  Could I think of anything positive to calm me down?! I racked my brain.

  At least people can’t see me go bright red/silently weep/run away (on live radio)

  Cool. Great. Excellent.

  “I’ll drop you guys down there if you want? Be good to see what studio set-up they have.” Shay looked at Rach. “Maybe catch up with the guys…”

  SHE DID ANOTHER WINK OF INTRIGUE.

  Luckily Rach nodded for the both of us. Having a pro with us is just what we’d need. Jo had already messaged me with the same offer, but I’d stand her down.

  After thirty more mins of pure celebration Rach had to head home. Keen to keep planning for Saturday I went with her. As we set off, Mum asked her to stop squeaking as it was frightening the neighbours’ cats.

  When we got level with the playing field Rach grabbed me.

  “Bells. Why didn’t you say?! We totally haven’t written that Adam message?”

  She looked horrified that she’d forgotten, but the truth was, seeing as both of us had experienced either an accidental dribble, or loss of speech in the last hour, I didn’t really feel like we were top of our game. I’d decided to postpone till tomoz at school with Teeg.

  But Rach had other ideas. She put her hand out.

  “Remind me what you guys last officially said to each other.”

  I passed her my phone, and she scrolled down through the bazillion messages I’d received today.

  But when she got to his name, I didn’t recognize the message at the top. Had he sent me something I’d missed?! But, no.

  The message was the wrong colour.

  What the whatting what what?!

  It was from ME??

  What HAD I done?!

  With my heart so far in my mouth it was basically a hat, I grabbed my phone and opened the thread.

  I scrolled up to the first message I didn’t recognize.

  17:57 yesterday. When I was on the way home from the dentist.

  Bella: 17:57

  Hey Adam. A. Dam. (FYI DID YOU KNOW BEAVERS LIVE IN DAMS???)

  Please, no. My big re-entry into his inbox was about animal habitats.

  Why hadn’t Mum confiscated my phone while I was in a vulnerable state?!

  This was not OK.

  This was not even OK’s long-lost cousin.

  Bella: 17:59

  Anywayz, not the point. Do you want to go on TMUDE?

  What did that even mean?! And worse, why had I used a z?!

 
But it got worse. Much much worse. Because what came next was a picture. Of me. In Mum’s car, waving and smiling the world’s happiest smile straight to camera – except one half of my mouth had drooped down and I had a cotton-wool roll dangling out of it like a fake cigarette when you’re eight.

  Did I think I was funny?!

  Bella: 18:02

  I’m so funny!

  “Rach, please tell me this isn’t really happening?”

  She put her hand on my arm. “Calm down, Bells. It’s going to be fine…”

  But it already wasn’t. Could I sue the dentist?

  Still, at least I hadn’t mentioned TMUDE again.

  Bella: 18:03

  You didn’t answer!! Do you want to go on The Most Unforgettable Date Ever?!

  Ah – so this was what this all about. Me arranging that date. And I’d used the forbidden D word?!

  Could someone arrest my fingers please?

  But Rach had started squeaking, because what came next was a reply from Adam.

  Adam: 18:05

  Hello stranger. Are you … eating cotton wool?

  Adam: 18:06

  And it’s a yes. To both TMUDE. And you being funny xx

  I gasped so loud a pigeon dived into a hedge. But I was in utter shock. Shutter-ock.

  I’d got a date (D-WORD DATE) with Adam?! And two “xx”? And it had happened almost twenty-hour hours ago. And I’d had zero idea until now.

  Oooof. What a rollercoaster.

  “Bells.” Rach pointed at my screen. “I don’t know if you’re in a fit state to deal … but there’s more.”

  I wasn’t in any fit state, but I NEEDED to know. I strapped my life-ruining seatbelt back on.

  Adam: 18:08

  So what is TMUDE going to involve?

  Good question. I’d been thinking about it all day yesterday.

  Bella: 18:12

  I’ve chatted to my mum and we’ve got it!!

  Yes, Bells, nothing says sexy and spontaneous like planning a date with your own mother.

  Bella: 18:14

  Sunday. My house. Be prepared for…

  For what?! A meal with my fam? An awkward evening of soil balls and University Challenge? No good could come of this!

  Bella: 18:14

  DOG AGILITY!!

  Oh.

  My.

  Holy tooth decay.

  I HAD to be joking.

  This was not a thing?!