Truly Madly Awkward

by Beth Garrod

  At least the Mum bit was sorted. She’d replied to me at lunch.

  HELLO MY DARLING DAUGHTER I GOT YOUR

  MESSAGE IS SOMETHING WRONG YOU

  MUST TELL ME IF IT IS THAT IS WHAT MUMS

  ARE FOR TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION I

  HAVE CANCELLED MY YOGA WITH BRENDA

  AND CAN BE THERE AT FIVE THIRTY LOL

  YOUR MUMZZZ

  One day she’d accept that LOL wasn’t lots of love. And that messages weren’t meant to be full life histories. And incorporate full stops.

  But today wasn’t that day.

  Today was the day I needed her to not ask questions and just turn up when I needed her. And when the final bell went, Rach, Tegan, Mikey and I ran straight outside and into Jo’s car. Not only was she on time, but she’d done her bit and swiped the spare GADAC keys without Mum noticing. Within minutes we were inside the shop, unpacking the props I’d been making all week.

  It was like we were doing a reverse robbery. A yrebbor.

  A hand rested on my shoulder. Jo. “Have you heard back from your last email?”

  I shook my head and tried not to notice her wince. Not a good sign. Made more painful as we were surrounded by actual good signs that we’d just stuck up everywhere. I knew my sister studying graphic design could pay off (for me) one day.

  But I didn’t have time to worry. Tegan needed a hand setting up my camera, and Rach needed a hand pinning up the big “Follow @GADAC” arrow we’d made. It was all hands on deck until a knock at the door brought us to a halt.

  It was a man in a red cap.

  “Delivery for B. Fisher?” I nodded and peeked inside the box. It was exactly what I wanted. Even though I still couldn’t believe I’d put all my hard-earned GADAC wages towards it.

  But having it here meant it was time. I headed to the back room to get ready.

  Would the next knock at the door be everything I dreamt of? Or a confused Mum and a whole heap of explaining to do.

  CHAPTER

  THIRTY-TWO

  Was that a scream?

  I was only half changed, but rushed out to find Rachel looking whiter than what I was wearing.

  Tegan was calmly pointing at the door “Bells. It’s for you.”

  Giving me a firm nudge, I stumbled towards it and stepped outside.

  The blacked-out people carrier still had its engine running as the door slid open.

  I couldn’t actually believe it.

  When Clare had replied saying the band ‘might be up for popping in for a few photos if their schedule allowed’, I had no idea if it was a brush-off or she meant it. Shay was always saying how flaky music peeps were.

  But, no.

  It had happened.

  THE HELICANS HAD COME.

  To Give A Dog A Cone.

  Lis was the first to get out. She gave me an actual hug, like we were friends. (Note to self: track down the street CCTV and secure footage of this moment.)

  “I CANNOT believe you came?! Thank you sooo much!” I couldn’t help but stare at her like she was an apparition.

  She just laughed. “No biggie!” We obviously had very different definitions of “big”. “Plus this one,” she pointed at Pastry who was running back and forth through our legs, “would never have forgiven me if we’d deprived her of getting more Give A Dog A Cone treats! That tub your sister gave us in the car park? She wolfed it down.”

  Woah – I had no idea Jo had done that. She really was a proper genius, not just one of those people who does well in exams.

  “Oi.” I felt a prod in the arm. Amil. He reached out for a hug. “Long time no see!”

  “You too – and today I can do sentences and evvverythang.”

  He laughed – and looked down at what I was wearing. “Loving the Pritt Stick look?!”

  Ooops. I’d forgotten I only had half of my new costume on. Hopefully it’d make more sense when the top bit was on. Not exactly my dream look for the only time in my life where I was going to hang out with actual famous people, but every little bit of GADAC promotion helped.

  Rosie held her hands out. “I nabbed this from the tour bus. You want?”

  Oh my days, AS IF IT WAS A DAIM CAKE. She’d remembered our convo!?

  I took the box from her like I was a Wise Man being passed the Baby Jesus in a nativity. But dressed as half a Pritt Stick.

  The One With No Name stopped at the step. “Congrats, Bella – your mum’s done an awesome job! No wonder you wanted to help out.”

  I blushed, unsure if it was because of the endorsement for my mum, or because it meant Clare must have told them everything I’d written in the email – and they’d remembered.

  I’d been totally honest. I’d told them about Mum’s business. About how it might be about to go under, and how I wanted to do anything I could to help – especially as it supported the local dogs’ charity – and that if there was any time at all could they come by after their gig, even for just one photo outside… I may have also offered a lifetime supply of ice cream for Pastry (the one and only time I was happy that dogs didn’t live as long as humans).

  But even though I’d sent it – I never thought it could really happen.

  The last person to clamber out of the backseat was someone I didn’t recognize. Huge smile, hair piled on her head. She caught Jo’s eye and waved.

  Ahhh, this must be Clare.

  Without meaning to, I ran over and flung my arms around her.

  “THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.”

  She just laughed. “Well, we had some time to kill before the bus heads up to Birmingham for tomorrow’s gig, so the guys thought it’d be nice to come and show some support.”

  Woah. Shay had made out everyone in The Industry was like a Disney villain, but Clare was lovely. The band were lovely. They were all so lovely.

  “Honestly, I cannot thank you enough.”

  Clare leaned in. “Between you and me, I think you were their joint-favourite to win, so they were happy they could sort something out.” My jaw fell open. “And stuff like this makes such a nice break from the usual press.”

  Was she really chatting with me about the inner workings of the band?! This was too much. “Oh, and we thought it could be a good opportunity to try out some acoustic versions of a couple of new songs, if that’s OK?”

  OK? OK???

  It wasn’t OK!! It was un-bee-leeeeee-vable. My wildest dream.

  (Previous dream = the band turning up for one picture. Maybe retweeting one GADAC’s post – and now they were giving me a world-exclusive gig?!)

  “Sorry it’s gross, but we had to bring some security, just to be on the safe side.”

  Clare nodded at two enormous guys who were helping carry in black and metal boxes. They both shouted, “Hiya!”

  “We’ve got a couple of journos on the tour with us. Is there enough space for them too?”

  I needed to think another way of saying, “Yes, thank you,” and, “You’re amazing.” And also – “OMG is this an entourage situation!?” But instead let out another, “Yes, YES! Thank you, you’re amazing, thank you.”

  Clare laughed at/with me again and headed in to help set up. This was actually happening. I messaged Mum and reminded her to brush her hair.

  The next thirty minutes were a weird mix of being frantically busy trying to help the band set up, while stopping every twenty seconds to deal with the fact that the Helicans were in my mum’s shop. Hanging out with my friends.

  They were as chill as the ice cream – even when I tried to take a covert pic on my phone, but left the flash on, and got totally rumbled. They especially loved Pastry’s VID (Very Important Dog) bowl I’d made.

  Mikey had done an amazing job of tracking down all the contact details of the people we wanted to be there. He’d even found HitchHiker100 on a Helicans forum.

  Right on time, the guests started to arrive. It was only a small space so we’d had to be really careful. Proper supporters of the band or GADAC only. We had
n’t been able to be honest about what was happening, as I wasn’t sure myself – so I’d kept it vague with a “Give A Dog A Cone and The Last Band To be First need your help” message. The reference was to a hidden Helicans album track, so we figured only true fans would turn up.

  Ava arrived first. She was wearing the Helicans T-shirt I’d seen so often under her school shirt. I ran outside to meet her. Her mascara was still smudged from crying earlier.

  “Bells – what are you doing here?!” I was too excited to speak. “If you wanted to start a petition couldn’t we have done that at school? I was saying earlier tha—”

  But mid putting in her ponytail band, she froze, arms in the air.

  If I’d ever wanted to know what would happen if you dipped a person in liquid nitrogen, I now had a fairly good idea.

  “Is … that…?”

  I nodded. “Uh-huh.”

  “What. The. Actual…” But she didn’t get to finish, as Tegan came out, clipboard and pen in hand.

  “You made it! Great! First one ticked off.” She spotted Ava was having trouble functioning, and physically pushed her in. “In you go.”

  Ava walked forward like each limb was being remote controlled independently. I wished I could see her face as Amil headed straight over, admired her T-shirt and began chatting away.

  Tegan squeezed my hand. “Bells – I’m so proud of you.”

  Even though she was one of my best friends, I felt weirdly embarrassed.

  “Total team effort.”

  “All your idea though.” She held up the list. “Now, do you reckon these randomers are going to show?” She ran her finger down the names, which included people we hadn’t ever met. Although. Wait? There was someone on the list I hadn’t put there. It wasn’t a name, just three initials.

  TMH.

  Tegan shrugged. “Don’t look at me!”

  “Aka do look at Rachel?”

  She double shrugged, which totally meant yes.

  “Apparently she saw him with a Helicans tote once? You did say we needed mega fans?!”

  “But we don’t even know his name?!”

  “Oh we do. Mikey found out. Apparently it’s Colin.”

  “Think I’ll stick with Tesco Matt Healey.”

  Teeg laughed. “Same!”

  I looked over at Rach, who was polishing one of the glass freezer doors with both sleeves of her hoodie. Whilst wearing it. It was impossible to ever be cross with her.

  “Right, so five mins before Mum gets here.”

  “Thank goodness she’s spent enough time in your room with the posters. Imagine if she was all like, ‘Who are your new friends and why are they in here?’ And, ‘Isn’t that one cold with her stomach showing?’”

  I gulped. I hadn’t actually thought through the prospect of my mum actually being with the band. She was bad enough at parents’ evening, and I absolutely don’t care what teachers think.

  But there was no more time to panic, as the trickle of people turned into a full avalanche of all the names on the list arriving. The room was packed, and everyone was buzzing, especially the handful of people from school we’d invited – the only ones who had carried on being nice to us even after I’d lost the comp.

  It was like normal rules were off – strangers all chatting to each other as if the fact we all had the Helicans in common was enough to know we could all get on. Rach was having proper goss with Tesco Colin Matt Healy. And Mikey and Boxer Boy were laughing like they were old mates, as opposed to people who shared the same school space daily but didn’t acknowledge each other’s existence.

  As Clare promised, even some press turned up – and they weren’t scary at all. They were in trainers and had messy hair and were genuinely interested in GADAC. Tegan made sure they all had lots of tubs to take home.

  Suddenly a shout from Jo filled the room. “Everyone. SHUSH! She’s about to arrive!” She flicked off the big lights. Mum must be coming. I felt a new wave of worry. Please let her be pleased!

  Rosie and Lis picked up their guitars and shuffled up on to their stools. The rest of the audience gathered round, not sure whether to look at them or the door.

  I took a step out into the cold evening.

  Mum was bumbling towards me, chatting to herself. She was hurrying, but her shoulders were down and her hands were clenched. I hadn’t picked up on it before, but she looked more stressed just being near the shop. Not noticing anything untoward, or the fact I was wearing half a fancy-dress costume, she gave me her normal kiss on the cheek.

  “Now then, flower face, what was this thing you so needed me to be here for?” She put a hand on either side of my face. “Should I be worried? You are such a mysterious sausage sometimes, aren’t you?”

  Memory, please delete the time when a whole room full of the coolest people I’d ever met just heard me get called a “mysterious sausage” by my mum.

  “Erm, it was this, Mum.”

  I pushed open the door fully as Jo flicked the light back on. The room erupted into cheers.

  Mum stared like she’d seen a ghost.

  Well, another ghost, as she said she’d encountered one when she went on a camping holiday in Scotland.

  “What … what?” She staggered back.

  “All publicity is good publicity, right?”

  She looked at Lis and Rosie. “Aren’t they…?”

  I nodded.

  “From your wall?”

  I nodded again, although that wasn’t their key achievement. “Also known as the Helicans. They wanted to help out. So let me take your coat, and you get inside and enjoy.”

  Jo took Mum’s hand, and pulled her into the crowd. And with camera flashes going off, and cheering louder than ever before, Lis counted down from three, and the Helicans began to play.

  CHAPTER

  THIRTY-THREE

  They sounded AMAZING. Even better live.

  The best thing I’d ever heard.

  Mum was still in such shock Jo had to hang on to her throughout. She could’ve toppled like Jenga – Mumga – at any second. Everyone else was equally as hyped – all swaying, clapping and singing along to the ones they knew, and loving every second of the new stuff.

  Finally, with no more running around to do, I pulled on the top half of my costume. Finding a human-sized bone outfit had been hard, but as I bounced along to the music, human-arm in bone-arm with Rach and Tegan, posing for photos, I knew it would look great. And as pics started landing in people’s feeds, I was proved right. I just had to cross my fingers something would make its way into the papers tomorrow – that we could finally get the GADAC word out.

  My phone buzzed in my bra where I’d stuffed it.

  JO: You did good, Sis xxx

  Across the room, I gave her my biggest smile – then remembered my face was entirely hidden behind a giant bone costume.

  It really was more amazing than I could have ever imagined. Clare was even live streaming little teasers of the new songs, tagging GADAC in everything. Our followers had gone up by a thousand before the third song had even finished. I couldn’t wait for Shay to arrive. She was going to be so impressed, and it would be an awesome surprise for the band to have their friend here.

  It was the best I’d felt in forever. I had no idea if it was going to be enough to help save GADAC but I’d definitely given Mum a night to remember – and put a smile back on her face.

  But as I was taking it all in, Rach started pointing at the door. I turned to see a very unexpected person arguing with the bouncers and headed out, Tegan following behind me.

  “Er, hi, Mrs Hitchman.”

  She gave me a confused look. “Bella?! Is that you?!”

  I nodded, which in my costume had to happen from the waist upwards. “I didn’t know you were…” I stopped myself before I said “invited”. If there’s one person you don’t want to sound aggro with, it’s your head teacher.

  “Invited?” She finished my sentence.

  “No, no. Erm, free? I thought you ha
d a, er, teacher thing?”

  Was she one of the randomers who had turned up after seeing all the chat online? The bouncers were doing a great job at keeping them outside. There must be fifty already.

  “Oh no! I cleared my diary for this! Just in case!” She ran her finger down Tegan’s list.

  “HITCHHIKER100. There I am!”

  What the what? She’d been the one emailing Radio Shire, and posting all over their forums? Thank goodness I was in a costume so she couldn’t see my look of horror.

  But she’d already pushed past me, and was stomping her Converse all the way to the front. Tegan leaned over.

  “So none of us are EVER getting a detention ever again, right?”

  We looked inside – Mrs Hitchman already had her hands in the air. I swear Lis was trying not to giggle. Tegan took her phone out. “I’m totally getting video in case!”

  We headed back inside, but less than two songs later one of the bouncers came and got me.

  “We’ve got two people outside who say they’re regular customers, and a ‘big deal on Instagram’. They’re desperate to get in but I can’t see their names. Any ideas?”

  I stood on my tiptoes, but what with the crowd outside and in, I couldn’t see who they were.

  I went outside to discover the most beautiful girl looking furious at being made to wait – but not as annoyed as her boyfriend, who was loudly telling everyone he was friends with the band. When he saw a person in a Giant Bone costume, he looked apoplectic with rage.

  “I said I wanted the manager. What are you, stupid?!” He was right up in the other bouncer’s face. “I’m telling you – you are going to get fired when they find out you made us wait!”

  The outside crowd were starting to film it, loving the drama. The guy was loving the ego trip and his girlfriend tossed her hair and pouted extra hard for anyone who was watching.

  As quickly as I could, I pulled off the top half of my costume.

  “Sorry, guys – your name’s not down, you’re not coming in.”

  Yup, there was NO WAY Luke or Ska were having anything to do with this night. And the looks on their faces made every second of hard work worth it. Thank goodness so many people were filming so I could enjoy this moment on demand for the rest of my life. I turned to the bouncers. “Good call, guys. Thanks for your help.” I gave Ska and Luke – who were still open mouthed in horror – the sickliest sweet wave I could muster, and pulled my costume back on, walking back in to a shower of high fives from Tegan and Rach. Together we carried on enjoying the best gig of our life.