HDU #2: Dirt

by India Lee

  Breathless and finally finished with her confession, Amanda stared at Liam, whose cheek flexed as he clenched his jaw. His disappointment was visible now and so great that Amanda’s eyes felt the need to drop to the ground. In the corner of her vision, she could see Connor at his door, in a tux now himself, his satisfaction palpable and radiating from where he stood.

  “Cut her loose. She was never who she claimed to be, Liam,” he said. “Just fuck it, man, she’s done enough to — ”

  “Stop talking.”

  Liam’s low command was sudden and firm enough that Connor’s mouth snapped instinctively shut. But all it took were a couple seconds for him to gather himself and try again.

  “Liam, she’s as much as a schemer as Casey is. She just told you herself,” Connor protested. “Now let’s get the fuck going before she screws up one more thing for you. This is the biggest premiere of your life and you’re already late.”

  “Just listen to him and go.” Amanda forced the words out from between her teeth. “I want to do you a favor here, Liam. Just admit to yourself that you’re angry, that you don’t want to deal with me, with this bullshit anymore. I know you see all the ways your life has complicated since you met me so just tell me I’m right and go!”

  Casting a shadow over her, Liam stepped forward, closing the small gap between their bodies. “You’re right.” His voice was lower than she’d ever heard it. “I’m angry. I told you not to screw with Casey. Twice. I told you that she has the resources to bury anyone and you’re right, I wish I didn’t have to deal with this bullshit anymore. Terrence, Casey, the tabloids, the sneaking around — if I could choose for it to be all gone, I would but it’s here and it’s happening so I just have to handle it, Amanda, because I love you and I don’t care what bullshit I have to fight through so we can be peaceful and happy together at some point.” Amanda opened her mouth to protest but he interrupted. “That’s enough. I’m not going anywhere. Either you choose an easy life or you choose to care about somebody. I did the latter and I don’t regret it. I wish I didn’t have to worry about you and that I knew you’d always be fine and out of harm but that’s not real life. There’s work involved in life, especially the things you want most. So stop trying to tell me what’s good for me — I know better than anyone what’s good for me and what’s good for me is you.”

  Her breath caught in her throat, Amanda stood before Liam, frozen by his words and stunned silent as she tried to go back on the decision she’d made before arriving at Connor’s. She was supposed to end it, to let Liam go. She had unconsciously readied herself for the moment for weeks and now here she was, ready to accept defeat and melt into his arms.

  But just as she prepared to, Connor’s exasperation finally brought him to the hallway, his long legs marching him over to Liam with just a couple of large, angry strides. He grabbed Liam by the arm. “We’re late. Just leave her, Liam, for Christ’s sake.”

  Jerking his arm back, Liam ignored Connor, keeping his eyes on Amanda and his hand wrapped tight around hers. “Tell me you’re off of this. I need to know that you’re not going to disappear on me anymore. The world can go ahead and believe that we’re separated but I need to know that we’re not. I’m about to go to the most important premiere of my life and if I don’t get to have you by my side at least let me know I have you at all.”

  Amanda swallowed. Shit. He had her alright. Why did I think I could do this? She wasn’t sure how she had ever had that confidence in herself — to tell Liam that they were over, that she was sure of it and that her heart could handle the idea of being truly apart. “Okay,” she managed, relief closing her eyes and resting her face in his palm when he cupped her cheek in his hand. But the peaceful moment didn’t quite last long.

  “Oh, fuck this.”

  Amanda and Liam pulled apart to look at Connor, who loosened his tie until he could tug it off of his neck.

  “If you want to ruin your life and stick with her then I’m out, brother. I’m not going to hang around to watch her screw with your head again and bring your entire career down with her shitty one. She’s a famewhore, Liam. Fucking trust me when I say that she wants celebrity more than she wants you.”

  “Watch it.” Liam was in front of Connor in no time, his flared shoulder blades stretching the back of his white button up. “If you want to go then go. Just keep your goddamned mouth shut on your way out.”

  Connor’s neck widened in the confines of his tuxedo shirt as his angry muscles pulled taut. “Jesus Christ, Liam. Look at what you’re throwing away for someone who means nothing. You and I and Logan — we all worked our asses off to get you to this point. This is it, Liam. A Soldier. This is the movie that just put you on the map and after this, The Legends is going to be the one that sets you and Logan for life. And you’re going to risk all this good shit because you think that’s worth it?” Connor practically spat in disgust.

  Don’t react. Eyeing the sudden flames in Liam’s eyes, Amanda hugged his arm with both of hers, pulling his tense body back to safety near hers. “Just leave us alone, Connor,” she said through gritted teeth, praying to God that he would simply listen. Instead, he sneered.

  “Go fuck yourself, Amanda.”

  As if reacting, the fluorescent hallway light flickered. Her locked arms flying apart, Amanda’s body registered the feeling of Liam breaking free from her grip just a second before her eyes registered his fists slamming Connor against the wall by handfuls of his white shirt.

  “Liam!” The voice she heard was somehow her own though it sounded too hoarse for her to recognize. Her feet carried her clumsily forward as Liam held Connor against the wall, muttering something low to him that she couldn’t distinguish nor care to. She had her focus set on separating him from Connor, whose smaller frame meant nothing when his eyes blazed with such white hot rage that Amanda could actually feel it from where she stood.

  Suddenly, with a growl and a hard push, Liam was the one with his back slammed against the wall. No sound escaping her throat, Amanda could only watch as Connor sunk a hard fist into Liam’s left jaw.

  “Stop it!” Flying forward, Amanda hung on Connor’s arm, her abs burning as she exhausted all her might to pull him off of Liam. She succeeded only to feel him jerk away from her, the force of her pull sending her flying backward and into the wall. Feeling the back of her head bounce against the wall, Amanda squeezed her eyes shut, her vision full of small, colorful dots as she heard an unintelligible roar from Liam.

  Sitting in a slump against the wall, Amanda opened her eyes to see the blurry floor, blinking until they focused on the shiny black shoes standing next to her against the same wall — or rather, on their toes. And just barely.

  Scrambling backward, Amanda looked up to see Liam’s teeth gnashed as he pinned Connor against the wall by a forearm under the jaw.

  “Liam!” she gasped, her eyes wide as she gaped at the way he rendered Connor’s six-foot-one frame completely still and useless. Staring at Connor’s wide eyes and reddening face, Amanda scrambled to her feet, pushing Liam as hard as she could until he let go, leaving Connor a brief heap on the floor. Stunned, Amanda stood frozen as she watched him cough before gasping for breath and bringing himself to something of a sitting position despite his clear exhaustion.

  “Are you fucking kidding me?” he rasped. Amanda wasn’t sure if the water in his eyes was a result of the brief chokehold or something else. “Twelve years we’ve been trying to make it together and this is what you’re going to let get in the way of fucking brotherhood, Liam?” Connor shook his head, letting it fall back against the wall as his chest heaved. He lips twisted to spit something else but with a tired groan, Connor gave up, opting instead to keep catching his breath. “Go to the premiere, Liam,” he finally mumbled, staring at his feet. “You’ll only be fifteen minutes late if you leave now.”

  Cursing silently, Amanda did her best to remind herself of the horrible things that Connor had said to her as she followed Liam down the stairs, prepa
red to leave through the front door while he’d go through the back exit. But suddenly, the memories of the insults and name-calling didn’t help her guilt over what she had just done to the boys’ twelve-year friendship.

  “I change my mind, Liam.”

  When they reached the bottom step of the first floor, Amanda stood still on it, letting Liam continue forward. But he spun around at her words, his head already shaking at her.

  “Amanda — ”

  “I’m the one who can’t do this anymore.” Numb, she held her hand up when he tried to approach. “Look at me, Liam. I do tear apart the things you’ve spent half your life building. You can’t even try to deny that after what just happened. Any time you do something out of love for me, it completely screws you.” Suddenly, the confidence she’d been building to for two weeks returned with a force. “This can’t go on,” she said, her jaw tight and her voice firm. “I’m not going to try to convince myself anymore that it can or should so neither should you.” She swallowed, reaching into her bag to find her wallet. “I love you, Liam. And I know you love me, too but this isn’t right.”

  Unzipping her wallet, she pulled out the key to their house in North Carolina. She held it out to Liam.

  “We had that one weekend at the house but something tells me there won’t be anything like that again.” She laughed bitterly. “We have all this love and not an ounce of peace and I can’t live like that anymore, so you just tell me now that you’ll go and we can stop draining the life out of each other because we both deserve to live like normal people again.” Her outward calm surprised her considering the war in her body as she spoke the hard words, watching Liam stand before her, so handsome in his tux, tall and strong but for once, completely helpless.

  Finally, he took the key.

  “Okay,” he said, staring down at it in his palm. Amanda swallowed as she watched him start his walk away.

  “I do love you,” she couldn’t help but blurt. It was as if her mind had thought it a good idea, a way to leave things off on a somewhat positive note. But somehow, saying the three words made Amanda feel only worse.

  But not as bad as it would feel to hear them back.

  Nodding, Liam wrapped his fingers around the key. “I love you, too,” he said before turning and going.

  Chapter 22

  Hunched over the counter on the torn leather barstool, Amanda finally sent Ian the text that she’d composed and then stared at for a good five minutes.

  I broke up with Liam.

  Rereading the words made her heart twist with a pain that would have warranted a doctor’s visit were she not aware of the heartbreak she’d just caused herself. She and Liam had broken up once before and even then, when it hadn’t technically been real, it had felt worse than anything Amanda had ever experienced before.

  Now that it was real, Amanda was fairly certain she could never do this again. How the hell do people have the capacity to do this more than once? Since hopping a cab from Chinatown, Amanda had felt her entire body cramp with the pain of being apart from Liam and knowing that this time, it was for good. She had truly never felt worse in her life.

  Which was why she’d decided to finally accept Bird’s invitation and join the Joes of Leadoff in one of their happy hours at their usual bar in Midtown West. It was better than crying on the last step of Connor’s paint-chipped apartment building, knowing well that he was probably still slumped against a wall a couple floors up, listening to at least the faint sounds of her pathetic sobbing.

  “Stop texting, Nathan, or you automatically lose the bet.” Balling up a cocktail napkin, Fish threw it so that it hit Amanda on the side of the head. She heard him heave a sigh and make some comment about the Yankees game to Skip when she didn’t respond. She was too busy staring at the little ellipses on her iPhone screen that indicated Ian’s typing of a response.

  Shit. Goddamn I’m so sorry. Where are you? I’m coming. Or if you need a girl Harper is here. She’s good to talk to.

  Amanda managed a weak smile, relieved to know that Ian and Harper were at least doing fine.

  No, stay where you are with harper. I just needed to tell you. I have company, don’t worry. Go back to what you were doing.

  The last place Ian needed to be was at a bar with her and it wasn’t as if she wouldn’t soon have company. Holding up a finger and indicating that she’d only be another minute, Amanda took a long drink of her Jameson and Ginger, reading Ian’s next text with a curious frown.

  Under normal circumstances I’d ignore you and hunt your ass down even if you were at a bar because I know you’re a mess right now. But I’m actually going to listen to you and go back to what I’m doing because what I’m doing right now will make your day once it’s done. Your week, even. Maybe your year.

  “Get the next round of shots and I’ll stop texting,” Amanda mumbled when through the corner of her eye, she saw Fish impatiently balling up another napkin. Since she had planned on drinking anyway, Amanda had agreed to a game of drinking with Fish for the chance to write the season finale of Leadoff. Thanks to Casey, she had already broken up with Liam. Now, she was more compelled than ever to go all out against her, to embrace whatever horrible person she had become. She had nothing left to lose. Now, pitching Casey’s twisted childhood wasn’t enough. She wanted to be the one to write the episode, to make sure Casey knew it was no mistake at all. And she was fairly certain that she’d want all that even if she weren’t drunk.

  Ian what are you talking about?

  Despite her mood, Ian’s text still managed to pique her curiosity. Thankfully, his response was immediate.

  I’ve been talking to Quinn Colwell.

  Her fingers typed like lightning.

  What??? How?

  In awe, she read Ian’s response, grabbing the shot of vodka from Fish and knocking it back with her eyes still glued to the screen of her phone, hungry as they read Ian’s explanation.

  I Facebook messaged about eight different Quinn Colwells under a fake profile. Asked ‘did Casey steal something from you’ — figured the wrong Quinns would ignore it. Anddd they sure did ignore it. Even the right one. At first. Sent another round of emails saying, ‘She got me too.’ Got a response from Quinn Colwell of Virginia asking who I was. Told him I was Ian Marsh with my email address. He emailed me back right away and said something interesting about the movie I made of Casey and… something even more interesting about Legacy. I’ll copy and paste it to you. Kind of a bombshell.

  “Holy shit,” Amanda murmured, gripping her phone hard as she waited for Ian’s follow-up. She could actually feel the ball of stress in her chest thinning at the mere thought of having some sort of dirt on Casey. Accepting another shot from Fish, Amanda knocked it back, but only to spit it into her glass of Jameson and Ginger. It was disgusting but she was suddenly no longer in need of a drink — in fact, she needed to sober up fast in order to comprehend whatever Ian was about to send.

  Finally, the message came through.

  From Quinn:

  ‘i knew she staged that video when i saw it. she just wanted to make herself look more convincing. casey didn’t write a word of legacy. it’s not even based on real life, i just wrote it for my college application.’

  Eyes wide, Amanda felt her heart stop. Holy. Shit.

  Tell me there’s more.

  Ian’s reply came quickly.

  ‘I tried to sue but I was too much of a nobody and Casey’s lawyers killed my case before it rose to any court. My script was a short film. She turned it into the pilot of Legacy and changed maybe three lines. The rest of the episodes aren’t mine but every word of the first episode is. I kept my mouth shut for the past three years because she threatened to get me kicked out of college and make sure that I never work in the film industry in the future. And because no one would believe me anyway.’

  Holy shit. Amanda felt her jaw drop. That would certainly explain Legacy’s mysterious dip in quality or any sort of a clue as to how to continue the episodes.r />
  Ian. This is important: Tell Quinn that I will attach my name to the case to get it more attention as long as he can find some good solid proof that this is what happened. Tell him now!!

  Amanda waited the most desperately on this particular text of Ian’s, which took an odd amount of time.

  “She looks ready to accept defeat,” she heard Skip observe. “I think you got this, Fish. That episode’s yours to write, kid.”

  Amanda shot a glare that made all three Joes “ooh” with delight. “Give me another shot,” she demanded, staring Fish down as she knocked it back, once again spitting the vodka into her other glass once no one was looking.

  “I’ll give it to her. She can drink,” Skip said, his eyes going from a very drunk Fish to the row of empty shot glasses lining the counter.

  “Which means she can write,” Bird said dryly, poking a low-groaning Fish, who appeared to be reaching the limit of his tolerance.

  Finally, Ian’s response to her last text message arrived.

  Holy shit. Just made a phone call to relay your message. I think I should have Quinn call YOU really quick. Ask about meeting Casey — how/when it happened.

  Amanda had hardly finished reading over the text message before her phone rang. Shushing the Joes who protested against her picking up the phone, Amanda composed herself, making sure she was fully comprehendible before answering the call.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi, Amanda Nathan?”

  Whoa. Amanda blinked, immediately thrown off.

  For starters, Quinn Colwell was a girl.

  “Hi. This is Amanda. I’m so glad you’re calling, Quinn,” Amanda managed to say steadily while holding up a shot of vodka and bringing it to clink against Fish’s glass. He and Skip were both entirely too drunk at this point to notice the various things Amanda was doing with her alcohol — like this time, throwing it over her shoulder. Bird kept his mouth shut, laughing quietly to himself as he watched the scene. “Quinn, I was told to ask where you first met Casey in the first place,” Amanda said, feeing the hairs on her arms standing straight as she anticipated something good.