A Ballad of Confetti, Cake and Catastrophes

by Helen Juliet

  Lauren explained about them no longer fitting and the fruitlessness of trying to run around and buy a new pair now. But Kinny shook her head. “We think they sort of work anyway,” she said, repeating Nicholas’s point. “It fits in with the spring theme.” She then sneezed loudly, and blinked at it having taken her by surprise. “Sorry, excuse me.”

  Clara stared at her niece running around happily for a minute, until she sighed and her shoulders relaxed. “They are very pretty,” she told her. “Would you like to wear them for the wedding?”

  Milly bunched up her hands and stamped her sparkly feet. “Oh yes please, yes please!”

  “Then that’s decided.”

  Nicholas’s mum made a few protest noises about how the photos would look, but she was outnumbered. Nobody else had the strength to try and get Milly into a new pair of shoes.

  “Hey,” said Nicholas jovially. “At least she’s all in pink. They could have been yellow or orange.”

  Everyone agreed this was a very good point indeed.

  It was gone midday, so Nicholas felt it was time to start getting ready himself, seeing as the cars would be arriving at one-thirty. But when he was alone in his room again, it was hard to keep a hold of his good mood.

  He’d been so excited about Fynn seeing him in his suit. He’d pictured his face again and again as he’d thought about walking into the venue, Fynn on his guitar, wowing everyone, and Nicholas all dressed up. For once, he had imagined he might look good enough to stand next to him for everyone to see. And now, he’d never know if he thought the bowtie was cute, or if he liked the spats shoes.

  He sat on his bed and stared at his shirt in his hands for longer than he should have. He wondered how Fynn’s day was going. Was he already on the train into London? Or had he arrived early in anticipation of the meeting?

  Despite everything, Nicholas wished him the best of luck, with his whole heart. Fynn was too big for Nicholas’s little world. He wanted him to succeed and fly up to the stars. Even if that meant doing it without him.

  With a sigh, Nicholas made himself stand up, and carry on getting dressed. He looked at the hickey on his clavicle for a while in the mirror, touching it with his finger tip. It gave him a strange sense of comfort to know that in some very small way, Fynn was still with him today.

  This was just the beginning, he told himself as he pulled his trousers on. Now he knew he was gay, he could join the LGBT society back at uni. Maybe he could even seek out that cute Politics student again. He’d be much better off with someone more in his own league, perhaps someone who was sweet and funny and actually replied to texts.

  He could think about that later. Because just then, the idea of comparing anyone else to Fynn wasn’t going to work. His heart contracted in his chest, and he placed his hand over it, willing the pain to stop.

  Not for the first time, he wondered if he’d been in love.

  Not actually in love – that was impossible in such a short amount of time, he was certain. But maybe he’d been on his way. Maybe it would have been love in a little while. He guessed he’d never know.

  The point was, this wasn’t the end of the world. He was bound to meet someone new; he was only twenty. Just because Clara had met her soulmate on the first try didn’t mean he had to as well. Lauren had dated a bunch of guys and had loads of hook-ups before she met Franko. There were plenty more fish in the sea.

  He kept telling himself that until he had slipped both his contact lenses into his eyes, straightened his jacket, and stepped back out of the door. Then there was too much to distract him to think too long about the heart he’d assured himself wouldn’t get broken.

  The last hour slipped away in the blink of an eye. The house was a whirlwind of people running around, getting dressed, finding cufflinks and necklaces, yelling about how little time they had left, all while trying not to knock over the flowers that had now filled the hallway. Nicholas envied Peter, getting ready in the quietness of his hotel room.

  Each bridesmaid had a flower bouquet as well as a crown for her head. Even little Milly, who Nicholas thought was very good as Lauren and their mum used bobby pins to secure it to her hair. Then Nicholas and his dad had button holes that matched the ones that had been sent over to Peter and his ushers, and finally, there was Clara’s magnificent teardrop bouquet. The main flower to make up the arrangements was a delicate little once called Baby’s Breath. It looked like something you’d find in a meadow. There was bunches and bunches of it, only interspersed with pale pink roses in Clara’s bouquet.

  And it turned out, Kinny was allergic to it.

  “I’m so sorry,” she said, blowing her nose and dabbing at her eyes, trying not to ruin any of her makeup. “I had no idea!” She’d been trying to ignore the increasing sneezes for the past hour, but after she’d had her crown secured to her head, there was no getting away from it.

  Luckily, Nicholas’s mum suffered quite badly from hay fever, so was already well stocked up on antihistamines, eye drops, and even a nasal spray. But the cars had arrived, and although most people were dressed and ready to go, Clara was still upstairs fussing with their dad, and Kinny couldn’t leave until her face had calmed down a bit.

  “Let’s go into the garden for a bit,” suggested Ash, leading her by her arm. “Some fresh air might blow the most of it away while the tablets get to work.” Kinny nodded, evidently miserable and guilty, but willing to try anything to ease her symptoms.

  “You just have to keep it on until the photos are done,” Nicholas assured her as he followed them through to the kitchen. “After that, bugger it. You can chuck it in the bin.”

  Kinny laughed, and Ash gave him an appreciative smile as she took her outside. She was in her bridesmaid’s dress, and although Nicholas could tell she was still not friends with it, she was putting on a good show of being fine.

  By the time that Nicholas’s dad announced that Clara was ready to slowly start making her way down the stairs in her dress, they were running late. They had to make sure they were at the venue by two o’clock, as the ceremony was at two-thirty, but the registrar had to do the final, separate interviews with Clara and Peter to double check they still wanted to get married, or were in their right minds, or something. Nicholas wasn’t sure. He felt sorry for anyone who made it to this point and then decided that no, actually, they didn’t want to get married. He wondered how often that happened, and had to reassure himself that that was definitely not going to be the case today. Peter and Clara were so in love, and now they were going to make it official.

  Having had a freak out about it on Thursday night, Nicholas had to admit he was a tiny bit worried about seeing his big sis in her dress. If she really hated it on herself, there wouldn’t be much he could do about it. But as soon as she came around the corner at the top of the stairs, everyone gasped, and he knew it was all going to be okay.

  Their dad was actually misty-eyed as he helped her take one step at a time, and the photographer walked backwards down the stairs, capturing every moment. Nicholas could understand why. Her strawberry blonde hair was piled up into a complex knot around a tiara and veil, and her beaming face was framed with pretty little ringlets. Her skin was glowing from the expertly-applied makeup, and delicate crystals sparkled around her throat on the necklace that their parents had bought her especially.

  The dress itself was gathered around her waist and fell to the floor like a waterfall, flowing with every step she took. There were thick straps over her shoulders, wrapped with silver hoops at regular intervals that gave it a sort of Greek feel. The material wrapped over her chest in a sweetheart cut that didn’t show off too much of her boobs, but still managed to make her figure look cracking.

  Nicholas wiped his eyes with his thumb. “Ahh Geri,” he said, affectionately using her Spice Girls name. “If he doesn’t cry, I’m going to deck him.”

  Clara bubbled with laughter that threatened to turn into a sob, and she swatted him with her hand. “Shut up,” she said good-natured
ly.

  Nicholas was overcome with happiness. No matter his own upsets and woes, he knew this was going to be one of the best days of Clara’s life.

  They had twenty minutes to make it to the town hall in order to be on time for Clara’s interview, which they could do if the traffic wasn’t abysmal. But it was a Saturday, and the sun was back out, so Nicholas was more than a little nervous as they all bundled into the sleek black cars, each adorned with pink ribbons stretched over the bonnets.

  The first part of the route was okay, but predictably, the closer they got to town, the heavier the traffic got. Nicholas chewed his thumbnail until Ash pulled it away from his mouth.

  “We’ll get there when we get there,” she said kindly, but firmly.

  The steps up to the town hall were just off the road. So the cars all pulled over in the designated area, and the party had to walk across the square with locals, tourists, stall owners and pigeons all looking on. Nicholas knew that Danielle would have seen this as a fabulous added bonus when they booked the venue. The idea of preening and showing off would have appealed to her. But seeing as they were now ten minutes past two o’clock, and had had to deal with a host of unexpected dilemmas that morning, let alone the rest of the week, he couldn’t help but wish they had a little more privacy.

  Still, on the whole, the people around them were looking on with excitement and warmth. Some took photos, others waved and offered thumbs up. Nicholas appreciated that.

  He didn’t want to leave, but as they reached the foyer, his job was done. He and his mum needed to go sit down with Franko and leave Clara with their dad to do the interview before returning to the bridesmaids. Just as he was about to leave, he turned around and grabbed his sister tight, hugging her with everything he had.

  “I love you,” he said, trying not to sniffle. “You look stunning. Please enjoy this. You deserve it.”

  “Oh bugger off before you make me howl,” she chuckled, lightly bashing him with her bouquet.

  Kinny sneezed, then hastily blew her nose. “I’m fine, I’m fine,” she squeaked, tucking the tissue into her bra.

  Nicholas gave all the bridesmaids one last hug, accepted an enthusiastic high five from Milly, then took his mum’s arm to walk her inside the hall.

  “Isn’t this exciting?” she said thickly.

  Nicholas still hadn’t quite forgiven her for blaming him for the destruction of the wedding cake yesterday. But she was giddy and emotional with delight over her eldest daughter’s wedding, the first wedding of any of her children. So he decided to just forget about it, and hugged her close as they drew near the bustling ceremony room.

  Compared to when he’d come with Fynn the other day – and he was not going to think about what had happened immediately after that – the hall was overflowing with activity now. There were seventy or eighty chairs, all arranged in semi-circular rows, facing the table that had been set up for the registrar. They were adorned with tightly fitted white covers and pale pink sashes, and most of them were already occupied with excited friends and family, waiting for the ceremony to begin.

  Nicholas didn’t know a lot of the smiling faces, assuming them to be friends of Clara’s and Peter’s from school, uni, and their online community. There was also Peter’s extended family, who, outside of Ash and their parents, Nicholas didn’t know at all. But there were members of his own family who he hadn’t seen for years that he happily waved at as he and his mum walked to their places at the front on the rows.

  He was very pleased to see his Aunt Sally had made it in one piece. She was pale and slightly clammy-looking under her big hat, but she was still talking with one of Peter’s uncles in the row behind her, angling her ample bosom his way and having a good go at a flirt. Her four boys were sat in a line next to her; Noah had put on a bit of weight, Mason was obviously going through a goth stage, Ethan was bouncing on his seat in excitement, and Oliver was ignoring everyone and everything around him in favour of the game he was playing on his mum’s phone. When Ethan spotted Nicholas though, he poked his brothers and his mum until they were all waving at him. He grinned and waved back, mouthing “Speak to you later” with a thumbs up.

  Nicholas’s mum spotted her sister, Danielle’s mum, Louise. It was painfully clear she wasn’t speaking to her husband from the way she had her whole body turned away from him, engaging with her ghastly friend Michelle. Thin to the point of anorexia, she was wearing bright yellow and smirking at anyone who happened to look her way.

  Nicholas tried not to give her the satisfaction of scowling in her direction. But it was difficult when thought about what unkind observations she was undoubtedly going to come up with once she saw Clara in her dress.

  His mum attempted to drag him over to say hello, but Nicholas implied he had someone else he needed to talk to. In reality, he just wanted to go and sit in his seat. He’d work his way up to small talk later, once the ‘I dos’ had been all said and done.

  He found his reservation card next to his grandma on his dad’s side. She was a robust woman still, despite being in her seventies, with a cloud of flyaway hair that had, for once, been tamed in some sort of bun at the back of her neck. She wore a large, blue-feathered fascinator on the side of her head and a blue pantsuit with sensible black shoes. She grabbed Nicholas’s hand as soon as he sat down.

  “Oh Robert,” she said. He’d long ago stopped bothering to try and correct her when she called him by his dad’s name. “Isn’t this marvellous. Who would have thought it would be Clara getting married first?”

  “Well,” he said uncomfortably. “I guess she is the oldest.”

  “Yes,” his grandma conceded, wobbling her head from side to side. “But, you know…”

  He knew all too well. “Lauren had the first baby,” he said, patting her hand. “So isn’t only fair Clara got to have the first wedding?”

  “Hmm,” said his grandma. Lauren had always been her favourite. “What about you? You have a girlfriend yet?”

  Nicholas licked his lips and really hoped Clara wouldn’t be much longer. He caught eyes with Peter, standing at the front with his best man George, and gave him a small salute. Peter nodded back, then carried on looking anxiously over his shoulder at the door.

  “No, not yet Grandma.”

  “Well,” she said. “Don’t be leaving it too late now, otherwise all the good ones will be gone!”

  Nicholas had a horrible feeling he’d just let a good one go.

  Thankfully, that was the moment the music playing in the background faded to nothing, and the registrar came and stood before them as they all shuffled into their seats, becoming silent.

  “Thank you,” she said in a strong Scottish brogue. She was the picture of efficiency, with a dark, pinstripe suit and her short hair cut into a tidy bob. “Ladies and gentlemen. Would you please be upstanding for the bride?”

  Danielle had picked out ‘Pachelbel’s Canon in D’ for them all to walk down the aisle to. Nicholas’s suggestion of ‘Single Ladies’ had, quite rudely, not even been considered.

  The first to come through the doors was Lauren, hand in hand with a very excitable Milly. Nicholas heard a few chuckles at the sight of her welly boots, but Clara’s uni friends gave out a few cries of “brilliant” and “look at her” as they snapped up photos, which made him happy.

  They were closely followed by Ash and then Kinny. Ash walked with her head held high, focusing on every step with determination. Apart from having a slightly red nose, Kinny looked perfectly at ease as she glided down the aisle, holding her bouquet as far away from her as she could without appearing strange. The both of them came and sat in the space next to Nicholas. He gave them a thumbs up each.

  There was a longer pause before Danielle came sashaying through the doors, beaming at everyone on both sides like she’d just won Miss Universe. She made eye contact with everyone she passed, bequeathing winks and mouthed ‘hello’s and the odd ‘you look gorgeous’. She certainly knew how to work a crowd.

 
; A nervous tension was building in Nicholas’s stomach. He wasn’t really sure why, it was ridiculous when you thought about it. All his sister had to do was walk a few steps and then repeat a few words. But still, he found himself holding his breath, until finally, Clara and their dad came into view.

  The chorus of sighs and gasps was enough to melt any heart. Clara clung to their dad as she slowly made her way past all the rows, smiling and shaking ever so slightly as she travelled down. Cameras and phones clicked and flashed, and more than one person was already dabbing their eyes on a tissue. Nicholas won the bet. Peter rubbed at his wet eyes with his thumb.

  “You owe me a tenner,” he whispered with a wink as she passed him.

  And then, Nicholas sighed with relief. It may not have been the perfect week, and he may well still have been facing a broken heart; but as far as Clara was concerned, they had bloody well made it.

  He watched as Peter grabbed Clara’s hands as soon as she’d passed her bouquet over to Danielle, chuckling to himself as his very-almost brother-in-law practically skipped on his feet. “You look incredible,” Nicholas saw him say to her.

  They all took their seats as the music died down, and Nicholas found he couldn’t stop grinning as the ceremony officially began. The happy couple were totally lost in one another, nodding at the registrar’s words every now and again, and repeating when they needed to, but they never took their eyes off one another.

  Of course, there had to be one last little hiccup.

  “If any person present,” the registrar intoned, looking around at the congregation, “knows of any lawful impediment to this marriage, he or she should declare it now.”

  Kinny sneezed so hard, her flower crown flew off her head and went skittering several feet until it stopped in front of the bride and groom.

  She froze in horror, but the rest of the room erupted with a good, hearty laugh at the misfortunate timing, with several of the younger guests whistling and cheering. Nicholas couldn’t help but laugh as Kinny covered her face in mortification. His Aunt Louise was pretty much the only stony face in the room, but that just made it funnier as far as he was concerned.