Tattered Loyalties

by Carrie Ann Ryan

  Her wolf howled, pushing at her with more determination than she’d imagined was possible.

  He was big. Way big. She’d grown up with large men, so she shouldn’t have been surprised at his size, but the touch-starved woman within took note. He had to be a few inches over six feet. With his wide shoulders and chest, he had a look about him that spoke of power and strength. That wide chest tapered down to a slender waist and hips, but his thighs were wide, all muscle, and looked strong as hell. She forced her gaze up even as she blushed, knowing what her gaze had also trailed over.

  Since her parents, uncles, aunts, and cousins were standing near her, she refused to acknowledge anything else she might have seen. While his body looked fierce as hell and spoke of his dominance, it was his face—his eyes in particular—that told her he was an Alpha. It was as though the wolf was always near the surface. Her uncle was slightly different, but that might have been because he had her Aunt Melanie to keep him steady. The gold rim around Gideon’s eyes told her of a strength she’d never seen before.

  A strength she was sure she’d never see again once she left.

  His black hair had been pulled back so it was away from his face, enhancing his sharp features. He wasn’t beautiful, but he was handsome in a brutal sort of way. A way that seemed to make her wolf very pleased. She met his gaze and sucked in a breath. She was a submissive and shouldn’t have been able to meet his gaze at all, yet her wolf pushed her enough to make it happen. It was as if her wolf knew that the man in front of her would never hurt her. That was a lie though; he could. He could hurt her heart, her soul, her dreams—but her wolf didn’t understand that. Her body nearly trembled under the power, and at the same time, she wanted to bare her throat, crawl up his body and never let go.

  Those vivid green eyes didn’t blink. Instead, he looked right at her.

  Could he tell? Did he know that she’d been chosen by the moon goddess for him?

  Oh, goddess. What had she been thinking? She shouldn’t have come with her family, even if her uncle had ordered her to. There was always a way out of these things. There were other submissive members of the den who could have accompanied the Redwoods to the Talon den.

  Kade might have wanted it to be comprised of as much family as possible because he could trust them implicitly, but there could have been another way.

  Instead, she’d risked it all because she’d wanted to see Gideon. She’d held back for so long that she’d been weak.

  And now she’d have to deal with the consequences.

  “Brie,” Kade said.

  She blinked and pulled her gaze from Gideon, her heart hammering in her ears. What had her uncle said? What had she missed when she’d been staring at the Alpha like some schoolgirl who’d found her first crush?

  Only she wasn’t a girl, and this wasn’t a crush. This was an eon’s worth of connection and promise in a single look. Yet that promise would come to nothing because it couldn’t. If she uttered a single word that pushed her toward what she couldn’t have, she’d be lost.

  “What?” she asked, her voice breathless. Oh yes, that was going to make everyone think she was okay. Now they probably thought she was either going crazy, or worse, frightened of all the dominant wolves around her. Unlike some of the submissives in the Pack, she was never truly scared of those with stronger wolves. It was more of a strong embrace of power that surrounded her when they were near. Her wolf knew that they would be protected and fought for as well as the fact that they could also do some good with their own power. Her wolf would then want to ensure that the stronger wolves around her were okay and soothed. A dominant wolf couldn’t truly succeed in protecting if they didn’t protect their own hearts and wolves as well.

  That’s what a submissive was for.

  “I was just introducing you,” Kade said, his eyes narrowed. She knew he wanted to ask if she was all right, but that might show weakness or some other power play in front of the Talons.

  Great. Her first shot at helping the Pack in a political arena and she was losing it because of the man she shouldn’t want.

  Way to go, Brie.

  “Thanks,” she said softly then turned toward the Talons. She made sure her gaze stayed below all of the others. She was the lowest ranked of the bunch, although in reality, submissives weren’t ranked the same way as dominants. There were stronger dominants and weaker ones, and the same applied for submissives. She was one of the higher ranked submissives because of the way she could care for a higher ranked wolf. That didn’t mean, however, that she wanted to meet all of their gazes and force a challenge. The ways of the Packs and wolves were complicated, and even though she’d grown up submersed in it, she still got confused sometimes.

  Submissives were part of a Pack to be cherished and loved, not beaten down like some Packs thought. The Talons were like the Redwoods in the fact that they, as far as she knew, treated their submissives with respect. Unlike the Centrals—the Pack that had fought her own thirty years go and lost—the Talons weren’t rotting from within. That hadn’t always been the case, but that was before her time, and she hadn’t wanted to ask too much about them. If she did, the others might have surmised her obsession with a certain Alpha.

  No, it wasn’t an obsession.

  It couldn’t be an obsession if she never met him.

  Only she’d just met him, so who knew what would happen?

  You’re stronger than this.

  The Talons each nodded at her, and she nodded back. Once they were out of the open area and in the meeting place, maybe they would be less formal. Only then, she’d be in a closed room with Gideon, and she wasn’t sure how she’d react.

  For that matter, she wasn’t sure how he’d react. He hadn’t said anything. He hadn’t jumped across the space between them and picked her up in his arms, swinging her around with a smile on his face because he’d found his mate.

  None of those childhood fantasies had come true.

  Now Brie knew she’d been right in hiding.

  No good would come from meeting her mate. She’d learn to deal as she always had and eventually, in another century or two, she’d find another mate more suited to her. The moon goddess made mistakes all the time.

  Well, she’d heard of it only once, and that was with her Aunt Lexi years before she’d met Brie’s Uncle North. It could happen again.

  The moon goddess was wrong.

  Brie wouldn’t be with Gideon, and that was just something they’d all have to deal with.

  “Glad you could be here,” Gideon said, his voice low, tempting.

  Darn it. She needed to keep strong and not fall into the vice that was his voice. If she wasn’t careful, she’d make an even bigger fool of herself and hurt the purpose of this meeting.

  “Let’s move to the meeting room so we can get going,” Gideon continued.

  “Sounds good to me,” Kade agreed then stepped forward, holding out his arm.

  Gideon did the same, and the two of them did that man-hug, back-thumping thing. She never truly understood it since she liked hugs in general, but whatever the guys needed to do to show that they were friendly, even though they were from two different Packs, was okay with her.

  She took a deep breath then followed the rest of them as they made their way to the meeting place. Gideon gave her one last look then turned away as if nothing had happened between them. For all she knew, nothing had happened. He hadn’t acknowledged her beyond that look. It could have been that he stared at her because she was a submissive and he didn’t know why she was there in the first place. Maybe he didn’t feel her as his mate at all.

  An odd pang echoed in her chest, and she rubbed the spot over her heart. It was silly to be emotional over this. She’d known for fifteen years she would never be enough for the Talon Alpha, so why was she worrying about it now?

  Maybe because I’d never seen him in person.

  She ignored her inner thoughts and pushed on, raising her chin without looking confrontational. It was a ski
ll she’d learned growing up. She’d been a tomboy at heart, climbing on trees and digging in the dirt along with her cousin Finn and the others. She might not have been aggressive when she shifted, but she also wasn’t the girly-girl her mother might have wanted at first. Of course, Willow had dug right into the dirt with her, so really, it never mattered that Brie had grown up with dirt on her nose instead of a sparkly tiara on her head.

  “What’s up with you?” Finn asked, his voice low.

  Brie turned to look at him and shook her head. Finn was Kade’s son and Heir to the Pack. In reality, he shouldn’t have been the Heir yet, but when their grandparents had died in the Central war, everything shifted far earlier than it should have. In fact, Finn had been their Heir since before he started school. Everything changed that day, although Brie had been too young to remember the full extent of it.

  Now she and Finn were in their thirties, relatively young for wolves but adults nevertheless. He looked just like his dad, but Brie could see glimpses of Melanie in him when he laughed. She was grateful for that since he didn’t laugh often. Something had happened to him before he’d become Heir—he was just two at the time—that had damaged him far more than gaining the bonds of the Heir at a young age had.

  Not that they ever talked about it, but since her wolf begged her to, she tried to soothe him when she could. He was her best friend and roommate—even if they were growing farther apart as they grew older.

  “I’m fine,” she finally answered.

  He raised a brow. “You’re lying. Something happened when we met up with the Talons, and now you’re all in your head. If you don’t want to talk about it here, that’s fine, but we will talk about it when we get back to the den.”

  She let out a small growl, low enough that only Finn would be able to hear, but from the look on his face, she’d surprised him. She didn’t growl in human form often—she didn’t need to—but when she did, others knew that she wasn’t going to back down.

  “I’m fine, Finn. Keep your mind on the task at hand and not what’s going on in my head. Got it?”

  He frowned then nodded, turning his attention back to their path. She relaxed and studied their surroundings. Unlike the rest of her family, she’d never stepped foot on Talon ground, so she wanted to soak in as much as she could. With the way they had to constantly conceal who they were from others, she didn’t get out as much as she should have.

  They were walking along the outside of the more populated areas. This way, they didn’t encroach on the Talon pups and families but were still shown a measure of respect since the Redwoods were considered friends and allies.

  By the time they entered the nondescript building for the meeting, Brie’s nerves were frayed. The wolves around her were starting to get amped up, not only because of the proximity of dominant wolves, but also because they were going to discuss the tunnels beneath their feet. Brie’s wolf wanted to hug and rub up against each of them, letting them know that things would be okay and taking a deep breath could solve many problems.

  It was just that she wasn’t sure she should. She’d never been in a situation with so many other wolves that weren’t of her Pack. Yes, Kade had wanted her there, but now she needed to figure out what to do and when to do it.

  Her mother took that decision out of her hands and tugged her close. Willow was probably the least dominant wolf in the room besides her, and Brie was so thankful she was there. Brie leaned into her mother’s hold and took a deep breath. Cinnamon. Her mom always smelled of cinnamon—something that made Brie’s dad, Jasper, growl and tug her mom to their bedroom often.

  So not going to think about that.

  The others began to sit down, talking to each other in low tones. She wasn’t there to help make decisions. If they asked her opinion, she’d give it, but too many cooks in the kitchen ended up with a broken plate or two. She was there to ensure the wolves were as calm as she could make them.

  With that thought in mind, she hugged her mom back then went to each of her family members, hugging them or placing her hand on their arms and backs, showing her support. As she watched the tension slide out of their shoulders, she knew she was doing the right thing. Her uncle Maddox, the former Omega grinned at her, as did her cousin Drake, the current Omega. They would deal with the heightened emotions, as would the Talon Omega, if things got testy, but as long as her wolves knew she was there, then she was doing a good job.

  A few of them sat, but others needed to stand because their wolves needed to pace. Shifter meetings were slightly different than human ones.

  “The wards are extending underground through the tunnels, which means we should be able to have our wards brush up against one another’s soon so they can connect in times of emergency.”

  Brie lost her focus at the sound of Gideon’s voice and tripped over her Uncle Kade’s foot. She held her arms up to break her fall, but strong arms caught her and brought her to a solid chest.

  She inhaled a forest and spice scent that sent her wolf into a shuddering howl.

  Gideon.

  This was Gideon.

  She was in Gideon’s arms.

  And she needed to run away before she made a fool of herself.

  “You okay?” he asked, his voice that low growl that caused shivers in all the right places.

  No, those were the wrong places.

  This was the wrong wolf. The wrong place. The wrong time.

  She pulled away and nodded. “Lost my footing,” she replied softly then stepped back so she was at Finn’s side. Finn wrapped his arm around her shoulders, but she didn’t lean into him.

  Gideon gave her a look she couldn’t decipher then turned back to Kade, continuing his conversation as if he’d never held her, never seen her.

  Well, that settled that.

  There would be no mating.

  What kind of Alpha would want a submissive wolf by his side? Especially a submissive wolf from a different Pack?

  She took a deep breath and pulled away from Finn. She’d get over this. She did when she was seventeen, and she would do so it again.

  Gideon Brentwood was not for her.

  Her loyalties were to the Redwoods, to her family.

  Not to a fate that lay in tatters thanks to a bond she would never have.

  She would cope.

  She had no other choice.

  Chapter Three

  Gideon couldn’t get her scent off his mind. That sweet and sugar scent that sent his wolf into hyperdrive and made him want to bend that pretty little Redwood Pack princess over the table and fuck her until they were both spent, sweaty, and mated.

  Fuck.

  It had been two days since he’d last seen her, since he’d held her in his arms when she tripped, and yet he couldn’t push her from his mind.

  Fuck. Again.

  He was the goddamn Alpha of the Talon Pack. He’d been through war, torture, mutiny, and goddess knew what else. He was over a hundred years old and had seen humanity and his kind at their worst.

  Yet he couldn’t stop thinking about a girl as though he was a teenage boy on the cusp of manhood. His dick was in a perpetual state of hardness because he couldn’t get Brie out of his mind.

  He couldn’t get the feeling of her body pressed against his out of his mind.

  And he hadn’t even had a full conversation with her. Hadn’t even truly met her beyond the quick introductions. He pushed her from his mind as far as he was able in order to focus on the tasks at hand. There were more important things in the world than what his dick wanted and what his wolf thought they needed.

  Because there was no way his wolf could be right.

  Fate wouldn’t be so cruel as to finally bless him with a mate he didn’t want.

  Considering how much he’d seen of fate in his life, though, he shouldn’t have been surprised that he’d found a potential mate in a too-young wolf from another Pack.

  A submissive wolf at that.

  There was no way a submissive wolf could be his mate
.

  It wasn’t that he couldn’t protect her and didn’t value the submissives in his Pack as a whole. It was the fact that, as his mate, the Alpha female would have to be as strong, if not stronger in some respects, than he. She had to stand by his side and fight for their Pack’s safety and help him make the tough decisions that marred his soul daily.

  There was no way a submissive could handle that kind of power.

  There was no way he’d force a submissive to deal with that darkness.

  So he’d do what he had to and not see her again. He’d somehow managed not to meet her once over the years, so it hadn’t been a problem. He’d get over this mating urge and find a way to move on. Maybe in another hundred years, fate would provide him another potential mate, one more suitable.

  And one who didn’t make him feel like an ass.

  It was for Brie’s own good.

  She hadn’t come to him or even spoken of it when they met, so she must have seen the logic in not mating with him as well. At least, he hoped she’d recognized that they were potential mates. From the way her body reacted in his arms and the look of…not fear but something close to it, he had a feeling she’d known just as he had. Of course, her family had surrounded her the entire time they’d been in the same room, and it would have been fucking awkward for everyone if they’d discussed it then. He wasn’t about to let that logic trip him up. The sooner he pushed her away and ignored the bond his wolf craved, the better for both of them.

  Even if it hurt like hell to think about it.

  The image of her bright green eyes filled his mind, and he cursed.

  She wasn’t going to be easy to forget, and he hadn’t even gotten to know her. Thank the goddess he hadn’t, though, because he knew it would have been near impossible to push her away at that point.

  He was doing the right thing.