Tattered Loyalties

by Carrie Ann Ryan

  “Perfect,” she said then screamed his name as she came.

  He thrust one more time then came again, his wolf howling at the sensation of pleasure and need.

  Yes, one day he would be Alpha. He would rule the Pack as it should have always been ruled. In blood and pain.

  Gideon Brentwood would die full of shame and with nothing to his name.

  Perfection.

  Chapter Ten

  Nothing was going right, but honestly, Brie shouldn’t have been surprised. It had been a week since she’d mated Gideon, and she still felt as though she’d only seen a glimpse of the man beneath the power and title. They’d made love each night, learning each other’s bodies and desires, but that was only a small part of what made a mating…a mating.

  Entwining her soul with another person wasn’t all about sex—despite the fact that all evidence so far indicated the contrary. At some point, she wanted to learn who he was, see him smile, make him laugh. She wanted to have inside jokes and cook dinner by his side. She wanted to be able to walk through the den with her head held high and smile back at the Pack members who truly wanted her there.

  She didn’t want her life to be only about hiding in her new home while she waited for Gideon to arrive so he could make love to her.

  For all she knew, it was merely the mating urge riding the both of them through their bond that made Gideon want to be with her. Maybe he couldn’t help himself because of an outside force, not because of who she was. She could have been any person at that point and he’d have gotten his rocks off because he could.

  She closed her eyes and cursed herself. That was unfair of her to think that way since she hadn’t actually asked him what he felt. There hadn’t been time. She was also too scared to do so, but she wasn’t going to think of that last part. The time thing was at least true. Gideon was almost never home. His duties as Alpha took him away from the house and her for hours every day. And since he didn’t know her well enough to allow her to ease his burden, she was stuck at home.

  Sure, she’d asked Ryder for the old texts that told the history of the Pack, but there was only so much reading and learning she could do without bashing her head against the wall. The Talons, like the Redwoods, had a rich history of survival. She’d been most interested in the recent history and Gideon’s father, but unfortunately, that part wasn’t in anything thing she’d read yet.

  It seemed, to be able to understand the man she’d mated, she actually had to speak with him.

  That would be a bit easier if he was actually home.

  She ran a hand over her face then sank down into the cushions of Gideon’s large couch. It wasn’t hers, and she wasn’t sure she’d ever feel like it was. This was Gideon’s place, Gideon’s things, Gideon’s life. She was only a visitor that made it possible for him to remain Alpha without Iona latched on to him.

  “Brie?”

  She jumped up, claws out, and then sagged. “I didn’t hear you.” Or scent you or notice you. Some Alpha female was.

  Gideon frowned at her, tilting his head like he did when he was in wolf form. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I was just coming home for a quick shower before the Pack circle.”

  She held back a sigh. Oh yes, the Pack circle. Yet another thing she had yet to endure other than the one during their mating ceremony. She had a feeling this wasn’t going to be fun. People would stare, judge, and wonder what the hell their Alpha had been thinking when he’d suddenly taken her as his mate.

  Since the hunt, Gideon had practically locked her away in the castle, afraid of anyone hurting her. He didn’t trust her to take care of herself. She didn’t blame him since she’d done such a poor job of protecting herself on the hunt. She’d let those wolves make her bleed, though she’d been the one victorious until Gideon had stepped in and finished it for her.

  The other Brentwoods had done their best to stand back and let her take care of herself as it was supposed to be. Gideon didn’t seem to understand that. If she stood back and let others fight for her as if she was a cosseted princess, she’d never earn the respect she needed in order to stand by Gideon’s side.

  Considering how he hid her away though, maybe she wasn’t supposed to be by his side. That thought hurt like a slice to the chest, and she quickly turned away so he couldn’t see the pain in her eyes. Perhaps she was supposed to be the one hidden away, taken out only on special occasions. He’d been forced into this mating after all. Maybe he didn’t want her except in the bedroom.

  Her hands curled to fists, and she let out a breath. He’d have to think again if that’s what he thought. There was no way she could hide out much more. Tonight was the Pack circle where the Pack would meet and discuss things they needed and events that had taken place. She would join in even if it killed her to do so. She would be part of the Pack. She was a Talon now. It was time she acted like it—whatever that meant.

  She jumped again when Gideon touched her shoulder. “Sorry, I guess I’m a little jumpy today.”

  He cupped her face, his thumb brushing her cheek. She sucked in a breath, seeing the man who held her every night, not the man who ignored her during the day.

  “Are you nervous about the circle?”

  “Yes and no. Nervous only because it’s my first Talon circle, but I’m excited too. I haven’t been out of the house much.” She hadn’t meant to say the last part, but she couldn’t help it.

  The barb seemed to have stung because his face tightened before he relaxed again to that cool dominant air of his.

  “I won’t let anyone hurt you.”

  And they were back to that again. He was also going to just ignore the fact that she was locked away in the house for her own “protection”.

  “I can take care of myself, Gideon.” She pulled away but gripped his hand so he would know that she was not walking away from him. She’d gone into this mating with her eyes wide open, and she’d work her ass off to make sure she didn’t fail in what she had.

  “You are mine to protect,” he growled out, his words deep.

  “I know. And you’re mine to protect.” She put up her other hand when he opened his mouth to speak. “Don’t go into the whole weak submissive routine, okay? You’re stuck with me for a long time, so let’s get some things straight.”

  He raised a brow.

  “I’m your mate. I’m the Alpha female. I need to do something. You need to not freak out if I leave the house and actually become a productive member of the Pack. I’ve only stayed in the house because your wolf is riding you hard, and I can see that. I hadn’t wanted to push either of you too much when we were just getting to know one another, but I can see I was wrong.”

  “Wrong? You’re leaving?”

  She swallowed hard then shook her head. “No, you oaf. I’m not leaving. Thoughts like those are going to give you a heart attack. I’m your mate,” she repeated. “I’m not going anywhere. But I’m also not going to be locked away because you’re scared of what might happen to me. I’m not worth anything if I rely on others to live. I need to be my own person, too.” She let out a breath. “I need to learn how to be Brie Brentwood. I can’t do that if I never leave the house…if I don’t get to know you.”

  She didn’t like hiding the truth. She wanted to be as honest as possible, so if she had to bare her soul in order to be the person she wanted to be, then so be it.

  Her mate leaned down, pressing his lips to her forehead, and her body softened. “I’m not doing this right.”

  She put her hand on his chest. “We did everything backward, Gideon.”

  He pulled away and nodded. “You’re right. We met and then mated. I didn’t…I didn’t court you.”

  Her eyes widened, her mouth dropping open. “Courting?”

  He smiled then, and she sucked in breath. He was handsome when he growled and looked intimidating. But when he smiled? She was lost. Those blue eyes pierced her, his lips full…tempting.

  “Courting,” he repeated. “And I’m going to try not to
be an asshole, but it’s not going to be easy.”

  She snorted then rolled her eyes. “You’re not an asshole.” He gave her a look. “Fine. You’re not an asshole all the time. You’re still learning how to deal with a woman in your life. I get it. I’m learning how to deal with living with a mate. So we’ll work on it. Start fresh.”

  His eyes darkened, and she had a feeling she knew where his mind had gone. “Fresh.”

  She pushed playfully at his chest, and he caught her hands in his. She licked her lips, and his gaze went to her mouth. “Go shower so we can go to the Pack circle. Then after…well, after we get to play a game.”

  He growled softly, squeezing her hands. “A game?”

  She smiled then, liking the way he reacted to her words. “Yes, a game. We’ll play twenty questions.”

  “Huh?”

  Poor guy, he seemed so forlorn. “We ask each other twenty questions and get to know one another. With each question, we get to find out not only another facet of who we are…but…” She leaned close so she could feel the heat of him. “I’ll kiss you for each question and you can do the same.”

  He growled again. “Just a kiss?”

  She went on her tiptoes and kissed the bottom of his chin. “I never said where I’d kiss you.”

  He took her lips, crushing his mouth to hers in a punishing kiss. She gasped, rocking her body into his. She felt the hard line of his cock against her belly, and she panted before she pulled away.

  “Shower. Alone. Go. We can’t be late.”

  He licked his lips when she spoke then nodded before moving past her toward the bedroom.

  The image of him naked and wet and palming his cock while he finished what she’d started filled her mind, and she moaned. Gideon froze then turned around slowly.

  “I won’t finish what we started alone,” he said, his voice low. “I’ll wait for our…game for that.”

  Her eyes widened, and she smiled slowly. “Good.”

  With one last nod, he went back to the bedroom for presumably a very cold shower.

  Goddess, she knew they were good in bed. That was one thing she never had to worry about. It was the soft moments like this, when he wanted to play with her, when she thought this could work.

  Only things never worked out perfectly, she thought half an hour later when she found herself standing at the Pack circle on the raised platform next to Gideon. The Pack was in uproar.

  And it was all because of her.

  Words like weak, submissive, and whore were bandied about as if they had a right to judge her. Not everyone spoke, nor did they all yell. No, only a few shared their opinions of her as Gideon’s mate.

  They weren’t doing it behind her back any longer.

  No, this was directly to her face.

  “She’s not strong enough to be your mate!” one of the male wolves called out.

  From the shape of his eyes, Brie thought he must have been one of the wolves who had attacked her on the hunt. While that hadn’t been wise of him, it had been acceptable. She was new and hadn’t fought for her position and respect yet.

  However calling her a whore because Gideon had chosen her—because fate had chosen her—was stepping over the line.

  “Are you going to stand there and just let them call your mate these things?” Brynn snapped from behind Brie. All of the Brentwoods were there, and she could feel the tension and anger rising from them as each minute passed.

  Gideon looked the worst by far. It was as if it took every ounce of his strength as Alpha not to attack and kill everyone in his path. Only Brie didn’t know if the anger was for her or the fact that they were also disrespecting him in the process.

  “I want to hear what each bastard has to say. I want to see who speaks and who holds their tongues, even though it’s clear they want to say something.”

  Brie’s eyes widened, and she had to hold herself back from gripping Gideon’s hand. He wasn’t letting others hurt her. He was finding out who was stupid enough to call her out for being herself.

  “They won’t be allowed to do this again,” he growled.

  “Good. Because I’m about to kill them myself if you don’t do anything about it,” Ryder snapped, surprising Brie. He was the quiet one, the nonviolent Heir.

  Little did she know, apparently.

  “Are you done?” Gideon growled. While before he had been speaking softly so just the Brentwoods would hear, now he spoke to the entire Pack.

  Everyone quieted, even those who seemed the most passionate against her.

  “Good. Now listen to me and listen well. Brie Brentwood is my mate. My. Mate. Not yours. Not another’s. Fate found her for me, and I am not giving her up because you don’t seem to understand your place in the Pack.”

  Brie kept her chin up, gazing directly at those who had jeered and, most especially, on Iona, who had eyes for only Gideon. The other woman wanted the Alpha. Badly. It was clear on her face. Brie only knew that Iona used to warm Gideon’s bed, but he had broken it off with her before the elders had put the mating game on display. Iona wasn’t Gideon’s mate, so in any other kind of mating, she wouldn’t have been an issue. All wolves needed to find comfort and release—even though she herself had been quite different. Iona hadn’t a leg to stand on other than the fact that Shannon had wanted her for the Alpha’s mate.

  Things hadn’t worked out like the elder had hoped, and now things were going to shit. If they had been a truly healthy Pack, Gideon wouldn’t have had to fight for what he wanted. Instead, it was as if he had to prove himself each time he wanted to act as Alpha. Brie figured that was because he’d had to kill his father to become Alpha. She had heard the stories, but she didn’t know the entire truth. That was one thing she would have to speak to him about. She didn’t like to be kept in the dark, and from the aggression she felt against her, it was dangerous not to know as well. From what she could tell, those who had followed Joseph, the previous Alpha, and remained Talons were not making Gideon’s life easy.

  Even though the moon goddess was the one who blessed those with the bonds of Alpha, Heir, Beta and so on, it took the strength of a healthy Pack to thrive. If there were diseased parts, thanks to their previous cloying loyalties, then that was something that needed to be fixed. It was a tricky situation, and Brie wanted to find out how she could help.

  If she could help.

  “You forget that all parts of the Pack help us remain who we are,” Gideon continued. “We need not only the dominants, but the maternals and the submissives. It’s not the nature of the wolf inside but how the wolf treats those around him that shows us how they can help the Pack. The fact that you are threatening my mate, because you’re ignorant, shows me that some things need to change.”

  She sucked in a breath. This wasn’t going to end well.

  “I am Alpha. My word is law. For those of you who have forgotten that, you are welcome to challenge me. Let’s see if your strength can help you survive. Let’s see if you can be blessed by the moon goddess.”

  Not a single person came forward, and Brie held back a sigh of relief.

  “I am Alpha,” Gideon repeated. “I have bled for you. I have fought for you. What more must I do for you to trust my decisions? What more must I do for you to accept my mate as I have? She is your Alpha female. She is your Pack. Remember that.”

  Still, she didn’t say anything. There wasn’t anything for her to say. Words were nice. The fact that Gideon had put those out for her said something, but it would take her own actions and those of the Pack for her to gain acceptance.

  That would come.

  One day.

  She hoped.

  Gideon didn’t look at her, and he didn’t touch her in front of the Pack as they continued their business. For some reason, that hurt more than it should have. The elders had forced the mating because they’d said the Pack was growing weak because Gideon didn’t have a mate. Yet his mating of her hadn’t seemed to help. Instead, things were worse. What was the point of ma
ting a man who didn’t love her if everything they tried to build crumbled around them?

  Gideon didn’t trust her to protect herself, nor did the Pack trust her to act in her role.

  She’d never truly felt like nothing before, but with every moment that passed, every look of condemnation sent her way, she was well on her way to nothingness.

  “Are there any more matters for this circle?” Gideon asked some time later.

  Brie almost sagged with relief. She wanted to go home and figure out what she was going to do. There had to be something.

  “I have one, dear nephew.”

  The entire circle went so quiet Brie was sure she could have heard a pin drop.

  Nephew?

  She’d thought all of Gideon’s uncles were dead. Could the man have been speaking of another person?

  From the way her mate stiffened, she had a feeling things were about to get way worse. Her new family around her growled softly, suddenly moving so they surrounded her in protection. Whoever this man was, whatever he had to say wouldn’t be good.

  Not knowing what else to do, she moved forward, putting her hand in Gideon’s. She still stayed off to the side in case he needed to move quickly. He might have to fight if this other wolf, this supposedly dead wolf, provoked him. Brie did not want to get in the way of that, but from the way no one moved to stop this man or answer him, she thought her mate might need to know she was there.

  Just in case.

  The bond between them flared bright, shocking her. She’d always felt it there, a thin, translucent thread that merely told her that they were mates. Yet, right then, it burned, cementing them in a way she hadn’t thought possible. Gideon’s shoulders didn’t relax, but something about him changed…as if he knew he wasn’t alone.

  Silly, she knew, but she’d take whatever she could get at this point.

  “What, boy, surprised to see me?” the other man asked as he strolled into the Pack circle.

  “Mitchell. Kameron.” Gideon growled under his breath.

  “Already gone,” Mitchell whispered back.