Tattered Loyalties

by Carrie Ann Ryan

  It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

  His mating wasn’t supposed to be a point of tension within his Pack and within his heart.

  No, that wasn’t quite right. She wasn’t a tension in his heart, as much as she was an unknown. He hadn’t allowed himself to think of her beyond the need for her to be part of his Pack. He’d forced himself not to know the true Brie, the one who smiled at him, made cookies, and soothed his wolf. He hadn’t wanted to get too close, only to lose her because he wasn’t strong enough to protect her.

  He sure hadn’t been strong enough to keep her from being hurt by Gwen.

  He let out a soft growl then froze. Brie merely pressed closer to him, as if she needed to calm his wolf even in sleep. Immediately, his wolf brushed against his skin, knowing their mate would be there.

  Gwen had been part of his father’s group and had followed the old man’s views on submissives, humans, and those weaker than them. Only Gideon hadn’t known the full extent of her feelings until he saw her with Brie. He kept her as the leader of the maternals because he hadn’t wanted to strip the Pack of every leader in one fell swoop. Gwen had proven herself to him in her caring of the young, and he’d let her stay.

  That had been the wrong decision, and now Gideon was left wondering what else he’d fucked up.

  Taking over a Pack wasn’t supposed to be a clean move. However, he knew it shouldn’t have gone for him the way it did. The Redwood Alpha became the leader when Edward was killed, yet the transition, though heartbreaking, had been smooth. Kade’s Pack trusted him and had grieved with him.

  Gideon’s Pack had formed two camps—those who praised him and those who wanted him beheaded for his actions. After thirty years, those two groups had blended somewhat, but clearly not enough.

  Now Brie was facing the consequences of his actions.

  She also wasn’t truly speaking to him.

  Oh sure, she would answer his questions politely, but a light had gone out of her eyes. She snuggled with him in bed, but he didn’t touch her intimately as he had all the other nights before. He’d broken her trust when he came into the maternal ward and took over. He couldn’t help it. His mate had been in pain, and he needed to fix it. Because of that, Brie had pulled away ever so slightly.

  If only he’d stepped back for a moment and let her finish taking care of Gwen, Brie wouldn’t have looked at him the way she did. He didn’t think he’d taken away everything she’d gained with the maternals with her show of force, but he’d made it harder.

  Stepping back and allowing her to do things on her own wasn’t easy.

  The fact that he’d even thought the word “allow” in the first place told him how far he needed to go when it came to not acting like an alpha asshole.

  Today she would be going back to the maternals and working with Olivia. The other woman was kind and treated Brie with respect. It would be hard as hell to stand back and not do anything if she was hurt, but Brie could handle more than he’d given her credit for. He needed to remember that.

  If anything happened to her…

  No, he refused to think about that. He might not be able to keep her from every dirty look or judgment, but as she’d told him, the fact that she was out in the den and proving herself would eventually ease that distrust. It wasn’t that she was a former Redwood that was the issue—no, his wolves valued that—it was that they were afraid she wouldn’t be strong enough to protect them.

  She’d prove them wrong.

  She’d prove him wrong.

  “You’re thinking too hard,” she whispered in his arms, her voice thick with sleep, and he let out a breath.

  He’d known she was awake of course. His wolf had heard the change in her breathing, but he hoped she’d go back to sleep.

  “Sorry for waking you,” he grumbled then kissed her temple. It wasn’t lost on him that she’d actually spoken to him. He just hoped she’d continue once she was fully awake.

  She rolled over, her breasts pressing against his arm. It didn’t matter that she wore a tank top and small shorts and he wore his boxer briefs—he just wanted her touch.

  Her eyes glowed gold for a moment, and she smiled softly. “I see where your mind went.”

  He swore he could feel his cheeks heat, but he ignored it. “It’s usually there when I’m around you,” he said honestly.

  Her eyes widened, and he wanted to curse. He wasn’t good at this mating business. He didn’t know what to say, even though it was his duty to always know what to say, what to do. He hadn’t started off on the right foot with her, and every time he took a step forward, he messed up and fell back once more. One day he hoped he’d get the hang of this, but he had a feeling Brie would be the one leading him there. They might have mated for the wrong reasons, but now that she was his, he was going to make sure they had a true mating in all the ways that mattered. He refused to go about his life like his parents had. His mother had lost everything she was because of his father, even though what she became in the process was everything he’d feared.

  Brie reached up and cupped his cheek. “Your face is so expressive sometimes. Where did you go just then?”

  He sighed then turned his face to kiss her palm. “I was thinking of our mating and comparing it to my parents.” He shut his mouth quickly, surprised he’d said that at all.

  Her eyes widened yet again, but she didn’t stop touching him. “You don’t speak about them,” she whispered.

  “I don’t,” he agreed. The phone rang then, saving him from opening himself up for the hurt.

  Frustration slid through Brie’s eyes, but she masked it well. He rolled away and sat at the end of the bed, picking up his phone on the next ring.

  “Yeah?” he said, not bothering to look at the readout.

  “I know it’s early, but can we meet soon to talk about the hunting runs?” Brynn asked, her voice brisk.

  It sounded as though she’d been up for awhile, and he knew that was probably true. While Gideon’s first priority was finding Leo, he had enough on his plate that he’d put Brynn in charge of the details. She was a strong wolf and hunter. He didn’t know why the goddess hadn’t blessed her with additional powers, but he had a feeling there was a reason for that…one that hadn’t presented itself yet.

  Gideon ran a hand through his hair, the strands going past his shoulders. He had to get a haircut soon, only he didn’t know when that was going to happen with so much shit piling up.

  “Sure. Give me an hour.”

  “Good enough.”

  “Get Ryder too. We could use his brain.”

  “Done.”

  She hung up quickly, not bothering to say goodbye. When Brynn was in hunting mode, she wasn’t much for pleasantries.

  Brie set her hand on his upper back between his shoulder blades, and he let out a breath. He hoped she wouldn’t bring up what they’d been talking about. He still wasn’t ready to lose her once he told her everything.

  “No luck with Leo?” she asked. Good, they were moving on. For now. He knew it was only a small reprieve, but he’d take it.

  “Not yet. I think we’re going to have to put more men on it.”

  He stood up, not turning around. He wouldn’t be able to hold himself back once he took a good look at her and her tumbled hair and sleepy expression.

  “Do you have enough?” she asked. He heard the rustle of sheets and knew she was also getting out of bed. “You have people on the wards, the normal runs, and the tunnels between us and the Redwoods in case the humans find out about us. That’s spreading ourselves a little thin, right?”

  He nodded then turned around since she wasn’t in bed anymore to tempt him. Goddess, she was breathtaking. Her chestnut hair was indeed in tumbles around her face but not as tangled as it was when he spent the night running his hands through it.

  “We’re not going to run out of wolves any time soon, but I don’t necessarily enjoy having to face in so many directions at once.” He liked this, their talking of such things
as Pack matters as they got ready for the day. It was what he’d always thought of when he imagined finding a mate. He found himself wanting to know her opinions, thoughts, and needs. Maybe if he could step back and not take over like his wolf urged him to do, he could actually act like the mate she needed, rather than the mate she had.

  “If you need more wolves, and your soldiers can’t do it all, I know there are a few mid-ranking Pack members that could probably help.”

  He froze in the act of washing his face and turned to look at her. “Really? Who?”

  She shrugged but didn’t look at him.

  “Brie, little wolf, you’re my mate. I want to know what I’m missing. I’m bound to miss some things that look as if they’re taken care of. I can’t be everywhere at once.” He grimaced. “As much as it pains me to say.”

  Her eyes met his. “You know, some wolves that used to live outside the den, blending with the human world, are moving back.”

  “Yes. It’s too hard to hide their need to roam with the way the world is watching.” Yet another matter he had his eye on. It was exhausting to think about.

  “Well now that they’re here, they’re fitting in the den somewhat, but they don’t have as clearly defined roles as they used to. They’re not soldiers, maternals, or submissives.”

  “But they’re just as important.” He leaned down and brushed his lips over hers. “I’ll talk to Ryder and Mitchell about it. Knowing my family, they already have their nose in that business since it’s their job as Heir and Beta, but we all miss things.”

  She smiled then hugged his side. “I’m glad I could help. I’m going to take a quick shower then make breakfast. I know you have a few things to go over on your planner, so get that done, and then we can head to the center.”

  He kissed her again then left her to shower. If he stayed in there when she got naked, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to hold himself back.

  By the time they both were ready to go, the sun was peaking over the trees and people were out and about. He kept his focus on each of his Pack members, nodding and stopping to talk with them if they needed it. He also made sure that he gave special attention to those Brie had mentioned. He felt across the Pack bonds and knew she’d been right. Things were okay, pleasant even, but there was room for growth. He’d make sure Ryder and Mitchell were aware.

  When they made it to the maternal area, he paused before the building, his wolf rising up. He didn’t know why his wolf chose now to act like an overbearing ass, but he wasn’t about to take it. Brie needed time to do her duties, and watching over her shoulder wouldn’t help anyone. His wolf, however, didn’t want to let her go.

  Not surprising, but it was stronger today than usual for some reason.

  Brie rolled her eyes when he growled then kissed his jaw. “I’ll be fine, Alpha mine. Stop worrying. Olivia and I get on just fine. In fact, I’m helping her take the pups on a field trip to the circle so we can learn Pack history.” Her eyes brightened, and he relaxed. “There’s so much to learn. I feel like a pup myself.”

  He kissed her. Hard. “If you were a pup, I wouldn’t be able to do that.”

  She blushed and rolled her eyes again. “Shush. The pups should be on their way now. Olivia wanted me to catch up so that the pups could learn what it felt like when another wolf was coming near them and they could scent ahead. Go off and do Alpha things. I’ll be back tonight.”

  “I can pick you up and walk you home.”

  She shook her head. “You have two lieutenants on me at all times. At least. They can walk me home so I’m not alone in case Leo or someone else is around.” She cupped his face and smiled. “You have things to do other than follow me around to make sure I’m safe.”

  He growled again then pressed a kiss to the corner of her mouth. “You can’t expect the wolf to be rational about this.”

  “No, but I can expect the man to try his best. Now be off.”

  He sighed then stood back. “Fine. Go be the Alpha’s mate.”

  She smiled, turned, and made her way to the building. She stepped inside, and his wolf relaxed somewhat since she wasn’t out in the open. He turned and had made it about halfway to Brynn and Ryder when he heard it, a small whine like a spark being set.

  He twisted and looked over his shoulder then took off at a run, his wolf on alert. The explosion blew him off his feet, the heat and fire scorching his skin. He was slammed to the ground, his thoughts on the woman he’d let walk into that building.

  The building on fire.

  “Brie!”

  ****

  Brie’s forced her eyes open then sucked in a breath, only to cough up smoke. What the hell had happened? One moment she was standing by the door, going inside to pick up a left-behind backpack, and the next she was on the ground, the sound of screams and fire all around her.

  Half of the building was down and she saw the sunlight streaming in through the smoke. The roof was falling inward in some parts and shaky in the others. Beams and concrete littered the ground and stuck out at odd angles. The windows had blown in and glass was strewn everywhere. The door was off its hinges and the frame had bent in. Paint bubbled on the walls and the wallpaper was slowly peeling away.

  It looked like a bomb had gone off.

  And now that her brain stopped throbbing, she was pretty sure that was exactly what had happened.

  She gingerly felt her limbs and figured she hadn’t broken any bones. In fact, she had only a few cuts as far as she could tell, but she knew she didn’t have much time to dwell on that fact. She had to get out of the building before the roof collapsed.

  Her head still hurt, but she didn’t know if that was from the smoke or her hitting her head when she’d hit the floor.

  Thank god the babies had been out of the building.

  Tears pricked at her eyes, but she pushed them away. Most of the pups and maternals had already started on the journey to the circle. There had only been a few children and adults outside when Brie had come back inside to get a child’s bag.

  No one else had been inside, but that didn’t mean people weren’t hurt. She needed to make sure they were okay. Those babies were so fragile. They didn’t heal as quickly as adults.

  “Brie!”

  Gideon’s voice reached her ears, and her wolf pushed at her, wanting their mate. Brie pushed herself up on shaky legs—her side ached something fierce—but she didn’t fall back down. While she wanted to leave the building in case the roof came down, she needed to make sure no one else was in the building.

  “Brie!”

  “In here!” she yelled back. The panic in his voice mixed with rage, and she knew if she didn’t find him soon, he’d go wolf and destroy anyone in his way.

  The scents around her were too obliterated by smoke and fire so she couldn’t scent if another wolf was nearby. But she was the Alpha female. She might be new, but she did have bonds with each and every wolf. She pushed out with her senses, trying to grasp for any bond that might be near. She felt Gideon coming and the others behind him, but she needed to focus on the others within—if there were any.

  The threads were weak, ungrounded. She might have been mated in, but it would take time for those threads to strengthen.

  There! There was one weak thread back in the kitchen area. Damn it. Someone must have come back.

  “Brie, little wolf,” Gideon growled, and she turned quickly to see him running at her. He picked her up in a gentle grip, surprising her. She’d have thought he’d almost crush her by the rage in his eyes, but instead he was caring…loving. He set her down then ran his hands over her body. “Are you hurt? What happened?”

  “Big brother, feel up your mate at another time,” Brynn barked, then coughed. “We need to get out of here. The roof that hasn’t already fallen won’t hold for long.”

  “There’s someone in the kitchen,” Brie shouted over the din. “I don’t know who it is, but I can feel the thread.”

  Surprise lit Gideon’s eyes, and he nodded. “Ryd
er.”

  “Got it,” the Heir said then made his way carefully to the back. They were risking their lives for their people, but she wouldn’t have expected anything else.

  Gideon picked her up and cradled her to his chest. “We need to go.”

  “What about the others?” she asked, even as Gideon started moving. “The pups and maternals. Were we the only place that got hit?” Her heart raced. “I can walk, Gideon. Help the others. I’m fine.”

  He shook his head and kept silent. Before she knew it, they were outside, and Walker was there.

  “Where are you hurt?” the Healer asked.

  “Put me down,” Brie growled. “I’m fine. Or I will be.” She looked around at the carnage, and her heart raced. “Help the others. There might be more trapped.”

  “Got this one!” Ryder called, Olivia in his arms.

  Olivia held her oddly bent arm to her chest and grimaced. “We needed more water for the trip. I don’t think anyone else was in there, but I don’t know.”

  “Help Olivia,” Brie ordered Walker. “Gideon. Find everyone. Please. I’ll help with the small cuts and bruises,” she said, looking around at the others who were bleeding around her. The debris from the explosion must have gone far enough to injure some, but no one looked too bad off.

  Gideon gave her a nod, an odd look in his eyes. “My brothers are searching for those who might be lost. I need to make sure they’re safe as well.”

  Understanding filled her. He needed to ensure his Pack was safe, but he couldn’t do that until he knew Brie was as well. Goddess, she totally got that. Gideon, even with as fragile a bond as they shared, was her priority as well.

  “Go.”

  He nodded again then started barking more orders. Brie quickly got to work, helping Walker where she could. Her family had taught her some triage, but she wasn’t an expert by any means.