Hearts of Blue

by L.H. Cosway

  “‘Is that a truncheon in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me?’” I’d joked. Your old man didn’t take too kindly to that. Bastard twisted my wrist, nearly fucking broke it, and gave me a warning. “‘One more word out of you and I’ll have you up for drugs charges.’”

  “‘Fuck you, I don’t have anything on me.’”

  “‘You have whatever I say you have.’”

  “Even though I was drunk, I knew to shut my mouth after that. Liam and Trev were still only young at the time, and I couldn’t afford to get sent away, even for a couple of months. I’ve had a few other run-ins with him over the years, and he’s a mean motherfucker. So yeah, my condolences and all that.”

  I narrowed my gaze at him and shook my head. I didn’t doubt that my dad had said those things, but I was uncomfortable having Lee know what he was like, because that meant he also knew that my childhood wasn’t a walk in the park.

  “I…I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry he did that,” I replied at length.

  Lee levelled me with his eyes. “Yeah, well, I think the fact that you’re sticking it to him is the fucking business, Snap.”

  He was back to calling me Snap again, but I just shook my head. It was a losing battle trying to get him to stop. Returning to the cooker, he poured his sauce into a pan, stirring it every so often. He made quick work of draining the spaghetti, and before I knew it, there was a plate in front on me. It smelled absolutely mouth-watering, so I could only imagine how it was going to taste.

  “Um, thanks,” I said, glancing at him as I lifted the fork. I wanted to mouth a silent “wow” to myself when I finally tasted it. It was by far the best thing I’d eaten in a long time, and it was only spaghetti. I could just imagine what he might do with a more adventurous recipe.

  “Well,” said Lee, “what’s the verdict?”

  “Amazing,” I blurted before I could censor myself, and he grinned wide. “I mean, not that I’m the best judge. My work doesn’t leave a lot of room for fancy cooking. More often than not, I just end up grabbing something from the local takeaway on my way home.”

  Lee’s grin didn’t falter, but his eyes did flick to the ceiling for a second.

  For the past couple of minutes, I’d been trying to ignore the subtle banging coming from upstairs, but it was gradually getting louder. I glanced at Lee and he smirked, and then I laughed and he laughed, too. We shared a moment of eye contact before I shook my head.

  “So, your brother is, uh, kind of vigorous.” I frowned at myself. Why the hell hadn’t I brought up a different topic? Like, say, one that didn’t involve discussing the fact that his brother and my best friend were having a roaring good time right above our heads.

  “Vigour runs in the family,” said Lee.

  I sputtered a laugh. “That was smooth.”

  He flashed his teeth at me when he smiled. “You know it.”

  The banging from upstairs petered out, and my heart gave a thud of relief. I continued eating my food, because honestly, it was too good to ignore. I was also downing the wine like nobody’s business, and when my glass was empty, Lee refilled it. I wasn’t a big drinker, so, needless to say, the three glasses I’d had were hitting me hard. I was tipsy, and being tipsy in the presence of Lee Cross was dangerous territory.

  “So, you like to cook?” I said to break up the silence.

  “Yup.”

  “I hope you don’t mind me saying, but it’s kind of a strange thing for a twenty-five-year-old guy to enjoy.”

  Lee let out a breath. “Yeah, well, when you can remember a time when you couldn’t afford food, you tend to make the most of it when you can.”

  His answer took me off guard. Damn, coming to his house had been a really bad idea. More and more I was empathising with him, and I didn’t like it. I mean, nobody likes being forced to admit they might have been a tiny bit wrong in their first impressions.

  I finished eating my spaghetti, hoping it might soak up some of the alcohol. I knew Lee was watching me the entire time, but I refused to acknowledge his attention. Instead, I kept my eyes levelled in the vicinity of his right ear and told him about some innocuous story I’d seen on the news earlier that day. Lee seemed amused as ever, and if I was looking at his face, I was sure I’d encounter a knowing smile.

  Taking our empty plates, he carried them over to the sink, then turned back to me. “You want to go sit in the living room for a while? I’m sure Alexis will be down soon.”

  “Okay,” I replied, and followed him to the next room.

  Beside the TV was an iPod dock. Lee switched it on and scrolled through his playlists while I took a seat on the couch. If there was one thing men did better than women, it was pick out sofas. They went for the most comfortable option, while women generally went for what looked good. Not unexpectedly, I sank into the plush leather with relish. A moment later Lee approached, and even though there was lots of space, he decided to sit right next to me.

  My gaze wandered to his arm, which rested along the back of the couch, and I swallowed, my body tensing.

  “So, how long have you lived with Alexis?” Lee asked, his attention focused on me, and my skin prickled with awareness. He was way too close for comfort, and I could tell he was the kind of bloke who looked at a person and saw everything.

  “A couple of years, but we’ve known each other since we were kids,” I answered. “We grew up on the same street.”

  Lee’s eyebrows rose. “Really? Do your folks still live there?”

  I narrowed my gaze, wondering why he cared where my parents lived. Was he cosying up to me to get information about my dad? “No. They moved to a nicer area a few years ago after Dad was promoted,” I answered, intentionally leaving out where exactly they’d moved to. If Lee noticed this, he didn’t comment on it.

  “And did you start cop training right after you finished school?”

  “Uh-huh. Why all the questions?”

  He gave me a small smile. “I’m just trying to get to know you, no ulterior motives, I promise. If you don’t want to talk about you, we can talk about me. Or we could just sit in silence.”

  God, he was such a smart-arse.

  I shook my head. “Let’s talk about you. When did you leave school?”

  “Around the same time Mum passed. Didn’t have time for schooling after that. Stu stopped going around that time, too. I kept Liam and Trev in until they turned eighteen, though.”

  I had to admit, I was surprised by that, and it obviously showed on my face, because Lee went on, “I live for my family, Snap. I’d do anything for them.”

  “So much so that you had them join the family business instead of sending them to Uni?”

  Now he frowned. “I gave them a choice. Working at the garage was the one they picked.”

  “You know, I saw Trevor free-running the other day. He’s really talented.” I left out the part that I’d seen him, too, because I knew it’d please him to discover I’d been spying.

  “I know what he’s capable of. Your point?”

  “He could be doing other things.”

  “Fixing cars is hardly gutter work,” said Lee, and strangely, the more hostile he grew, the closer he got to me. I was growing incensed, too, as I dug my fingers into my palms. We were talking about Trevor, but maybe deep down I was really talking about him. Because he was just as talented, channelling all his energy in the wrong direction.

  “I think we both know that fixing cars isn’t all you and your brothers do.”

  Lee eyes turned fierce, and I got a fright at the intensity in them. “Nah, we don’t know that. In fact, you don’t know anything.”

  “I know enough.”

  Lee dragged his hand through his hair and surprised me when he rose swiftly from the couch, pacing back and forth. “Don’t come into my fucking house and judge me.”

  I shot him a look like he was on crazy pills. “Um, if you recall, I never asked to come here. You invited me.”

  “And you could give m
e a little respect by leaving your cop hat at the door.”

  “I’m not wearing my cop hat. I’m just being myself,” I retorted, standing to face him. “You see, you think you like me, but you don’t. Not really. This is me, and look at you — you hate it.”

  I had to tilt my head back to meet his gaze. His chest was rising and falling with his temper, and all of a sudden my skin felt too tight. Electricity pulsed between us like a living, breathing thing. Tingles radiated down my spine, his laboured breaths somehow reminding me of sex. I found myself staring at his lips, and he caught me looking. The tension between us grew thicker. He circled me like I was prey, and when he spoke, he was practically growling. I felt it right in the pit of my stomach.

  “I don’t hate anything about you, Karla.”

  The words had barely left his mouth when he reached out and grabbed me by the neck to pull me forward. He bent down and rested his forehead on mine, our breaths mingling.

  Only a second passed before his lips sought my lips, gently at first, a light nip of exploration. I whimpered, and the sound did something to him, because a second later he crushed his mouth to mine and I trembled under his assault.

  A pleasured noise rose from my throat. I felt crazed. My hands gripped his neck, feeling the corded muscles and warm skin. His tongue dipped inside, slick and wet. A second later he lifted me up, fitting my thighs around his waist and carrying me to the couch. He sat with me astride him, his hands wandering from my neck, down my shoulders and hips until he reached my thighs.

  I felt so fevered right then that I barely had time to think, to step outside the moment and see the gigantic mistake I was making. As soon as Lee’s hands wandered around to palm my arse, I was gone, lost to sensation. I felt owned, claimed by his hands and mouth. He pulled back slightly, drawing my lower lip between his teeth and biting down hard. I fisted his T-shirt, muttering a feverish “please” into his mouth before we were kissing again. He broke away just long enough to whisper back, “Tell me what you need, baby.”

  He squeezed my arse, and I jumped in fright when one finger slid between my cheeks, teasing me over the fabric of my pants. It felt shockingly good, forbidden, which was enough to jolt me out of my moment of weakness. I swore and climbed off him, then strode to the other side of the room. I was panting, and I knew my face must have been as red as a stop sign. Lifting a finger, I pointed between him, me, and the couch.

  “This never happened.”

  Lee smirked, his lips slightly redder than before. I felt a deep sense of embarrassment at how hungrily I’d attacked his mouth. I knew he’d been the one to initiate things, but I’d been a more than willing participant.

  “Which part, babe?”

  “Every part. And stop ‘babe-ing’ me. I’m not your babe.”

  “A second ago you felt like you were,” Lee murmured darkly before moving across the room. My back hit the wall when his chest met my chest. Then his mouth was at my ear. “You wanted it,” he whispered.

  I was staring at the hardwood floor, my fluster getting the better of me when I replied shyly, “I just don’t get how that’s your first port of call.”

  His eyes searched mine for a second, his brows furrowing, and then he burst out laughing. His hands cupped my cheeks before he pulled me into a hug. “God, you’re cute.”

  In spite of myself, I sank into his hold. He took a deep breath, like he was smelling me, and there was something about it that made my stomach do a flip-flop. The whole situation was just ridiculous. And I was drunk. Yes, that’s why I was bringing up anal play like a flippin’ weirdo. Levelling my hands on his chest, I pushed him back and stepped away to put some distance between us.

  “Look, you can quit the nice-guy act. It’s fooling no one.”

  He regarded me tenderly. The affection in his voice was making me feel things I didn’t want to feel. “There’s no act.”

  “You, me…us, it would never work, you know that, right?”

  “Not sure I agree.”

  “Yeah, well, you’re not the one with a reputation to uphold.”

  “Oh, really? What do you think my boys would say if they knew I was sleeping with a cop?”

  I cocked my head and put a hand on my hip. “I don’t know, Lee. According to you, they wouldn’t have a reason to say anything.”

  He stared at me for a long hard moment, not speaking, the stoniness in his eyes giving me chills. I felt like our conversation had come full circle, rounding back to the argument we’d been having before he kissed me. Thankfully, the tension was broken when the door opened and Alexis stepped inside. Her hair was wild and her makeup smudged. In fact, she was still putting her clothes back to rights and looked like she was fleeing the scene of a crime.

  “Lee, can you give us a lift home?” she asked in a rush.

  He shot her a perplexed expression. “Sure.”

  I frowned and shook my head at him. “Don’t put yourself out. We’ll get a cab.”

  “We don’t have time to call for a cab. We need to leave now,” Alexis insisted.

  “Why?”

  I didn’t have to wait for an answer, because Stu stormed into the room.

  “Where the hell do you think you’re going?” he demanded.

  He wasn’t wearing a top, and the fly of his jeans was still open, which meant I was copping quite the eyeful. Stu was ripped, and honestly, I totally got why Alexis sought him out for company. I mean, if you were going to have meaningless sex, you might as well do it right. I tried to keep my eyes fixed at twelve o’clock, rather than veering toward six. Okay, so maybe I took a quick peek at five. Oh, who was I kidding? My gaze was headed straight for six, and I didn’t even feel guilty about it.

  Hello.

  Aaand, back to the matter at hand. Judging from the angry look on Stu’s face, I thought that maybe he wasn’t as great at keeping his emotions out of his sex life as Lee said he was.

  “I told you this was just sex,” Alexis muttered, her slumped posture showing me she was disappointed in herself.

  “But why? That prick left you, Lex. I’m here. I want you. Give us another chance.”

  Oh, wow. I never thought I’d see the day that Stu Cross showed his emotional side.

  “You don’t get it,” she replied, turning away. Stu reached out and grabbed her shoulder.

  “What don’t I get?”

  “Hey, don’t be rough with her like that, she’s….” I stopped myself right before I finished the sentence. It didn’t matter anyway, because a second later Alexis let the cat out of the bag.

  “I’m knocked up, okay? And before you ask, no, the baby isn’t yours. Now will you just let me leave?”

  Stu stared at her, frozen in place. Alexis turned and walked out the door. Lee shot his brother a stern look that told him not to follow her. Then he touched his hand softly to my lower back and led me out of the house. A minute later, both Alexis and I were in the back seat of his car as he drove us home. It was quiet until Lee announced sarcastically.

  “Well, Clarky, that’s some stunt you just pulled. You should be real proud of yourself.”

  “Don’t talk to her like that,” I warned him.

  His eyes caught mine in the overhead mirror, and I was the first to turn away. I couldn’t look at him right then, not when I could still taste him in my mouth, still feel his hands on my body. What had happened lingered between us, heavy and unspoken.

  “No, Karla. He’s right. What I just did to Stu was shitty. And I’m not proud of myself, not at all.”

  “I’ll tell him you said that,” Lee responded, looking slightly appeased.

  “I thought you said that Stu was emotionally uninvolved when it comes to women,” I said. “He didn’t seem that way tonight.”

  Alexis pulled a face. “Oh, my God, Lee, you corny bastard. I didn’t know you were dealing in clichés now.”

  He suppressed a smirk. “What? It’s the truth, though he’s always had a soft spot for you. Maybe you’ll be the one he finally decides
to turn over a new leaf for.”

  “Yeah, because I’m such a special snowflake. That shit only happens in rom-coms, and my shit stinks the same as everybody else’s.”

  “Ugh, you had to go and make it gross,” I complained.

  “Hey, you’d better get used to it. I’m going to be a single mother, and I’ve decided you’ll be godmother. That means lots and lots of nappy changes.”

  Even though we were joking around, what she said made me emotional, and my voice got a little scratchy. “You want me to be godmother, seriously?”

  “Who the hell else would I ask?! Of course I do.”

  I reached over and grabbed her hand, forgetting for a second that Lee was in the car with us. “You know that means a lot to me, right? I’ll never take it for granted.”

  We shared a meaningful look, and I squeezed her hand before letting go. The car fell silent, and when I looked up, I found Lee watching me again. I swallowed and glanced away, staring intently out the window. A few minutes later, we’d reached my and Lexie’s building. She got out first and hurried toward the door entry system. I hovered, looking back to Lee. There was something about his expression that made me think he wanted to say something, but he didn’t. Instead, he shot me a sober nod and restarted the engine.

  “See you around, Snap,” he said right before he pulled away from the kerb.

  I stood on the path, watching his black car disappear into the black night and worrying about how my life was changing, all because he was in it.

  Five

  “Oi, Burrows, where’d ya get the shiner?” Tony called after Steve, who’d just stepped inside the break room. Steve flicked his attention to Tony, a face like thunder and a black eye to boot.

  “Your missus wanted to try something a little different in the sack,” he sneered, and Tony bristled. My workmate wasn’t an easy man to rile, but what Steve had said got his back up. He went silent, and believe me, since he was normally a happy, chatty sort of bloke, Tony was at his scariest when he was quiet. Steve gave him a snide look before going to sit on the other side of the room from us.