Hearts of Blue

by L.H. Cosway

  His words hit deep, and I was just about to say something, anything, when I heard footsteps approaching. Immediately, I turned and walked back to my desk, picking up my pen and pretending like our conversation never happened. Lee went back to the reception area to wait for Liam, and all the while his words rang in my ears.

  To you, the law works to keep good people from hurting bad people, but ever since I was a kid, I knew that wasn’t true.

  ***

  I was almost finished my shift and on my way back from a house call later that day when Keira texted asking if I’d pick up some drinks and sandwiches for the station. Making the mistake of stopping at a shop in a rough neighbourhood, I went in, threw a few things in my basket, checked out, and left to find a gang of young men waiting for me.

  I counted them all, five in total, and clenched my fingers tighter around the plastic bag I was carrying.

  “Your lot aren’t welcome round ’ere,” one of them called over, and I kept walking. I was outnumbered, so there was no point in responding. I didn’t think they’d get physical, since I wasn’t trying to stop them from doing anything, but then one of them stood in front of me, sucking on a smoke and exhaling right into my face.

  “Good-looking for a copper, though. Hey, red, why don’t you stick around and have some fun with us?”

  “Look, lads, there doesn’t need to be a problem here, so if you could quit the side show, I’ll be on my way.”

  I knew instantly that my tone didn’t sit well with the ringleader, as he flicked the butt of his smoke to ground and shot me a dirty look. He had tattoos on his neck and face, and, by the look of them, they’d been done in prison. This bloke obviously had some sort of chip on his shoulder about law enforcement.

  “Side show?” he said, and glanced back to his boys. “This stupid bitch has a mouth on her.”

  He took a step closer. Quickly shifting my shopping bag into my other hand, I pulled out my Taser and held it at arm’s length.

  “Back off now,” I ordered him, and he stared at me cockily, like he wasn’t scared. Lifting his T-shirt, he revealed a gun tucked inside the waistband of his pants.

  “You’re not the only one who’s packing, cunt,” he spat, but I stood firm.

  “Do you really want to pull a gun on an officer right out in the open? I’m pointing this Taser directly at you, so who do you think is going to be quicker?”

  “Come on, she’s not worth it,” one of his mates said. A few seconds passed before he threw a few more ugly words at me and slunk off. Letting out a slow breath, I returned to the car, dropped my shopping bag in the back seat, and pulled out my phone to call the station. I made a report on the incident, described what the guy with the gun had looked like, and then hung up.

  By the time I arrived home that evening I was exhausted, but I’d still managed to pick up some groceries for dinner – in a better neighbourhood this time. Turning my key in the lock, I heard Alexis chuckle, and stepped inside to find she had company. Needless to say, I wasn’t too happy when I found out her company was Lee.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked irritably, too tired to even pretend to be polite.

  “I’m here to visit Alexis, see how she’s doing with the baby and everything.”

  “Lee’s offered to drive me to the hospital if I ever need to go when you’re working,” Alexis put in, eyeing me curiously. She had no idea about the stuff that’d been going on between me and man sitting across from her these last few weeks.

  “How kind,” I muttered, throwing the groceries in the kitchen before shutting myself inside my bedroom. I leaned back against the door and let out a long, weary sigh, really needing this day to be over. A knock sounded above my head, and I startled when Lee called, “I unpacked your stuff, Snap. Why don’t you go relax for half an hour, and I’ll get dinner started?”

  Was he shitting me? And God, I just remembered that there was a packet of tampons in with the groceries. Wonderful. Not wanting to alert Alexis to any weirdness, I replied in an even tone, “That’s quite all right. I can make my own dinner.”

  “Let him make it,” Alexis called. “No offence, but Lee’s a better cook than you.”

  “That’s lovely.”

  “You know it’s the truth!”

  I grabbed a change of clothes and swung the door open. Lee, who’d been leaning his hand against the wood, fell forward slightly, and I suppressed a smirk.

  “Fine, you can cook. I’m going to take a shower.”

  And with that I strode to the bathroom, affecting a casual demeanour and not giving either one of them a second glance.

  “I put your tampons in the top cabinet if you’re looking for them,” Lee called after me, a smile in his voice.

  Cringing, I resisted the urge to respond, my skin prickling as I undressed, knowing he was in the next room. I spent longer than necessary washing myself, not wanting to go back out into the apartment and wonder why exactly Lee was there. I knew for a fact that he hadn’t come just to be all chivalrous and offer Alexis help while she was pregnant. No, he was there for me, and I hated how I couldn’t seem to escape him, not even in my own home.

  I spent time putting on body lotion and braiding my wet hair into a plait. I’d put on the T-shirt and shorts I usually wore to bed, but couldn’t go braless like I normally did. Lee was standing in the kitchen when I came out, and the place smelled great. He’d taken the ingredients I’d bought and turned them into a chicken stir fry.

  We made brief eye contact as I passed him by, his gaze dipping to my face, then dropping and lingering on my bare legs. I huffed a breath and went into my bedroom, dumping my clothes in the laundry basket before coming back out. Alexis sat by the TV, flicking through the channels, and I came to sit beside her.

  “Oh, Tony called, by the way. He’s been trying to get a hold of you, but your phone was off. He sounded worried.”

  “Yeah, my battery died. I had a run-in with a few thugs earlier. He must have heard about it and wanted to check if I was okay.”

  I didn’t even realise Lee had been listening until he asked in a tight voice, “What did they look like?”

  I turned to him for a second, finding his eyebrows drawn together. He looked pissed. I waved him away. “It’s fine. I’ve already made a report about it.”

  “What did they look like, Karla?” He repeated his question, this time more firmly. I noticed he was holding a chopping knife.

  Alexis motioned for me to tell him, like I had no reason not to, so I finally said, “Tall guy, shaved head, neck tattoo of some sort of bird. An eagle, I think. He was the main one who put it up to me. I didn’t get a proper look at the others.”

  “When you say ‘put it up,’ what exactly do you mean?”

  “He was just running his mouth, calling me a bitch. He had a gun, though.”

  Lee kept nodding, taking it all in, but I could see the cogs in his head turning. He went back to cooking dinner and I turned to the TV, trying to concentrate on the show Alexis had put on. Unfortunately, I couldn’t seem to focus, and I kept wondering why Lee wanted to know what the guy looked like so badly. Did he plan on doing something about it? I remembered his words at the station earlier.

  I would never hurt you, never. If any man tried to lay his hands on you, I’d make sure that was the last thing he did.

  This guy hadn’t exactly put his hands on me, but I had no doubt that he would have if I hadn’t been so quick to pull out my Taser. A few minutes later dinner was ready, and Lee served us each a huge plate of stir fry. I was too hungry not to dig in right away, and he seemed pleased by my eagerness. He shot me a grin from where he sat on the armchair, and I rolled my eyes.

  “Oh, my God, Lee, this is amazing!” Alexis enthused. “Jamie Oliver in da house.”

  He shot her a wink. “I’m more of a Gordon Ramsey type.”

  “Oh, yeah, I can definitely see that. You in the kitchen, swearing your head off at the staff because you can’t bear to send out second-rate risotto
to paying customers.”

  Lee chuckled. “That’s the plan.”

  “No, seriously, you should chuck in all this car business and open up your own restaurant. I’m not joking.”

  Shaking his head, Lee settled his attention on the television. I noticed he hadn’t made anything for himself, which left me feeling sort of guilty, but perhaps he’d already eaten. Once Alexis was finished, she declared she was going to bed. She seemed a little too quick to announce it, and I wondered if she’d sensed something between me and Lee and wanted to give us privacy to talk.

  A few beats of silence passed before I asked, “How’s Liam doing?”

  “He’s angry. We all are.”

  I didn’t know how to respond to that. I mean, Tony, one of my closest friends, had arrested him, so if Lee was angry, then I didn’t really understand why he was here in my flat, acting like everything was normal.

  “If he can cut a deal, maybe he can avoid a stretch,” I said finally.

  “Already thought of that,” Lee replied, his voice tight.

  “And?”

  “And it probably won’t come to it. I’ve got a good solicitor.”

  My curiosity piqued. “And who would that be?”

  His eyes sharpened. “William Dunning.”

  I blinked at him, my mouth agape. “You do realise how much that tells me about you, right?”

  Lee shrugged, but his expression was fierce. He wouldn’t make any apologies for who he was.

  Dunning was a snake, and he represented some of the most powerful individuals in London. If he had Lee on his books, it meant that the man sitting before me was far more dangerous than I’d thought. I was suddenly anxious about having him in my home. Was he being monitored by the NCA? They tended to keep an eye on all the big players, but being so low in rank, I wouldn’t know anything about it.

  Somebody could be watching him right at that very moment. Since I lived in a huge tower block, they wouldn’t know which flat he was in unless they followed him inside. But still, this was way too close for comfort.

  Lee seemed to read my thoughts clear as day on my face. “Relax. Nobody knows I’m here.”

  “Why are you here?”

  He frowned. “I needed to talk to you about something.”

  I motioned with my hand. “Then talk.”

  Letting out a long breath, he rubbed at his short-cropped hair and levelled me with his eyes. “You remember the bloke from outside the nightclub?”

  “The creep standing beside your car? Yes.”

  “Well, let’s just say, his boss and my boss have been having something of a disagreement of late. Long story short, things aren’t safe, and this guy thinks you’re my girlfriend. He’s threatened to…do things.”

  My body tensed. “Things? What kind of things?”

  Lee shook his head. “Nah, not going there with you, Snap.”

  A sick feeling crept into my stomach. “Does he know who I am?”

  “He knows what you look like, that’s all. But I have a plan to set him straight. In the meantime, I’m having Trevor watch you when you’re off duty, just to be on the safe side.”

  “Nobody’s watching me. I can take care of myself. And anyway, I’m not even your girlfriend, but if this guy so much as tries to lay a hand on me, I’ll arrest him.”

  Lee shook his head. “That’s not how this works, Karla.”

  “There is no ‘this,’” I snapped. “If you’d just left me alone in the first place, then none of this would be happening.”

  Lee leaned forward so that his elbows rested on his knees. All of a sudden, I saw how exhausted he was. “Can you not fight me on this just once? Fuck, I know I should have left you alone. I tried, believe me, but I couldn’t do it. Now our situation is what it is, so can you just stop being a cop for a second and let me protect you?”

  I stared at him, unsure of what to say, or if I should even say anything at all. This entire situation was spiralling out of control, and we’d only been together once.

  “Look, I know today must have been awful for you, and to tell you the truth, I hate that I helped catch Liam. But even more, I hate the fact that he was stealing in the first place. And yes, I understand your life’s been tough and you’ve had to make hard decisions, but we have to make new decisions every day. Maybe tomorrow you can make the right one.”

  Lee’s tired eyes rose to meet mine. “The right one?”

  “Yes, like deciding to get out of this business you’re in and go legit.”

  He let out a joyless laugh. “Because it’s that simple.”

  “I can help you.”

  His gaze dropped to his hands, and his voice was quiet when he said, “There’s no help for me.”

  A long silence fell between us, and he lifted his head to stare at me again. Shivers trickled along my collarbone, a heavy tension filling the air.

  “I don’t understand why you don’t hate me right now,” I whispered.

  Lee looked at me, his crystal-clear blue eyes full of sincerity. “Neither do I.”

  What he said jolted me, because it meant he understood that he should hate my guts, and the idea of him hating me made my stomach twist with nausea. Though I didn’t want to admit it, I felt sick at the thought of losing the affection he so obviously felt for me.

  It was messed up.

  After a minute he stood, turned, and walked to the front door. “See you around, Karla,” he said before he opened the door and left the flat. Barely a second went by before Alexis’ bedroom door burst open, and my best friend stood before me, an open-mouthed look on her face.

  “I bloody well knew it!” she exclaimed, marching around the sofa and coming to plonk down beside me. “I want to know everything, you secretive little tramp, and start from the beginning.”

  Eleven

  For the next three days, I worked. Every once in a while I found myself looking around, trying to spot Trevor, but I never saw him. Perhaps Lee had decided to respect my wishes and not have his brother follow me. Or perhaps he was just good at hiding.

  The night Lee visited our flat, I’d given in and told Alexis everything. She’d warned me off from the very start, and I had every intention of heeding her advice, but my heart, or maybe it was my vagina, had other ideas. In the end, she didn’t berate me for my choices. After all, if anyone could understand what I was going through, it was Alexis. She’d had an affair with her boss, which in a way was just as illicit as what had been going on with me and Lee.

  When I clocked out of my shift on Saturday evening, I’d almost forgotten about all the nasty business and threats to my safety. I had the entire weekend off, and I planned on making the most of it, starting with going to see Reya perform at a small music venue in Soho. Since I worked such unpredictable hours, I rarely got the chance to see her play, so it was a real treat for me.

  I decided to catch the Tube into the city so that I could have a few drinks, and wore a dark blue pencil dress with a long royal blue coat and heels. It wasn’t often that I dressed up in a proper girly fashion, so when I did, I put in the effort. I blow-dried and straightened my hair, so it looked shiny and sleek, and wore a small bit of makeup.

  I was just walking out of my building when a head suddenly dropped down from above, giving me the fright of my life. Holding my hand to my heart, I stared up at Trevor, who was hanging by his legs from an overhead bar like a goddamn monkey.

  “What the hell?” I said, willing my pulse to slow down.

  Trevor swung his body around and dropped to the ground, shooting me a wide, toothy grin.

  “Sorry about that, Constable. I forget sometimes that people aren’t used to my ways.”

  “Your ways?”

  “I like to get around in an unconventional fashion.”

  “Uh-huh, and what are you doing here?”

  “Watching out for your safety,” he replied. “Though if you ask me, I’m not sure you deserve it, what with how you had a hand in fucking up my little brother’s life.”
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  Oh, for crying out loud. I was in no mood for this conversation. “Your brother fucked up his own life. I just happened to be the one to catch him doing it.”

  “Potato, potaaato.”

  “I’m serious, Trevor. I was doing my job.”

  Stepping past him, I tugged my coat tighter to defend against the cold and walked in the direction of the tube station. Trevor followed heavy on my heels.

  “You know, that sounds a lot like something Hitler would say,” he commented.

  I rolled my eyes. “I appreciate a well-placed Hitler card as much as the next person, but in this case, you’re completely off the mark.”

  Trevor gestured a Nazi salute and I narrowed my gaze, beginning to think that of all the Cross brothers, this was the eccentric one. He wore a pair of pale ripped jeans, chains hanging from the pockets, steel-toe cap boots, and a baggy grey T-shirt that read “Oh. Okay.” under a red tartan bomber jacket. His build was slightly wiry, and his short dark brown hair was messy.

  We walked side by side for a few minutes, begrudgingly on my part, before arriving at the Tube station. I swiped my Oyster card while Trevor proceeded to jump the barriers and continue toward the escalators like he hadn’t a care. I looked around, irritated to find there were no attendants about.

  “Hey, you can’t just….” I called before stopping mid-stride, my mouth agape as I watched him jump atop the escalators and effortlessly slide down the middle. Several people watched in surprise the same as me, while one man shouted after him angrily, saying he was going to break his neck. I boarded the moving steps and looked down to see Trevor waiting for me at the end, casually leaning against a wall as he checked his phone. He slid it in his pocket when I finally reached the platform.

  “So, where to?” he asked, like everything was perfectly normal.

  “You…I…eh….” I mumbled, trying to get my head around what he’d just done. “Are you crazy?”

  He held up his thumb and pointer finger. “Just a little bit.”