Hearts of Blue

by L.H. Cosway

  “So, are you both coming out with us tonight?” Trevor asked as we ate.

  “What’s tonight?”

  He nudged Lee with his elbow. “It’s this one’s birthday bash. He’s being an old curmudgeon and won’t let us throw him a party, so we’re just going for a few drinks at the local boozer.”

  I gaped at Lee. “It’s your birthday? Why didn’t you say?”

  He lifted a careless shoulder. “Not really big into birthdays, Snap.” There was something sad in his expression, and I wondered if he didn’t like celebrating because of when he was a kid. I didn’t imagine birthdays were very fun for him back then.

  Since I was sitting next to him, I reached out and gave him one of those consolation prize half-hugs, wishing I could give him a full one. “Happy birthday,” I said, my voice quiet.

  He turned his head, his mouth only centimetres from mine. “Thanks.”

  Time stood still, and I couldn’t look away from his lips. I watched him inhale sharply, his nostrils flaring as his hand came up and wiped a spot of ice cream away from the corner of my mouth. Bringing it to his own, he licked it away, and I felt all of my insides clench tight.

  In the end, Trevor broke the moment by announcing loudly, “Oh, my God, just kiss her. This is getting downright inappropriate for my youthful gaze.”

  Reya laughed quietly next to him, and I looked away, trying to control my blush. Right then I wanted to kick him, annoyed that a cocky little twenty-three-year-old could embarrass me like that. Thankfully, there was a distraction when a group of girls barely out of their teens approached, smiling demurely and giggling as they eyed the aforementioned cocky little shit.

  “Hi, Trevor.” One of them finger-waved.

  Reya began fixedly studying the crumpled ice cream napkin she held as Trevor flashed them a charming smile. “Ladies.”

  “We were watching you earlier. It’s amazing the stuff you guys can do.”

  “Oh, yeah?” Trevor preened.

  Reya quietly stood and announced, “I just remembered I have to go collect my laundry. I’ll see you all later.” With that she turned and walked away, an urgency in her gait.

  I glanced at Lee. “I’d better go after her.”

  He nodded. “Go. Will I see you tonight?”

  “Sure, we’ll stop by around eight or nine.”

  His eyes warmed. “Okay, see you then.”

  ***

  When I caught up to Reya, she still wouldn’t admit that she had feelings for Trevor, and swore out and out that she really did have laundry to pick up. In the end I left her to it, with a promise to meet up later for Lee’s birthday drinks. My stomach was all a-flutter at the thought of seeing him again, but it felt different now. There was no anxious sense of foreboding, no feeling like I was doing something wrong. All I felt was excitement that I was going to see a man I found attractive and had some deep unresolved feelings for.

  So, you know, the usual.

  Look, at least he wasn’t thieving anymore, nor was he on my dad’s watch list. Although Lee and his brothers were being monitored by Dad’s team originally, he knew he didn’t have anything on them. Plus, he seemed satisfied enough that Stu was doing time, the person he’d always thought was the ringleader.

  That was the problem with my dad. He was so wrapped up in his own alpha maleness that he couldn’t see another alpha when he was staring him right in the face. And sometimes, the big dog wasn’t necessarily the largest.

  Feeling the need to get Lee a birthday gift, I stopped by a bookstore on my way home and picked up a Cordon Bleu cookery book that I knew he’d like. I smiled to myself, remembering the time I’d teased him for baking lemon cakes like a little old granny. In truth, the idea of him with his shirt sleeves rolled up, tattoos all on display, and wearing an apron was kinda sexy. Or maybe I was just a weirdo.

  I spent the rest of the day helping Alexis with Oliver, then went to get ready. Settling on a pair of black skinny jeans, boots, and a white shirt, I thought I looked good without making too much effort. I tied my hair up in a stylish ponytail before heading out. Reya met me on the Tube, since she lived two stops away, and when we got to the pub, the place was busy. I spotted Lee, Trevor, Liam, and two other blokes sitting at a big table, drinking pints.

  “Hey, everyone,” I said in greeting, and Lee immediately stood to place a kiss on my cheek. His gaze travelled over me as I shrugged off my jacket, and then he whispered in my ear, “You look hot as fuck.”

  I shivered at his words, wondering if he only said it because he was drinking, but the alcohol on his breath wasn’t heavy. I sat down, and Trevor proceeded to quiz Reya on where she’d run off to earlier. He’d been so busy flirting with his gaggle of groupies that he hadn’t even noticed her leave, which just said it all. I thought maybe my friend was better off with him staying oblivious. Sure, Lee was a handful, but I imagined it’d take ten women to keep up with Trevor’s hyperactive personality.

  Reya needed someone kind, someone safe. Not an adrenaline junkie who jumped off buildings and climbed mountains just for kicks. Sure, Lee was…okay, you get the point. Of all the brothers, Trevor was the wildcard. Speaking of brothers, Liam was eyeing me cautiously from the other side of the table. I understood why he was sceptical, especially with Stu’s current incarceration. But I wasn’t there for any reason other than the fact that I was drawn to Lee.

  We’d been out of each other’s lives for three months. I’d thought I was over him, insomuch as you could ever get over a lost love. But the second I walked into that delivery room and saw him there, standing by my best friend’s side as she went through one of the most difficult and important experiences of her life, I knew I wasn’t over him. Not by a long shot. All my feelings had come rolling back, but with a renewed sense of warmth. I didn’t have to worry about my career or my reputation. He was just a man now. Just an ordinary man. Anything could happen. The idea caused my every pore to draw tight with anticipation.

  I wanted to say something to Liam, but I knew that if he was ever going to accept me, it was going to take time. I’d have to get him to warm up to me little by little. For now, I simply nodded my head at him in lieu of a hello. He nodded back. This was good. I’d half expected him to flip me off.

  “Oh, I brought you a present,” I said, turning to Lee. My knee knocked into his, and I was far more aware of the simple touch than I should have been. Pulling the gift-wrapped book from my handbag, I passed it to him. Lee stared at the gift, a grin tugging at one corner of his mouth.

  “Aw, Snap, ya shouldn’t have,” he said, leaning forward and giving me yet another peck on the cheek. This time it was dangerously close to my mouth, and I inhaled a sharp breath. A second later, Lee’s attention was on the book as he pulled it from the wrapping. The smile took over his entire face then, and his eyes lit up as he looked at me. “This is great, thanks.”

  “All right, it’s time for tequila shots,” said Trevor, returning from the bar. I’d been so wrapped up in Lee that I hadn’t even noticed him leave the table. He slammed a bottle of Patrón down, alongside some salt and limes. Then he went to grab a bunch of shot glasses from the barman before returning.

  “Nah, man, that stuff makes me puke,” said Liam, shaking his head.

  “Lightweight,” Trevor jeered, then turned to Reya, flashing a devilish grin. “How about you, Queenie?”

  She blushed at him using her stage name, her eyes downcast as she nodded. “Sure.”

  Trevor glanced at me. “And you, Constable?”

  “Hey, it’s sergeant now,” said Lee, and Trevor looked at me, wide-eyed.

  “No shit? You made sergeant? In that case, you definitely have to do a shot. All sergeants are notorious tequila fiends,” he said, making no sense whatsoever, but that was Trevor for you.

  “Okay, I’ll do one,” I said, feeling Lee’s attention next to me. “But only one.”

  Trevor began lining the shots up in front of us. When Reya passed me the salt, I licked a line between my t
humb and forefinger, poured it on, and picked up a slice of lime. Before I could react, Lee grabbed my hand and levelled me with a hot look. A moment passed, and then he bent his head to lick off the salt, his tongue hot and wet on my skin. My tummy fluttered wildly as I tried to steady my breathing, especially when he glanced up at me, eyes dark with mischief. I watched, transfixed, as he knocked back his shot, then bit down on the lime. It was probably one of the sexiest things I’d ever seen.

  “Your turn,” he said, voice husky as he held his hand out to me.

  “Oh,” I breathed, heart pounding loud in my ears.

  After a second of hesitation, I brought my mouth to his skin and licked. This close, all I could smell was him, his salty taste on my lips. To my horror, I found myself lingering, and a rumble only I could hear rose from his chest. I drew away quickly, downing the shot and biting into the lime.

  Expecting to turn around and find everyone watching our borderline pornographic exchange, I was relieved to see they were ignoring us completely. That was mostly because Trevor was on his third shot, and the boys were egging him on to do more.

  There was music in the pub and a small dance floor, a few women and men busting sloppy, drunken moves. Lee’s breath hit my skin right before he whispered, “Come dance with me.”

  He didn’t give me time to respond, only grabbed my hand and pulled me up with him. I followed, my head foggy with either arousal or tequila, I couldn’t seem to tell. My eyes traced the muscular lines of his broad shoulders, shoulders made for hard work and fucking, and I began to imagine where this night would lead.

  Some cheesy eighties rock ballad played through the speakers as Lee spun us around, pulled me close, and slid his arms around my waist. I stared up at him, his bright blue eyes arresting. The way he moved was purposeful, every brush of his body against mine designed to seduce.

  “Lee,” I said, unsure whether he could hear me over the music, “why did you leave last night?”

  I knew by the set of his mouth that he didn’t like my question, but he answered it anyway. “I didn’t want to, if that’s what you’re asking.”

  What he said was a relief, because although he was showing all the signs that he wanted me, there’d always be that lingering doubt in the back of my mind, questioning whether or not he still harboured blame.

  “So….” I ventured. “You just didn’t want to take advantage while I was drunk?”

  “Yeah, I want to do things right this time.”

  “This time?”

  He nodded, a predatory gleam in his eyes. “If you think I’m here for friendship, Karla, you’re shit out of luck.” The growl in his voice did wonderful things to my insides. “I want you back in my bed, for good.”

  “Oh,” I breathed, uncertain as to what to say.

  “But it won’t be like last time. I refuse to sneak around or keep things secret. I won’t have you letting go of my hand because you’re ashamed to be seen with me. That shit is over. I want you to be proud to be by my side. I want you to want everyone to know you’re mine. But most of all, I want to be worthy of you.”

  “You were always worthy. Circumstances just weren’t…optimal.”

  He shook his head, still swaying our bodies gently to the music. “Nah. You said something to me once that rang true. You said I’d gotten away with murder for so long that I wasn’t afraid of being caught anymore, and you were right. When you’re in as deep as I was, you get numb, but you also start justifying your actions. You begin to believe you’re doing good, that it’s either you or them. You convince yourself that the law’s wrong. That’s where my head was at when I first met you, and little by little you broke down the walls of bullshit I’d built up. You showed me all the lies I’d been telling myself until I finally woke up and believed you.”

  I stared at him, taken aback by his admission. Because the truth was that he’d shown me so much, too. The law wasn’t perfect. There would always be Steves around to screw people over and take advantage of the power that came with the job. There would always be corruption and unfairness. And it was those like Lee and his family who bore the brunt of that, because he’d shown me that people’s actions are a result of their circumstances, and sometimes breaking the law is the only choice.

  I thought on all this as I lowered my head to rest on his shoulder.

  “What I’m trying to say is, I want to date you, Karla Sheehan,” he said, a smile in his voice.

  I laughed softly and nuzzled my nose into his skin. “Like an old-fashioned courting?”

  He breathed deeply and drew me closer, his mouth at my temple. “Maybe not so old-fashioned. I’m not sure I can keep my hands to myself for that long.”

  “I’m not sure I’d want you to,” I whispered, and felt him shudder when my breath hit his earlobe. “But there’s just one more thing.”

  “Oh, yeah, what’s that?”

  “When do you plan on announcing your intentions to my father?”

  As soon as the question was out, we both burst into laughter. It went without saying that my dad was never going to accept Lee. It was a good thing I’d never been one to wait around for parental approval.

  “How about this, if I promise you never have to meet my old man, then you have to promise I never have to meet yours?”

  Eyeing him in amusement, I took his hand and we shook on it. “It’s a deal.”

  Twenty-Three

  Lee was working out some kinks in his menu. This was exactly how he phrased it when he called and asked me on our first official date. Come over to the restaurant, he said. Let me cook for you, and you can tell me what you like and what you don’t like. It didn’t take too much convincing for me to say yes, especially since he made all that sound decidedly sexual. But now I was nervous. I had no idea what to wear, and had changed my outfit several times.

  The previous night we’d said goodbye without so much as a kiss, with Trevor drunk from too many tequila shots, and Lee and Liam helping him into a taxi. Needless to say, I was all amped up, excited and nervous for what would happen when I got to the restaurant. Would there be workers around, or would we be alone?

  In the end I chose a dark purple skater skirt, boots, and an old Metallica T-shirt. It harkened back to my teenage grunge years, but it looked sexy and casual at the same time, so I forced myself not to try for another outfit change.

  When I arrived at the Grub Hut, the sign above the premises was done in stylish carved metal. Peering in the window, I saw there was still work being completed on the interior, but I imagined it was going to look great when it was finished. I texted Lee to let him know I was outside, and a minute later he appeared from out the back, the end of his black T-shirt covered with flour and his hair tousled.

  Opening the door, he welcomed me with a warm smile and pulled me into a hug. “Hey,” he murmured, placing a kiss on my temple.

  “Hi,” I replied, stepping inside. “The place looks great. I love the sign.”

  Lee grinned at my compliment and took my hand, leading me out back to the kitchen. The place was brand new, all stainless steel, with a long metal work top in the centre of the room. My mouth watered as I took in all the ingredients. There were bowls laid out with all manner of foods: chopped tomatoes and onions, avocados, coriander, quartered lemons, chilies, fresh tortillas, and a whole host of spices. It became clear that he was planning on making some kind of Mexican dish.

  “Those shots last night gave me inspiration,” he said with a wink, and I got a little tingle along the back of my neck as I remembered his tongue on my skin. Lee’s eyes darkened, like he was remembering, too, and then he came over and took my jacket.

  “Nobody else around?” I asked, trying to sound casual.

  He shook his head and smirked. “We’re all alone.”

  Trying to act like his flirting wasn’t affecting me, I hitched myself up onto the counter opposite his workspace and folded my arms. Looking around, I knew it must have cost a pretty penny to do the place up, not to mention the re
nts in London weren’t cheap. Though I didn’t suspect he’d used dirty money to fund the new business. Selling the garage would’ve left him with more than enough to start over.

  “So how’s everything been going? You had any old acquaintances sniffing around?”

  “No, and if they’re smart, they’ll steer clear. A couple of the boys who used to work for me wanted to go clean, too, so I gave them jobs here. If anyone comes trying for a protection racket, they’ll be shown where the door is.”

  “That’s good. Do you expect they will?”

  Lee shook his head. “Spent years building up a certain reputation, Karla. If anyone tries messing with this place or me, they’ll have to be dumb as fuck.”

  I let out a breath and braced my hands on the edge of the counter. “Well, I’m glad to hear it, but if you ever have any problems, let me know. So, what are you making?”

  He motioned to the ingredients. “Isn’t it obvious? Tacos.”

  “I love tacos.”

  He smirked. “Me, too.”

  I rolled my eyes, but couldn’t help smiling. Lee went to wash his hands and then returned, throwing some minced beef into the pan and mixing in a few spices. I found it strangely relaxing to watch him cook, and my stomach was rumbling by the time he was finished. He set three tacos on a plate for me and pulled up a stool.

  “Okay, so each one has a different spice mix in the beef. Tell me which one you like best.”

  I grinned, enjoying myself. “The second one is best. I like the smokiness,” I told him after I’d tasted all three.

  “Yeah?” Lee asked, his eyes lighting up with interest. “What about number three? I tried a pinch of cardamom just for shits and giggles.”

  “It’s good, but not as good as the second.”

  He stood before me, his arms folded. “Okay, I’ll take your word for it. Now we move onto my béarnaise sauce recipe. I’ll make mini-steaks to go with it.” He tried to take my plate, but I pushed his hands away.