Back to Reality

by Danielle Allen

  “Thanks. You look nice as well,” I complimented him, glancing at his herringbone fedora as I stood in the doorway. He looked nice in his burgundy denim jeans and white polo shirt that showcased his muscular arms, but I couldn’t stop looking at that hat. “You ready?”

  “Are you truly not going to invite me in?” Ben asked as he attempted to peek over my head into my apartment.

  “I’m truly not.” I walked through the door and pulled it closed behind me. Locking the deadbolt, I turned to face him and flashed my sweetest smile. “But again, I thank you for taking me to the airport.”

  Laughing, Ben took my tote from my hand and walked down the hall to the elevator. “You are… refreshing. This place is incredible. Those two paintings in the lobby…those aren’t real are they? I mean, wow! When you said you lived at 138 Main Street. I didn’t put it together that you lived at One38. This is exclusive.”

  Uncomfortable with the direction the conversation seemed to be heading, I quickly jumped into the elevator car as soon as the door opened. Three people were already in the elevator so the conversation halted. I don’t know him like that to discuss finances or anything else considered private. I should’ve taken a taxi, I thought in annoyance.

  We walked out of the elevator in silence. “I parked in front,” Ben mentioned as we passed through the small, yet elegant lobby or “Great Room” as it was advertised. The area between the elevators and the front doors was like a museum’s waiting room—large paintings hung above square chairs that were lined against the walls. Offices for security and concierge were located behind the concierge desk. The other wall had a short hallway that led to the mail room. Other than the paintings and the prestige of the name One38, the lobby was unassuming.

  “We’ve had dinner a few times this week. We’ve had many conversations. Whether you like it or not, we are friends. And as friends, and hopefully my wing woman at an upcoming gallery event,” he winked, “you will have to eventually tell me something personal about yourself.”

  His 2013 black Prius hybrid sat in front of the building. He opened my door for me and I got in. Before he shut my door, I said, “First of all, don’t ever wink at me again.”

  He laughed as he put my bag in the trunk. When he hopped into the driver’s seat, I continued, “Second of all, I’ve told you about my job and about my best friend who lives in Georgia and about my love of art and music. That’s plenty personal. Wing woman for what? And what does it entail?”

  “I was going to ask you on the phone on Thursday, but I felt like I would have a better chance of you saying yes in person. Especially since I am taking you to the airport.”

  “Subtle.” I rolled my eyes. “What is it?”

  “It’s an art exhibit and because I’m not dating anyone and you, my gorgeous friend, are an art lover, it is a perfect match up.”

  “Okay, I’ll let you know when I get back in town. Is that okay?”

  “Of course,” he said indulgently. Again, I rolled my eyes. “Now what are you flying to your former hometown for 24 hours for?” Ben inquired cheerfully.

  I didn’t say anything. I just stared out of the window. I could feel the panic on my face. I inhaled a deep breath and then exhaled it slowly. I didn’t know what to do. The only person I ever put myself in a position to open up to was Ty. Everyone else, namely Emily and Emanuel, already knew me. I didn’t have to try with them. It was second nature, I thought anxiously. The mood in the car shifted as I could feel him glancing over at me.

  “It’s a former lover, isn’t it?” Ben asked as he slowed to a stop. “You did him wrong or did he do you wrong? I’m assuming it was you.”

  Gasping, I turned to look at him. “Why would you say something like that?” I mean, it’s the truth, but still! Why would he make that assumption about me? I thought, appalled.

  “Well mostly because you are going to him. If he were the one who had wronged you, it’s less likely that you would spend money to travel to him.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest and turned my head so that I was looking straight ahead. I quietly thought about his astute reasoning before he added with a laugh, “And because you look like the type.”

  I shook my head and bit the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing. “You are really rude, you know that?”

  “Yes,” he said simply as he accelerated and maneuvered between two large trucks.

  The rest of the thirty minute drive was filled with loud singing to old school R&B. When we pulled up to the drop off curb at the airport, Ben and I hopped out of the car at the same time. He grabbed my luggage from out of the trunk and met me on the curb.

  “It’s not too late. I could still drive you down and we could finish our singing competition,” he proposed as he handed me my tote.

  “It’s incredibly sweet of you to offer to do that for me, but I have some business to take care of and I think I need the alone time on the flight to get my mind right,” I explained.

  “And to think, I was going to do my best Temptations number for you. For shame!” Ben quickly snatched the hat from his head and clutched it to his chest. I laughed. Hard. If there is one thing about Ben, he was always good for a laugh, I thought as I braced myself against the side of his car. When the moment passed I wiped the wetness from the corner of my eye and glanced at the sky. A plane had just taken off. Remembering my reason for going on this trip, I sobered instantly.

  I looked at Ben who was staring at me intently. It reminded me of the way Dr. Summers stares at me when I go quiet.

  “You haven’t allowed me to be privy to what happened or what you’re going to Richland to do, but I can assure you this: you are a good person. You’ve seemed a bit shaken since I’ve met you. But you also have this strength and decency about you as well. No matter what happens, it’ll be fine. Good, bad, or indifferent, it’ll be fine,” Ben commented kindly.

  I let out a shaky breath and gave him a small smile. I needed to hear that…and I didn’t even know I needed to hear it, I mused. His words sounded like a pep talk from a friend. His words sounded like a pep talk from Emily. I had a fleeting urge to hug him; however, in typical Ben fashion. He continued to talk.

  “Let me take your bag to get checked so I can talk to the baggage attendant over there with the tight skirt on.”

  Laughing, I retorted, “I’m not checking my bag and I will not let my luggage be involved in whatever you have going on. Go talk to her—without my bag—and I will see you tomorrow.” Pushing myself off of the car, I squared my shoulders and started to walk away.

  Grabbing me by the elbow, Ben pulled me toward him and kissed the top of my head, right in front of my ponytail puff. He grabbed my shoulders and looked me straight in the eyes. “You will be fine.” He nodded his head toward the cute baggage attendant. “And I’ll be here when your plane lands… unless I’m holed up somewhere with her.”

  Laughing, I pushed his hands off of my shoulders. “Bye Ben!”

  “Goodbye!”

  As I walked through the threshold of the airport, I heard loud giggling behind me. I glanced over my shoulder and saw Ben charming the cute baggage attendant. Emily is right. He is smooth. And I need to call her before I get on this plane, I thought as I headed to security check.

  In a mere thirty minutes, I was making my way onto the aircraft. The plane was already full due to the fact Bakersfield was a layover stop for the majority of the passengers. I was still on the phone with Emily when I entered the cabin and I felt like all eyes were on me because I was on the phone.

  “Yes, I’m finding my seat now,” I informed Emily as I walked down the narrow walkway. I found my window seat quickly. My issue was finding a free space in the overhead compartment for my tote.

  “Why is it so quiet?” Emily whispered conspiratorially as if she could be overheard.

  “I have no idea,” I answered as my eyes swept over the other passengers. The flight attendant pointed to a space a few seats behind where my seat was located. I pushed my tote i
nto the cramped compartment. “I’m so glad you enjoyed your morning at the spa! Text me a picture of your manicure. I’m going to call you when I get to the hotel. It should be in like an hour and a half.”

  “I’m meeting Manny in an hour so…” Emily’s sentence trailed off.

  I was quiet for a fraction of a second before I said, “Okay well I will just talk to you tonight. I should probably focus and clear my head before going to Jimmy’s.” Sitting in my seat, I adjusted my Cross Body bag and buckled my seatbelt.

  “Are you sure you don’t want me to let Manny know?”

  “I’m absolutely positive. I know you don’t love my idea Em, but the element of surprise is all I have on my side after what I’ve done.”

  “I know you think that Sahara, but I don’t think that’s necessarily the case. I think what you’re doing is brave. But at least when you come here, you’ll have me. This weekend whatever will happen, will happen and I am just worried about you being alone to deal with this. I wish you would’ve waited for me and I could’ve come with you. That’s all.” Emily’s worry was evident in her voice.

  My heart swelled. “Em…thank you. I appreciate you so much. You already had plans and if you would’ve come up here, you wouldn’t be able to get all your stuff done. And you have major things in the works for next week that I can’t wait to see come together. I’m proud of you.”

  “Thank you. I’m proud of you too. And you will be fine. No matter what happens, you will be fine.”

  I smiled at the familiarity of the words. That’s twice in less than an hour that I’ve been assured I’d be fine so I will be fine, I thought to myself. “You are the best best friend a girl could ask for. Now I have to go. The flight attendant just gave me a look.”

  Emily scoffed, “Give that bitch a look right back.”

  I laughed loudly as we said our goodbyes and I hung up the phone. Leaning my head against the warm glass of the window, I closed my eyes. I will be okay. I will be fine. No matter what happens. I will be fine. Ty is probably angry. Scratch that. Ty is probably furious with me. But I will apologize and he will listen. Well he did ignore me and shut me out completely after we got back from Thomasville so maybe he won’t listen. Is Emily right? Should I have waited? No I needed to do this. I need to do this. He deserves an explanation and an apology. He needs to know I never meant to hurt him. I’m doing the right thing. I’m doing the right thing. I am, I convinced myself as the airplane prepared for takeoff.

  In the shortest flight in the history of flights I’d ever taken, I was aroused from my thoughts by the flight attendant tapping me on the shoulder. “Ma’am...everyone else is just about gone. Are you alright?

  I rubbed the spot where my forehead and the window were pressed against each other. “Yes, I’m fine. Thank you.” I was completely out of it. I didn’t remember the flight at all. I remembered getting myself worked up over actually seeing Ty after all this time… and then I talked myself down from a panic attack… and then nothing.

  I grabbed my tote and exited the airplane. The airport was busy and heavily congested. I was jostled a couple of times as people rushed to catch their flights, but it barely registered with me as I walked against the flow of bodies. When I made it outside, the heat of the sun warmed my skin. I didn’t realize how cold I was until that moment. As I thawed, I stood frozen in the center of the sidewalk. The nerves created caused a sharp pain to lance through me and it took everything in me not to double over.

  Shaking it off, I flagged down a taxi. The 45 minute drive to Richland was sullied by the talking of the driver. She was not deterred when I put in my earbuds or when I turned my body toward the window and away from her. Longest drive ever, I thought right before we got off the exit and the city unfolded in front of me.

  Taking a deep breath, I took mental pictures of the place I used to call home. I loved Richland. It had been the perfect escape…until I had to escape once again, I thought as the taxi pulled in front of The Four Seasons. Paying my fare, I bolted out of the taxi, if for no other reason, to flee the driver’s nonsensical monologue.

  Quickly checking in and gaining access to my second floor room, I threw myself across the bed. I picked up my phone and called Emily. It went to voicemail. Groaning, I tossed my phone on the pillow. “Emily I need you!” I complained to myself as I pulled myself off of the bed. I let my hand drag across the soft comforter. I cut on the TV and found a rerun of Law & Order: SVU and pulled out my outfit for the night. Regardless of what happens, I will look good. And when you look good, you feel good. And when you feel good, you don’t have to worry about having the police called on you because the owner wants to kick you out and have you arrested for trespassing, I panicked as I sagged against the wooden desk that was positioned in front of the large window.

  Going through my breathing exercises, I tried to calm myself down but it wasn’t working. Clutching the back of the desk chair, I steadied myself on shaky legs. I got this… 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 inhale. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 exhale. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 inhale. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 exhale. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 inhale. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 exhale. Okay. I’m okay. I’m okay. I’m okay, I coached myself. Regaining control, I wiped the tears that dripped from my eyes. My heart still pounded in my chest, but I was able to breathe again.

  The time seemed to accelerate after showering and doing my hair in a pretty up-do. As 7pm inched closer, I decided to try Emily again. Not knowing if she was still with Emanuel, I just sent a text.

  Sahara Lee: I’m about to leave. Call as soon as you can. Freaking out.

  Emily Mills: So sorry! Still at the studio. Manny is setting up the computers and speakers in the auditorium. He is literally staring at me right now. I can call if you want but I wanted to check with you before calling.

  Sahara Lee: No, please don’t. Delete the message and call me when you get home.

  Emily Mills: I’ve been deleting them all. Are you okay? He’s in the middle of telling me a story but I can go to the bathroom in a few minutes and call you from there.

  Sahara Lee: No it’s fine. I’m fine. I’m just nervous.

  Emily Mills: Being nervous is natural. You will be better than fine. You’ll be great. Regardless of what happens, you got this.

  Sahara Lee: Thanks. I’ll keep you posted.

  Chapter 7

  Walking up the sidewalk, I stopped directly in front of Jimmy’s. The two story brick structure was beautiful. White uplights highlighted the building’s unique first floor windows and the black cursive Jimmy’s scrawled across the space above the windows. Shaking out my arms and rotating my head in a circle, I tried to quell the knot of nerves that was growing in the pit of my stomach. Even though I didn’t need to, I adjusted the strap on my black Nicole Miller lace cocktail dress. The dress fit my body perfectly. Paired with 4 inch Alexander Wang leather ankle strapped pumps, the outfit was short without being too short, sexy without being too sexy. The plan was to distract him long enough to convince him to speak to me. With this dress and these heels, hopefully Ty will see me and at the very least entertain a conversation with me so I can apologize, I thought hopefully as I walked up the steps to the front door.

  As soon as I walked into the welcome area of the soul food restaurant and lounge, memories flooded my brain. Trying to distract myself with the mission, I quickly scanned the area to see if Ty was around. He wasn’t so I moved toward the hostess desk.

  “Welcome to Jimmy’s. Do you have a reservation?” An exotic looking woman with long dark hair greeted me as I walked up.

  “Hi,” I began nervously, “I, um, was actually just looking to speak with Mr. Barker. Is he available?”

  “Mr. Barker isn’t available. He’ll be in Boston for the next few weeks. Mr. Cooper is available if you’d like to speak with him,” she offered brightly. Who is Mr. Cooper? I thought as I quickly ran through the list of people who were in managerial positions with Jimmy’s.

  Looking over my shoulder at the group of six who walked in loudly, I stepped to the side. “Go ahead and
take them,” I offered. Ty never missed a Saturday. On the way to New York, he told me that it was the first Saturday he had ever missed at one of his restaurants. Bennett said he was okay. Before I left, Bennett said he was okay. He said he was okay. If he was okay, he would be here. He wouldn’t miss a Saturday, I thought to myself in a panic.

  Unconsciously, I started pacing in front of the desk. My mind was spinning and worse-case scenarios inundated my brain. Feeling the ball of anxiety grow inside me, I fought the tears that threatened to fall.

  “Ma’am… would you like me to call Mr. Cooper? He may be able to help you,” she proposed again. I took a calming breath and nodded slightly.

  She stared at me for a beat too long before she picked up a phone and called Mr. Cooper to come to the Welcome Room. She eyed me quizzically as we waited. Another group of customers came in and I took that opportunity to walk away. My nerves were shot and I didn’t want to remain standing awkwardly at the hostess stand, so I walked closer to the dining room door. As soon as I walked to the door of the beautifully decorated restaurant, I felt a pang in my chest. The sheer beauty of the room was mesmerizing, but I halted because in the far right corner of the room a woman was singing and playing the piano. As she smoothly belted out ‘Never Felt This Way,’ the hair on the back of my neck started to stand on end.

  Ty said this song was how he felt about me, I thought as my eyes filled with tears. I bit the tip of my tongue as the beautiful rendition captivated me. I won’t cry. I won’t cry. I won’t cry, I chanted as I couldn’t stop the flashes of the last time I was in Jimmy’s play in my mind. Here is where we were just beginning to make up. Here is where our last kiss happened. Here is where I made him promise to hurry back to me.

  “Hi Mr. Cooper. This is the woman who wanted to speak with you,” the hostess said, pulling me out of my reminiscing. I blinked back the tears that had welled in my eyes before preparing to turn around. I don’t want this guy to think I’m a weepy ex-girlfriend. If he thinks that, he won’t tell me anything, I thought taking a deep breath.