Undefinable

by Renea Porter

“I feel so lazy and the sun made me sleepy,” I say, sliding on my new sunglasses.

  “Same here. Maybe we should nap, and then do dinner.”

  “That sounds good.”

  ***

  Cash has been acting mysterious since we woke up from our nap, not telling me where we are going or anything. All I know is I’m in the red dress Vanita gave me and a pair of heels I bought during our shopping trip. We’re in the car as he is driving until he pulls up to a restaurant that’s decorated with white lights on the outside. Cash hands the keys to a valet and we go inside. The place is gorgeous inside; the ambiance is romantic, white table cloths, lit with candles causing a glowing effect. It almost feels like I am outside with all the greenery plants and white pillars with white lights wrapped around them.

  “This place is beautiful,” I say, taking in the scenery. It is beyond beautiful.

  “This was your surprise,” he says as we are ushered to a table.

  The waiter promptly greets us and we both order water to drink. The waiter leaves us to look over the menu. My eyes almost pop out of their sockets as I see the prices for the entrees. Slowly, I lower the menu peeking over it to Cash, he catches me.

  “This is too much, Cash.”

  “Order something or I’ll do it for you. We are not leaving here until our bellies are full, and I can have my dessert.” He winks.

  I blush. Looking it over I try not to pay too much attention to the prices, but find it hard not to look. I settle on the steak while Cash orders a surf and turf dish. The place is scattered with couples. Cash and I look on as we watch a couple get engaged and everyone claps.

  “How do you like the weekend so far?”

  “I love it. Really I’d be happy anywhere with you, even holed up in your apartment. But it’s nice to be out and do whatever we want in public, like kiss or hold hands. It feels nice.”

  “I’m glad. It was a great day so far but you are the best part of it.”

  We continue to talk throughout dinner and enjoy light conversation. When we finish, Cash mentions another surprise and practically drags me outside.

  It’s dark out and the moon shines bright. “Where are we going?”

  Then I hear the loud boom of fireworks blasting in the dark sky with its vibrant colors.

  “It’s labor day so they have fireworks here every year.”

  Cash positions himself behind, me wrapping his arm around my neck as we continue watching the fireworks. I can feel him breathing on my neck, sending chills down my spine.

  “Now I want dessert,” Cash whispers after the last of the fireworks.

  I turn and smile. “Guess we better go.”

  Back at the Hotel, Cash is on me in an instant. “All this red is making me crazy; too much red.” He turns me so he can unzip the dress as I let it fall to my feet. I step out leaving my high heels on. “Now that is much better.”

  I stand there in a black thong, a strapless bra and my black pumps.

  “Now you have too much black on.” He unclips my bra and it goes tumbling to the floor.

  “Mmm much better,” he beams. He pins me to the wall, holding my arms above my head as he kisses me, hard, and lustfully. My thong is already soaking wet from Cash’s primal instinct dominating me. It is just the right amount of control I love a man to have, not too much and not too little. He likes taking control though.

  His green eyes hooded as they gaze into mine. I am ready for him to take me this very instant, but I can tell he won’t give it to me just yet. My legs quake as his hands roam over my breasts, hardening my nipples with his thumbs. A moan escapes my mouth as he continues holding my hands up, while he is devouring me with his kisses and his hands.

  I arch one leg up over his waist, so I can feel him against me, rubbing myself against his erection. He hikes my leg higher as he moves his hand over my thigh and up the lace of my thong. He lets go of my leg and yanks on my thong, tearing it on the way down. He stays on his knees, digging his hands into the flesh of my ass, as he devours my clit, sucking and licking before pressing two fingers inside me, causing me to moan again.

  I want to taste him so bad, so before I’m taken over the brink I motion for him to stand, kissing him as I move my hands over his dress pants and feel how hard he is. I intentionally lick my lips as he watches me. Hooking his pants with my hands, I pull them all the way off as he steps out of them. His cock is big in size and I teased the tip with my tongue, making tiny circles over it.

  “Oh fuck,” Cash moans.

  I pull my mouth completely over it, taking him deep inside. Cash continued to moan loudly as I bob my head up and down.

  “Came back up here and kiss me before I explode,” he demands, panting and out of breath.

  I snake my way back up to meet his hungry lips, as he overtakes my mouth.

  “You look like a fucking goddess down there.”

  I smile into his mouth, trying not to laugh. He walks me backwards and we fall onto the plush bed. He towers over me.

  “I need you inside me before I explode,” I tell him.

  Grabbing a condom, he slips it on and presses himself inside me. The first few thrusts are slow and calculated, teasing me, and then he goes harder and deeper. I moan with every thrust. My mouth remains open as the sounds erupts into the room; wrapping my arms around his back, I dig my nails into his skin. And we both convulse into pure ecstasy, in unison. My body quakes underneath his. He kisses me once more before getting up to discard the condom.

  I remain on the bed, catching my breath, my chest heaving up and down as Cash comes back in the room and offers his hand to me. “How about a shower?”

  I smile at the suggestion and take his hand. We make our way into the massive bathroom sporting a walk in shower big enough for two. I stand behind him as he starts the shower giving me a shock of cold water first, before it finally warms up. He faces the shower head and I wrap my arms around his waist kissing his muscled back. He turns and kisses me firmly before darting his tongue into my mouth.

  “I just can’t get enough. This will never be enough,” he murmurs in my ear.

  “Same here,” I say lazily.

  No man has ever made my body react this way. It’s an immediate reaction to him; it reacts to every look, touch, and kiss. Never enough. He presses me toward the wall and I immediately wrap my legs around his waist as he steadies me against him. This time he wastes no time pressing himself into me, no barriers separating us, skin to skin. The heat emanates from his body. The feeling of vehemence overtakes me, and my body quivers as the pleasures takes me over the brink. Cash’s body convulses after the final thrust and a loud moan escapes his throat. God, he feels so good inside me.

  “Fuck, I didn’t use a condom. You’re just so damn insatiable. I can’t get enough.”

  “I’m clean,” I say.

  “I went to the doctors to get checked the other day. So I should be getting my results soon. But I’m sure I’m good. I’m usually careful.”

  Cash takes a washcloth and soaps it up, lathering up my body, starting at my neck, slowly working over my chest and back then taking his time between my legs, causing me to blush. My cheeks feel heated as he bends to wash my legs then spins me around to pay special attention to my ass. He stings my ass with a slap.

  “Ouch.”

  He kisses it.

  I return the favor, making sure to spend extra time on the sensitive parts. “Careful now. There might be a round three.” He smirks, followed by a wink.

  Back in the bedroom, I wrap myself in a white plush robe, pulling the curtains back and watching the waves crash into the sand. It’s the perfect analogy for Cash and I. I never expected when walking into the gym that this, what we have, would have come out of that.

  “What are you thinking?” He wraps his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my shoulder.

  “How I don’t want this to ever end,” I lean my head back against him.

  “We still have most of tomorrow yet. We can hang out
at the beach or whatever you want to do.”

  “I just want to be with you,” I admit.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Sunday morning comes fast and with a blaring sound of Cash’s phone ringing. I lazily lift my head and see it is seven in the morning and listen as he answers the phone, still remaining next to me. I only hear one side of the conversation.

  “Hello?”

  “What? That’s insane!” Cash is more alert with whatever is being told to him.

  “You’re fucking kidding me, right?”

  “No, she’ll be ready. But this is bullshit.”

  I gulp a hard lump, fearing what I’m about to be told. He slams the phone down on the bedside stand.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “It seems our weekend is being cut short,” he sighs and my nervousness kicks into high gear.

  “Why?”

  “My father scheduled a fight for you tomorrow. It’ll draw a big crowd being that it’s a holiday,” he huffs.

  “I’m not ready, not this quick,” I panic and start to pace the floor.

  He steps off the bed, closes the distance between us, and grabs my hand into his. “You’ll be fine. We have the rest of the day to get you ready, make sure we have a game plan and you’ll be good. I wouldn’t put you in there if I didn’t know you could do it.”

  “Okay.”

  His words calm me a little. He wraps his big arms around me and I never want him to let go. I never want to leave his arms. He makes me feel protected. We start getting our stuff together as the pit in my stomach remains. I don’t feel ready to fight, not with this short of a notice, but Cash has my best interest at heart and if he feels I can do it, then I will. Even though this is bullshit, I suck it up and quit sulking about it. We are packed and ready in thirty minutes flat; Cash is checking us out of the hotel while I wait in the car. Sadly, no more beach time for now.

  Entering the car, he must have read my mind.

  “I’ll bring you back when we can spend another weekend away,” he assures me.

  I smile. “I had a really nice time with you, even though it was just a day. It was the best day I’ve ever had.”

  He put the car in gear and the closer we get to home, the more tension flares up in the car between us. I am anxious as the thoughts fills my head. What if I lose? What if this is the time I let him down? What if I disappoint him? How would I even handle that?

  “I’m sorry about this Cheyanne,” Cash says, interrupting my thoughts.

  “It’s okay. I just hope I don’t disappoint you.” I look down at my feet.

  “Hey, no matter what, win or lose, you will never disappoint me. If you lose, you will learn from it; if you win we just keep doing what we are doing. Okay?”

  I look over at him and nod, giving him a weak smile.

  “We’ll just go over some more techniques for you to do. You’ll be fine,” he says assuring me.

  I’m not sure if he is trying to convince me or himself.

  ***

  It is fight day. I’m at the gym getting ready while Cash is giving me a pep talk. All the girls in the league are in attendance and the crowd keeps growing. When Cash walks away to go check on things, Jack the owner and Cash’s father approaches me. He hasn’t talked to me much, and mostly holes up in his office.

  He flashes a picture of Cash and I at the beach, kissing and hugging in the ocean. My heart starts to race. He leans in close to whisper in my ear.

  “You need to lose this fight princess. I have a lot of money riding on this. If you don’t, that charade you have going on with my son will be over,” he threatens, flashing the picture in my face again.

  I fight back the tears, not believing what I was hearing. My heart races and vibrates through my ears. The beats and the pounding are almost deafening, so loud. Jack is forcing me to lose a fight I am sure to win.

  But I can’t lose Cash, can I? I have no idea what to do or what I am going to do as I fight back the tears. The bell rings and my opponent is in front of me. Jack’s words play in my head again, and I wonder what I should do. Why me? And that picture, someone imposing on our private moment while they snapped their camera. It is all making my blood boil. I stalk my opponent like she’s my prey. I’m unsure what I am going to do exactly, lose the fight purposely and lose my dignity in the process or lose Cash and suffer with a broken heart. The guy has already made me fall in love with him. I only know one thing; I would not stoop so low to lose a fight on purpose.

  The first round goes by in a blur, and Cash is rooting for me and he has no idea what was going on behind the scenes or in my head. Jack gives me the evil eye as I start round two but I continue pressing my opponent into the cage, punching her in the face, blooding her, I do a foot sweep and get her on the ground and keep pounding on her until she no longer fights back, I have her arms pinned under my legs. The referee stops the fight deeming me the winner by TKO and a broken heart. My stomach twists into a knot. He holds my arm up in victory and the crowd goes crazy, except Jack who mouths the word bitch to me. I swallow hard. My mouth feels dry.

  If I would have lost on purpose, Cash would have known because the girl didn’t have a chance against me. He would have known what I had done. I would have known what I had done. Cash and Vanita are the first ones over to congratulate me. I paint my face with a fake smile.

  The crowd starts to dwindle down and the gym is almost bare now. My heart is shattered into a million tiny broken pieces.

  “Let’s celebrate; party at my place,” he beams.

  “I don’t feel much like a party. I just want to go home.” I feel deflated and beat down to my core even though I won the fight.

  “Okay, another day then,” he suggests.

  “No, Cash, no more,” I say as my throat catches.

  “No more what?”

  “No more us.”

  Those three words finish my heart off, shooting a dagger straight through it with a jagged edge.

  He bends down, eye level to me and grips both my shoulders. “Cheyanne, what are you talking about?” His eyes plead with mine. I don’t know how I am keeping it together, how I’m keeping the tears from falling. It’s a god damn miracle.

  “You and me are done. If you want, you can still train me, but there is no more us,” I say harshly. Jack is within ear shot and listening. Unfortunately, Cash has his back turned to him so he doesn’t see he is still there. “We’re finished, I can’t do this anymore.”

  The look on Cash’s face is heartbreaking and my tears are on the verge of coming down.

  “Is this what you do? Make people fall in love with you and then discard them like the people in your past.”

  His words slice right through me, crushing my very soul. What am I doing? What am I thinking? I can’t go back and change it. The damage is done, we are done.

  He is studying my face a little too intently for my liking. I try to walk away and he grabs onto my arm. “How come your eyes are telling me something different than what’s coming out of your mouth?”

  I yank my arm from his grip and stalk off to the locker room as his words haunt me. He once said don’t ever lie to me again. And I did, right to his face again. I’m a monster, a broken monster.

  I stay long enough hoping Cash was gone by the time I emerge I am greeted by Jack.

  He is clapping. “I didn’t think you had it in you, kid. That was one heck of a performance,” he gloats.

  “You’re an asshole. Thank god your son is nothing like you,” I blurt.

  “It’s only a matter of time. I wished I could have seen the look on his face. Man, you can be spiteful. You’re a little spitfire, aren’t you?” he taunts me.

  “This is all your fault. Never mind; I’m not even going to stand here and argue with you.”

  I turn on my heel and never give him a second look. I walk outside into the darkness, and there along the curb is Cash with his freaking sports car. I continue walking along the sidewalk, and Cash slowly pulls up, telling me to
get in. I look at him before turning my head back in front of me. He continues driving slowly as I walk.

  “Get in the fucking car Cheyanne,” he demands, shoving the passenger door open.

  I huff and obey him, sliding in the passenger seat.

  We don’t speak on the way home. I have already said my peace and I did it to myself. I can see his jaw clenching and his knuckles turning white from gripping the wheel tightly.

  “Are you sure this is what you want?” he asks pulling alongside the curb.

  “I don’t have a choice,” I whisper, not sure if I am loud enough for him to hear me. But I am out of the car in a quick beat and head up to my apartment. I bite back my tears until I am safely inside.

  I close the door behind me and feel the walls cave in around me. I slide down the door and onto the floor, letting what happened flow, letting my heart pour out the cries.

  My apartment is directly above Cash’s. Putting my cheek to the floor I could hear shattered glass, he was enraged, fists slamming into something. My tears streamed onto the floor. Now we were both broken.

  ***

  CASH

  I’m confused as fuck. One minute we were having an awesome day in Salisbury and the next she twisted my heart out and stomped on it. She made me love her. Now I am without her. I stumble to the fridge grabbing a beer and downing it as soon as I open it. It is coating my broken heart, shielding it from any more damage.

  I slam the can against the wall; it doesn’t give me enough relief. So I throw a glass and shatter it in my kitchen and slam my fist onto the counter. She is the one that wanted this; she pushed me to my breaking point, to where I couldn’t resist her. I am addicted to her.

  I wish for one last kiss, a hard clashing fierce kiss. One neither one of us would ever forget. But one kiss would never be enough; it never was. I feel my need deep down into my soul. I won’t let her go, not without a fight. I have enough fight in me for the both of us. She just has to see I’m not giving up.

  And I have to know what brought this on. Is she just scared of getting her heart broken like so many times before? Hadn’t I showed her how much I cared? Hadn’t I told her how much she meant to me?