Confessions of Three Gay Boys: Journal One

by A. V. Zeppa

  “You’re welcome. How are you and Erica doing?”

  “We had a long talk yesterday and are now officially friends. She said I was her bff. She gave me some great advice to help me be myself.”

  “Cool. It must run in the family,” I said, tongue in cheek. Shy silence surrounded us for a few seconds as we gave each other nervous smiles. Devin finally broke the tension. His voice was gentle, almost hesitant. “Umm . . . I hope I’m not being too forward, but . . . I . . . I was wondering if you might want to go out with me some time. I really like you and . . . I’m sorry . . . I’m really nervous . . . sorry.” The look on his face as he asked was so adorable. So vulnerable. I took his hand in mine. “I’d love to go out with you. I think you’re a great guy.”

  “Really?” His eyes lit up.

  “Yes, really. And just to let you know, when Erica and I talked, she said again that we should date.” Devin smiled. “She told me the same thing.”

  I laughed. “I think she just set us up.”

  “Yeah, I think you’re right.”

  “I’m really happy that she did.”

  “Me too. You’re one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met.”

  “I feel the same way about you too. So, when would you like to go out?” I asked.

  “Are you free Friday evening? We could go see a movie and maybe have dinner after, or whatever you wanna do is cool with me. I’m totally open.”

  “I’d love to see a movie and then get something to eat.”

  “Cool.” Devin gave me a hug, and it felt really real. It felt sincere. Then, all of a sudden, he kissed me on the cheek. His soft lips, his warm breath, the smell of peppermint, made my body come alive. A few seconds later I was kissing his gorgeous lips. He sighed, and I sighed, and that’s when I knew we just might have something special between us. I know this probably sounds corny, but kissing him felt like I had discovered another secret of this random existence. “That was nice,” I told him after I reluctantly pulled my lips from his.

  Devin’s smile was dreamy. “Yeah . . . that was . . . oh my . . . you’re the first guy I’ve ever kissed. It felt perfect.”

  “I feel honored to be the first. Umm . . . I was wondering, you would like to go to a party with me tomorrow night. It’s a fashion party in SoHo.”

  “Yeah, I’d love to go. I have to check with my parents first though.”

  “Great. Your parents can call my parents if they have any questions or concerns.”

  I couldn’t believe how fast Devin and I had connected. He even walked me to class.

  He is just too cute. I’m totally infatuated.

  Sweet dreams ☺

  JOURNAL ENTRY 17

  Chris

  Where do I fucking start. Fuck. Just Fuck It. I’m so fucking pissed right now . . . okay . . . relax.

  Take a deep breath . . .

  So, I broke up with Ty last night. I can’t even think straight right now. This whole fucking journal entry is going to suck. To tell you the truth, I don’t even know why I’m writing right now. I’d rather put my fist through a fucking wall. You know, I really loved him. I still can’t believe that he was cheating on me. Fuck him. Fuck everything . . . I need to cool off . . . later

  I’m back, I guess. I haven’t slept, I’m tired as shit, but I need to write stuff down so I can start putting some distance between me and him. I just need to stay calm and write.

  Okay. I’ve decided I’m not gunna feel sorry for myself, I’m moving on. No more boyfriend shit until college.

  Here’s what happened.

  Ty came over to hang out until Jayden and Devin picked us up. We were relaxing in my bedroom, listening to music, making out, you know, the usual stuff. Ty was being so romantic. I wanted to get him naked in the worst way, but with the party happening in less than an hour, we couldn’t mess ourselves up. Ty was so excited about going to his first celebrity party. He was like a little kid all day at school. It was all he talked about. So cute. The Fucking Bastard!

  Anyway, he was nervous beyond nervousness and wanted to know how to handle the situation. I told him there is a certain etiquette one must follow. Like not staring. Not running up to someone and scaring the shit out of them. Not taking pics of any kind. That means selfies with celebrities in the background. I told him to follow my lead and he would be fine. I figured once we were there he would see how it all worked and then relax. This kind of gathering is intimidating, but a person has to learn how to play in the big leagues sooner or later.

  A half hour later Jayden texted to say he was on his way over, so we headed down to the lobby. Jayden’s limo pulled up just as we were getting out of the elevator. Carlos, our very cut and hunky doorman, opened the lobby door and then the limo door for us. He wished us a pleasant evening as we got in. Love was in the air. Because of the backstory, it was interesting to see Jayden and Devin holding hands and being romantic. But Jayden assured me earlier in the day that it was cool with Erica. It’s such a weird world at times. They looked adorable.

  “You two look fucking hot tonight,” I said.

  “Of course we do,” Jayden confidently responded. “You two look gorgeous as usual.” Then he introduced Devin to Ty. I have to say it again, Devin is really cute. I mean hot cute.

  “So, is everyone ready to party?” Jayden asked.

  I gave him a dreamy grin. “I’m so ready. Wait until you see the new clothing lines. We are going to destroy the fucking runway this year by making a fashion statement no one will ever forget.”

  “I can’t wait to get in front of those flashing cameras,” Jayden said, with an immortal gleam in his eyes.

  “This party is going to be lit. Daniel Radcliffe, Lady Gaga, Ezra Miller, and a few other celebrities are on the guest list.” The looks on Ty and Devin’s faces said it all. Jayden was even star struck. “Lady Gaga? Are you playing me?”

  “No way. I’m serious.”

  “Ohmygod, I think I’ve just died and gone to heaven!”

  “Please keep your shit together when you meet her, okay?”

  “I will. I promise. I can’t wait to thank your mother.”

  A couple of minutes later we pulled up in front of Jamie’s building. He looked immortality hot as he walked out of the lobby. “Hey guys, what’s up,” he said, while sliding in next to me.

  “You look gorgeous,” Jayden and I said in unison.

  “Thanks.” He gave Devin a startled glance. Jayden noticed and tried to smooth the awkwardness. “You remember Devin?”

  “Of course.” They shook hands. Devin looked scared. Jamie looked confused. I was enjoying the awkwardness. Jayden was his usual confident self. “I know what you’re thinking, but Erica knows about this. She gave us her blessing.” Jamie did his best to look like it was no big deal. “That’s cool.” Then he tried to break the tension. “You’re on the JV Lacrosse team, right?”

  “Yeah, I am,” Devin said, amazed that Jamie knew that. “I’ve watched you play Soccer and Lacrosse, and you’re amazing.”

  Jamie smiled. “Thanks. Learn everything you can at the JV level so you’ll have an easy transition to varsity.” With those words of advice, Jamie let Devin know that he was welcomed into our circle.

  Jayden put on Justin Bieber’s Purpose album as we cruised downtown. Justin’s music put us in the right mindset to pose and party the night away. Twenty minutes later we were in the limo lineup a block away from my mother’s gallery. “Why don’t we just get out here and walk?” Ty asked.

  “Because we have to follow protocol,” I said. “You know, we have to make a stellar entrance. It’s all about setting the stage and looking our best. This whole night is choreographed for public consumption in order to hype the next trends in fashion.”

  “Chris is going to run this place one day,” Jamie said.

  “You are?” Ty asked.

  “That is awesome,” Devin chimed in.

  “Yeah, I love the fashion industry. My mother wants me to get into to the business end of things. I�
��ve decided to double major in law and business, so I have applied to the University of Michigan to get those degrees.”

  “That’s amazing,” Devin said.

  Ty had no response at all to that new information.

  A couple of minutes later our limo had pulled up to the gallery entrance. My mother’s building looked majestic with its dazzling, yet understated lighting. It illuminated the entire area in a heavenly glow. I always enjoy making this kind of entrance as people on the street watch and photographers click away. I know Jayden and Jamie love it as much as I do.

  This night was extra special because Ty was with me. The panicked look on his face was adorable. I squeezed his hand. “Just stay by my side and enjoy the show.”

  Jayden grinned. “Is everyone ready to meet the paparazzi?” He and Devin were the first ones out, followed by Jamie, and then Ty. As soon as I stepped out, the photographers surrounded us. Someone yelled my name, which caused a stampede of press to run in our direction. Fortunately my mother’s security team got everyone to back away.

  Questions were coming at me from all directions. “Chris, Chris, Mr. Belloni,” they yelled. I couldn’t hear any of the questions because the yelling had become white noise. Ty and Devin looked petrified. I think they thought we were going to get hurt. I tried asking everyone to settle down, but that didn’t work. So we just stood there and posed so they could take all the pics they wanted.

  Great advertising and erotic on so many levels. The flashes were mesmerizing as we slowly made our way to the entrance. As soon as we got through the doors, a calm silence greeted us. I grinned. “We killed it out there.”

  “You handled those people like you owned them,” Ty said, amazed at how self-assured I was.

  “I’ve done this kind of thing for years, so I’m used to it.”

  “I thought we were going to get tackled when everyone started closing in on us,” Ty said. I tried to reassure him that everything was under control. “Just remember to stay calm when that happens. Security can handle anything out there. My job is to keep those people excited about Belloni Fashions, so that kind of chaos is the price we have to pay.”

  The party was well under way when we walked into the gallery. I quickly located my mother who was deep in conversation with a few of her models and two of her top designers. We quickly grabbed some non-alcoholic champagne and then headed over to let her know that we had arrived. “All of you look stunning,” She said, before kissing me on the cheek. “Are you boys ready for the runway next week?”

  “Of course we are, Mrs. Belloni,” Jayden told her.

  “Ty, I’m so glad that you could make it tonight.”

  “Thank you for inviting me,” he shyly said.

  “And whom do we have here?” she asked.

  “Mother, I would like you to meet Devin Braxton. He is Jayden’s date.”

  “Are you a student at the Weston School?”

  “Yes Mrs. Belloni. I’m a sophomore.” My mother gave him a curious once over. “Are you by any chance related to Nolan Braxton?”

  “Yes, he’s my father.”

  “That is wonderful. How is he doing? I haven’t seen him in ages.”

  “He is doing well. Busy as always. He’s actually in Japan at the moment opening up three new offices.”

  “You’re father has always had the golden touch.”

  “I guess so. Braxton International now has forty five offices in the Far East.”

  I could see the wheels turning in her head, so I decided to save Devin. “Mother, I think you need to make an appearance downstairs before the press starts rioting. They are asking for you.”

  “I will in a minute dear. I want to introduce you to my new models for next week’s show. Brandon, Adrian, Noah, I would like you to meet my son Christopher.” We shook hands, and they smiled the usual insincere smiles while looking me over. I’ve been through this scenario a million times, so it doesn’t bother me in the least. I gave my mother a kiss on the cheek. “This is going to be a memorable night. Go say hello to your fans now.”

  “You’re right. It’s time.”

  Then the mingling began.

  We were quickly surrounded by a throng of Cougars who started flirting with us. This is standard procedure for some reason, but we play along because they are important industry people. Fortunately Nora, Keely, Gia, and Abri, four of my mother’s top female models, came to our rescue. I introduced them to Ty and Devin, and then to the predatory Cougars, which was an obvious trip switch that let them know it was time to leave. Take it from me, women in their forties and fifties do not want to be seen with gorgeous nineteen and twenty-year-old female models for obvious reasons.

  Gia and Nora always come to my rescue. “Chris, why are all you gay boys so gorgeous?” Gia playfully asked. “I wish I could find straight men as handsome as you.” She sighed, “Oh Christopher,” in her beautiful Italian accent while brushing the palm of her hand across my cheek.

  Twenty minutes into our mingling, Ty noticed Freddie Highmore and Keenan Tracy standing at the entrance doors talking to my mother. He grabbed my arm to let me know. I smiled and told him not to stare. “I can’t believe those guys are here,” he said, while taking a deep breath.

  “Pretty cool, isn’t it?”

  “Yeah. I’m so nervous.” I squeezed his hand. “Would you like to meet them?”

  “Ohmygod yes . . . no . . . yeah.” We walked over and were introduced by my mother. Everyone handled it perfectly. Ty quickly realized that Freddie and Keenan were pretty much just regular guys out for a night of fun. I know celebrities like the publicity these parties generate. It’s the perfect reciprocal situation that everyone understands.

  The funniest situation of the whole night was when Lady Gaga made her entrance. I thought Jayden was going to faint. I think Devin was actually holding him up. My mother brought her over to meet us. She actually gave Jayden a hug and an air kiss. It was so cute.

  A few minutes later one of my mother’s assistants tapped me on the shoulder to let us know that it was time to get measured. I let Ty and Devin know what was going on.

  “This should only take us about a half hour to do. Keep mingling and have fun.”

  We finished everything up about forty minutes later and returned to the party. It was really poppin by this time. We looked for Ty and Devin but didn’t see them anywhere. Jayden finally saw Devin talking to Gia and Abri. Jayden and Jamie headed their way while I went to find Ty.

  I found my mother instead and asked if she had seen him. “I saw him go out to the terrace with Noah and Brandon about fifteen minute ago.” I couldn’t believe what I saw when I walked out there. Ty was making out with Noah. They were really going at it. I thought I was fucking hallucinating. They were so into it that they didn’t notice I was standing a few feet away. I tried my best to keep cool. “Ty, can I speak with you for a second?”

  His whole body flinched as he quickly turned to face me. “Chris, let me explain,” he frantically said while pushing Noah away. “There is nothing to explain. Noah, please excuse us.”

  Noah didn’t say a word, but I noticed a condescending smirk on his face as he watched Ty follow me back inside.

  “Ty, please wait here a minute,” I said. I walked over to Raphael, the head of security, and told him that Noah was out on the terrace. “Please bring him to the downstairs lobby in five minutes.”

  “Sure thing Mr. Belloni.”

  A few seconds later I located my mother to let her know what had just gone down. She was furious. “Where is Noah?”

  “Don’t worry, I’m taking care of the situation as we speak.”

  “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine.” I gave her a kiss on the cheek and walked back to Ty. By this time he was standing next to the guys crying like a fucking baby. Jayden, Jamie, and Devin looked like someone had just died.

  “Guys, please excuse us for a few minutes.” Ty followed me to the elevator without saying a word, but once inside, begged for for
giveness on the way down to the lobby. I told him I wasn’t interested.

  The press started snapping pictures as soon as we walked outside, so I put on one of my best performances ever. A minute later I excused myself and escorted Ty to my mother’s limo. I asked our driver to take him home. He was still crying, but I didn’t care. I wanted to punch the fucker in the mouth. I was caught between rage and a broken heart. My eyes were stinging while I let him have it. “Why the fuck did you cheat on me? I loved you. I trusted you. You’re nothing but a fuckboy. Have a nice life.” I turned and walked away.

  As I made my way back inside, Noah and two security guards were standing in the lobby waiting for me. “Here he is Mr. Belloni.” I let him have it next. “Noah, I want you to get your little bitch ass back on your ark and sail back to whatever trailer park town you came from. You are never going to work in New York again.” I pulled out a fifty and threw it at him. “Get the fuck out of here.” Security escorted him down the street while I headed back to the party.

  The guys were waiting for me when I stepped out of the elevator. Jayden put his arms around me and said he was sorry. I was trying my hardest not to cry, but finally broke down. Jamie put his arms around both of us. “I’m so sorry. Just know that we love you.” He kissed me on the cheek.

  “I know you do. I’ll get over it,” I said, wiping the tears away. Devin even gave me a hug. That was so sweet of him.

  My mother found me a few minutes later. “Chris, you are going to be fine. This world is overrun with pretentious users like Noah and Ty.” She gave me a nice long hug. I hated bringing everyone down, so I put on my best smile and said that we needed to get back into party mode. Then Jamie did what true friends do. “Chris, can I be your date for the rest of the night?”

  “It would be an honor,” I said, as I put my hand in his. My mother gave us an amorous grin, and then we walked back into the party.

  Later

  JOURNAL ENTRY 18

  Jamie

  I’m spending the night with Chris. It’s been a rough forty-eight hours, so I want to be here for him. Jayden left about an hour ago. I hope the three of us being together all day helped Chris realize how much he is loved. He finally fell asleep for the first time since the Ty shit went down. Honestly, I don’t really feel like writing right now, so I’m going to stop. Maybe next time.