Kitty Katt 14: Alien Nation

by Gini Koch

  “Sorry, Abigail and, therefore, Mahin are with Team Subterfuge. Under the circumstances, we figured it’s more important for them to be protecting Francine, Abigail in particular. It also gives Francine someone who speaks Farsi, as well as various dialects of Arabic, which I’m sure we’ll hear while we’re doing the dog and pony show.”

  “Who’s going to be translating for me?”

  “Colonel Butler, as I know you know. Stop being a sore loser—you currently have the best gig in this palace. I know what you’ve been scarfing down all afternoon because I verified that there was nothing deadly to you in the food.”

  “I don’t have food allergies.”

  “I know. I’m just nosy. By the way, nicely done with the king. I honestly had no idea how that was going to go.”

  “Did Mona give you any idea of what she was planning?”

  “No, but it worked, so hurray. Back to logistics. Mona is, of course, staying with Francine. That means that so are Khalid, Oren, Jakob, and Leah.”

  “Can’t argue with that. I want to argue with it, but I can’t. What about my Secret Service detail? Are they clued in?”

  He snorted softly. “Beyond clued in. The moment we’d cleared the rooms of bugs, Evalyne asked Malcolm to tell her what you were really planning to do.”

  “They have to stay with Francine.”

  “They do, and they’re clear on it. The six who came with us are your normal detail, the six most loyal to you, and are also fully aware that, when it comes right down to it, they can’t actually protect you. However, they’re also clear about what’s coming and what’s at stake, and because Evalyne is willing to break the rules, the rest of them are as well. Right now, we sent them to be with Paul, because you don’t need them here and he truly might.”

  “I don’t want any of them hurt, but yeah, Paul might actually make them feel useful and them being willing to go along with the plan is a huge win. I hate having to lie to them.”

  “They know. They’re all willing to take a bullet for you, same with Jeff’s detail. And not because of your positions and their jobs, but because of who the two of you are. Pretty much you’ve weeded out most of the bad agents already and the rest working the White House detail are droolingly loyal.”

  “That makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.” It did. It was nice to have confirmation that we hadn’t made these poor people hate us for constantly making their jobs close to impossible to perform as they were used to. If Surcenthumain wasn’t such a risky drug, I’d have suggested giving it to our details, just so they could feel more involved with the team.

  “Good. We’ve done the same thing for your Centaurion protection detail—they’re with the Supreme Pontifex.”

  “I’m glad they’re with Paul, but they could be really helpful with what my team will be doing.” In addition to Manfred, I’d asked for the two teams of Field agents we’d rescued from Stephanie’s Haunted Asylum Lair to be assigned to me, in part because I hadn’t been able to keep any Field teams around long on my security detail, since they were as annoyed with how hard I was to protect as the Secret Service, but a lot less willing to put up with it. These two teams seemed willing to go for my kind of gusto, however, and I had hopes that they’d continue to work out.

  “They could be, and Daniel, Joshua, Lucas, and Marcus have all fought to go with you as well. But Malcom and Siler both feel that the people on Team Subterfuge will easily face as much risk as those on your team. And Team Subterfuge will have the most humans as well as the most who have literally no combat experience. In other words, we’re keeping the A-Cs because we all want to survive this.”

  “So touchy. Fine, fine. Who do I get?”

  “In addition to Butler, you’re ‘stuck’ with Alpha Team, Buchanan, Wruck, and Siler.”

  “What about Len and Kyle?”

  “You mean the two bodyguards assigned to Queen Katherine since she arrived in Washington, D.C.? Those bodyguards? Those bodyguards who need to be very clearly seen with Queen Katherine at all times? Them?”

  Heaved a sigh. “Gotcha. The boys will be bummed, though.” Had a thought. “Um, where’s Adriana?”

  “Good question and I’m glad you asked. She’s doing what she does best.”

  “She does a lot of things really, really well. Is she in the country?”

  “Yes, but no longer in the palace, and she’s taking direction from Camilla and Malcolm, who are coordinating Team Commando. As in, you will get to find out when it matters.”

  “Touchy much? Okay, how is Camilla going to do anything, since she’s identified as my lady-in-waiting?”

  “Two good questions in a row, I’m impressed.”

  “You could be fired if you’re not careful.”

  “I know where the bodies are buried, I’ll risk it. At any rate, part of my reason for going to the kitchens was to ensure that I found out, too late gosh darn it, that there was food ingested by the princesses that will not agree with them. Rahmi is going to ‘take ill’ and stay in the royal suite Renata and the princesses have been assigned to. Then she’ll shift into Camilla and be there with Francine. Rhee is also going to feel poorly and stay in the room with her sister. She’ll be going with you.”

  “What about Renata?”

  “She’ll be with Francine.”

  “Not arguing. One Amazon is a lot better than none. What about Richard?”

  “He’s more problematic. Because he was the A-C’s former religious leader, it makes sense for him to stick around and help Paul. However, Richard is insisting on going with you. We haven’t found a workaround that we like.”

  “Who’s ‘we’? I’ll wager Richard already suggested this—his presence decreases Paul’s authority. So, as a good retired Pope With Benefits, he needs to hang out in the palace, or wherever we’re going to say Team Commando is, so that Paul’s authority isn’t questioned during this delicate time.”

  “Wow. I see why you two partner together so well. That is almost word for word what he said. Malcolm wasn’t thrilled with it.”

  “Malcolm would prefer to do all this by himself or with just Siler and Wruck along. Tough cookies, we’re going with Richard’s excuse and he’s with me. So, Team Commando is a team of thirteen, I think that’s probably enough.”

  “Per Malcolm, it’s more than double the number he’d like to be rolling with.”

  “As I said. Per me, I want everyone already listed in my Baker’s Dozen plus players to be named later.”

  “I know, and so does he.”

  “Starting with my Reptilian Soul Sister.”

  Received an eye roll. “Yes. Jareen voiced her opinion, as did Wahoa and Felicia. However, we had them come along to show that aliens are nice, and if they’re off kicking butt with you, then they cannot do that. I realize everyone would like to leave the cute and cuddly work to Bettini, King Benny, and Mossy, but, trust me, those three are needed as well. With Team Subterfuge. Period.”

  “You truly live to take the fun out of everything, don’t you?”

  “That’s me.” Vance heaved another sigh. “I heard from Stryker.”

  “What’s the good word?”

  “He has news for you on the search you had him and the rest of them doing. News he won’t share with anyone but you, because all of the hackers are lunatics of the highest order.”

  “No, they’d think this entire place was bugged, too.”

  “Hilarious. It is bugged, so perhaps they’re not lunatics but truly paranoid for all the right reasons. Stryker’s also aware of what you’re planning, because he knows you. Not specifically, mind you, but his guess was good. He wants you to talk to him before you roll anything.”

  “Why?”

  Vance shot me the “really?” look. “Because he’s thought things through.”

  “What things? As in, what are you trying to tell me not at all clea
rly?”

  “Oh, nothing much. Other than, you know, one of the people you’re likely going after with intent to exterminate is Chernobog’s son.”

  CHAPTER 56

  CHERNOBOG WAS THE NAME of the world’s greatest hacker. Thought to be a myth Russian hackers used to scare their kids into behaving, we’d discovered that not only was Chernobog real, but the greatest hacker in the world was an old lady who looked like Everybody’s Grandma.

  She’d been working against us, which was why we’d been hurt so badly during Operation Infiltration. But we’d found and captured her during Operation Defection Election. Circumstances had caused her to flip to our side, and us saving her life while also faking her death—and giving her the greatest setup a hacker could want along with a cadre of loyal sycophants in Hacker International as part of the package—had made staying with us and staying loyal to us something Chernobog found more than acceptable.

  Olga had known her back in their heyday in the KGB. They’d been frenemies and then enemies, but age and circumstances had now made them friends.

  “What does Olga say?”

  “I anticipated that question and with Adriana gone, I had Malcolm contact Olga, since you seem to think that he and Mister Joel Oliver get her clues the fastest.”

  “They do and MJO is probably pretty busy right now.”

  “He is. He’s on the Coast Guard ship with your husband and the others, getting ready to get the story of a lifetime. Which, all things considered, is impressive, since he’s already gotten every other scoop that matters.” Vance was an MJO fanboy of the highest order. I found it to be one of his more endearing traits, and Oliver certainly appreciated the love, since Vance had been fanboying at him long before the A-Cs had been outed to the world.

  “Okay, so what did Malcolm get from Olga?”

  “That you need to call Chernobog.”

  “Really? That’s it?”

  “Yes. Be sure to do it the moment you’re back in your room.”

  “Will do. Anything else I need to know?”

  “No, but we need things. None of us look like natives. Team Commando needs papers to travel back and forth between the countries we all know you’re going to make them travel through. Yours cannot show you to be the First Lady or we’re all dead. By the way.”

  “Gotcha. I’ll ask Raheem for help with that. What else do we need?”

  “Raheem? I’m impressed. Sleep with him if you need to, because your team needs transportation of all kinds.”

  “And scuba gear, too. You can run the idea of me sleeping with Raheem by Jeff. Let me know how that conversation goes.”

  “Ha ha ha, this is me laughing at that idea. And I truly don’t want to know why you want scuba gear and am ever so grateful that I’m vital to Team Subterfuge. At any rate, ask your new bestie for whatever he can give us and be sure you have enough for that baker’s dozen, and extra oxygen tanks. As a reminder, your team can’t be officially known to be doing this.”

  “Right, we have to do it Mission: Impossible style.”

  “Stop sounding jazzed about it.”

  “Can’t, sorry. Okay, text me with whatever we need.”

  Got a shot of the “really?” look. “Texts can be hacked. So, no. Have Camilla do information transfer.”

  “Gotcha, M.”

  Vance grinned. “I’m happy to be the spy who stays in the warm and does the paperwork. People rarely die from that.”

  “Don’t say things like that. It’s tempting fate.”

  “Duly noted. So, I’m going to get you back to Raheem so that you can continue whatever the two of you are doing in there aside from eating your weight in finger foods.”

  “We’re plotting, actually. He’s on our side. And you’re just jealous.”

  “Guilty as charged. At least in terms of the foodstuffs and opulence. By the way, assume that he went through your bags and planted bugs.”

  “He’s the king, why would he do that?”

  Vance shook his head at me as he took my arm. “Why does anyone do that?”

  I didn’t answer, mostly because we’d taken all the time Vance had asked to have and more. We hurried back to the private room, Vance knocked, opened the door after Raheem had told us to enter, and handed me back off. “Please remember that the landing will be happening reasonably soon,” Vance said to both of us. “We will send people to collect you when it’s time.”

  Vance left and Raheem helped me back into the comfy chair. “Is everything alright?” he asked politely.

  “It is.” Well, in for a penny, in for the whole piggybank, right? “My team is, ah, fully aware of both of my missions.”

  Raheem’s lips quirked. “And here you thought they were not. That saves time. Good.”

  “Let’s see if you still think so after I go over what we need.”

  More talking, more planning, lots of helping, done as fast as possible. This was good. Camilla was getting a workout in terms of running back and forth getting information and giving it in return.

  Alpha Team coordinated the setup of Field agents and floater gates to get the various important personages to their assigned meeting spot as well as getting the religious bodies into the palace. By now the Themnir ship had been spotted by every country that was paying attention to space, and the world was waking up fast to what was coming.

  Technically, these meetings were going to be my Big Moments as the First Lady. However, Raheem had agreed with my assessment, which was that aliens requesting permission to land was going to overshadow anything I might say and prove my point at the same time.

  Raheem had given me access to any number of things he possessed, including speedboats, a yacht, a plane, and a whole lot of cars. He’d requested that we not try to destroy any of the things we were borrowing, but also shared that a wrecked car or even a sunken yacht was a small price to pay for saving the world. Clearly he’d read up on how we tended to roll.

  Raheem also chose not to take offense when I checked my phone several times, though he did mention that he hadn’t bothered to plant any bugs, which either meant that Vance and I had been overheard or Raheem was just clearer on how things rolled than I was. Fifty-fifty for either or both.

  Phone checking was proven to be a good thing near the end of our tête-à-tête, because Chuckie shared some important news, which I shared in turn. “The Themnir have just requested permission to land.”

  “How close to us are they?”

  “Near Mars.”

  “They all seem to travel so much faster than we have yet achieved.”

  “Well, Alpha Four has given us plans for ships. And we have other aliens on the planet who are also assisting.”

  “Ah, yes, Prince Gustav.” So he’d met or heard of Drax. Not a surprise, since they’d done that whole Aliens Are Our Friends tour. “I was impressed with all the royalty that came from afar to visit us.”

  “That was the goal.”

  Raheem chuckled. “I’m sure it was. I will now go do my part of our work while you do yours. I wonder, though . . . is your double up to this level of subterfuge?”

  Francine was a troubadour, so yes she was. But I considered the question as if she wasn’t. “Well, first off, Mona will be with her the entire time, and I feel confident she can steer Francine toward the right things to say. Also, per what we’ve discussed, Francine’s main job is going to be shaking hands with various royalty that you’re going to introduce her to, and then you’re going to do most of the talking.”

  “Yes. However, if someone makes the mistake of being rude . . .”

  “I’ll make sure she’s clear to really act like me in all ways.” Francine had a lot of sass, and we’d spent plenty of time together—I knew she could channel her Inner Kitty in all the ways necessary. Just hoped none of them would be necessary.

  “Excellent. I’m relieved tha
t you had the workaround for the necessary paperwork. Creating that for one is time-consuming enough. Creating what will be necessary for all of those going with you . . .”

  The workaround was that King Raheem would provide us with all the official seals, inks, paper stock, and printing plates for us to create “real” Bahraini IDs, and Centaurion Division would get into the fake ID business, using his supplies to create legitimate papers and passports and all other forms of ID to show that everyone on Team Commando was actually carrying the right documentation to prove they were a legal Bahraini citizen, Adriana included. Myself, too. Myself especially.

  “I appreciate you giving us all the items necessary for us to pull this off in a timely manner.” Hyperspeed was, as always, a good thing, and gates were a blessing, especially if I wasn’t the one going back and forth using them. And while printing couldn’t be sped up, having access to all the right materials meant that the A-Cs had created the necessary IDs in about five minutes.

  He shook his head. “Your people are amazing.”

  “But, ultimately, they’re still just people. Like the ones coming here. The good ones and the bad ones.”

  “Yes. Good luck with your mission. I will not be able to do much if things go wrong.”

  “I know. Like the State Department, you’ll have to disavow all knowledge of what we’re doing and who we are. I think the world is going to be focused on what’s coming, more than what I’m doing, though.”

  “Let us both hope.”

  CHAPTER 57

  AROUND FIVE IN THE EVENING one of the many servants knocked, was allowed entry, then stuck his head in the door. “Your Majesty, the televised landing is beginning.”

  Raheem nodded. “We will join everyone shortly. Please ensure that our visitors are seated immediately.” The servant nodded in return and left.