by CC Monroe
Smiling around his toothbrush, he responds, “True.”
“Thank you again for putting this all together for me. I really appreciate you.”
“Anytime. I’m going to shower and get ready, and then we can grab some breakfast and head downtown.” He rinses.
“Sounds good.” Turning to leave, he grasps my wrist, bringing my attention to him.
“You got this, Kate,” he reassures me, the boost of confidence needed.
“I know.”
Surprised by my response, he lets me go, and I leave to get dressed. Eric is gone, my baby is coming, and Josie, this little girl, needs me. It’s time to find the old Kate, to get her fight back, and that starts today.
Within the hour, we are on our way to downtown Portland to meet Dan Mavacoy, Eric’s lawyer. We stopped and grabbed a quick bite first and made it to our appointment a few minutes early. The waiting room doesn’t have anyone else but one other woman and her son. They are reading a book together, and instinctively I touch my stomach. I wonder if my baby is a boy or a girl. What will they look like? Me? Eric? A good combination?
“Ms. Beckett?” The receptionist pulls me from my thoughts.
“That’s us.” I stand, Nick in tow, his hand on my lower back as I walk toward the short, brown-haired, middle-aged woman.
“Dan is ready for you.”
Nodding, we follow her back to his office.
“Kate, Nick, nice to meet you. I’m Dan Mavacoy,” he greets when we enter his classy office. It’s all dark wood and filled with law books on the floor-to-ceiling, wall-to-wall bookcase behind his desk.
“Hi, thank you for meeting with us,” Nick says, shaking his hand after me.
“Yes, thank you,” I add.
Taking a seat, he responds, “Of course, Eric told me a lot about you both. I’m sorry to hear about his passing.”
There is a tinge of pain at the mention of his loss, but I bury it deep. “Thank you. We are too.”
“Yes. Well, let’s talk about the reason you’re here.” Picking up a manila folder off his desk, he puts on his glasses and looks at the papers. “Eric has named you both legal guardians over Josie Gatie.” I’m surprised the birth mother gave her Eric’s last name, seeing as he didn’t know about her for years.
“Yes, that’s what this paper stated.” Reaching in my bag, I pull out the letters as well as the will.
“Perfect, I’m glad you brought these. I forgot to mention this to Nick when he called. It’s been a busy month here.”
“That’s okay.” I smile courteously.
“I want to start out by asking if you have any questions. If not, I will go over everything Eric and I discussed and the paperwork we have.”
Honestly, I have a thousand questions. However, I’m better off letting him start, and whatever he doesn’t answer in his information, I will ask.
“No, I’ll let you go first.”
“Sounds good.” He smiles, turning to grab another file from his cabinets. I glance at Nick, and he looks calm and collected, not a bit worried, and I appreciate it. One of us needs to seem like we have our act together.
“Ms. Tennings, Josie’s birth mother—”
She has a name.
“Um, what is her first name?” I interrupt.
“Oh, yes, of course. Her name was Alysha.” Alysha Tennings, the woman who first taught me that Eric was trouble. “Alysha Tennings put Eric on the birth certificate as well as her will. I was assigned her case when Alysha suddenly passed.” I don’t need him to tell me how she passed. Eric already divulging that information in the letter.
“When I found Eric, he was not in the right state to claim legal guardianship, making Josie a person of the state. Now, Eric was in the process of attempting to get to a place where he could take over paternal rights of Josie. However, he was without a will, so we made sure he completed one before we started that process.” He pauses, reading something over, pushing his glasses up higher on the bridge of his nose.
Dan is midfifties maybe, short with a small gut on him, but he has a sweet presence about him. When he talks about Eric and his “state,” he doesn’t seem to have any distain or judgment in his words. “Currently, Josie is with a foster family, the Billings. They are temporary, very nice people, but Josie has not been placed in any permanent outcome homes.”
My heart breaks, I can only imagine how lonely and displaced Josie must feel. I don’t have time to be mad at Eric, but if I did, I would be livid.
“Now, since you are named legal guardians, you both will need to go through the following steps before placement, if you choose to in fact adopt. Which brings me to my question. Are you both here of your own free will and prepared and wanting to adopt Josie Gatie?”
I barely get a second to look over the form that states all we’ll need—home study, background checks, and more. But when he asks this, my eyes shoot up to him.
“Yes,” I answer without hesitation. If I can do one more selfless act for Eric, it would willingly be this. I don’t know Josie, but I do know I will love her. Truthfully, I already do. But I can’t voice that out loud, because I don’t know what people will think. I’m mental? I’m unstable? I’m just emotionally reacting? That’s for me to carry, not anyone else.
“Yes,” Nick follows, not an ounce of hesitation within him either.
“Good. We will want to get in touch with Gail at the agency to set up a placement date. Would you like to see pictures of Josie?”
I don’t know why, but I begin to feel the oncoming of tears. This is it. All I can see in my head when I think of what Josie will look like is Eric. “Yes. Please.” I reach for the tissues on Dan’s desk and wipe at the tears.
Nick rubs my back reassuringly, whispering to me, “You don’t have to do it, kitten, if it’s too much.”
“No, it’s okay. I’m ready.” Clearing my throat and sitting up straight, I release a heavy breath.
“All right, this is Josie. She is almost four.”
As he hands me the picture, I see I’m not wrong. She looks just like him. Same eyes, lips, and lopsided smile. The photo is the sweetest. Josie is standing in front of a beautiful willow tree, the sun shining through the branches and hitting her green eyes. She’s smiling big with a teddy bear in her arms, and instantly I recognize that bear.
It hits me like the weight of world. He gave her the teddy bear I won him on our first official date at the Portland state fair. I fought with him when I thought he threw it away. It had such a sweet story to it, and when I saw he no longer had it, I accused him of tossing something that meant so much to me. All along, he gave it to her. It’s like Eric knew this whole time that he was going to leave us and that Josie would come to mean the world to me.
“Wow,” Nick whispers. Looking to him, I see those tears getting ready to fall. He feels it too.
“Yeah, wow,” I mimic. This is really happening, no pinch to snap me out of it, no dream to wake from. Josie is real. This is real, and I’m going to adopt her. I stare at the picture along with Nick for a little bit longer. Dan excused himself so he could make a call to the foster care coordinator to schedule a meeting and placement.
“You’re so brave, kitten.” Nick interrupts the silence that has passed for long minutes.
“I want to believe it’s bravery, but I know it’s something else. Whatever it is, I couldn’t tell you.”
He chuckles. “Easy, because I’m feeling it too. I never thought I would say this, but Eric did one thing right.”
“What?” My eyes shoot to look at his. I’m genuinely confused by what he could mean by that.
“She was meant to be ours. So is the child growing inside you, Kate. Fuck, kitten. There is so much I still need to tell you, but once I do, everything I’m saying will make sense.” Now even more confused, I open my mouth to investigate, but Dan enters the room again.
“All right, Portland Foster is sending over all the paperwork needed for you to complete, so let’s go ahead and get that st
arted. First, I will need two forms of identification, including your social security cards, so I can get the background checks started.” Still frazzled by the conversation that was left hanging, I shake my head.
“Oh, I’m sorry. All I brought was my identification.”
“No, I brought your social as well as mine, baby.” He really did think of everything.
I give him a genuine smile.
“Perfect, I will get my assistant to run this, and our paralegal will bring in our portion of paperwork to fill out while we wait on Portland’s paperwork.” Leaving the papers in front of us, he hands us two pens and starts to work on the background checks.
The paperwork was no joke. We spent nearly seven hours signing everything under the sun. Both Nick and I read through each paper, making sure we understood everything happening. Basically, it’s as easy as that. Surprisingly, it’s paperwork, background checks, home study, recommendation letters, and, after that, placement.
It seems easy, the hardest part being the coordinating to get it done as soon as possible. I don’t want Josie to go much longer in a temporary home. Hoops and bounds and grueling processes was what I was expecting based off of all the things that adopting entails. I have only ever read about it or watched it in movies.
The hardest part about adopting her, bringing her into our home, is the fact that Nick and I are barely starting out as a couple, and now he’s not only saying he will step up to be my unborn child’s father, but also be Josie’s legal guardian. That’s where the real trials may begin. Will she like us? Will she want to be with us? What if she is happy with her temporary foster family? What has all this done to her at such a young age? Dan gave us some contacts for counseling if we should need it. We have a home study scheduled in just two days’ time with an appointed social worker Dan has worked with before. So now… now, we wait for our lives to change. As if they already hadn’t.
Don’t get me wrong; it may be scary and uncharted waters for Nick and me, but this isn’t about us. We have Josie to worry about. This is about her and what will make her happy. I hope it’s us. Because the moment I saw her picture, she was it for Nick and me.
“You’ve been quiet since we left. Want to talk now?” I’m the one to start the conversation this time. I’m still hanging onto what he said before we got lost in the piles of paperwork. We are stuck in downtown Portland traffic, so we have plenty of time to have this talk.
“Of course. Well—” He pauses, putting his blinker on to move into the slightly quicker lane next to us. “—I don’t really know where to start. You’re the only person who knows this other than my ex-wife.” Really? What is he about to tell me that he couldn’t even tell Ben, his best friend, or hell, even Sadie, seeing as those two confide the most in one another?
“When we first got married, I was young, stupid—you know that whole spiel. I got high on some heroin and then added in some alcohol. I didn’t have a car at the time, so I had to leave the junkies party, and I ended up getting into an altercation with some other drug addict high out of his mind like me. And one thing led to another, and he pulled a knife on me. I tried to dodge it, and in doing so, he struck me low on my hips and pelvis area.” He pauses again, and I squeeze his hand in my lap, trying to encourage his strength to continue.
“It’s okay, kitten, I got it.” Sensing my worry, he lays it to rest by continuing. “Anyway, I passed out from loss of blood. I would say pain, but I was too fucked up to really feel any sort of pain. I woke up sometime later and walked my sorry ass to the hospital. They stitched me up, ran some tests, and ended up taking me into surgery. When I came out of it, they gave me my prognosis, and I was told I would make a healthy recovery, but I wouldn’t be able to have children.”
My heart severs down the center, ripping at the edges and fraying. “Nick.” I can’t imagine. Am I ready to be a mom now? No, I’m young and have a lot of healing and self-searching to do, but I’ve always wanted a family. I can’t imagine the pain of being told I would never get the chance. I mean, I’ve only witnessed it with some of my friends, never hands-on, and it still gutted me.
“It’s really okay. I’m in my forties, kitten. I’ve had a lot of time to come to the terms with never being a father.”
Choking up, I run my finger over the back of his hand, knowing he isn’t done and honestly not knowing what I can really say in this moment.
“Then we found out you’re pregnant, and I thought surely that it was just pure coincidence. Then fate slapped me on the back of the head and inserted Josie. I know you and I are just figuring out our journey, but part of that means Josie and the little one growing inside you. They have to be something bigger than what we can fathom, Kate.”
I didn’t notice the raw emotions pouring from me, and I don’t try to hide this time. “I think about that a lot. Almost every morning since Eric passed, I’ve thought about why I stayed, what it all meant. Maybe that’s why.”
“Maybe.” By his tone, Nick is 100 percent behind that reasoning.
“You don’t worry that this is too much? I mean Josie is one thing, because you and I were both named legal guardians, but you don’t have to feel obligated to take care of me and little bean.” I touch my stomach, like I do frequently now, drawing comfort and security from the tiny human I love so much already.
“Kate, I’ve been in love with you for four years, you’ve been everything from my best friend to the stubborn pain in my ass.” We share a laugh. “But you’ve always been it for me. There’s no obligation, baby. There’s great responsibility that I’m proud to take claim of.”
I could leap across this car just as fast and hard as my heart did after those words. It sounded like a kick drum in my chest that would have broken through bone and flesh from pure adoration and love for Nick Amerson.
“I’m nervous for the home study. What if she sees I'm a total mess?” I steer the conversation, attempting to hide my fear with a nervous giggle.
“You'll be amazing. You and I have this. You trust me, don’t you?”
How could I not? Reaching over, I place my hand on his thigh.
“Of course I do. Just want to make sure everything goes right.”
“It will. Promise. Now, I was thinking—” Traffic finally picks up, and he accelerates a bit. “—we have a few days until the social worker comes, and you and I haven’t been able to have a night together to enjoy each other’s company and not be bogged down with worry. How about tonight I take you on a date?”
My stomach flips. A date? I’ve been on plenty; hell, this man has been inside me and is about to be the father of my children. But a date? Why does that have me all anxious, giddy, and nervous?
“I would like that. Where to?”
He sucks at his teeth. “Nope, you will see,” he entices, squeezing my thigh.
Enjoying that sly, proud grin on his face, I soak it in for a little bit longer. “We don’t have to talk about anything heavy, do we?”
He knows what I’m asking. I don’t mean ever; I just mean now, tonight, in this moment. We don’t have to spend it talking about tomorrow or the next day or even the next after that. Instead, we can enjoy one night, as if we were just a normal couple.
“No, kitten. We don't. And we won’t. Let me take the Kate Beckett on a date.”
I giggle again. “You make it sound like I'm royalty—‘the’ Kate Beckett,” I mock.
“No, you’re a delicacy. I’ve been waiting over four years to wine and dine you. Then take you home and feast on that sweet spot between your legs.” The car grows heavy with tension and desire. I can’t help but slap my knees together and moan. Pregnancy hormones and my natural lust for Nick—not a good combination. Deadly, in fact.
“I don’t sleep with people on the first date.” I cross my arms, pushing my lust aside.
“I’m not a first date, baby. I’m your soul mate.” He winks, and I melt.
Per usual.
Damn you, Nick.
Chapter Twenty
Nick
I have plans for my kitten tonight. And those plans include expensive food, dancing by the waterline, and stealing her away from the outside world. I dressed in my best suit. All-black everything. Black dress pants, a long-sleeved black button-up that I left three buttons open, and pointed slick black dress shoes. I styled my sandy-blonde hair to purposely look disheveled yet done.
I’m sipping my water and checking my emails for work, making sure Ben and Sadie are doing good and received the reference letters. Sadie sends me a text.
Sadie: We got the email with the questionnaire. Tell Kate to call me tomorrow. You two have fun tonight. Take her mind off the world, bud.
Me: I plan on it. We’re here if you or Ben need anything. Call me. If not, we will call tomorrow. Thank you for doing the reference letters.
Sadie: Sure thing. They will be ready tomorrow. Ben and I are working on them now.
Ben: Stop texting my wife. We need to finish this so I can work on getting her under me.
Me: Really, man? You two have fun. Goodnight.
As I slip my phone into the pocket of my dress slacks, Kate enters the room, clearing her throat.
“How does this look?”
Fuck me running sideways. She matches me, wearing a tight, velvet little black dress. It has two thin straps around the shoulders, and it hits midthigh. “Damn, kitten. You look stunning. Show me the whole number.”
“Oh stop.” She waves me off. “You look so handsome. You never dress up like this.”
I don’t let it go that easy. “Turn around. Let me see my girl.”
Biting her lip, she looks me dead in the eye, unable to miss my heated gaze on her. Slowly, she starts turning, and when her voluptuous ass is facing me, I’m on her. I move her hair to one side and attack her neck and shoulder with licks, sucks, and bites. One hand palms her ass, and the other kneads her breast.
“When are you going to let me in your sweet little ass, baby?”
“Oh God, Nick,” she whimpers.
“Tonight? You going to let me have all of you? I will make it so good for you, kitten.”
“You can do whatever you want with me, as long as you respect me.”
