by Ella Edon
The words were a punch straight to his gut. Jerome held himself together well, watching her closely. The way she moved, the way her eyes slid from side to side, the almost forced casualness of her tone. She was lying. But why?
“I do not understand,” he pressed.
“I must admit that I was curious, but now I see no reason to continue intimacies with you—I should not have come to breakfast. I have given you a false sense of my feelings, I apologize.”
Jerome said nothing. He watched as she polished off her toast and brushed the crumbs from her fingers. Trying to find the right words felt impossible and so he simply said, “I do not believe you.”
Louisa laughed, though she still did not meet his eyes. “I have told you the truth.”
“If that is truly what you think, then you would look me in the eye when you say it.” Jerome leaned closer, his gaze heated. “Look me in my eye, Louisa, and tell me that nothing that happened last night matters to you.”
It was a challenge, and Louisa was far too tenacious a lady to ignore one issued to her. Jerome hoped today would be different. He prayed that, even if she tried, she would not be able to do that one thing.
Louisa lowered her hands to her lap before she lifted her gaze to meet his. It was utterly cold and distant, the same lady who had uncaringly rejected so many men before him. “I do not like to repeat myself, Jerome, but if you insist on being so bullheaded, here it is. You do not interest me. As a matter of fact, I am already beginning to miss my life before I was married. At least I had my freedom, while here I am forced to consider you in the things that I do. It is very tiresome, I must say.”
She is quite the accomplished liar. Jerome didn’t believe a word she said. She spoke without inflection in her voice, her gaze unwavering. Had she said this when they’d first been married, he would have believed every word. But Jerome knew Louisa now, almost as well as he knew himself. He’d seen when her walls had come down last night. He’d seen the way she’d trembled at the sight of him, how she’d swallowed back her fright and had told him she wanted him.
But it wasn’t just that. It was the way she’d worried and fussed over him when he returned last night. It was how she’d steadily grown used to his company, how she would talk and laugh with him more and more as the days went on. How she would even grow shy and embarrassed in his presence, slowly shedding the icy and tough exterior that she’d held in place for so long.
And that smile she gave right before she said those words…that sort of smile would not have appeared had she disliked him so.
“Very well then.” He leaned back in his chair, wiping all emotions from his face. Louisa was not as stoic as she clearly hoped to be. She couldn’t hide the wariness that flickered across her features before she tucked it away. He didn’t let it hinder his next words. “If you treasure and miss that freedom so much, then you should take it back.”
She raised her eyebrows, confused.
“Return to your father’s home,” Jerome stated. He was not cold, but he was not kind either. She was not the only one who could lie through her teeth. “There is no need for you to remain under the same roof as someone you can never have affection for, can never love. Return to your father’s home and you will have the freedom you miss.”
Louisa opened her mouth to speak then closed it again. She was clearly at a loss for words. Jerome wasn’t planning on staying long enough for her to find it. He rose, saying, “I will have the maids pack your luggage within the hour and have a carriage prepared. I do suggest, however, that you finish breakfast before you leave.”
With that said, he walked away. He hoped she was regretting her words, rethinking whatever feeling had led her to say such things in the first place.
A part of him wanted to return to her side and take his words back. He wanted to beg for her to stay, but she was not the only stubborn one. He had his pride and he did not want to grovel at her feet when she was so determined to push him away and ignore what they could have together. Lie or not, Louisa had been trying to hurt him, and that was enough for him to take a step back.
But questions filled his mind. Why did she say such things in the first place? Why was she pulling away from him when it was so clear that she wanted to be by his side? Why was she so determined to keep everyone at arm’s length?
The fact that he couldn’t answer any of them angered him, and by the time he returned to his office, the anger had taken hold of his sensibilities. He went straight to the sideboard on the other end of the room and poured himself a glass of whiskey, throwing it to the back of his throat. The burn helped for a moment, but it didn’t chase away the unease, the anger, the longing. The hurt.
It didn’t stop him from thinking about Louisa and her shock-filled eyes before he’d left. Nothing would, he felt.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Warwick Manor was the same as she’d left it. Louisa didn’t know why she stood there studying it. A gentle breeze wafted over her, making the strings of her bonnet sway under the force of nature. Her dark blue dress rustled at her feet and behind her, footmen stood around waiting for her to make her next move.
Perhaps she had been standing there for a few minutes too long. They were certainly wondering if she was right in the head, but Louisa didn’t care how oddly she appeared. She didn’t care about anything other than the last words Jerome had said to her. The ones that had led her to be standing before her old home once more. The words that had torn through her.
Forcing herself to move, she finally made her way to the front doors. She hadn’t gotten a chance to inform her parents of her return, having been thrown out under Jerome’s orders. Right after she’d finished her breakfast, she’d returned to her rooms to find that her luggage had indeed already been packed. By the time she was in her travelling clothes, a carriage was waiting for her in the driveway. Just as he’d said.
Henry, the butler, met her by the door with a bow. “Welcome, my Lady. I sent word ahead to Lord and Lady Warwick of your return.”
“Thank you, Henry,” she responded softly. She couldn’t bring herself to smile at him, couldn’t even muster the happiness she should feel at seeing her parents again.
Henry, as if sensing her need to be alone, bowed deeply once again and left her standing in the foyer. Louisa took one step forward before a memory came rushing to the fore. Of greeting Jerome in this very spot, her silver-tongued rejections ready to let loose. Even then she’d been taken by how handsome he was, even though it had not affected her quite as much as it did now.
Slowly, Louisa turned her head towards the hallway that led to the drawing room where she’d made her announcement. If she could go back to that moment, would she have done things differently? Would she have thought of a different lie and continued to push Jerome away until he finally gave up?
Would that save her from the heartache she was feeling right now?
Louisa pulled her shoulders back, trying to force those negative feelings away. She’d done enough wallowing in her life. There was no need for her to be so sad about this incident. She was not in love with him, only a little enamored with the way he had treated her. Somehow, she’d started to confuse that for love. Somehow, she’d allowed herself to give in to her basic desires and had grown far too comfortable with him. She’d begun to shed the independent woman who shouldered all her burdens alone whenever she was in his presence, and she couldn’t allow that to go on any longer.
Truly, this is a blessing. Now I shall go back to my normal self. I will no longer spend time overthinking what I feel and growing dependent on him. This is a good thing.
But why didn’t she feel good about it?
Taking in a deep breath, Louisa faced ahead, intending to go straight to her old bedchamber before anyone came out to greet her. She took two steps forward into her childhood home before she spotted Uncle Benjamin descending the staircase.
Fear spread throughout her like a rushing river, keeping her rooted to the spot. She hoped her expres
sion was neutral, that he couldn’t see her shivering hand as he came closer. Louisa knew she should leave. That she should ignore him completely and go on her way. But she was also certain he would not make it easy, especially considering how he approached her with such intent, and the last thing she wanted was for him to touch her.
“Louisa,” he greeted with a wide, disconcerting smile. “When I heard that you would be returning to the manor, I could hardly believe it.”
“Uncle,” she gasped in disbelief. “I did not think you would still be here.”
“Oh? Is that why you have not visited in such a long time?”
She didn’t respond. She only watched him, waiting for him to make his move. They were alone right now, so she had no doubt he would use that to his advantage.
Just as expected, Uncle Benjamin took a step towards her, his eyes glittering. He ran his eyes down the length of her as he said, “I must say, marriage has certainly done a lot for you. Brought a flush to your cheeks and knowledge to your eyes, hasn’t it?”
Louisa didn’t need him to clarify what he meant by that. She gritted her teeth, her fingers curling into a fist. “If there something you would like to say, Uncle, then I would suggest you say it plainly.”
“I only wish to know how well your husband has been treating you.”
“He treats me well,” she told him stiffly.
Uncle Benjamin’s eyes darkened. “But we weren’t expecting you home. Did he tire of you and send you back? Perhaps I should pay him a visit.”
Louisa’s heart leaped into her throat. That was the last thing she wanted. “Why would you do that?”
“You are my dear niece,” he explained. “You deserve to be treasured. I only hope he understands that. But then,” Uncle Benjamin raised a hand towards her and Louisa stiffened, “there aren’t many who understand you like I do.”
He laid the back of his hand against her cheek. Disgust skittered up her spine and Louisa pulled away nearly instantly, unable to hold back her revulsion. Uncle Benjamin only smiled wider.
She opened her lips to speak, to tell him that if he dared to touch her again, he would regret it. She didn’t know how well her threat would go over considering a part of her was still trembling with fear, but she didn’t get the chance to when she heard Tereza’s voice.
“Louisa!”
Louisa looked to the top of the staircase, where she saw Tereza already picking up her skirts to rush towards her, her lady’s maid on her heels. Louisa sighed a breath of relief when Uncle Benjamin took a step back.
“You have returned!” Tereza exclaimed upon her arrival. She glanced curiously between Louisa and Uncle Benjamin for a moment then said, “Goodness, you love to create excitement wherever you go, don’t you? Why did you not tell us that you were coming to visit?”
“Simply because I did not want any excitement.” Louisa took advantage of Tereza’s interruption by taking her arm in hers and heading up the stairs, leaving Uncle Benjamin behind. She could feel his eyes in the back of her head. “Had I wanted you all to prepare for my arrival, I would have sent word, wouldn’t I?”
“Had you sent word, we would not be as shocked as we are now,” Tereza stated. “But I am happy you are here. With Selina busy with her Season, I find I am without company much of the time.”
“You will not have to worry about that in the coming days.”
“Is that so?” Tereza’s brows shot to her hairline. She’d always been such an expressive girl, which was what Louisa had always loved best about her. She wore her heart on her sleeve—something that Louisa did not have the courage to do.
“I will be residing here from now on,” she explained gently.
Just as Louisa expected, Tereza gasped loudly. “Why?” she asked, her eyes widening.
Before Louisa had the chance to respond, they were interrupted by the approach of Lady Warwick and Selina. Louisa saw the intent in her mother’s eyes.
“Mother,” she greeted.
“What is the meaning of this? Why have you returned without a word to me or your father first?” Lady Warwick asked with a lifted brow.
“I thought Henry had sent word ahead of me—”
Lady Warwick was unperturbed by Louisa’s bluntness. “You’ve brought you luggage with you?”
“Yes,” was all Louisa said in response.
Her mother studied her face. Louisa tried to rid her expression of any of her lingering sadness or regret, but that was an impossible feat when her mother was near. Lady Warwick had the power to see past Louisa’s façade. Just like Jerome.
I do not believe you.
He’d said it so plainly that Louisa had nearly admitted to him that it was a lie. That she had been forcing herself to say such things. Perhaps she might have had she remembered how to speak.
“It appears we have a lot to speak about,” Lady Warwick said, turning around. Louisa didn’t miss the exchange of curious looks between Tereza and Selina. “Come, let’s speak in the library.”
Louisa didn’t have it in her to protest. In fact, she found herself wanting to confide in her mother. The thought of going to her old bedchamber where she could wallow alone was no longer appealing. Her wise mother would be able to help her sort through her confusing feelings, at least.
Louisa followed behind her all the way to the library, aware that her curious sisters were whispering to each other behind them.
When they arrived at the library, Lady Warwick gestured for Louisa to sit in one of the plush armchairs while she made her way over to the sideboard by the desk. She poured a glass of wine and returned to hand it to Louisa.
“Drink it,” Lady Warwick ordered gently. “It is clear that you need it and I doubt tea will make you feel any better.”
A bit of alcohol would certainly help, though it would not rid her of the issue she faced. She sipped daintily on the wine then set it down on the side table next to her chair before looking at her mother. Lady Warwick had claimed the armchair that faced Louisa, while Selina and Tereza both sat on a chaise lounge to the left of her.
“Now,” Lady Warwick said. “Tell me what has happened.”
Louisa’s first instinct was to deny that anything had happened at all. She swallowed it instantly, annoyed with herself. But she couldn’t bring herself to admit her troubles just yet, so instead she asked, “Where is father?”
“He is in his study,” Lady Warwick responded easily. “I am sure you will be able to see him during dinner, however.”
“Ah, I see.” She sipped her wine again.
“Louisa?” Lady Warwick said, her voice tender. “It’s clear that there is something wrong. What is it? You’re beginning to worry me.”
Louisa forced herself to smile. “There is no need to be worried, though I appreciate your concern.”
“Then why have you come back here?” Lady Warwick asked, her tone not unkind. “Has something happened between you and your husband?”
Again, she hesitated. “I am afraid I may be at fault here,” she said. “Ever since our union there has been a bit of a…disconnect between us. I do not know how best to explain it.”
“You do not feel close to your husband?” Lady Warwick said, nodding, encouraging her to continue.
“Yes, but…” Louisa paused, a little frustrated. She couldn’t figure out how she could explain this to her without making herself seem weak and inexperienced. “I am afraid I tend to say the wrong things to him. He is very kind and understanding, while I am constantly callous and blunt. I believe it has caused a rift between us, and he is no longer willing to bridge it.”
Lady Warwick sighed. “It does not sound irreparable to me. It is clear by your concern that you do have affection for him. Perhaps you have been combative with him because you are afraid of loving him…”
Louisa raised her brows in surprise. “I have not said anything of the sort to imply that!” Louisa gasped.
“You do not have to say anything, Louisa,” Lady Warwick said, almost wistful. “It
is clear in your eyes and the dejected set of your shoulders when you speak about the distance between you two. Anyone would be able to tell that you would much rather be by his side right now.”
Louisa still shook her head. “It is not that I love him,” she protested. “It is only that I have been living under the same roof as another gentleman for the first time. I have only grown used to his presence, is all.”
“Are you trying to convince me of that,” asked her mother with a questioning brow, “or yourself?”
Louisa lifted her eyes to her mother’s. For so long, she’d only looked to herself whenever she needed help. She would shoulder her issues alone. She’d never let anyone know whenever she was feeling weak or uncertain. But now, as she stared back at her mother, Louisa couldn’t fathom why she’d done such a thing. Here was Lady Warwick, a woman who knew far more than Louisa could at her age, a lady who would do whatever she could for her children. It should not be so difficult for her to admit to her mother when she needed help. And yet, Louisa could hardly bring herself to.
