Accidentally Dead

by Dakota Cassidy

  Nina groaned, burying her face in the pillow.

  Wanda yanked her head up by her ponytail. “What have you done now?”

  “Wanda, let go of me, or I’ll knock you from here to eternity.” Ohhhhh, eterniiiiityyyy. What had made her use that word—of all words? Her angry expression fell flat, fizzling with no desire to follow up her threat.

  Wanda held fast and peered into her face. “I’m not afraid of you, Nina. Now, what-have-you-done?”

  “Why is it always me who has to have done something?”

  “Because you don’t know when to quit, that’s why,” Marty answered.

  “Then you’ll be thrilled out of your knickers to hear it had nothing to do with me,” Nina said, slapping at Wanda’s hands.

  Wanda let go of her ponytail with a jerk of her wrist. “So tell us what’s wrong.”

  “Greg is going to die.” There, she’d said it—out loud, and then she cringed.

  “What?” both women yelped.

  Crap. How did you explain something like this? It was too bizarre even for Marty, who was paranormal. “It’s a long story, but here’s the gist of it. Greg is turning five hundred in two days. On his five-hundredth birthday, according to some cosmic, fucked-up vampire rule, if he hasn’t mated with someone of his bloodline, that means people like that freaky bitch Lisanne has created, or his sire, or,” she paused to keep her words even, “someone Greg’s created, he turns to dust. He flat-out refuses to mate with Lisanne, who, as you know, is the vampire who created him, and I can’t say as I blame him ’cause the heifer’s a total bitch. I’m nothing compared to her, and that’s saying something. So that’s it. If he won’t mate with her, he’s done for.”

  Their collective silence made Nina feel far worse than she had to begin with. This was some ominous shit. It showed in their reaction. She could see them both stop breathing at once.

  Marty blew out a breath first. “Whew, and you call us lycanthropes fucked up?” She shook her blonde head, the shimmering strands perfectly smoothed back. “Okay, so let me get this straight here. If he doesn’t mate in less than two days, he’s meat?”

  Wanda slapped at Marty. “Don’t put it like that! God, can’t you see Nina’s in pain?”

  “I’m sorry, Nina. But this is crazier than any lycan law I’ve ever heard of. So what exactly does this have to do with you? Is it because he has to mate with someone else? Are you jealous?”

  “I’m not jealous. I told you, he refuses to mate with Lisanne.”

  Marty pursed her lips. “Okay, so, yeah, he’s a nice guy, and no one wants to see a nice guy hit the highway to Heaven, but…”

  Nina sat silently, casting her eyes downward, refusing to look either of them in the eye.

  Marty was the first to finally burst out with, “Ho—ly—shit! You like him. Oh. My. God. Nina’s fallen for someone, and she didn’t even meet him at a truck stop! You like him, and the fact that he’ll bite the big one is killing you, isn’t it?”

  Nina sucked in her cheeks. “You know, Marty, I’m glad you find this some kind of payback for me being so crappy, but this isn’t just about laughing at me for getting a taste of my own medicine, this is about Greg’s life,” she squeaked, biting her tongue for sounding so friggin’ weak.

  Marty sat on the coffee table in front of her and took Nina’s hands in hers, instantly contrite. “I’m sorry. I just never thought I’d see you like this over anyone, especially the guy you thought turned you into a vampire because he was evil incarnate. Tell me what I can do. Whatever you need, I’m in.”

  “Me, too,” Wanda added, her soft eyes sympathetic.

  Nina choked on a cough, using her shoulder to swipe at her eyes. “There’s more.”

  Wanda heaved a sigh. “More?”

  Nina nodded. “I offered to mate with him. Because—because I just can’t imagine…”

  “What life was like before him—even with all the mean shit you’ve accused him of,” Marty finished for her.

  “Yes,” she nearly sobbed.

  Wanda cupped her cheek. “And I’m guessing, from your command at pity central on the couch, he turned you down?”

  “Yep.” Nina closed her eyes and tried to forget what he’d looked like when he’d so determinedly refused to mate with her.

  Marty closed her hands tighter over Nina’s. “Did he say why?”

  “He said he couldn’t let me mate for life with him, because life with a vampire is forever. It’s not like fifty years or something, and you can’t just get a divorce. If either of us even considered having sex with someone else, we could risk what he called a shunning. I didn’t ask details, but it can’t be good, if it has the word shun in it. Anyway, he said I had four hundred years of freedom to go before I needed to even think about it, and he wouldn’t let me do something so drastic.”

  “That’s because he’s a good guy, Nina. I sensed that from the start, but when you get on a roll, there’s no changing your mind. I wish you’d trust me sometimes. These lycan senses of mine have become pretty keen.”

  “Marty?” Wanda interjected. “This is life we’re talking about, and in Nina’s case, many, many lives. I know this is going to sound skeptical and totally mean, but most of the time they’ve known each other Nina’s cracked on him for turning her to do his evil bidding? I almost tend to agree with Greg.”

  Nina eyed her with disbelief. “This from the woman who reads romance novels? All that soul mate bullshit and kissy face garbage is like your mantra these days.”

  Wanda’s fiery look made her eyes glisten. “It’s fiction, Nina, and even I, sentimental fool that I am, know the difference. I don’t read it because I believe any of it’s real. I just like being given the possibility to believe.”

  “Yeah, Wanda, but think about all the junk that you read that was true in those books.” Marty’s bangle bracelets clacked together when she patted Nina’s hand. “You were right on the money in most cases. I’m not saying that Nina offering to partner up with Greg for life isn’t a hasty choice, but it’s a side of Nina we’ve never seen. And to me, that means something. Nothing makes our dear friend do anything even remotely schmaltzy. She’s considering getting married, Wanda. Married. Need I say more? This is a huge leap, and to me it’s a sign Greg’s gotten to her in a way no one else ever has and maybe never will. The Nina we know doesn’t do anything drastic but threaten to knock your teeth out. She’s cautious, always with the wall up—always waiting for a kick in the gut. This—this kind of sacrifice is drastic, and eternity’s a long time to miss someone and wonder whether the choice you made was right.”

  Wanda finally nodded her head, this time with tentative agreement. “You’re right about that. It definitely shows some real deep something if she’s considering keeping him forever.” Her face grew thoughtful, and then she said, “Greg’s definitely more capable of handling her than anyone I’ve ever seen. But does she like him enough to live with him for eternity?”

  Nina waved a hand at them, shaking her head. “You guys don’t understand. There’s still more. Do you remember when I told you what happened with Lou last week?” God, just thinking about it again made her ache all over.

  Both women nodded, and Marty added, “I went to see her tonight on my way over, by the way. She looks great.”

  Nina smiled her thanks at Marty for visiting Lou. “There was something I didn’t tell you. Greg did something that night that changed everything for me with him.” She rubbed the heel of her hand over her eyes. Maybe she couldn’t cry anymore, but every time she talked about that horrible moment with Lou and what Greg had been willing to do, she got all stupidly verklempt.

  “And that was…” Wanda prompted.

  “Lou was dead, or at least as far as I could tell. She had no pulse, and I didn’t hear her breathing. I begged Greg to turn her, because I knew he could save her if he did, and I don’t mean I just said please either. I begged—literally.” She looked them both square in the eye so they knew how serious she’d been that
night. Nina begged for nothing and no one, and her friends knew it.

  “At first he said absolutely not. He’d told me he had a strict no-turn policy. That he didn’t believe anyone should unwillingly live like he does—we do. He said I was taking Lou’s options into my own hands, and she’d have no say—that I was messing with fate. So I told him I’d do it. In my panic and fear, I would have done anything to help her.”

  Marty’s blue eyes welled, shimmering with tears, and Nina swiped at them with her thumb. “Don’t start caterwauling before I finish.” Marty gave her a watery smile and flapped her hand at Nina.

  “Anyway, everything got kind of crazy then. I was begging, and he was saying no, and then, he grabbed Lou from me, and just when it looked like he was going to sink his teeth into her, she took a breath. After everything I’ve said to him, accused him of, he was going to do something that went against everything he believes in for me. Honest to God, I’ve never been so afraid in my life. If I’d lost Lou…”

  Wanda’s voice was husky when she spoke. “So now you think because Greg was willing to do something so magnanimous for you, you should do something for him in return that’s almost as big?”

  Nina shook her head. “It isn’t just that, Wanda. I do like him. In between all the arguing and accusations I’ve hurled at him I like him, and I’m going to admit something right now I didn’t think I’d ever admit, especially in front of the two of you, so gird your loins, girls. It turns me on that he’s not intimidated by me. He just won’t take my shit. Seriously, have we ever encountered a guy who isn’t intimidated by me?”

  “I think it’s a sign, Nina,” Marty said finally. “I think what happened with Lou was the universe’s way of making you sit up and pay attention. You don’t listen much, you know—not to reason, not to anything. You’re tough as nails, and no one’s going to tell you otherwise, but you have a good soul whether you like it or not.”

  Nina made a face at her. Soul schmoul. Vampires didn’t have souls—or did they?

  But Marty wouldn’t be thwarted. “Don’t make faces at me. Just listen. You sacrificed your pride for Lou’s life. Yeah, maybe it was selfish of you to consider a life-altering change without giving her a say in it, but who isn’t selfish when it comes to the people they love? What wouldn’t you do to keep them safe and here with you? I can’t say I wouldn’t have done the same had it been Keegan. Loving someone can be just as selfish as it can be a sacrifice.”

  Nina’s shoulders slumped. “Look, you guys. I’m not saying offering up my entire eternity to save a guy I’ve mostly beaten up doesn’t sound crazy, but it’s what feels right. Like right here.” Nina pointed to her gut.

  “Do you love him?” Wanda asked.

  Nina hesitated before answering. “Before we go any further, I gotta say this. If this shit ever leaves this room, I’ll kill you both.”

  Two heads, polar opposites in color, nodded consent. “Pinky swear?” Marty asked, sticking out her finger.

  Nina held up both hands for each of her friends. “Pinky swear.”

  Oh, Jesus, she was going to say out loud what she’d been thinking for the past day and a half. But who better than Marty and Wanda to reveal it to? She clenched the pillow tighter to her stomach. “Okay, no I don’t know if what I feel is love, because I’ve never been in love. I only know that for the past day and a half, not seeing him has been like having bamboo stuck under my fingernails.” She closed her eyes to focus on keeping her voice from shaking.

  “Sure, part of it is that we have a dire situation here and I may never see him again, but part of it is that I just miss him being around. Even on the nights when he didn’t show up to bring me blood and I thought he was trying to keep me from getting my mortality back, I wondered what he was doing and who he might be doing it with. I battled between angry for what he’d done to me and attracted to him for what he does to me.”

  Marty giggled softly. “I’d definitely say you’re on your way, and that’s nice. Really nice, seeing as I never thought you’d ever meet someone who you wouldn’t scare away.” She paused for a moment, obviously hedging her words, then shook her head definitively as if deciding she was just going to speak her piece.

  “Look, I’m just going to say this, and if you threaten to pop me in the mouth—remember I have big teeth.”

  Nina laughed. “Yeah, me, too.”

  “But mine have lots of practice. You’ve been a slacker.”

  “Shut up, Marty. If you don’t knock off the crap about how you can take me—”

  Wanda popped up off the edge of the coffee table. “Could we just have this moment?” she intervened, giving them both her best stern expression. “Nina, shut it. Marty, knock off the one-upmanship and just say it. It needs to be said.”

  Nina looked at them both, bewildered.

  Marty blew a long breath out. “You know you do that, Nina. Scare people away with your tough talk. I know all the crap about being a product of your environment applies here, and you’re tough for a reason because you grew up in the Bronx. But if you push people away because of what your mother did to you, it’s time to stop. If this is like one of those subconscious tests where you treat us like garbage and wait and see if we’ll keep coming back, cut it out. You dole out a lot of shit to us, and we do—come back, that is. Every time. We didn’t reject you, Nina, and I believe with all my heart, you’re mother didn’t either. She got lost, like seriously lost, but drugs made her lose her way. It had nothing to do with you not being worthy of her love.”

  Wanda’s head bobbed furiously. “And don’t hand me that we’ve been watching too much Oprah nonsense. It’s true, you’re difficult and confrontational and we accept that about you for the most part. It kinda cracks us up, but it can also wear thin—especially when you do stuff that jeopardizes your well-being,” she said, offering a tired smile.

  “Not to mention, you have one helluva time accepting our advice or help—any help for that matter, but we’re always here for you anyway. You don’t make it easy to be there for you. Everything is a fight. It’s taken you forever, and only because Greg’s life hangs in the balance, to decide maybe Greg’s okay and it might be all right to trust him. Do you always want to be in this position, or is it safe to say you might wanna let up a little? You can never jump in the deep end if that’s how you want to play it, but you might miss a mighty fine swim if you’d just test the water.”

  “I fucking hate to swim,” Nina joked.

  Marty clucked her tongue. “I think what we’re trying to say is this, sometimes people do stick around, Nina. Greg did, and he didn’t have to. We do, and we don’t have to. So if you’re going to pursue this thing with Greg, we just want you to keep that in mind.”

  Nina sat back on the couch, exhausted from all this revelation, defeated and with a gnawing sadness in her breast. “I know I’m difficult, and I’m going to say this just once, but if you ever even mention it again, I’ll knock your teeth out.”

  Wanda and Marty smiled at each other. “Go.”

  She tugged the end of her ponytail. “I know I have trouble trusting people, and I’m sorry. It isn’t intentional. It really is just how I grew up. You didn’t ask questions where I came from. You just assumed everyone around you was a piece of shit and behaved accordingly, because if you gave someone a chance just once, there was always the possibility you’d end up with the life beat out of you. I did that over and over with my mother. Trusted her. And she let me down every time. I’m not just tough because of where I grew up—I’m tough because of my mother. Yes, I do the rejecting first so no one else can beat me to the punch. Okay? There. I said it.”

  Wanda bobbed her head. “Because you don’t want to be disappointed, and that makes perfect sense. But life is full of disappointments. I think after a time, you have to choose to either jump in or keep running scared.”

  Nina agreed with a curt nod. “I never knew when my mother was going to show back up, but I waited like an ass anyway, and when she didn’t an
ymore, I guess I decided I wasn’t going to let anyone humiliate me like that ever again. So I push people away and try not to let them get too close. I can’t be disappointed if I don’t count on anything. I had me to count on and Lou. But Lou worked a lot. She couldn’t be around to baby me. So I keep people at arm’s length, and I know I do. It takes a long time for me to be comfortable enough to open up, and even then, it’s really uncomfortable for me. I guess behaving badly is easier.” She pressed the pillow to her face because her eyes were beginning to burn again.

  “But there’s hella trust involved in mating for life, Nina,” Marty reminded her. “Maybe Greg took that into consideration when he said no.”

  Nina said nothing. What could she say? Marty was right. She’d have to trust Greg. She hadn’t done such a good job of it so far.

  Wanda’s next question really gave Nina the smack in the head she needed. “But you know you can trust us, don’t you? I mean, by now I think we’ve proven that. I just don’t want to have to keep proving it to you—or feel like I am, anyway.”

  It had to be a tiresome task. “Yeah, I trust you—in my own way. But it isn’t just the trust thing. You guys freak me out with your makeup and clothes and shit, and I guess sometimes I wonder why you’d want to be my friends, when I’m so different from you. I really don’t care about whether my lip gloss matches my shoes.”

  “Your skin tone, Nina,” Wanda teased.

  “Whatever. You know what I mean.”

  Marty patted Nina’s hand and grinned. “You grew on us—on me anyway. During the thing with Keegan when you came all the way to Buffalo to check up on me, I knew you had a good heart. That like it or not, you cared about me—us—and that you needed us as much as we needed you.”

  Nina shrugged, forcing an indifferent front. “Well, Keegan did offer us a private plane ride and the pilot was hot. Who’d turn that down—even if it did involve listening to you whine.”

  Wanda giggled, swatting Nina’s thigh. “Like you would have done it if you didn’t want to. No one makes you do what you don’t want to do. You’ve done other stuff, Nina. Like stick up for Marty with that nasty bitch Linda Fisher at Bobbie-Sue when she was stealing Marty’s accounts and even when you help me on bingo night at the senior citizens’ home. You’re a good person, just a cranky one, and we only want you to listen sometimes before you put your guard up. Okay?”