You Can't Hurry Love

by Lee Kilraine

  “I love him.” Jo rubbed the painful spot on her chest. Over sixteen hours had passed since she’d walked away from Paxton. It should have been easier to talk about it by now, but every time she thought about him, it was like a prick of a needle in her heart. “I love him and I want him to get what he wants. So I gave him up.”

  “Have you learned nothing?” Georgie stared at her like she was looking at a smashed cockroach. “Seriously, Jo? So you’re just giving him up, just like that? Not going to fight for what you want? Let me say that one more time to let it sink in: not going to fight for what you want. Wasn’t that the whole point of going after your bucket list?”

  “Georgie, I don’t think you understand. This is different from you and Gage.”

  “No, Jo. I don’t think you understand. And I’m not in the mood for a girls’ night in anymore. Here.” She shoved the bottle of wine and bakery box of cupcakes into her hands and stepped off the front porch. “I love you, but I need time to myself if I’m going to have to watch you play the self-sacrificing martyr again. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  Jo watched her walk down the driveway to her car as her stomach twisted painfully. She swallowed, struggling past that tight cherry-pit-stuck-in-the-throat feeling. “Hey! That isn’t what best friends do!”

  “It’s called tough love, bitch. And yes, you heard me just fine.”

  Well, heck. She guessed it was a good thing she’d gone ahead and wallowed by herself last night, then.

  * * *

  The week unfolded in slow motion. Jo showed up to work at the bakery the next day with a bunch of peonies from her garden for Georgie. A peace offering. Turned out they were unnecessary because Georgie was ready to move on. Kind of.

  “These are for you.” Jo held out the bright-pink, fluffy, tutulike blooms. “Cut fresh this morning. I even shook off all the ants.”

  Georgie’s mouth slipped into a smile and she accepted the bouquet. “I’m going to yell at you once a week if it means you bring me peonies.”

  “I’d rather you didn’t. My life is in flux right now and I really need my best friend not to be mad at me.”

  “I’m not mad at you.” Reaching down in the cabinet under the sink, she pulled out a large vase. “I just want you to get what you want.”

  “I know. Look, I’m frustrated with myself, but let me have this week to figure things out before you yell at me again. Please?”

  “Fair enough.” Filling the vase with water, Georgie cut the stems one more time before placing them in the container. “Don’t think I won’t share my opinions about what answers you come up with.”

  Jo snorted and got to work, setting out the newest batch of orange cranberry scones in the case. “We’ve been friends since fourth grade, Georgie Porgie; you’re as constant as the sun. It’s part of why I love you.”

  Once Jo had settled things with Georgie, she felt slightly less off-kilter. Her part-time hours at the bakery, helping during the busy morning shift, gave her a reason to get out of her house and stop moping.

  As the week progressed, time seemed to slow down, like the earth’s rotation was broken. Thankfully, she also started tutoring both high school and college English and literature. The busier her mind stayed, the less time she had to drive herself crazy. Life was reverting back to pre-Paxton days, which, she told herself, was a good thing.

  Except she found herself feeling constrained and antsy. Like when someone tells you to slow down and walk, but you know you need to run. To sprint at top speed to some tantalizing horizon. Dancing would have been a perfect outlet, but for once her heart wasn’t in it.

  The hardest part during the week were the few times she saw Paxton. Paxton driving by looking distant and unreachable, exiting his office in one of his killer suits, laughing and looking too sexy with one of his brothers at the grocery store.

  Every time she saw him, time stood still and her breath backed up in her chest. She’d have to get used to it, but to get through the first days without him, she found herself rearranging her schedule and avoiding places he might be.

  The week wasn’t all negative, though. On Thursday she was heading to meet one of her tutoring students at the library when—to her shock—she saw her parents sitting in their “regular” booth in the diner. One they hadn’t sat in since her mother’s Alzheimer’s diagnosis last year.

  Jo stopped in her tracks when they smiled and waved her in. Her parents. Just like old times, having their once-a-week Thursday lunch date. Joy bubbled up at the sight of them out together. She waved back giddily and rushed inside.

  “Hey, you two, this is a happy surprise.” She assumed if they were out, her mother was having a good day, but there was always the intense, anxious feeling each time she looked into her mama’s eyes that her mama might not know who she was. And the sad, sharp disappointment when she looked into Jo’s eyes and saw a stranger.

  “Jolene honey, sit down and join us for lunch.” Her mother slid a menu across the table with a smile for her.

  “I wish. I’m meeting a student for tutoring so I can’t stay, but Mama, it’s so nice to see you out and about.” Well, if ever she’d needed a pick-me-up this week, this was it. She glanced at her father, who sent her a wink. “How did Daddy convince you to leave the house?”

  Her father wrapped his arm around his wife’s shoulders and said, “I didn’t. You did.”

  “Me? How exactly did I do that?”

  Her mother laughed and it was beautiful. A sound they’d all heard less and less over the last year as the disease made its slow progression.

  “I don’t know how many good days I have left. I’m tired of wasting them sitting at home in fear.” She looked at her husband with so much love, Jo bit her lip to stop from sighing. “I didn’t realize until I thought of you, Jo—that I’ve been cheating your father out of what precious time we have left by hiding in the house.”

  Wow. She was happy for both her parents. “I love it, but what does that have to do with me?”

  “I remembered when you were five and how silly you were. Pure joy, with a bit of a scamp.” The love in her mama’s eyes was so sharp and clear, Jo tucked it up close in her heart for safekeeping. She’d need to cling to it like a life raft one day. “That silly girl disappeared trying to be good. Too good.”

  “Hey, my choice.”

  “Oh, Jo. You did it for us. For me. Because my nerves couldn’t handle all the trauma your sister created. And I let you because it was easier, just like it’s easier for me to hide at home. I cheated you—and us—out of that crazy, fun girl.”

  As many times as Georgie had made this exact case, and Jo had known it too, having her mother acknowledge it felt like letting go of a twenty-pound weight she’d been lugging around. Even if Jo stayed her prim-and-proper, buttoned-down, rule-following self, having her mother know and recognize who she was at her core—who she’d hidden and suppressed for so long—meant more than she could have guessed. “Mama . . .”

  “No. We all lost out. I missed that little girl when she went quiet.” Her mother sat forward, grabbing both of Jo’s hands across the table. “I have no right to ask this, but life is short, Jo. Let that wild child back out to play.”

  Her father spit coffee across the table, nearly missing Jo’s beige silk tank top and crushing a sweet moment. “Based on some of the whispers I’ve heard around town, I’d say Jo’s done that.”

  “That eases my heart,” her mama said with a final squeeze before sitting back, looking so very happy. “And my guilt.”

  “Shall I fill her in on your rap sheet, bean?” her father asked with a grin.

  “Maybe not all at once.” The alarm on Jo’s phone chirped, the one she’d set for her tutoring session. “Oh yikes, I’m late! I’ve got to run, but have an extra piece of pie for me. Love you guys.”

  Jo was in awe of her mama’s bravery. Facing her fear of going out in public in order to capture every second of lucid time she and Daddy had left together took strength, trust, and lo
ve. Oh to be loved and love like that.

  She sighed, remembering she already had it on her bucket list. For a split second of time, she’d thought maybe what she and Paxton had was heading in that direction, but that hadn’t worked out. One day, Jojo.

  Shaking her head, Jo buried that thought deep, tucking it away for later . . . much later. Already five minutes late, she pushed out of the diner only to run smack into a hard, muscular chest. She knew who it was before he even spoke.

  “Sorry. Are you all right, Jojo?” Paxton’s large, firm hands steadied her, his heat burning through all the layers of her, down to her bones. She looked up into his green eyes and her lungs seized, feeling an awful lot like one of her childhood asthma attacks. Breathe, Jo, breathe.

  “Paxton. Hi. I’m . . . fine.” He was wearing one of his sexy power suits and she wanted so badly to plaster her body against his chest and hold on tight.

  He must have seen something in her eyes because he raised an eyebrow and cocked his head. Her eyes scanned his and she went lightheaded.

  “Jo! Nice to see you.”

  Ungluing her gaze from Paxton’s, Jo turned her attention to the woman with him: Chloe. “You too, Chloe.”

  Chloe patted Paxton on the forearm. “I’m going to run to the ladies’ room while you get us a table. I’ll see you, Jo.”

  So, as moments go—it sucked. Even more painful than she’d thought it would be, and she’d mentally prepared herself to see them together. She longed for a trapdoor to open under her feet and whoosh her away from this moment.

  Paxton’s intense gaze had taken hers prisoner, until he leaned forward and kissed her cheek and whispered, “I’ll see you around, Jojo.”

  Her gaze tracked him all the way to his table for two and she so wanted to give in to her pity party for one. You. Chose. This. Jo. Right. She pulled herself together and headed off to the library on shaky legs. The sound of her footsteps, each one taking her farther from Paxton, was a stark reminder of the decision she’d committed to. Had she finally arrived at tragic irony?

  Chapter Twenty-five

  Well, hell. Paxton had arranged to meet Chloe for a late lunch at the diner because he wanted this meeting out in the open, where nothing could be misconstrued. He knew the Grapevine could come up with some crazy, inaccurate version of his meeting with his ex. So didn’t it just figure that now he didn’t need to worry about it because the look in Jo’s eyes just now had said she’d already made that leap.

  He would need to address that, but first he had to deal with Chloe. But damn, it had physically hurt to be so close to Jo and know he didn’t have the right to grab her up in his arms.

  Paxton knew he’d made a tangled mess of things, and as soon as he figured out how to fix it, he would. It was the figuring out that was throwing him a curve.

  He’d already been seated at a table by Renee, who served his coffee with avid curiosity and a side order of nosy.

  “Who are you meeting? Jo? Because she just left here. You and Jo fetching to patch things up?”

  “How in the heck did you already hear about that? No, never mind; I don’t want to know.” He wouldn’t be surprised if the Grapevine was sending out mass Tweets. “No. I’m not meeting Jo.”

  And before Renee could spit out her follow-up question, Chloe rounded the corner from the restrooms and walked his way.

  “Tell me you did not have Chloe waiting in the wings.”

  “What? No. That’s not what this is.”

  “I’m watching you, Paxton, and I’ve got your mother on Speed Dial,” she hissed before smiling at Chloe. “Chloe, hon, what can I get you to drink?”

  “A tea would be great. Unsweetened.” Chloe slid onto the bench across from Paxton. “Thanks, Renee.”

  “I’ll have it out in a jiffy.” Renee bumped Paxton’s arm before leaving, making him spill his coffee.

  He ignored Renee’s warning look as she left, focusing instead on Chloe. “Thanks for meeting me.”

  “Hey, I have the time.” She flashed a genuine smile at him. “I start work at Clark, Hinders, and Pope tomorrow.”

  “That’s what I heard. So you finally caved, huh?” Paxton grinned at her. “Good for you. If anyone can handle being the boss’s daughter, it’s you. You’re a fantastic lawyer. Once everyone sees that, no one will claim nepotism.”

  “Your confidence in me means a lot.” She reached out and squeezed his hand. “Thank you.”

  Renee brought Chloe’s iced tea, her gaze honed in on their joined hands. “Are you two lovebirds ready to order?”

  Lovebirds? Paxton pulled his hand away from Chloe’s and frowned up at Renee. “Just the drinks.”

  Renee frowned right back before moving off.

  “Okay, Paxton, cut to the chase. I know you well enough to see you’ve got something on your mind.”

  “It isn’t a big deal. I simply wanted to make sure you and I are both clear about us.” Paxton looked steadily into Chloe’s brown eyes. He wasn’t trying to be a jerk about this, but considering her father kept dropping hints about the two of them, he wanted to be sure they were on the same page. “We’ll be working for the same firm now, so I don’t want there to be any misunderstanding that we’ll be anything more than friends and coworkers.”

  Sitting back with a wistful smile, Chloe sighed. “Do you know why I said no when you wanted me to move back to Climax two years ago?”

  Paxton leaned forward, his gaze on the mug in his hands. “I figured you wanted D.C. more.”

  “No. It was a test.” She tilted her head, quirking her lips the slightest bit. “In retrospect, a dumb test on my part.”

  “Let me guess . . . I failed.”

  “Not really. When I said no, I was hoping I would matter more to you than your career. That you loved me enough to stay. To give up something big. For me. For love.” Chloe fiddled with her spoon before bringing her gaze back up to Paxton’s. “I want to be loved that much. I think I deserve it. Someone who’s willing to give up everything for me.”

  This was probably what Kaz had hinted at the other night. I think you’re wrong about what happened last time. Was it true? If so, why hadn’t he figured it out before now?

  Because he’d been hurt. His ego had taken a hit. So he’d embraced the bachelor life and thrown himself into his career.

  Paxton hadn’t been willing to give up his dreams for Chloe. He hadn’t once thought of changing his goals and plans when she’d wanted something very different. He couldn’t even remember second-guessing his move. All these years he’d thought she’d been the one who’d ended their relationship. He hadn’t loved her enough.

  “I’m sorry, Chloe. I wouldn’t have hurt you for anything.”

  “I know.” She patted his forearm. “I know where we sit, no matter how much my father tries to push us together. I’ll apologize in advance for him, because he’s stubborn when it comes to what he wants for his girls.”

  While this meeting had set one worry to rest, it had revealed much about himself that he hadn’t been expecting and wasn’t prepared for. He couldn’t unpack it all now as he sat there, but the time for hiding his head in the sand was over. He wouldn’t simply unpack the new revelation either. It was time to excavate as deep as he needed to go until he had his answers.

  He needed those answers before he could come up with a plan. The plan for his future and how Jo fit into it. Once he did that, the next thing on his list was to convince her because he was sure a fake contract wouldn’t work this time.

  * * *

  Paxton left the diner and drove where he always went when he had some big life decision he couldn’t figure out—his parents’.

  “You’re just in time, Pax,” his dad called to him from the garage. “Come step on the brake so I can check the brake lights.”

  “I thought you had her fixed last week.” Paxton slipped behind the wheel, started the truck, and stepped on the brakes as requested. “Well?”

  “Just what I thought. Something’s causing
a short and burning out my bulbs.” He scratched his head and frowned. “Those bulbs aren’t cheap. I need to trace which connection is the problem.”

  His dad got set to pull out all the wires again and Paxton hung around and helped. The radio played quietly in the background while they worked together, each absorbed in his own thoughts.

  For himself, Paxton was still digesting the realization that he and Chloe had broken up because of his lack of commitment—not hers. He’d heard it said there was a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. And now he finally understood it. Because if it had been the real deal, the ’til-death-do-us-part and the I-want-to-grow-old-beside-you kind of love, he would have stayed in D.C. when Chloe hadn’t wanted to go.

  Chloe was a wonderful woman, but was it possible that much of what had brought them together were their shared experiences? Going through the same challenges at the same time? Hell, he was glad Chloe was smart enough to know she deserved better. They both did. They both deserved the kind of love one would sacrifice for. Paxton could see that now.

  Now because what he felt for Jo . . . well, it felt like the real deal. He could see growing old beside her. Releasing a deep gust of air, he considered the big question: Was he willing to make sacrifices for her?

  “What’s with the big sigh, Son?” His dad was using his stripping pliers on the wiring harness. “Pass me the electrical tape, would you?”

  He handed his dad the tape and got the circuit tester ready to use. “I’m trying to figure out if I can have the career I want with the woman I want without making either one of us miserable.”

  Cutting off a section of tape, his dad said, “Remind me again what your career goals are.”

  “Big dream? I want to be a judge. Uncle Cullen used to say it’s the most powerful way to help people in the legal field.”

  “I don’t know, Pax.” His father glanced over at him and shrugged. “It seems to me you’re already helping people. Ever since Smith retired last year, folks around here have had to drive over to Greensboro or Charlotte and pay big-city lawyers—or go without.”