Just a Little Series (Part 1)

by Tracie Puckett

“Sorry, Julie,” Grace flipped the sign hanging on the door of her small floral shop to close for the day, “I haven’t seen him since yesterday, sweetheart.”

  “It doesn’t make sense,” I rubbed my temples to fight off another migraine. Ever since Luke had stormed away, leaving me and Grace alone on the float, no one had seen or spoken to him. I’d called Detective Bruno earlier that day to see if Luke had come into the station, but he wasn’t scheduled for a shift. Luke’s hours had been hit and miss ever since the shooting. I knew my chances of catching him at work were slim, but I was desperate to get in touch with him by any means possible.

  “Julie,” she glanced out the window at the heavy snow. She turned back to me. “Go home. It’s late. It’s dark. Wherever he is, I’m sure he’s fine—”

  “But—”

  “Julie,” she said again, her voice growing testy. “It’s almost Christmas. Don’t you think your family wants you home right now… and not on a wild goose chase?”

  I stood in the middle of the floral shop and shook my head. Christmas or not, I didn’t really care. I wanted to find Luke, or at least know that he was okay.

  “Something must be wrong,” I ignored her. “Luke wouldn’t just take off and not come back.”

  “Sure he would,” Lonnie stepped out from behind the curtain that separated the storefront from the back office.

  “Stop,” I pointed at him, “you’re the last person I want to hear attitude from right now.”

  “I’m just saying,” Lonnie said, now leaning against the counter.

  “Where does he live?” I asked Grace, ignoring her husband.

  “Couldn’t tell you if we wanted to,” Lonnie said. “We don’t stay in touch, remember?”

  “148 Main,” Grace avoided Lonnie’s stare. “It’s a two-story apartment complex here in the district. Right down from Dot’s Antique Shop.”

  Not sticking around to hear how Lonnie and Grace’s conversation would unfold from there, I ducked out into the snow and headed for Luke’s. One block later, my toes were frozen. My nose felt like it could break off, and I’d lost all feeling in my fingers.

  I reached Luke’s complex and rang the bell.

  Nothing.

  I knocked—pounded, actually—but there was still no sign of him. And suddenly, an eerie feeling settled in the pit of my stomach.

  It all felt too familiar.

  What if he had left?

  What if all the pressure was too much? He’d been depressed for so long about not getting back to his normal work schedule, and now that he was back at the station, Charlie had been treating him like dirt. The person he respected the most suddenly stopped respecting him. And then, adding in all the familial pressure he was under with Lonnie only made matters even worse. And then, of course… there were all those mixed emotions he’d been feeling because of me….

  What if, when he added it all up, it was just too much?

  Did he make like Derek and leave Oakland for good?

  “Luke!” I screamed, now banging on the door. “Please, Luke!”

  I didn’t even care that it was a shared complex; surely another tenant would hear me and let me in. Surely someone would know something. Had anyone seen him come or go? Where was he?

  The crunch of footsteps in the snow rounded the corner and I stopped, praying it was Luke as he returned home. But I soon realized that I couldn’t have gotten so lucky. It wasn’t him; it was, however, a comforting and familiar face.

  “Miss Julie,” Detective Bruno rounded the corner, “still nothing?”

  “Where is he?” I asked, tears welling up in my eyes. “Why isn’t he answering?”

  Bruno wrapped me in his warm arms and let me cry against his chest. It wasn’t long before he pulled away, draped his arm across my shoulders, and walked me down the street to his car.

  He didn’t say where we were going, but I knew. He was pulling me off the street and taking me home; whether I liked it or not, Bruno was calling off my search.

  Just a few minutes later, I was sitting on the first step inside the house, listening as Detective Bruno told Charlie he’d found me wandering through the historic district, cold and frazzled… and looking for Luke.

  “Thanks for bringing her home,” Charlie waved as Bruno let himself out.

  When the door shut, Charlie turned to me and sighed.

  “What do I have to do to get through to you, Julie?” he asked, grabbing at the roots of his short hair. “Stop—chasing—Luke. He’s no good for you—”

  “I know you think that,” I pulled myself up to take a stand. “And I know you’ve thought that since the day he came here to talk to you.” A questionable look swept across his face, but he bit his tongue and let me continue. “But you know what, Charlie? I don’t care anymore. I’m not gonna keep pretending that what you’re doing is okay. You can’t keep bending over backward to keep me from seeing him. You can’t follow me around, question my every move, and lock me up in jail cells for the rest of my life. I love him—”

  “I don’t care,” he said, acting as though my words had stung a little. “As long as you’re under my roof—”

  “I live by your rules,” I said. “Yeah, I know. I’ve heard it a million times.”

  “You and Luke… that combination is out of the question.”

  “I don’t understand why you hate him!”

  “I don’t care if you understand!” he yelled. He took a deep breath to calm himself before continuing. “Luke is a damn good cop; he’s an even better person. I couldn’t ask for someone better on my force. My feelings about this situation have nothing to do with me not liking him. I love that kid like he’s my own.” He raised his chest as if he was done explaining himself, but then he continued. “My problem, Julie, is that I don’t like the idea of you with him.”

  “If he’s so great,” I hoped to get to the bottom of whatever it was that was going on, “why are you so recklessly determined to keep us apart?”

  He glared at me, wearing his typically stern expression, but I refused to falter. Finally I had something worth fighting for, and I was going to fight for it. Charlie must’ve sensed the determination in my stare because he finally dropped his head.

  “Because,” he said, “if you keep running after him, you’ll finally get what you want.”

  “And getting what I want is a bad thing?”

  “Yes,” he admitted, and I had to give him credit for his honesty. But I still didn’t understand. “You’re beautiful, Julie. You’re so intelligent, and sure… Luke would be an idiot to ignore all of that. So yes, if you go after him, he’ll fall—hard. And maybe someday you’ll get married and have a kid of your own.”

  “I’m failing to see the problem with this picture,” I nearly whispered, imagining the joy that would come with spending an eternity with Luke.

  “What happens when you get that call?” he asked, his eyes welling up with tears. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Reibeck, your husband won’t be coming home. He’s dead.” He choked down a sob, and I could see him reliving his very own past. A tear escaped from his eye, and he quickly wiped it away. “Then what, Julie? Then you have nothing!”

  “Charlie—”

  “No!” he yelled. “Why haven’t you learned? Don’t you remember what you went through the night Luke was shot? Don’t you remember the hell it put you through? Multiply that by a million and maybe you’ll understand what it would be like to fall in love with him, marry him, have a family with him… and then have it all ripped away in one fell swoop.”

  I bit my tongue and swallowed hard.

  Matt had only been three when Charlie’s wife, my Aunt Laurie, was killed in a hit and run accident. When Charlie’s peers showed up on his doorstep, heads hanging low, and delivered the news to my uncle, his life came crashing down. He’d lost his wife, and there was nothing he could do to rectify the situation. It was completely out of his control. He was left to raise Mattie alone, and—true to what I’d always believed— he’d ne
ver healed his broken heart.

  And now he was taking his heartache out on me….

  “Charlie,” I kept my voice low, “I know you miss Laurie, but no matter whom I choose to love, that love will come with the risk of loss. Laurie had the safest job in the world, but that didn’t keep her from meeting her inevitable fate.” Charlie continued to shake his head, practically blubbering at this point. I couldn’t be sure he was listening to a single word I said. “I don’t want to live my life in fear anymore. Getting through this past year has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I cried myself to sleep for months after we buried my parents. I struggled to fit into this town and make friends at a new school. News flash, I didn’t fit in. The only friend I had was Matt. The only reason people accepted me was because of him. But deep down, I was just that freak whose parents were slaughtered. No one wanted to be my friend, Charlie. But then I met Luke…and Derek… and everything changed. People started to actually care about me for me. I finally felt like I belonged somewhere.” Tears soaked my face, running from my eyes to my mouth. I wiped them away with the back of my sleeve and shook my head. “I lost Derek. He’s gone, and he’s probably never coming back. But please don’t take Luke from me. He’s all I have,” I cried harder still, almost toppled over from the pain. “So please… if you know where he is….”

  Charlie dropped his head. He wiped away a single tear and shrugged.

  “I haven’t heard from him, Julie,” he said, and I truly believed him. “You’ll be the first person he tries to contact. If he’s not checking in with you, maybe you should take the hint.”

  I nodded and turned back for the stairs.

  “As long as Luke wants me in his life,” I turned back to get my last word in, “I’m going to be there. I don’t care if it’s one day, two months, or a lifetime… I’m not going to run from him just because I know he could die someday. Charlie, we’re all dying. Every breath we take… we’re one step closer to the end. And I want to spend every second of my life holding on to the people I love. If you can’t respect that, fine. That just makes you one less person I don’t have to waste my time loving.”

  He nodded as if he finally understood, but didn’t say a word. I followed the steps to the second floor, reaching my room, and shutting the door quietly behind me.

  I spent the next hour trying to call Luke, but the calls were going straight to voicemail.

  By ten o’clock, I decided to get some sleep. If I hadn’t heard from Luke by then, I probably wouldn’t.

  I lifted my school bag off the end of the bed, cursing myself when the contents of the bag spilled on the floor. I picked each binder and notebook up off the floor and tucked them back into their rightful place. The final notebook had fallen open, so I picked it up with care. Keeping it in hand, I sat on the bed, leaning over the pages of scribbles, doodles, and chicken scratch.

  It was my notebook from the job-shadowing project, and it had honestly been weeks since I’d cared to open it up.

  I’d been in Luke’s patrol car when I first scribbled the questions on the page. Each answer he’d given me was written next to the original question. Little hearts covered the page. Tiny notes in the margin said things like you’re not the only one suffering, Julie and find out where his scar came from. I read over the notes for ten minutes, laughing at the stupid little notes I’d left myself. And then, as if by a force I couldn’t control, my eyes gravitated to the bottom of the page.

  Angry cops make bad cops.

  Without another breath, I suddenly realized where Luke was.

  SEVEN