Love Always, Kate

by D. Nichole King

  I glanced sideways at Damian. “What are we …”

  “You’re staying with me tonight,” he said, unable to contain his grin.

  “I…my stuff…I…”

  “You think too much. I packed your bag yesterday. It’s already in the house.”

  “But”

  Damian cut me off with a tug of the hand. “Come on.”

  His eyes blazed, much like they had the night of our Christmas date. The fireplace in the den burned, illuminating the make-shift bed on the floor.

  “Your bag’s over there.” He nodded to the corner. “I’ll let you get changed.” Then he added matter-of-factly, “It’s just us tonight. I’ll be right back.”

  I froze, speechless.

  Just us?

  I jerked my head toward the foyer, staring at Damian’s back as he ascended the staircase. Once in his room, I scanned the den, taking it in. The curtains were drawn, and Damian’s black comforter covered the space on the floor. Pillows lined the perimeter of our bed. Suddenly, my mouth went dry.

  Glancing back up at the empty doorway, my heart raced. We were alone. All night.

  I stood, motionless, in the middle of the room. Jumbled thoughts flashed through my head in steady spurts. Was tonight the night? Did I want it to be? Oh no—what if it ended like last time?

  I buried my face in my palms, taking a deep breath.

  Calm down, Kate. Things are different now.

  My heart raced. I grabbed my bag and unzipped it, trying not to think. Shuffling through some jeans and shirts, I choked on a giggle when I found a clean pair of underwear and a matching bra. Apparently moving in with me had given him confidence to go through my drawers.

  I changed into the cami and shorts he’d packed as pajamas and eased myself down in the middle of our bed, peering at the fire. Even though the heat flushed my cheeks, I was shivering.

  When Damian cleared his throat, I swiveled to the doorway where he leaned up against the trim. He had on a pair of plaid lounge pants, not unlike what he usually wore to bed. Tonight, though, he seemed different. I swallowed, allowing my gaze to work its way up his body. He looked…wow!

  He sauntered over saying nothing, his eyes piercing into me with such intensity that my heart sped up with every step he took. I rose to my knees, nervousness sweeping through me.

  Damian reached for me and lowered me onto the pillows. On the way down, I realized my breaths were shooting out in uneven spurts. The beating of my own heart vibrated in my ears. Ah, this was so overwhelming! Still, my fingertips moved over his back, feeling the muscles rippling underneath.

  Sinking lower into the stack of blankets under me, I automatically pushed back a lock of his hair. For some reason, this particular image burned into my memory. A smile graced his face, and despite the heat pouring from the fireplace, goose bumps rose on my arms.

  What had I done to deserve this amazing moment?

  Damian held himself up over me, kissing the tip of my nose, then my cheeks. I closed my eyes, more than anything longing for his lips to touch mine. Instead, he bent down and ran his tongue down my jaw line and onto my neck. Instinctively, I arched my back under him as he kissed the sweet spot under my ear.

  I held my breath, waiting for the tingles rushing over me to slow. They never did.

  His mouth finally found mine, sucking my upper lip into his, letting go and repeating it with my lower one.

  “You’re so beautiful, Katie,” he moaned into me.

  He said it with such softness.

  I opened my eyes to study him.

  In one motion, he glided a hand down my side and hooked it around my knee, lifting it. He slid his fingers up the inside of my thigh, making my breath hitch again, but then he paused halfway up. His grip tightened over my skin. Letting go, he tucked his arm under my back instead. My gaze flowed to the fire, remembering his hesitation the last time. This time, I didn’t want to be rejected.

  I gasped when Damian nibbled on my neck.

  Please don’t stop this time.

  Damian’s hips pushed into mine, and the warmth cascading through my body made me shudder.

  He toyed with one of my spaghetti straps, lowering it on my shoulder and kissing where it should be. His lips moved across the top of my chest, spreading tickles over my skin in their wake, before they moved back up to my throat. I whimpered and clung to him tighter, my insides turning to Jell-O.

  Mixed emotions washed through me, blurring the lines of fear and desire until I no longer recognized them.

  “Damian,” I heard myself say. “Please.”

  He stopped, pursing his lips. “Ah, Katie.” He averted his gaze to the fire and drew his lower lip between his teeth.

  My heart sank immediately.

  “You don’t want me?”

  “Oh, God, Katie. Yes, I want you. I want you so bad.”

  I swallowed. “Then, why won’t you…”

  “Because…” he paused, sighing. “I don’t want you to regret it.”

  “I love you, Damian. I’ll never regret that.”

  “You can still love me without…”

  “I know.”

  I don’t want to die a virgin.

  With both hands, I pulled his face down to mine, kissing him with everything I had.

  I needed to say it, not only for him, but so I could hear it out loud. “I want to.”

  “Are you sure?” he said, breathless against my mouth.

  “Yes.”

  My answer was all he needed. His tongue separated my lips, entering. The way he pressed down over my waist with an eager grip created a whirlwind of need in my abdomen. When he reached the bottom hem, he lifted the camisole over my head.

  Unlike last time, Damian didn’t hesitate. He kept moving over me, wanting more with each touch.

  His eyes danced over my naked breasts before his hands, his lips, covered them.

  Oh God!

  I curved into him, needing him closer. My nails dug into his back as hunger took over.

  Damian controlled me, and all I had to do was respond, which I did without premeditation. My body knew what I needed—it did it for me. With each caress, each taste, and each breathless moan, I clung tighter, wanting to melt into him—lose myself in him.

  Over my clothes, his hand swept between my legs. Somehow still shocked at the intimacy of it, a small noise exited my throat. Damian let out a small chuckle before he did it again.

  “Just wait till I get them off.” His breath tickled my ear, and I shivered at the thought.

  Any nervousness I’d had from before evaporated in the heat of this moment. I’d never wanted him more. Just being close couldn’t quench the thirst.

  I need all of him!

  My hands found their way down his waist and over his hips, looping my thumbs under the waistband of his pants. He’d never felt so good.

  My eyes met his. They shone in a way I’d never seen before. Usually they gleamed with a mixture of fear, sorrow, and hurt, but tonight his irises were a lighter shade of blue. Behind them, the last trace of the walls Damian had built seemed to be crashing down. Tonight, he let his guard down, showing me all of himself.

  I touched his cheek, and he leaned into me. Seeing him so raw, so vulnerable, captivated me.

  Damian kissed my palm, trailing down my arm. He sat up a little and slipped his hands under the elastic of my bottoms. I swallowed, fighting to keep my gaze locked on him. The fire in his eyes blazed with desire, but he kept it controlled. Along with my panties, he glided my shorts past my hips, tossing them behind us.

  Fully exposed in front of him, my mind began to race. Insecurity crept in. How did I compare with the others?

  With Ellie?

  I squeezed my knees together, constrained, but Damian’s hold slid up my legs, separating them. The corners of his mouth curved slightly, revealing one of the dimples I loved so much.

  His hands drifted all over me, leaving fresh trails of inexplicable warmth over my skin. I closed my eyes. Letti
ng the past go, I allowed myself to stay in the present.

  I held my breath when warm palms arrived at my inner thighs. His lips pressed against my stomach, and my eyes shot open as a finger slipped inside my folds. My abdomen ached with need, and I tensed with each motion, biting the inside of my cheek.

  Satisfied, Damian let go, and sat up, shimmying out of his clothes. I clutched a fistful of pillow in my hands as he lowered himself over me, kissing my neck.

  “Damian?”

  “Yeah?” he breathed, making his way back up to my lips again.

  “Will it hurt?”

  Damian’s arms tucked themselves under me, holding me close. He said nothing for a few seconds, giving me my answer. “I’ll take care of you. I promise.”

  Anticipation mixed with a sliver of fear made my insides tremble. I ran my fingertips over Damian’s back, attempting to quench the anxiety. His skin felt like silk.

  “You okay?” he asked, bracing himself over me.

  I swallowed and took a deep breath. My eyes met his. “Yeah.”

  He leaned down and kissed my neck. I clung to him, my body tightening.

  “Relax,” Damian said against my mouth.

  At his request, my muscles obeyed.

  “Good girl.”

  He slid inside me, and I immediately clutched onto him. I tightened my thighs into his hips as the burning sensation consumed me. Wincing, I buried my face into his shoulder.

  Damian stopped.

  “Hey. You’ll be okay. I’ve got you.”

  I bit my lip and closed my eyes. All I could think about was the pain.

  Damian moved himself into me again, and this time, I whimpered.

  Oh no! What does he think of me now?

  “Katie.”

  My lids opened at the sound of my name.

  “Focus on me,” he murmured, pointing two fingers at his eyes.

  I nodded, gazing up at him through my lashes. He rocked into me, slowly and cautiously. Each time, he paused before pushing himself forward. With each motion, the burn lessened, and his breaks became shorter until they were non-existent.

  With the pain gone, I lifted my hips into him, eager to mold him into me. Damian moaned, kissing me harder, and I held onto him.

  “Damn, you feel good.”

  At that moment, my mind went fuzzy. Damian’s breathing increased, and I gasped as his body went rigid over me. He pushed into me one last time, sweat gathering at his hairline. His lids squeezed closed and when they opened, his irises seemed bluer.

  He wrapped his arms under me, holding me tight. His face nestled in my neck. “Now you’re all mine, Katie. All mine.”

  ~*~

  February 15

  Dear Diary,

  It kinda surprised me how easily Damian fell asleep afterwards. No matter how hard I try, I can’t. I don’t want to feel sorry for myself, but after tonight, I just…

  I glanced at Damian. His chest rose and fell slowly, a soft snore escaping his throat. He shifted a little, wrapping the corner of a blanket in his arms. So peaceful.

  Why? Why now? Why did Damian have to come into my life so late?

  If it’s possible, I love him more today than yesterday. I gave him all of me, and I don’t want myself back. I’m his for always.

  I just wish “always” lasted longer.

  I cuddled up beside him, needing to be as close to him as possible. Finally, I drifted off to sleep.

  ~*~

  Damian was already awake when I opened my eyes. His fingertips glided over my bare back, and my heart did a little twirl.

  “You all right?”

  Honestly, I felt more sore than I had the night before. But I nodded anyway. “Mmm-hmm.”

  Damian looked at me sideways.

  I sighed. “Um.” I squirmed under the sheet, squeezing my thighs together.

  Kissing me, Damian smirked. “I’ll be right back.”

  His naked body rose from the bed and walked out of the room. I averted my eyes, but caught a quick peek of his back side as he left the room.

  When he returned, he had a towel wrapped around his waist, a glass of water in one hand and two white pills in the other.

  “Tylenol,” he said.

  I swallowed them both in one gulp. “Thanks.”

  “It’ll be better next time.” He lay back beside me. “Come here.”

  Next time?

  My heart skipped a beat at his promise, and I smiled to myself.

  With an arm under me, he held me close, and I took a few breaths to slow my heart. After a few minutes, I relaxed into him and folded my arm around his stomach.

  I kissed his chest on top of the cross tattoo. Staring at it, I propped my head up on my elbow and traced the weaving lines with my index finger. I felt Damian’s eyes on me.

  “What does this mean?” I asked, still gliding my fingers over the black ink.

  “My mother was Irish. Her faith in God meant everything to her. After she died, Dad went through the house and boxed up anything that reminded him of her. So I did this.”

  “What about the other one?”

  Damian turned his body a little. Also in black, two interlocking shapes that formed one large triangle was inked into his bicep.

  “For Liam,” he said. “It means ‘brotherhood.’”

  Just as I had with the cross, I ran my fingers over Liam’s memorial. “When are we going to go visit?”

  He paused. “On Saturday.”

  Chapter 22

  February 19

  We’re going to the cemetery today. Yesterday after school I stopped by the florist to pick up some flowers. I hope Damian doesn’t mind.

  He’s been quiet all morning. He didn’t stay over last night; in fact, he left before eight. I don’t remember him even kissing me when he came in this morning.

  I wonder if he told his dad what we’re doing today. He said Dr. Lowell used to go to the cemetery every day and sit there until midnight, but Damian didn’t know when the last time his dad had been out there.

  It makes me wonder…who will visit my grave? When? Will I have a steady stream of flowers for a few years and then be forgotten? You know, I’d be okay with that. It would mean they’re moving on, like I have. Dying is just another journey, one which we all will take.

  I worry about my parents, though. Mom and Dad’s lives have centered around me. They need each other.

  And Damian. It’s been two years since his mother and Liam passed away, and he has yet to cope. Leslie’s prophecy can’t come true. Whether or not Damian’s ready for this, he needs to let go. The healing process has to begin—for them.

  And for me.

  “You ready?” Damian leaned against the door jamb of my bedroom. His hands were stuffed in the pockets of his jeans, his hair gel-less, and his blue eyes lighter than usual. From the stubble poking out from his face, I wondered if he’d slept at all.

  I glanced up at him and nodded, tucking my diary under my pillow.

  “No wonder girls take so long to get ready.”

  “I got dressed, just like I said.” I grabbed my purple scarf from the bottom of my bed and wrapped it around my neck.

  “Among other things,” Damian teased, adjusting my scarf in the front. “You look beautiful.” He kissed my cheek and wrapped his arms around me, holding me close. His chin rested on top of my head.

  Against him, even through his sweater, his heart pounded in my ear. His arms tightened for a few seconds before he let go. Without a word, he took my hand and led me down the stairs.

  I grabbed the flowers off the counter. When I spun around, he averted his gaze to the floor and reached for the doorknob.

  In his BMW, I slipped off my gloves and placed my hand over his.

  The trip to the cemetery was quiet. He didn’t even have the radio on. His focus stayed on the road, and his lips remained taut.

  I peered out the passenger-side window. The city moved in a hurry, yet I saw it all in slow motion. Cars didn’t speed by. People didn’t
rush into the stores. I peeked over at Damian, the corner of his upper lip set between his teeth.

  With all the cars on the interstate, the road seemed empty except for us. We made our way out of the city and onto a deserted county highway. The snow-covered fields glistened in the sun, and icicles hung from the trees like Christmas lights.

  Damian made a right turn into the cemetery. He drove almost to the end of the lot before coming to a stop in front of the fence line. His lids squeezed shut as he took his hands off the wheel.

  “I can’t do this.” He pushed his fingers through his hair, grabbing a fistful at the top.

  I brushed the side of his face, the roughness catching a little on my gloves. “Yes, you can. I’m here for you.”

  I watched him sit motionless for a few moments. When he didn’t put the car in reverse, I relaxed and scanned the surroundings.

  The first thing that caught my attention was the large elder tree in the corner of the cemetery. Even without the shade of the leaves, the tree was spectacular. It leaned a little to the right and branches sprouted off everywhere, but something about it filled me with peace.

  Two headstones poked up under the tree. Neither of them large or fancy, but the gray marble seemed to glow brighter than the rest. Somehow I knew they belonged to Nora and Liam.

  My attention shifted back to Damian. His eyes were open now, staring straight ahead at the sea of snow.

  “Hey,” I said, taking his hand. “Ready?”

  He didn’t respond, so I reached for the door handle.

  “Wait.” Damian tugged at my hand, stopping me. “Just give me another minute, okay?”

  I closed the door and leaned back against the seat. Remembering the flowers in the back, I twisted my body and scooped them up, laying them on my lap. My other hand never left Damian’s hold.

  Finally, Damian sighed. He looked at me, his irises cloudy. Letting go of my hand, he took the flowers from my lap and opened the door. I waited until he rounded the front of the car to follow him out.