by Bry Ann
Thump. Thump. Footsteps. Oh god. My heart picks up in an instant. The Boss, Lacey’s husband, walks in, leaning casually against the door frame.
“Lacey’s on her way over. Rose, I swear to God, whatever she wants to know, you better tell her. What you did to her is unforgivable, but for some reason,” he growls under his breath, “I want her to forgive you. For her sake. Lacey needs a friend.”
Lacey walks up beside him a moment later. His tense muscles soften slightly when she places her hand on his bicep.
“I got this.”
He nods. “Guess I get the pleasure of telling your ex-whatever that the love of his life isn’t dead. I love my job.”
I freeze. Sven. Oh my god. Is he going to hate me? My body. Oh my god, I’m ugly. Why do I even care about that in a moment like this? But with everything I have, I don’t want him to see me.
“Why?” Lacey’s voice cuts through my spiraling thoughts.
That one question has my head whipping around. Lacey is standing there, looking exactly how I remember her, maybe slightly thinner. I didn’t get a good look at her before, but now I’m able to take her in. She carries the same fierce kindness she did before, but the emptiness and hurt in her eyes have never been directed at me before.
She’s wearing baggy grey sweats and an oversized Harley sweatshirt. Her dirty blonde hair is dripping wet at the ends and sticking to her face.
“Is there a place we can sit? I have a lot to say.”
I bite my trembling lower lip, before glancing back up at Lacey. She shouldn’t have to comfort me. I’m here to try to put her mind at ease, not the other way around.
“Yeah,” Lacey mumbles. “The dining room.”
I feel like this is all a weird dream as I mindlessly follow Lacey through the house that was once my home and my prison. The house where I learned of love and pain. Heaven and hell.
“We’re here, Rose,” Lacey says, softly placing a palm on my shoulder to stop me.
“Oh, right,” I mumble.
We take a seat across from each other, each of us curled up on the edge of a large piece of familiar cherry wood. The smooth wood tingles against my cold skin. I’m nervous. I’m fidgeting under the table and tapping my foot against the floor. Lacey, on the other hand, is still as stone. Her eyes are narrowed slightly. I feel like I’m getting ready to be interrogated.
I can tell Lacey is waiting for me to speak, but where do I start? How? I open and close my mouth several times, but nothing comes out. When the silence continues to carry on, Lacey raises her eyebrows. Okay, that’s my cue to talk.
This feels surreal. It doesn’t. Feel. Real.
My mouth spews words with no filter and no introduction.
“So, I was shot by my dad’s employee. I almost died. That part wasn’t a lie.”
I feel my eyes start to water but I shove it back. Not now Rose.
“Just so you know, Kev didn’t know I survived. He saw me get shot, and as far as he knows, I didn’t make it. So if you contact him, which, knowing you, you did, he didn’t know either.”
“Okay, good to know. So you let him suffer too.”
“I had to, Lacey,” I whisper.
“I’m sure you did what was best for you,” she clips bitterly.
“Lacey, I was destroyed that day! If I could have told you, I would have. God, I would have. Kev, too. You two didn’t deserve to suffer, but my heart, body, and soul were shredded. I had to do something.”
“You don’t think I’ve been there?” Lacey screams. Screams. At the top of her lungs, shooting to her feet.
“You don’t think I know what it’s like to have your soul ripped straight from your chest for others to mock and ridicule? You don’t think I know? I was free. I was finally free, and I spent every day afflicted, suffering and looking for you. Because we were friends, Rose.”
Guilt. So much red hot guilt.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Lacey. I had to hide. I can’t handle this life, and you’re attached to it! If I could have contacted you without anyone else finding out, I would have. I didn’t want to hurt you, but I can’t handle all this. I just can’t, Lacey. I’m not you! You’re strong, but I’m not. What I am is smart enough to know when I need help. And Lace, I really needed help.”
For the first time, Lacey’s eyes roam over my body. They widen slightly. “You’ve been in therapy.”
This time there is no bitterness in her voice. No matter how angry Lacey is, she’s a healer. It’ll always override her other instincts.
“Yes, I went straight to treatment after I got out of the hospital.”
Immediately, Lacey withdraws. Her hands wrap around her waist and she nibbles at her lower lip. That must be a new nervous tick for her. I’ve never seen her do that.
“I was pregnant,” she whispers.
My heart squeezes. “I heard you have a daughter. I’m so sorry, Lacey. I should have been there for you.”
She shrugs, and honestly, I think that hurts more than her anger. She shut herself off to do it without me. Because I wasn’t there.
“Ruston was freaking out.”
“Ruston?”
“My last name. You know, the Boss’s last name.” A ghost of a smile traces her lips. “That’s what I call him sometimes.”
I smile back at her. “In front of us.”
Lacey’s smile turns into a full-on smirk. “Yeah, in front of you guys. Wanna meet her?”
“What?” I feel the blood drain from my face.
“She has your name.”
I can’t… I squeeze my eyes shut. “I know. I’m so sorry, Lacey. I’m so, so sorry.”
“Why did you come here? If you hate this life so much, if you wanted away, why come back?”
I glance at her nervously. “Your husband.” She smiles hesitantly at me. “He contacted me. Long story short, I tried to stay away, but he’s really, really persistent. Then he told me about your daughter, and what you named her. I knew I had to come back. I had to come see you.”
Lacey thinks on this and then nods.
“I’m gonna have Mirial bring her over. I’d take you, but I don’t want, um, well, I don’t want Sven to see you before he hears the news. It’d probably kill him.”
She glances up at me from under her eyelashes.
“He’s different. We’re closer now.”
My heart literally skips and squeezes in my chest. If the beat of my heart is supposed to be a dull thump, it is now a full choir. An orchestra exploding with feeling. A feeling only he can ever evoke in me.
“He’s gonna murder me.”
“No, he won’t.”
I look down and squeeze my eyes as tight as possible.
“Rose. He won’t. Trust me. He’s not the same. He’ll seem mad, sure, but it’s just hurt that he’s trying to hide. I don’t know what else to say other than that he’s changed. He’s still Sven, there’s no changing that, but he’s different. It’d take a lot for him to kill somebody, and he would certainly never kill you.”
“What do you mean he’s changed?”
Lacey just shrugs. “You’ll see.”
I’m not ready. Oh god. I tug uselessly at my turquoise v-neck sweater, the one Maria made me wear. Of course she had backup clothes in her car. Lacey sends a text on her phone, which kind of has me laughing.
“Look at you texting away.”
Lacey blushes. “Turns out I’m really good with technology. Ruston has me hack stuff for him sometimes. I figured it out when I was searching for you.” She shrugs again. “Who would have figured?”
“I’m not surprised at all.”
Lacey blushes and turns away. Her anger’s died off. I don’t think this feels real to her. She’s distant. It’s like she can’t get a grip on reality and I really know how that feels.
Nothing else is said until footsteps echo in the hallway.
“Mommy!”
Little footsteps patter along the cold floor. The smile that graces Lacey’s face makes my hear
t swell. It’s like she’s lit up from the inside out.
“Hi, angel.”
Immediately, Lacey springs from her chair and picks up the little bundle of hair and frilly lace on the floor.
“Bbbbbbb….” Lacey makes bubble noises as she bops her daughter on the nose. “I want you to meet someone, angel. She has your name, too. Isn’t that cool?”
Lacey turns around with a little girl in her arms. A pair of light grey eyes meet mine. Just like her mother. There are obvious signs of her father there, too. Namely the dark brown, messy hair all over her head. She’s the most adorable thing.
“Hi, I’m Rose, too.”
I try to hide how choked up I am, but I can’t. I can’t. Baby Rose looks at her mom with a slightly confused expression on her face. Lacey smiles back at her softly.
“I know you don’t know her, baby, but I have a feeling you will.”
Click. Click. Click.
The sound of footsteps storming down the hall makes both of us pause. From the corner of my eye, I see Lacey stiffen and pull baby Rose in tighter. I, on the other hand, feel like I am going to have a full-on nervous breakdown. My breathing becomes rapid as I fight for air, for anything. I can’t breath. The footsteps come closer as I retreat to the back of the room.
Dead. Dead. Dead. I’m supposed to be dead.
In this moment, I almost wish I was.
Then a dark figure appears in the doorway. In my peripherals, I see the Boss running up behind him. But it’s him. He’s all I see.
“Sven,” I breathe.
All of him is there. Dark, sinister, stunned, beautiful Sven. I start to shake so hard Lacey comes over, quickly trying to shove baby Rose higher up on her hip to help me. Lacey’s small hand lands on my lower back.
“Exhale,” she whispers, worry clear in her voice.
I can’t, though. Sven is looking at me so intensely. If looks could obliterate a person, I’d be less than dust. I want to know what he’s thinking. It’s hard to hear anything past the chattering of my teeth, but I don’t think anyone is talking. Maybe they are. I don’t know. I’m gonna be sick.
Does he hate me? Does he think I’m fat and ugly? Is he pissed I’m here? Is he at all happy that I’m alive? Does he think I’m a terrible person?
God, it’s like I never left him. The pull is so strong. Everything dead inside me screams and cries for life just because of his mere presence. I wrap my arms around myself, which earns a concerned side stare from Lacey.
Dark to light. Hard to soft. He doesn’t stop staring at me, expression completely and totally blank. What is he thinking?!
I don’t speak first. I can’t.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
Tick. Tick. Tick.
“Rose,” he says without inflection in his voice. He cocks his head to the side. His face still completely blank. “Come.”
Sven
“To the left, Enzio, Sal!”
Both men duck as a bullet whirls over their heads.
“Fucking shit!” I growl. “We’re gonna have to leave without it,” I whisper-shout across the columns.
Enzio shakes his head enthusiastically. “We can’t do that. Boss will be pissed. He’ll have our heads. Besides, that Miguel guy, he really fucked with Boss’s woman.”
I sigh. Lacey.
“I know, but… FUCK!”
Another bullet whizzes past us. For some reason, the chaos puts me in a place of complete calm. As calm and confident as I get these days.
“Enzio, you super attached to your life?”
He groans, but gives me a small nod, indicating he’s up for anything. Boss was right about this guy. I like working with him. Hope he doesn’t die.
“Distraction, Enzio.”
I shimmy over and whisper exactly how he’s gonna do that.
“Sal, you have my back. I die, you die. Clear?”
I let my gaze bore into him. He better not get me killed.
“Crystal.”
I nod. Immediately, Enzio gets to work doing exactly what I tell him. I sprint off, Sal right on my tail. I’m literally three feet away from the fucking tape. The tape that holds video evidence of some of the Castello crimes. Boss doesn’t care how we take Miguel and his people down. He just wants them out of the picture. Bottom line. If jail is how we do it, then so fucking be it.
“Tsk, tsk, Sven. Aww, I’ve heard good things about you. I’m disappointed.”
My head snaps up. I’m staring at some fucking kid holding the damn tape. I was so busy having Sal’s back, I didn’t see him take it. Shit.
“Aw, don’t be disappointed, Miguel,” I grin. “I’m still going to kill you. Unless, of course, my Boss has to do it. You know how it is. Picky, picky, when it comes to his woman.”
Miguel’s eyes narrow, but he fights to keep the fake air of comfort that we have going here.
“Oh, I don’t think so. You have no clue what I’m up to.”
He smirks and cocks his head to the side. I hate that he’s right. I’m ready to speak again, but he keeps going.
“It’s a shame. You were pretty badass way back when. Of course, your girlfriend got murdered. That put a little dent in your mojo, didn’t it? Her father and his lackeys still breathing, right? You too broken to avenge her? Shame.”
I growl. I’m vibrating, but Enzio pops out of nowhere and puts a hand on my shoulder.
Not worth it. Don’t rise to the bait. I take a deep breath and push her blue eyes from my mind.
“I don’t waste my time on people who aren’t worth it, Miguel.”
Even saying that makes me want to throw my finger down my throat and puke, but I can’t. I have a job to do. He smirks at me and tilts his head to the side.
“Hmmm, maybe you still have it. We’ll see. Here.”
He throws the tape at us. “Back!” I yell.
All three of us bolt behind a pillar, guns drawn. The tape lands with a thud on the floor. No bomb. I let out a breath at the same time that Miguel lets out a deep laugh.
“Well, look at that. You haven’t completely fizzled out like I heard.”
I walk out and pick up the tape, keeping my gun at the ready by my side. I know the tape is wiped, but I keep it just in case there’s something we can do with it. Anything.
“You can go,” Miguel says casually. “My men know not to shoot you.”
“How do you even have men? Weren’t they all killed?” I say back, just as casually, but there is an edge to my voice, a self-assuredness that lets him know I am baiting him where it hurts most.
His jaw tightens. “Because I’m smart. Now go. Because I won’t kill you, I’ll add it onto Lacey’s debt.”
Breathe, Sven. I’m gonna lose it. Fuck. “Lacey has no part in this.”
Recognizing my anger, Miguel smirks. He has the leg up now. “Oh, I think Lacey has everything to do with this. This game we’re playing here is like Jenga, isn’t it?”
He smirks and leans against the concrete pillar to his left.
“I think Lacey is the piece that makes the whole tower crumble. Have a nice day, fellas.”
He dips out the back. Without saying a word, I cock my head to the front.
“We’re leaving.”
And we do. I don’t say a word the entire way home, because he’s right. Very right. This situation is so fucked. Lacey wants to help take Miguel down, therefore making herself more vulnerable to him, but Miguel is smart enough to figure out that if Lacey gets taken again, Boss will lose it. He won’t be sane. Losing Lacey too, fuck, I won’t be sane. We’ll crumble. She and Rose changed everything, and now with Rose gone… we can’t lose Lacey.
There are so many things I should do first, but I’m just fucking hungry. And secretly, I want to see Lacey’s face. Make sure she’s alright. I can smell Lacey having a cooking/baking fest in the kitchen, so that kills two birds with one stone.
I walk in to see an array of pots, pans, food everywhere. What the hell is she doing? She’s on the other side of the kitchen, th
rowing spices on who knows what. I shake my head and head straight for the rolls.
“Sven. Sven, don’t touch that!”
She runs over and swats my hand away, going on and on about Thanksgiving and how she —we— will definitely be celebrating it. Who knows? I just want food and to see she’s still breathing. I didn’t intend to get into a philosophical debate about the holidays.
Will she be cooking? Yes. Okay, great, I’ll go. I’m lost in my thoughts about all this when a small hand touches my chest.
“Sit. I’ll feed you.”
I’m shoved back onto the barstool. Well, shit. She starts shuffling around the kitchen. I watch her. Momentarily, I was distracted, but my thoughts quickly drift back to this shit storm. Fuck, she’s in so much danger.
Again.
And she doesn’t understand the risk… or doesn’t care. Either way, she’s so damn stubborn.
“So Boss told me about your ultimatum.”
Lacey spins around so quiclky that the spatula flies up and whacks her in the face. She tenses and rubs her nose. I laugh, but it’s weak. The stupidity of that reminds me of Rose. My hand comes up and rubs my chest really quickly. Ooh, it hurts. God, I wish I’d stop missing her. I can’t let Lacey die, mentally or physically. Can’t have me and Boss feeling the way I do now. Might as well just light this empire up with a match myself.
“Wh… what do you mean?” She looks taken aback. We’re sort of friends, but I still scare her. I cock an eyebrow. Somehow, she’s still naive. I don’t understand how, but she still thinks things will work out. I used to believe that. I used to believe that if things don’t work, you make them. I’m not sure I feel that way anymore. I’m kind of a pussy now, but I don’t really give a damn. Besides, I’m not when it comes to my job. I feel my eyes darken and zero in on her.
“Do you know what you’re doing, Lacey?”
“Of course I do,” she mumbles, turning away from me as fast as she can. She starts scrambling up the eggs. An idea hits me like lightning. Lacey trusts the best she can, but even Boss she doesn’t trust completely. Why would she? Everyone’s let her down at one point or another. She has to see to believe. I stand suddenly, using my full height to crowd her space. She immediately cowers.
