by Bry Ann
“Sven,” she whispers, trying to quickly hide her shaking hands. “Sven, what are you doing?”
I take another step forward. She’s gonna fall apart. Boss better not come in here or I’m a dead man.
“Are you scared?” I ask, using the voice I use on jobs. Cold, detached. Nothing like the casual, confident tone she’s used to hearing from me.
“Y-you wouldn’t,” she stammers, trying to put more space between us. Her eyes squeeze shut. She’s gonna shut down. I’m not sure how far to drive this point home. I growl to myself. I need to drive it the fuck home. She needs to back off and let Boss do his job so she doesn’t get herself killed.
“Lacey has no part in this.”
“Oh, I think Lacey has everything to do with this. This game we’re playing here is like Jenga, isn’t it? I think Lacey is the piece that makes the whole tower crumble…”
Shaking my head to wipe the memory, I step forward again. “I asked you if you were scared?”
“I…”
Her eyes are still closed. Preemptively hating myself, I grab the spatula from the side of the stove, knowing she’ll think it’s a weapon. I run it down her arm. Immediately, Lacey drops to the floor and huddles up. I know she’s gone. Okay, point proven. I quickly drop to my haunches.
“Lacey, it’s alright.”
I grab her wrists and pull them away from her face. She needs to see me. See it’s just me, I’m not mad, and I absolutely will not hurt her. She’s shaking so hard by the time my hands make contact with hers that I can’t help but shake my head. The hell this girl’s endured.
“Lacey,” I tug hard at her wrists so she’s eye to eye with me. “I’m not gonna hurt you, alright? I’m just proving a point. If this is how you react to me half-heartedly trying to intimidate you, what are you going to do when Miguel finds out that you are the person giving Boss his information? That you are the reason he’s failing to take us down? Frankly, Lacey, I think you’re a pretty badass chick, but your weaknesses are too obvious to him.”
I get her to her feet, tell her to cut Boss some fucking slack, and scoop my eggs up before leaving the room. That’s done. Jesus, I still have to tell Boss what went down. I groan. He’s been a maniac lately, and I’m really not looking forward to telling him the tape is probably blank and Miguel definitely is planning to use Lacey as a weapon. I shoot him a text letting him know we need to talk. If I call him, we will be meeting ASAP. Maybe a text will give me time to shower, change, and shut my eyes for two minutes.
Hey, I want to work twenty hour days too. Miguel needs to end, and I’m the best man to do the job, but I’m tired as hell.
Luckily, or who the hell knows these days, Boss doesn’t text me back, so I do exactly as I said. I shower, change, and throw my sore as fuck body over the bed and crash. I’m out literally as soon as my body, fully clothed in a new suit, hits the mattress. At least I’ll be ready to go when I wake up, because when Boss sees my text, it’ll be another all-nighter.
I sleep like a fucking rock. No one is waking me. That’s my goal.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
“Sven, open up.”
I hear him in the back of my mind, but I’m too tired for it to register. I keep telling my body to move, but all my head is saying is it’s not real, it’s not real. SLEEP.
“Sven, I don’t want to start pounding. Not for this shit. But I’ll let myself in here if you don’t open the damn door in the next ten seconds.”
I groan. I’d know that impatience anywhere.
“Fine, fine.”
I stomp over and throw the door open.
“What?” I snap, before I get my eyes open enough to see his face. The second I do, my throat falls through my stomach.
“Boss.”
My eyes flicker around the room. I don’t want to see that look on his face anymore. Not ever again.
“Sven, let me in. We need to talk.”
Boss looks nervous. Fucking nervous.
“Of course,” I grumble, running my hand through my messy hair. I open the door and extend my arm. “Come in.”
He does. I walk to the bathroom and run gel through my hair. I don’t want to look like a piece of shit who can’t handle all nighters. When my eyes meet the mirror again, it’s not at all obvious I’ve been in a sleep coma.
I fight the urge to wring my hands together as I walk out, back straight. Power, or the illusion of it, is in body language.
“Yes?” I cock an eyebrow.
“Sven…”
Boss glances up at me. He has that same look on his face that doctors do when they have to tell a family member they didn’t survive surgery. Fuck, is he gonna…
I glance at his gun. I hesitate to reach for mine. I respect the guy, but my life over his. Always. I still have goals that have only been shoved aside, not forgotten about.
Boss follows my eyes. That gets a smirk out of him.
“I’m not here to kill you. Is there a reason I should?”
“No. Just being cautious.”
Bosses smirk drifts to a small smile.
“Good,” he mumbles. “Anyway, no, the reason I’m here…” He sighs. “Sven, you may want to take a seat.”
I shake my head and glare at him. “I don’t know who or what you think I am, but—”
“But nothing!” Boss snaps back to his gravelly tone. “We all have a weakness and this is about yours, Sven!”
Well, that gets my attention. Immediately. I plop my ass right down on the bed and stare at him.
“What about Rose?”
No sense lying to him. We both know what my weakness is.
“I need you to keep it together, Sven. With everything going on, I can’t afford for you to lose it right now.”
He pins me with a hard stare. My heart is hammering so hard, I know I’m making a promise I’m not sure I can keep.
“Yeah, I hear you.”
My voice is like air.
“Sven, Rose is alive. She survived the gunshot.”
The world spins on its axis as I stare at my boss, trying to process those words. Alive. Alive.
A laugh bursts out of me before I can stop it. It’s like I’m drugged.
“If it’s April Fools Day or something, since you and Lacey are on some holiday kick, this is not funny.”
“Sven, I’m not joking.”
I look in his eyes. They are stern and hard. Holy shit. I feel sick. I throw my hands on both sides of the mattress to brace myself.
“We have a guest,” Boss says carefully.
I go to talk, but it comes out more like a burst of air. A sound of complete disbelief.
“Sven,” Boss closes his eyes, runs his hand over his head, and opens them again. “She’s here. In the dining room with Lacey.”
I fly off the bed and storm down the hallway. No way in hell. Every door I come across, I slam. I hear Boss coming up behind me, but fuck him. She’s. Here. No. No way. My pulse only increases the closer I get to the dining room.
Then I’m in the doorway. Panicked crystal clear blue eyes meet mine. I think I’m in shock. She looks different, yet the same. She’s gained weight. Her skin is glowing. Her hair is shinier, but she looks a million times more insecure than I remember her.
Is this a ghost?
I keep staring, urging my mind to come to terms with this reality. Nothing seems to work. I’m not even blinking. Lacey moves beside Rose. It’s not until Rose starts retreating and is on the verge of tears that reality smacks me in the face. She’s not dead. She’s alive. I let my eyes roam up and down for a quick minute.
She got help.
She went to treatment herself. Took her own advice. There’s so much irony in this whole situation, my brain is spinning.
“Rose.” My voice holds no emotion. Nothing. I don’t… I can’t… “Come.”
She looks about as bad as I feel on the inside. Then again, Rose has always worn her emotions on her sleeve. Her eyes flicker with unshed tears. She looks terrified. I d
on’t have anything inside of me to comfort her with. Like old times, Rose looks to Lacey, who gives her a small nod. Lacey looks a little like she’s seen a ghost as well. If I know anything, which I do, Lacey’s waiting for Boss before she falls apart.
After several long breaths, Rose takes a tentative step forward. I cock my head to the side and walk down the hall. I can hear her footsteps behind me, so I don’t turn back to make sure she’s really here. Her silent choked sobs and gasps for air are other obvious indications that she is here… alive!
When I reach my room, I open the door and gesture for Rose to come inside the same way I did with Boss. She looks hesitant, absolutely terrified. If only she knew… Fuck! I run my hands through my hair when she looks to the floor. I know my hair’s sticking up everywhere now. I thought I’d be angry, pissed… something! But I don’t feel any of that. Damn it, she’s alive. This is all I’ve wanted.
Her.
Her presence. Calmness. Smell. Kindness. Heart.
I grab her wrist and yank her inside. I don’t even give her a second to breathe before I throw myself at her, planting my lips on hers, sending her flying back into the door. She gasps and frantically reaches out for something to steady herself. A low rumbling sound escapes my lips as I reach around and grab her arms, wrapping them around me. I kiss her like a starved man, running my hands along every inch of her new body.
“You’re alive,” I repeat over and over as I brush her skin with my fingers and kiss her lips ‘til they are bruised. I can’t stop. She’s still against me, but her fingers are digging into my skin like she’s just as shocked as I am by all this. She whimpers against my lips when my tongue slips into her mouth. Her hands wrap further around me of their own accord.
“Sven,” she sighs.
I reluctantly pull back and grab her face. Not gently, I full-on grab her face.
“You’re alive. How? How?”
I know the hurt is reflected in my eyes. Every mask I’ve ever built for myself crumbles in a second. She grabs the collar of my shirt, letting her fingers curl around the fabric. I move in to kiss her again. Instantly, she freezes. It’s like she remembered something and shouldn’t be here. One foot at a time, she steps back and takes a seat on the bed, pulling a pillow in front of her lap and wrapping her arms around herself.
I feel like the wires in my mind are crossed. One part of me is so overjoyed, so shocked that I want to coddle her, let her pull her away, let her do whatever the hell she wants. The other half of me is me. The man I know. Something’s the fuck wrong with her. Why the hell is she hiding? If she didn’t want to be here, this is Rose, she’d be fighting to walk out the door. I want to drag the feelings from her like I always have to with this girl.
Yep. That’s me and Rose.
I smirk, letting some of the boyish vulnerability and giddy joy slip away.
“Oh, Rose.” I step away and assess her. “Why are you hiding from me?”
The horror on her face tells me everything I need to know. Why is she always so fun?
Whoever’s up there, whoever reads the words every time I put paper to pen, pen to paper... I may just start to believe in.
Lacey
Rose followed Sven out of here like a wounded puppy.
“Do you think they’ll be okay?” I mumble. “I don’t think he would, but I mean… he wouldn’t…”
“Hurt her?” Adam almost laughs. “No. No way in hell.”
I let out a deep breath. “Okay, good. Just checking.”
“Now you’re protecting her,” he smirks. “I gave you two to the end of the year. I guess I could have given you five minutes.”
“Shut up, Adam,” I mumble.
“You don’t know how to stay mad.”
“Yes, I absolutely do!”
“That’s not an insult, babe. Harboring rage is not a good thing.”
“I guess.”
I use my knee to lift Rose higher on my hip.
“Here, I got her.”
Adam comes over and takes Rose from my arms so easily. Every time I see the two of them together, my heart melts.
“Daddy,” Rose mumbles and snuggles into his chest.
“Daddy!” I shriek. “Did she just say daddy?”
The smile that crosses his face is priceless. Pride. Extreme fatherly pride. I see his chest puff out a little, even though he’d deny it.
“Yes, little dove. She did.”
He pulls her in tighter. Her eyes are fluttering closed against him. He takes a moment to hold her and absorb this moment.
“I needed that,” he mumbles so quietly that I almost don’t hear him. It’s the first verbal confirmation that all this stress is weighing on him. I open my mouth, but I know there is no appropriate thing to say, so I stay quiet. I let him have a moment with his daughter. And he does. He rocks her, gently bouncing his knees up and down as he tucks his head into her hair and breathes. He looks so stressed. I wish I could help him. A lot of my anger has died since Sven’s not-so-subtle lesson in the kitchen. Yes, it was cruel, but it made me think. It made me see Adam’s side of things. Sven’s an asshole, he really is, but I think he has people’s best interests at heart most of the time. He just goes about things in the most annoying way possible.
“I have a surprise for you,” Adam says out of nowhere.
“A surprise? That’s really not necessary,” I say, stumbling over my words.
He smiles softly. “It’s not really a surprise, more like a fulfilled promise.”
All of a sudden, my eyebrows shoot up and my hands shake. My toes feel like tiny trampolines.
“Oh…” I smile from ear to ear. Some of the tension leaves his face as he smiles back.
“I think you know what it is already.”
He winks. I can’t even contain it.
“Rose! Angel, Daddy’s gonna read you a story tonight. I know you’re gonna love it. Ohhh, this is the best day ever!”
Rose’s tired eyes open to reflect my excitement. She starts to squeal and shimmy against Adam’s chest. Both of us chuckle.
“You literally transform from my strong, beautiful wife to a twelve year old girl the second I mention Harry Potter.”
“That’s because it’s magic!” I virtually shout to the entire house.
“Okay, shh, I got it,” Adam laughs. “This is one of those things that stays between you and me, ya know? My men won’t take me seriously if they know I’m reading Harry Potter to her and watching it with you.”
I run over and hug the both of them. “You’ve earned so many points with me,” I say quietly.
“I plan on cashing those in.”
I look up at him, surprised, only to find his eyes dancing with amusement and lust. Adam has been way more open about his, umm, need for me lately. I’m not sure how I feel about it. On one hand, it makes me feel vulnerable and anxious. On the other, it makes me feel beautiful and desired.
I like it, but I can never think of an appropriate comeback.
“Oh, okay, uh, I offered it,” I mumble.
He grins, eyes filled with mischief as he cocks his head. “Let’s go fill our daughter’s head with magic, shall we?”
“Yes!” I squeal, perking up.
I run beside him down the hall.
“You know, this is the greatest gift we could give her. Imagination. I wish I had a better one. Jamie does. He’s always making up random stories. Thinking the wind is aliens sending messages from other planets and yelling parents are just a cover for surprises they are hiding around the house. I want that for Rose. If I’d had a better…”
I don’t finish that sentence. I don’t have to. Adam reaches around and squeezes my hand.
“Sounds great. Hogwarts it is.”
“You remembered the school?!”
“We watched the first movie already,” he says, sounding almost confused.
“Yeah, but you were kind of distracted.”
My cheeks redden as he smiles.
“Told you, babe, I can do
two things at once.”
He taps my chin and turns into Rose’s room. I follow him in. The next half hour is one of the best of my life. I listen to my husband read our daughter stories about magical schools, wizards, witches, wands, crazy but kind half-giants… It feels like I’ve entered my own magical world as I listen to the two of them. There are no mafia men, no men out to kill me, no nightmares, fights, or arguments. By the time he’s done reading, Rose is sleeping soundly, my head is on his lap, and he’s brushing my hair back.
“Do I need to put you to bed, too?” He whispers, brushing my hair back one last time.
“No, I’m up.”
I slowly push myself up to a seated position. Once I get myself up, I link my fingers through his and lead him out the door, giving my daughter one last loving glance on the way out. Of course, the crazy dark brown hair I tried so hard to contain is frizzy and spread all over her pillow.
I wouldn’t have it any other way.
The second we are out of the room, Adam starts rambling on about how we need to give our daughter a nickname since Rose is back. We can’t call her angel or baby Rose forever. She’ll grow up one day. He’s right. He’s totally right. But I can’t focus on what he’s saying. I can’t focus on anything other than the love filling my heart.
I run straight into his arms mid-sentence. I can’t help it. I cut off whatever he’s saying by throwing myself at him and kissing him passionately. He quickly reaches out and catches me, gripping my sides, digging his fingers into my flesh.
“I love you,” I murmur against his lips. “Thank you. Thank you so much.”
“What was that for? Reading Harry Potter?” A choked laugh bursts out of him. “Hell, I’ll read it every night if it means you throw yourself at me like that again.”
“No. Maybe. I don’t know. That moment was everything I’ve ever wanted. I love seeing you like that, reading magical stories with our daughter curled into your side. My heart is beating so fast.”
