by Bry Ann
“Are you really that…” He shakes his head again. “Okay, if me kidnapping you and giving up my life’s plan wasn’t quite clear enough, let me show you something.”
I stand slowly. I can’t see this. “Really, it’s okay.”
“Sit,” he snaps, pinning me with a hard glare. I sit. He’s different, but he’s still himself. Mafia Underboss. I’ll get out of this. I did once already. I sure as hell didn’t run away, get treatment, enroll in college, and become a stupid waitress just to support the mafia lifestyle, to support men who do what my father did, again. No way in hell.
“Read,” Sven says, throwing a folder filled with an assortment of stray papers.
“What is this?”
“Read, Rose!”
I stare at him for a long time. I rarely see him look this way. He looks vulnerable. I’ve never seen him look this vulnerable before. And he looks young. Really young.
“Sven, what is this?” I ask softly.
“Answers.”
“What kind of answers?”
“How I live without you.”
“I…. Were you really a drunk?”
He grimaces, but slowly nods. “Yes.”
“Sven…”
“Don’t apologize. Read.”
He turns and braces a hand on the wall with his head down. Where’s my cocky, confident man? Not mine. Just… UGH! Every single time, he twists me inside out.
I grab the file of papers and pluck one out. It’s a bunch of papers and one small, ratty old journal. I’ll read that too. Later.
I unfold the paper.
Rose,
I’m in therapy. Isn’t that fucking ironic? You’d be thrilled, wouldn’t you? You always were kind of a bitch in that way, little Rose.
I bet you’re bored in heaven. No one to help up there. Everyone’s happy, and you’re not happy unless you’re helping other people. So I’d love to know how that’s working out.
You’d be crushed to see how much Lacey cares. It’s been a year, and all she does is train and look for ways to get justice for you. I should be doing it, but I… can’t. I can’t yet. It hurts. It hurts so fucking badly, I feel like someone is ripping my heart out constantly. Slowly. I have no clue how I got so attached to you so quickly, but you got me, little Rose. Congrats on that.
I guess it’s only fair. I took you from your life once. Now it’s your turn to take me from mine.
We always knew you’d have the final say.
- Sven
My mouth falls open.
“Sv...Sven…” I say shakily.
“Keep reading,” he says quietly, still looking at the wall.
“I don’t know if I can,” I whisper, tears streaming down my face. He can’t do this to me. He spins around, his eyes a mixture of hard anger and soft hurt.
“If you’re gonna leave me again then you have to at least own up to how you feel, Rose! Then you choose! I won’t let you fucking run away from how you feel. Run away from me, fine. I’ve been doing it for a year. But you have to run knowing full fucking well that you love me.”
“I can’t,” I sob. “Sven, this life… my dad…”
It all floods back. I shudder. I can tell he wants to come to me, but he knows I’ll push him away.
“And I’m not the same. I was pretty hot before, but now…” I look down, ashamed. My body should have gained weight… better.
Sven growls and stomps over. His footsteps echo around the room. I don’t have it in me to get away. He grabs my shoulders and stares at me.
“I don’t know how else to get through to you. I didn’t fall in love with you because your body was shaped a certain fucking way. But since we’re on the topic, I’ll say this: I think you look hot as hell, and I’m definitely gonna get off thinking about you tonight. You look sexy as fuck. Remember me slamming you against the door and kissing the hell out of you?” My cheeks flush. “Yeah, I don’t do that to women I find unattractive, Rose.”
He stares at me, seeing if I understand. When he sees my eyes dart around frantically, he nods.
“I’m getting somewhere. Finally,” he rolls his eyes and mumbles before turning away from me. “Keep reading.”
Since he made me feel beautiful for the first time in over a year, I grab the next piece of paper and open it up.
Rose,
I never got to tell you this. Not in person. Bet I never would have, either. Every day, I regret taking you. Mostly because I took the one thing you ever cared about from you. I’m a selfish fuck. What can I say?
I gave the treatment center back to Kristy and all them. No cost. It’s too late now, but… at least it’s being run how you’d want it to be. That was your home, after all.
You cared about me. Even when you didn’t want to admit it. I’ve never had that, Rose. Not for real. When you gave yourself to me, that was the fucking happiest I’ve ever been. You were just starting to plan your future, thinking that I already had one. I didn’t. This life. I love it. It gave me something when I had nothing, but I’d only ever started thinking about a future when I met you.
I suck at love. But fucking hell, I know I love you. I’m just a bossy fucking asshole.
Now you’re gone.
I hate you for that.
You left me alone.
… But I would go to the ends of the earth to find you again if it meant I could bring you back. If it meant finding a way to make up to you all the trouble I caused. If it meant seeing you in college, helping all your girls. Seeing those crystal blue eyes light up. Feeling your body under mine. Feeling you shake with need as I held you.
I won’t get to see you in heaven. Maybe that’s the worst part. I have to be without you on Earth, but even in death, we will be apart. Because I never deserved you. You can fool life, but never death.
- Sven
“What are you doing to me?” I cry, as tears stream down my face. I hold up the letter before my arm flops down like it’s too heavy to carry. “You write so well. You gave Fallen Ridge back. You…”
“Actually love you. Yep. You’re starting to get it.”
“No, no, no…” I slide off the bed to the floor. “I can’t… oh my god…” I suck in a deep breath. “I…”
“This is comforting,” Sven grumbles.
He walks over and sits on the floor with me. He grabs my hand and begins tracing the lines along my palm.
“You’re overwhelmed. This has been a lot.”
I nod enthusiastically.
“Let’s meet up with Boss and Lacey, see what they’re doing. Alright?”
He lifts me to my feet. I look down and smile.
“You’re in therapy?” I ask.
“I was wondering when you were going to ask.”
“Like therapy, therapy? Like Dr. Rollins therapy?”
His lip twitches at that. “Well there’s a flashback, but yeah, Dr. Rollins therapy. Except this one’s a woman.”
I step back, wide-eyed.
“You’re in therapy with a woman.”
He snorts. “Yeah, she’s not bad.”
“Not bad?”
He shrugs this time. “She’s… I’ll admit she’s helped me get some of my shit straight.”
I’m gonna explode. This is some kind of twilight zone.
“Your shit straight?”
He steps forward and traces my sides. “Quit repeating me.”
“I just… I…”
He cuts me off by slapping my ass. Very Sven. I squeal and pull away.
“Jerk,” I mumble, crossing my arms over my chest.
“Quit insulting me. I wrote you such sweet letters.”
I turn to him, mouth agape. Really? His eyes are dancing with amusement and pure joy. I don’t think anyone ever has been this happy to see me.
“Care to share how you’re still alive? And while you’re at it, care to share how you’ve managed to avoid detection? You got a lot of criminals after you for one small girl.”
I snort before I can stop it. �
�Or not so small.”
The amusement dies from Sven’s face. “Stop that, Rose. I’m not good at compliments, but Jesus, you haven’t even gained that much weight. All I’ve noticed is that you have shiny hair, your skin is all glowy and you know…” He smirks. “Your ass looks pretty awesome. You got boobs, too. I noticed that.”
I blush. I actually turn bright red. He notices, which only makes his smirk deepen.
“You wanted to know how I’m alive, right?” I say quietly.
“Yeah, little Rose. I do.”
“Okay.”
I take a seat on the bed and instinctively reach for the pillow. He doesn’t pull it away this time, but I can see that he wants to. This story is hard enough, and I think he knows that.
Then I spill. All of it. Kev, the shot, me calling 911, telling the EMTs how I was in trouble, being a waitress, going to college. That part hurts. That was our plan. Before… I shake my head. It happened. I can’t take any of it back.
“I was broken, Sven. My father. My own father. I still don’t even know why. Not really…”
A tear slips down my cheek. Sven pounces. He pulls me against him. Something about the way he does it, the way his fingers wrap around my shivering body, reminds me of the time I tried to give him a blow job and I just stared. Oh god… A laugh bursts out of me at the memory. Sven pulls away and looks at me.
“What?”
My lip twitches even though my eyes are blurry with tears. “Remember when I… Oh gosh,” I cover my face and keep laughing. “Remember when I was going to get you off and I blanked out or tranced out or…”
I keep laughing. It’s so funny. I don’t know. I think I’m just feeling something. Something other than numb, empty, or alone.
Sven tilts my face to meet his. He looks smug. “You missed me.”
“I…”
“Missed you, Sven,” he says, in a mock high-pitched voice. I roll my eyes.
“You have your perks.”
“Sure do,” he winks.
“Are you twelve? Literally. You’ve turned twelve.”
He laughs for a moment, then walks up, almost solemn. “I really missed you,” he whispers. “Since I wrote this in the letter, but never said it to you in person... Here it is. I’ll lay it out. I’m sorry I kidnapped you, Rose. I’m so fucking sorry. Every day for the past year, probably more, I have gone over it in my head. That’s not shit I do. Not really. I regret forcing you into this life. A life that led to you getting shot.”
He looks like he could cry. That cuts me. I suck in a breath like a dying woman.
“I love you, Rose. I really, really love you. You’re not just an obsession to me.” He tilts his head to the side a couple of times. “Though I admit that I am unhealthily obsessed with you. But you know I’m crazy.”
Sure do.
“I’m gonna make a promise to you, Rose. I promise, I swear to you, I’m gonna find out why. Why the man who raised you and took care of you... why he shot you. I’ll find out. I swear it. I’ll get real answers, and when I do, whatever justice you feel is appropriate is what I’ll do. I’ll handle this. Stop running,” he whispers, kissing my tear-soaked face, “I’ll handle it. So face this head on with me.”
“Sven…”
I lean into his shoulder and cry, digging my nails into his skin.
“One last question, then I’ll be done, I swear. I know you’re on the verge of a mental breakdown.”
I choke on my laughter, I’m crying so hard. Such twisted feelings. Damn him. Always him.
“Alright, what is it?”
“You kept saying ‘she’ took care of you at the hospital, ‘she’ drove you, ‘she’ moved with you... Who the hell is ‘she’?”
I jerk away from him immediately, throwing my hands through my hair. “Motherfucking shit!”
Sven raises his eyebrows. “Woah, everything okay?”
“Fuck!” I run for the door. Sven quickly blocks it.
“What’s going on?”
“So help me God, let me out! Maria—”
“Wait, that Latin chick you worked with?”
“Good memory,” I mumble, squirming past him, “She’s out in the car! Still. In the parking lot of a mafia house or whatever this is. I just left her there!”
I run out, finally squirming the last bit past him. I run as quickly as my legs will carry me. I hear Sven behind me, but I left the girl who has never in her life even met a pickpocket in this parking lot all alone. I’m a complete bitch. She left everything for me. She’s either having a panic attack or fucking one of the guards by now. You never know with Maria. That girl is nuts.
“Oh yeah, me and Rose are tight. Don’t worry about me. Speaking of worry, she still alive?” I hear a familiar, smokey Latin voice casually ask.
Jesus, Maria! Is she in the house?!
I come to a halt in the doorway. Sure enough, there’s Maria in her little purple dress and stilletos looking comfortable as can be.
“Oh good, you’re okay. I was worried.”
I stare at her, open-mouthed. The Boss looks ready to rip his hair out. Lacey’s not there. Don’t know where she is. I’m ready to have a full-on meltdown between Sven, his letter, his words, him, and Maria. Alone. With. The. Boss.
When I don’t respond and just stare awkwardly between the two of them, Maria elbows Boss in the arm, earning a hard glare from him.
“I have one friend already. See? No reason to look so worried.”
Panicked, I look over at the Boss. He’s fighting for control, but he hasn’t made a move to kill her, so that’s good. Right? Right?! Oh god. If something happens to her…
“Ah, no!” I leap out of my skin when a warm hand curls around my shoulder.
“It’s me. It’s just me Rose,” Sven says in a smoothing tone. When he’s scanned me up and down, ensuring I’m okay, he turns to Boss and Maria. A smirk plays on his lips.
“Good to see you, Maria.”
“Hey, Sven. You better not be giving my girl trouble.” Maria places a hand on her hips for emphasis.
“Wouldn’t dream of it.”
“Well, now that I know this is not a life-or-death situation, I’m going back to bed,” Boss mumbles.
He looks pissed. I’m guessing he got a call to approve an unknown guest, because Maria probably raised hell out front saying she was with me. Gosh, I hope she didn’t interrupt anything important he was doing. This is so awkward. I’m already on his bad side. Just great.
Maria turns to me.
“So, babe, we staying or going?”
I look at the floor as I feel Sven’s fingers tighten around my shoulder.
“Staying,” I whisper. “For now.”
Lacey
“Your husband’s gonna kill me, Lacey.”
I shake my head and smile. “He’d kill your friend first.”
“Not funny!” Rose grumbles. I can tell it’s an actual concern of hers though. Adam wouldn’t. He wouldn’t dare. Not as long as I’m living here, anyway.
“She’s a little...” I glance at the door to make sure she’s really in the shower. “She’s a little crazy.”
Rose drops the clothes she’s folding and looks at me. “She’s completely insane. She’s loud and reckless and doesn’t care what anyone thinks of her, but Lacey, she’s the most loyal person I’ve ever met.”
I pause, holding the shirt between my fingers. “Well, there’s nothing more to say, then.”
Rose nods, looking grateful. “If she has to leave, I do, too.”
“I understand. Rose, when can we tell Nix and Kev? It’s really not fair that I know and they don’t. Kev’s really struggling. The only thing keeping him together is this girl, Lea. Nix, well, I’m pissed at him, but we didn’t speak for a year after you ‘died’. He shut us all out. You continuing to let them hurt is wrong.”
“But—”
“No, Rose. It’s not fair to me, either. I can’t know you’re alive and continue to let them hurt. In their own ways, they’ve
each been there for me at one point or another.”
Rose’s eyes drop to the ground.
“You’re still mad at me.”
“Well, I mean, I forgive you, but I still don’t fully understand. You don’t need to explain it to me. We all have our secrets, but please don’t ask me to keep this from Nix and Kev. Please, Rose.”
A large exhale of breath fills the room before Rose is able to look at me again. “Give me a few days, but it’s the least I can do.”
“Okay.” I smile up at her. “Missed you.”
I’ve been so lonely without her. Having her here, just folding clothes, means so much to me. I can’t even begin to express what’s it like to have female companionship.
“I missed you too, Lace. So much.”
Both of us jump slightly when we hear the water shut off.
“Oh shit, speaking of Maria... Lacey, can you watch her today?”
“What? What, like babysit her? I can’t. I have boxing. Then I have to get Rose from Mirial. My daughter,” I add wryly. “Obviously not you.”
Rose laughs. “I know. This is a bit confusing. Me living kind of made everything complicated. Anyway, I’ll be done by the time you finish boxing. Can you take her to boxing with you? I’ll make sure she’s good. I just… I don’t feel comfortable leaving her alone in this house.”
“This place is safe for her; I’ve made sure of it. Perks of being married to the boss, I guess.”
My lips curl up a bit.
“First, it’s weird that you still can’t address your husband by his name outside of the bedroom. Really freaking weird. Two, I’m not really scared someone will kill her, I’m scared she’s gonna sleep with half of them.”
“Probably.”
Both of us jump to see Maria standing there with nothing but a towel wrapped around her curvy frame. Maria really is stunning with her tan skin, deep brown eyes, and beautiful body.
I’m mortified that she heard that, but Rose apparently isn’t. Rose smirks and looks at her with raised eyebrows.
“You better not be offended, because you so would. You need a babysitter.”
“Oh I totally would,” Maria says with a wave of her hand, like these men aren’t in the least bit a threat to her. “But I don’t need a babysitter.”
