The Object of His Desire

by S. R. Watson

  I let this guy pull me into his embrace and we both get lost in the music. His cologne is intoxicating—a fresh blend of sweet spice and woods. I roll my head to the side as he begins to nibble on my neck.

  A moan slips past my lips on purpose. That gets Landon’s attention. I pretend that I haven’t noticed him freeze in the middle of the make shift dance floor. The guy whose, name I didn’t bother getting, is inches from my lips when he is yanked away from me.

  “What the fuck dude?” Blondie questions in annoyance. Landon tries to ignore him—instead turning on me.

  “What the fuck kind of game are you playing Heaven?” Landon is livid. His fists are clenched at his sides.

  “Same game you are Landon,” I hiss. Blondie reaches for my arm and pulls me to him. He wants to continue what I started. Wrong move. He never saw Landon’s fist coming. He is on his ass in a nanosecond. Landon gets in a few more punches before Gavin and some unknown guys are pulling him away. Giselle looks on, confused. Blondie’s friends haul him out, telling him to just leave it. Apparently they don’t want to see him get his ass kicked.“What. The. Fuck. Is. Going. On?” She punctuates. “Thor, you have some fucking explaining to do. Why are you calling her Heaven? Why are you so pissed at that guy?” Landon doesn’t look at her. Instead he grabs me by the arm and pulls me into the kitchen. I think our act is up.

  “What was that? What are you trying to do to me?” The sadness in his eyes tugs at my heart, but then I remember his hands on Giselle’s ass.

  “Your hands were on her ass. You’re still fucking her,” I spit. Before he can respond, Giselle bursts into the kitchen. She marches right over to me and yanks my fucking hair.

  “Tell me right now Thor. Are you fucking this bitch?” I struggle to get free, but she has a good grip. Landon joins my efforts until he has peeled her hand free.

  “Stop Giselle. Please just stop!” She lets her hands fall in defeat and then the fountain of tears starts.

  “What’s going on? Tell me the truth Thor,” she cries. Now we have an audience. He looks torn. He grabs her hand and leads her through the crowd.

  “Let’s talk at home,” he says as they leave. I’m left standing there—wondering if I was supposed to follow them. Fuck that. Once again, her feelings are put before mine. Peyton has missed the whole thing. The party goers all look at me like I’ve grown another head. The whispers begin and I know that I have to get the hell out of here. The question is where in the heck can I go? All this drama is somewhat sobering, but I still stumble slightly as I make my way to the front door. I can’t wait for Peyton. I have to get away from all the scrutinizing stares. The problem is I don’t have a dime on me and I can’t find my fucking phone. My first thought is to take shelter at the sorority house, but then I remember it is Giselle’s sorority house too.

  I don’t want to go there without Peyton. I take off my pumps and prepare for the walk ahead of me. I don’t know where I’m going so I just keep walking. I end up at the bleachers of the football field. As I take a seat, I let the tears that I’ve been so desperately holding back, fall. I find myself at a new low. I don’t even want to think about Landon back at home consoling Giselle. Will he tell her the truth about us or come up with some clever excuse for his behavior. Funny how it was okay for him to dirty dance with her, but he flies off the handle the minute another man puts his hands on me. Asshole. I should have never given him the leeway of waiting to tell Giselle. In hindsight, it should have been ‘this is the way it is’ and deal with the damn fall out. I curl up on one of the bleachers and cry my heart out.

  I wake to Gavin hovering over me on his phone. “I found her. She’s here at the school, sleeping on the bleachers.” He looks down at me with pity in his eyes as he takes in my disheveled state. “I don’t know. I’ll take her to my place.” I can’t make out the other side of the conversation clearly, but I can hear Landon screaming into the phone. Gavin ends the call and shakes his head. He reaches for me, but I pull away. I don’t want his sympathy.

  “Come on Nevaeh. Don’t fight with me. I told Thor I would bring you to my place,” he pleads.

  “Well you lied,” I spit. I know I have no reason to be angry with him. I’m fuming at the situation. The sobering daylight doesn’t ease the hurt from last night. I feel like I’m free falling, only there is no one here to catch me. I allowed him to become my whole world again, only to be broken down past the point of trying to get up. I was wrong to expect him to choose. What’s done is done. Giselle is his future and the sooner I come to terms with that the better. Coming here was a mistake. I need to start there.

  “Please let me help you Nevaeh,” Gavin tries again.

  “Look, I’m sorry Gavin. None of this is your fault.” I look him in the eye for the first time and I hate the pity I see there. “There is one thing you can do. Take me to the bank please. I’m leaving.” He nods in understanding so I follow him to his truck. I love Peyton, but I can’t risk her trying to talk me out of leaving. I’ll send for my stuff later, I just need to get as far from the source of my pain as I can. We pull up to Bank of America and I slide my heels on before going inside to empty my account. I have my identification, but not my debit card, hence the need for the withdrawal.

  I’m not going back to the house to get it. The teller is giving me shit about a second form of identification when Landon appears behind me. That fucking Gavin ratted me out. “She won’t be needing that withdrawal after all,” he tells the teller bitch.

  “Like hell, I disagree. Get your manager please.” The lady signals someone and the manager comes over. The grey-haired lady reiterates that it is their policy put in place to protect me . . . yada yada yada. The lady returns my I.D. and Landon pulls me by the hand—trying desperately not to make a scene. Once we’re outside I snatch my hand away from him. I go around to the driver’s side of Gavin’s truck.

  “Let me see your phone.” I’m so pissed at him for calling Landon and telling him where I was.

  “Why?” He asks suspiciously.

  “I’m going to call Peyton and tell her to come and get me. I’m going to get as much shit as I can pack into one suitcase, get my debt card and get the fuck out of Florida.” I hold my hand out, but he refuses to give me his phone. Landon tackles me from behind and puts me over his shoulder. Peyton’s car comes into view and for a second I wonder if she is here. I kick and scream for him to put me down, but he continues on to the car like he is carrying air. People around us look at the spectacle I’m making, but they keep moving.

  Landon open’s the car door and put me in the passenger seat. He buckles me in and I let him. Fine, he can take me home. As soon as I get there, I’m getting my shit and then I’m out. I guess he knew better than to pick me up in Giselle’s Escalade. The silence is thick in the car as he pulls off, but not for long.

  “You had me worried sick Nevaeh. Poor Peyton was beside herself. I let her know that you’re safe.” I sit with my arms folded across my chest. I’m sorry to hear I worried Peyton, but that is the extent of my guilt. “I was so pissed that you put me in that situation, I was in a jealous rage, but it opened my eyes to how you must have been feeling since Giselle came home.” I look out of the window and see that we’re going in the opposite direction of our apartment. Well his apartment because as far as I’m concerned, I no longer live there.

  “Where are you taking me Thor?” I snarl. He knows I call him Thor when I’m pissed with him.

  “We’re going to Gavin’s place where we can talk.” He chances a glance at me, but I just stare at his reflection in the glass. I won’t look at him.

  “Oh you want to talk now after you’ve soothed things over with your girlfriend. Fuck you Thor. I’m done being second to anyone,” I huff. The rest of the ride is silent. I have rendered him speechless.

  We arrive at some apartments that are more common in appearance than the extravagancy our old place. Thor gets out and comes around to open my door. I get out on my own so he doesn’t have to touch me
. I’ll let him get out whatever he feels he needs to say. I’m so over the bullshit. He leads the way, but he doesn’t touch me. When we get inside of Gavin’s place, I look around. It’s definitely missing a woman’s touch. It’s clean, but it looks like your typical bachelor pad. Big screen television, gaming systems, and minimal decor.

  “Gavin won’t be back until later so we can talk in peace,” Thor says interrupting my inspection of his friend’s place. “I’ll start. I took things too far with Giselle last night—I admit that. She started missing me in bed at night and I lied about not being able to sleep. I knew she would be watching me from that point on so I had to stop sneaking to your room. She began getting suspicious because I wouldn’t touch her. She assumed it was because I was afraid of injuring her or the baby if we had sex so I let her think that.” I turn and give him the ‘do I fucking look stupid?’ look.

  “Really Thor?” Sarcasm drips from my tone.

  “I’m telling you the truth. I haven’t had sex with her since she came home. The occasional kiss I let her get away with in front of you, tore my fucking heart out every time. I struggled with what was right and hurting you. I began to stay away to avoid the situation all together—knowing she would be asleep by the time I came home. I only had my hand on her ass at the party to try to tamper down her suspicions. I was wrong.”

  “Did you promise to fuck her later when you whispered in her ear? Was that to tamper down her suspicions too?” My lips quiver as these stupid ass tears threaten to break again. Thor reaches for me, but pulls back at the last minute.

  “No baby. I told her to behave. I dodged her kiss and told her that she knew my feelings on PDA.” He runs his hand through his hair that has grown out some.

  “Since when?” I retort.

  “You’re the only woman I have freely shown my affection to in public, Heaven. You own me and you can’t even see it.” He enters my personal space, but keeps his hands to himself.

  “If I owned you Thor, we wouldn’t be here, in this realm of reality. You choose her feelings over mine time and time again.” I look away as the tears finally break free. He can no longer keep his hands to himself. He gently grabs my face and turns me toward him before wiping away my tears with his thumb.

  “I’m only human sweetheart. I’ve made countless mistakes here—unsure how to be the man my mother raised and the man you need. I know one thing is for certain, I’m not willing to lose you. I broke up with Giselle last night after the party.” My heart skips a beat at this discovery, but I can’t make things this simple for him. I can’t risk him setting me up again for disappointment.

  “I’m afraid that decision is not up to you Thor. You’ve completely broken me. I gave myself to you in every way imaginable and you threw me to the side the minute your girlfriend came home pregnant. I was dispensable to you. My feelings, needs, and wants came second while you decided what the best way to ease the suffering of Giselle was. I won’t forget that.” The tears fall harder. Thor drops his head in shame. What he does next tears my fucking heart out. He drops to his knees in front of me and grips my hips. He bends his head against my stomach. I can feel his body shake against mine. Oh. My. God. I’ve never seen this man cry and here he is laying himself bare to me. I’m speechless. My heart aches for bringing him to this point. Guilt slams into me and again I’m reminded of my part in this—what I’m still hiding. He looks up at me while fresh tears escape down his reddened cheeks.

  “Punish me Heaven. Do whatever you need to, but please don’t leave me. My heart won’t take that a second time. You were never second in my heart. You have to know that.” Hearing that he wants me to punish him shatters the rest of my heart.

  “Landon, please get up.” He doesn’t budge so I tug on his shirt until he stands. The man that stands before me is broken. He is a shell of the boy that I did this to that day in the high school parking lot. I feel like such a bitch for reducing him to this. “Why do you even want me? You could make a family with Giselle and be happy.”

  “DON’T YOU GET IT yet Heaven? You are my world. I need you like I need air to breathe. Before you came back in my life, I was simply existing—going through the motions of moving forward with my life. I poured myself into football because that was the only thing that made me truly happy.” His words are melting my heart and I can feel my guard lowering with the pass of each second. His honey colored eyes touches my soul with the sincerity in their depths.

  “What does Giselle think of this? How do I know you won’t run back to her out of guilt when the baby comes?” I have no problem with him being a father to his child, but I won’t be part of the manipulation. I have to protect my heart. I have to be open about my fear.

  “Last night I assumed you went back to the dorm with Peyton after we left until she came strolling in a little after midnight without you. Up to that point, I hadn’t told Giselle everything—only that we fooled around while she was gone. She was hurt and angry, but said we would get past it. She said we had to for our unborn child’s sake. Peyton made some phone calls and someone told her you had been seen leaving the party walking bare feet. I fucking completely lost it. I had to find you. I cursed myself for leaving you alone intoxicated. What if some asshole found you and tried to take advantage of you?” He runs this hands through his hair now as he recalls the fear that held him captive. He grabs my hand as though he needs the confirmation that I’m okay.

  “What if you were picked up by some psycho? I would never forgive myself. I called everyone I knew to help look for you plus campus security. I didn’t care that it was in the middle of the night or morning. Each growing second that resulted in no report of you being found made me sick to my stomach,” he continues. He raises my hand to his lips and kisses my palm. I don’t pull away. I already know that he’s managed to slip past my defenses that I tried to put up. “I had to get out of that apartment Heaven. I had to find you. Giselle began to harass me for being so distraught—she asked who was more important? I finally snapped. I told her every fucking thing. All of it. Our past as well as the sex we had while she was gone to the sex we had when I left her in the bed at night. I fucking ripped her heart out and then left to find you. I feel like a total shit, but I realized that this moment was inevitable. Somebody was going to get burned. In this case, I think we all did. Please tell me baby that I’m not too late. I need to hear that you still love me.”

  This man has just poured his heart out to me more than he ever has. I am stepping off this ledge of security where my heart lies in shambles. I hope my decision is not a mistake.

  I know the path before us will not be an easy one. I don’t expect Giselle to roll over and let things be. She was determined and manipulative before, but now she’s carrying his unborn child. I anticipate that she is going to fight to get him back. She is probably destroying my shit as we speak. For now though, I can bring some comfort to this man who has opened his heart to me. I grab his other hand and stand on my tip toes. He leans down to meet me and I kiss him with all the love I can convey. He picks me up and I gladly wrap my legs around his waist. He walks us to the bedroom and closes the door.

  “I need you Heaven,” he begs. He pulls my shirt over my head and stares for a moment at my black lacy bra. His dexterous fingers unsnap the clasp, but his beautiful eyes never leave mine. This moment is different. It’s a silent promise where words are not needed. I capture his sexy lips again and he deepens the kiss. I can feel the hardening of his cock through our jeans. I use my free hands to unbutton him before sliding down. I pull his jeans and boxers down together as one. His gorgeous cock jumps out at me and I lick my lips. It twitches with anticipation. I barely have his thickness in my grasp before a bead of precome comes out to greet me.

  I swirl my tongue around the head and earn a hiss from him. I apply light suction to the tip and his hands find my hair of their own accord. I want this to be the best blow job ever. I begin to stroke his cock with one hand and massage his balls with other—all while maintaining
the suction I have on the head. His hips thrust forward as he guides my head back and forth. He is fucking my mouth, unrestrained and out of control. I love unleashing this side of him. He groans and his pace picks up. I know he is close so I take him deeper. “Shit,” he curses as his hips piston toward his release. I add a humming sound that I’ve heard about during girl talk and he fucking explodes into back of my throat. He screams my name as he does and I feel triumphant. If that doesn’t say I forgive you, I don’t know what will.

  He pulls me up as he works to gain his composure. “That was uh . . .” he shakes his head and grins. “There are no words to describe that baby. Let’s see if I can top that.” He makes quick work of getting me out of my jeans and panties. He throws me on the bed—his signature move and flips me on my stomach. “Ass up love.” I quickly oblige.

  His flat tongue licks my slit from behind and I can’t help but squirm. He slaps my ass for me to be still.