by Anna Antonia
Instead, Victoria kept mentally replaying the image of Rose McKinnon’s mouth pursing in distaste. It seemed like a portent for disaster but she couldn’t understand why.
Victoria shook her head. She wouldn’t dwell on the fact that neither of the other women asked her questions about Adrian or her relationship with him. She wouldn’t allow herself to wonder if they were respecting her privacy or if the lack of questions meant they didn’t really approve.
Everything was fine. How could it not be? She was graduating tomorrow. All her years of hard work, sleepless nights, and sacrifices were going to be coming to an end. Victoria’s real life was about to begin and Adrian was going to be a part of it.
***
Adrian stood up and clapped when Victoria walked across the stage. He barely held any attachment to his own graduation but hers was different. Adrian burst with pride, especially knowing how hard she’d worked to earn her degree. When the ceremony was over, Victoria made a beeline straight towards him. Adrian picked her up and rained kisses all over her flushed face.
“You did it, kitten!”
She laughed and wrapped her arms around his neck. “I know! I can barely believe it!”
Adrian set her down and wrapped his arm around her waist. Victoria’s stepmother smiled and took several pictures of them, even one when she kissed him on the cheek. He then let her go so he could play cameraman. Victoria’s smile never dimmed even while Adrian took dozens of pictures with her and her little family.
It was different from his experience. Both of Adrian’s parents had come to his graduation, but there were no giddy displays of pride and happiness. There’d been one obligatory picture and dinner at the club, but then nothing.
Adrian never knew he’d been missing something until today.
Victoria’s stepmother had to take the twins to find a restroom just as several of Victoria’s classmates swooped in and took her away for even more pictures. Adrian was so focused on watching her that he almost didn’t hear Mrs. McKinnon’s words.
“I take it you’re making plans to marry our Victoria.”
Adrian froze. He kept his expression friendly and open but his mind whirled like a dervish. He hadn’t expected Victoria’s step-grandmother to say something so personal. It never dawned on him and Adrian didn’t care for the unprepared position.
“I care very much for Victoria, Mrs. McKinnon.”
“Yes, you do care. You care enough to have kept her in your home for going on half a year. That should be plenty of time to know whether or not you feel she suits you.”
“She suits me very well, Mrs. James.”
“Well enough to put a ring on her finger?”
Adrian found himself at a rare loss of words. He cleared his throat. Although he kept his tone respectful, steel lightly scored each syllable. “Please excuse me, Mrs. McKinnon, but that is between Victoria and me.”
“Hmph.” She fixed a bright blue eye on him. “You know her daddy’s dead, but let me tell you something. I knew the man well. There’d be no way he’d stand for you playing house with his daughter. That girl deserves to have a man who isn’t afraid to make it right in front of the church. If you’re not him then don’t waste her time.”
Adrian saw Victoria’s stepmother approaching. He hoped it wasn’t reinforcements for this particular conversation. “I appreciate your candor, Mrs. McKinnon.”
“I bet you do. Here’s some more candor. She expects it. Her family expects it. Our patience is coming to an end.”
Mrs. Montford joined them with her twins on either side of her. Although they’d been chattering nonstop, they’d suddenly quieted when in front of him. They looked up shyly at Adrian with eyes as dark as their older sister. It instantly made him wonder if his children with Victoria would also have her eyes.
A pit in Adrian’s stomach tightened as caution finally ground him to a halt.
Children? This is going too fast. Much too fast.
Victoria crashed into his side with a gleeful smile on her beautiful face. “Are you ready?”
“No.” At her frown, he shook his head and pasted on a smile. It felt heavy, false, especially while he burned beneath the disapproving glare of her step-grandmother. “I’m sorry, kitten. Ready for what?”
Adrian could’ve kicked himself when her grin dimmed. Guilt made for a poor companion when all he should’ve been feeling was joy and pride in the immense accomplishment Victoria had achieved today.
After years of working two jobs, struggling and sacrifice, she’d earned her degree. Nothing could come in the way of that. Not his fear. Not her relative’s disapproval. Nothing.
I’m not going to lose her. Victoria would never leave me. We feel the same way about each other. I know we do.
Adrian held her close to him with one arm around her waist and kissed her warm cheek. “Ready for what?” he prompted.
“Ready for dinner?”
“Of course, I am. We can go whenever you’re ready, Victoria.”
The happiness in her gaze returned tenfold. “I’m ready now.”
Adrian escorted all the ladies to his limousine, smiling indulgently at the excitement of Victoria’s little sisters when they entered. He’d made sure the bar was stocked with water and juice boxes for them as well as the champagne for the grownups.
Unfortunately, he wasn’t surprised when Mrs. McKinnon passed on the champagne and took water instead.
Dinner was an elegant affair and every detail he’d planned had gone off without a hitch. Victoria had loved her roses and her sisters had worn their little corsages all throughout dinner.
Mrs. Montford had appreciated her flower arrangement while Mrs. McKinnon had given him a polite “Thank you” and simply set her flowers aside and didn’t look at them again except to carry them out of the restaurant.
Victoria didn’t seem to notice the elderly woman’s disapproval but Adrian noticed it all too well. He didn’t like it. He didn’t like the threat it represented to his relationship.
After they dropped off Victoria’s family at their suite and arrived home, Victoria hugged him as hard as she could.
“Thank you so much for today. It was perfect.”
Perfect. The word lashed at him because Adrian now knew it wasn’t perfect. Not anymore.
Seemingly unaware of the turmoil raging inside his calm exterior, Victoria slept peacefully against his chest later that night. He stroked his hand down her silky back, marveling once again at how perfectly she fit against his side.
How perfectly she fit in his life.
Adrian always assumed life had to be boring for those men who rushed home right after work, but now he understood. He hadn’t felt a hint of confinement during all their months together. He loved coming home to Victoria every night. When he had to leave her for a business meeting, it was all he could do to wrap things up as fast as possible.
Looking back on his past relationships, Adrian always sensed the clock ticking. No matter how charming, how much fun they had jetting around the world, the sound ticked away relentlessly.
Adrian never wanted to be tied down. He’d always needed his freedom, regardless of what capacity it came in.
Adrian had fought to be free of his inherited privilege. He’d demanded freedom from the old structures of wealth and embraced technological equalizers. Adrian hadn’t allowed himself to be tied down to one woman until now.
It would be logical that Victoria was obviously the one woman he hadn’t even known he’d been waiting for all this time. So why did he hear his internal clock ticking when he hadn’t for so long?
Time was running out. He had to stop it. He had to figure out what to do to keep Victoria. The thought of her leaving…
Sickness rose. He couldn’t draw in a proper breath. Adrian kissed the top of her head. She snuggled closer to him and he closed his eyes in pain.
Victoria deserved the best life had to offer. She didn’t deserve to be with a man who didn’t know how to…
Wha
t? Love her more than he loved anyone else? Who respected her above all others? Why isn’t that enough?
The answer came to Adrian, cold like a surgical knife slicing away his joy. He’d become too attached to her. He’d become too dependent on her for his happiness. He’d thought that just because he was happy it meant she was too.
“She expects it. Her family expects it.”
Was Mrs. McKinnon right? Did Victoria expect marriage? Was he letting her down?
He let his fingers trail through her dark locks. Marriage had never been on his horizon before. Could it be time for him to see it now?
Adrian imagined a wedding. He saw Victoria in a fluffy white dress, trailing veil, and diamond-bright smile. He saw kids, preschool interviews, birthdays, family vacations, and college. Adrian saw Victoria and their family depending on him for everything, especially happiness.
He saw them disappointed.
I know how to build, manage, and maintain a company. I don’t know the first thing about doing the same for a family.
Adrian needed time. He needed time to figure out the next move for them. He needed time to get past the fear eating him alive that he might lose Victoria.
Adrian never backed down from a challenge. He refused to allow fear to have any influence in his life.
Until now.
***
Victoria couldn’t put her finger on it but something between them had changed.
Adrian worked longer hours, coming home later and later until there were some nights she didn’t remember him coming home at all. The only sign he’d been there was the indention on his pillow because he’d be gone before she woke up.
Whenever she tried to talk to him about it…well, that was another problem.
Victoria couldn’t seem to make the words come out. She didn’t ask him why he was working so hard or why he didn’t ask her to come with him on the inevitable trips that he took each week. All her interviewing prior to graduation paid off because she’d secured an entry-level position at a midsize firm. It wouldn’t start until July 1 so she was free to go anywhere with him.
All which meant that she was lonely for the next month.
Adrian wasn’t unkind to her. If anything he seemed to be even sweeter towards her on the weekends, as if to make up for not being plugged in during the week. And once night fell, Adrian became insatiable. He devoured her body and soul, as if he couldn’t get enough of her.
It was easy to believe there weren’t any problems when she was pinned beneath him. When Adrian’s hand held her wrists above her head and when his thick shaft slowly slid in and out of her, Victoria knew their connection was real.
Come Monday though, Adrian was back to a polite distance.
Victoria didn’t know what to make of it. She only knew it hurt and when she hurt, Victoria withdrew. She pretended she was okay. She acted as if nothing was amiss, but the longer it went on the more it drained her to pretend.
Victoria’s tummy was upset at least once a day and her appetite waned. Adrian didn’t notice because he was never there anymore. His business trips stretched over into the weekends. Adrian used to call her every day when away. He stopped calling for the first time.
Victoria couldn’t keep pretending anymore when the clock turned to midnight.
Her roommates’ warnings went from ghostly whispers in her mind to full blown shrieks.
What’s happening to us? We were fine, weren’t we?
Wrapped up in a thick blanket on the couch, Victoria stared blindly at the TV. She let the fear out in a threaded whisper.
“He’s cheating on me. He’s found someone else. He’s tired of me…”
Victoria rushed off the couch and headed straight for the nearest bathroom. She emptied up the contents of her stomach before retching on bile. A long minute passed before the spasms stopped. Exhausted, Victoria wiped her mouth and then lay on the cold tile.
He’s already left me. He just hasn’t told me yet.
Victoria’s face crumpled into tears. She sobbed as the grief roared out of her. Adrian had never said he loved her for a reason. But she loved him and now she was forced to know why she never said the words.
It was because Victoria always knew deep down that someone like Adrian could never have loved her. He could’ve loved her body or the sexual chemistry between them, but not her. If Adrian did then he couldn’t have pulled away so drastically.
He wouldn’t have left her like this, one slow day at a time.
Victoria’s mind whirled about. She dissected each part of their lives from the beginning until the present. Was the sex between them no longer good? Was she boring? Hadn’t she been supportive? Did she not show him enough appreciation for what he did for her? Was she not what he wanted anymore?
He’d always said I was unlike anyone he’d ever met. Maybe that’s not true anymore.
The idea that she lost her novelty, that all she had ever been was a novelty, gutted Victoria. Her fears presented nightmare-black. The questions became fact in her fevered brain.
He’d tried slumming and maybe now he was ready to go back to the familiar. Victoria knew what that would be because she’d finally broken down and Googled him.
I regret it so much.
Like a kamikaze masochist, Victoria had looked the night before at the numerous images of Adrian and his glamorous exes. Fashion Week in Paris, Cannes, and Hollywood premieres weren’t unknown to him. Sunning on a yacht moored in the Mediterranean with pop stars and A-Listers hadn’t been a rare event. Ignorance was bliss because how could Victoria ever hope to compete with that world?
She was just a girl who grew up middle-class. She was a girl whose biggest ambition was to be a CPA like her father. Important, yes, but not the kind of position one chose to set the world on fire.
Her goals were solid. Ordinary. Regular.
Adrian and everyone who visited his sphere were extraordinary on their off-days. They were gods and world-changers and she was just a mortal visiting their world. There were no happy endings for people like them. They were too different and they always would be.
Dawn broke before Victoria got up off the floor. She felt old as she shuffled out of the bathroom and into the cavernous bedroom. Victoria couldn’t keep hiding in silence. She had to confront him. Depending on the answer, Victoria was going to either stay or leave.
And in doing so she had to be ready to see their fairytale romance crumble into ash.
ELEVEN
Adrian knew as soon as he crossed the threshold that something was terribly wrong. The apartment was too still. Its familiarity to how life was before Victoria moved in with him wasn’t comforting.
At all.
Adrian left his suitcase, laptop bag, and coat in the foyer. “Victoria?” She didn’t answer. A sense of panic cut his breath when he called out for her again. Adrian knew he should’ve contacted her while he was gone.
He wanted to call her. He craved the sound of her voice.
So what stopped him?
It was the insidious belief he had to keep his distance until he knew what to do next about their future. He wasn’t ready to take that final step but he didn’t want to let her go either. Adrian had spent the past month weighing options, analyzing their living situation from every angle just so he’d know what to say to her.
Would he make her dreams come true or be cast in the abyss of her scorn?
Even after a month Adrian still didn’t have a suitable strategy. There was too many variables. He prayed his indecision hadn’t forced a decision to be made anyways.
How much longer is she going to wait for me? Not long. I’m sure of it.
Adrian strode into the living room only to find it empty. His hurried steps headed straight for the bedroom. Relief crashed into him when he saw Victoria sitting at the end of the bed. Only when he saw her did he allow himself to acknowledge that he’d been so afraid she had simply packed her things on moved out.
Which was obviously paranoid on his part. She wo
uld never do that to him. Victoria wasn’t like that kind of girl. She was fair, thoughtful, reasonable, lovable, and far too good for an indecisive bastard like himself. Why couldn’t he have thought like that over the weekend?
“Kitten…Victoria…didn’t you hear me? Why didn’t you say anything? You had me worried.”
Adrian’s instincts called a warning. She wouldn’t look up at him. Instead, her pink ballerina flats held her undivided attention. He vaguely noted she was dressed in a flowered, fluttery skirt and an ivory sweater. She looked sweet like candy.
“Hello, Adrian. We need to talk.”
He didn’t approach her. He remained by the door.
“What about?”
The corner of her mouth creased in a parody of a smile. “Everything.”
Not good. “Okay. Do you want to talk here?”
She looked about as if she didn’t quite know where she was. Worry wormed through him. Adrian’s instincts bade him to keep his thoughts to himself, to let her show hers first so he could render the appropriate plan of defense.
Victoria stood up. “No.” She walked past him. He noted how she didn’t even brush her hand across his arm as she usually did. Victoria just left, head held high and arms stiff by her side. He didn’t have to wonder if she was upset. The tension running through Victoria was obvious.
As he followed her into the living room, Adrian would’ve bet his fortune she was furious with him for not calling.
Damnit, I should’ve called. I know I should’ve called.
Adrian waited until she sat down. He frowned at her choice. A club chair. Her distance was too much like when they first talked, but not nearly enough. Then was the beginning of their chase. The now didn’t bear thinking
He seated himself across from her and waited. The minutes rolled by while she simply stared at her hands. The delicate fingers brought to mind of the marital blade hanging over them. More than ever Adrian was convinced that her step-grandmother’s words were true and that Victoria indeed was already disappointed in him for not giving her the only ring that counted.
