In her apartment, Annie sank onto the couch and lay down, cushioning her head on a pillow. She needed to come up with a nanny for the children. At the moment she couldn’t think of anyone—everyone had a job already. And Ian’s kids needed someone who was special, patient, loving and...
Her eyelids slid closed, her exhaustion catching up with her.
When a loud knock at the door woke her, Annie bolted up on the couch. She wanted to pretend she wasn’t in her apartment.
Another knock sounded and Amanda said, “I know you’re in there. I’m not leaving.” When Annie opened the door, Ian stood behind Amanda. Annie took one look at both of them and tried to shut the door.
Amanda blocked it with her body. “I told you I wasn’t leaving. I could have invited the rest of the family, but I didn’t. They think everything is okay.”
Annie backed away. “It is.” Then to Ian she added, “Why are you here?”
“Actually, I’m the one who wanted to talk to you. Amanda insisted on coming, too. It’s hard to say no to your sister.”
“Tell me about it. You two might as well come in and have your say. Then you can leave. It’s been a long day.” And will probably be a longer night.
Annie took a chair set across from the couch where they sat. “Ian, I’m sorry you had to find out about my leaving that way.”
“That’s not why I’m here. I’d planned on talking to you tonight even before I knew that.”
“Then, what do you want to say?”
Ian sat forward on the couch, his hands loosely clasped. “I contacted a good friend I went to medical school with. He lives in Dallas and is a plastic surgeon, too. He’s agreed to see you and assess your situation.”
“I can’t afford it.”
“Free of charge. I’ve made all the arrangements. Everyone will be donating their services, so you won’t have to worry about how much it is. He thinks a prosthetic ear will probably be the best way to go. He can see you next week. I’ll drive you down.”
Annie gripped the arms of the chair. “Do I have a say in this?”
“Yes, but you have no reason to say no now. I’ve taken care of the financial issue.”
“And you still want to do this even though I’ll be leaving you when a new nanny is found?”
“Yes.” She saw a twitch in his jaw.
Do you think I’m that repulsive? Annie almost asked. She bit the inside of her cheek to keep the words to herself. “What about the children?”
“Dad will take care of them that day. His summer-school teaching job won’t start for another two weeks,” Amanda said.
“I see. You two worked this out without asking me if I would even go to the appointment.”
They both nodded, solemn expressions on their faces.
Annie didn’t know what she felt. She guessed she could go and at least hear out Ian’s friend. She’d been half-afraid when he’d come into the apartment he was going to ask her to leave immediately—he’d been so angry at her today. He’d spoken to her only when absolutely necessary.
“Okay I’ll go—on one condition. Ian, I won’t leave until you find someone the children will love. That’s the least I can do whether or not I agree to have surgery.”
Ian stared right through her as though she wasn’t sitting a few feet from him. “You’ll have the job as long as you want. And believe me, I’ll keep my distance and my feelings to myself,” he said icily. He rose. “As you said, it’s been a long day. Good night.”
The sound of his footsteps resonated through her place as he made his way to the door. The last look of disappointment in his eyes nearly undid Annie. But she wasn’t the right person for him. She was damaged, and when she left, he would realize that his feelings weren’t based on love but gratitude.
“Do you know anyone who could be their nanny?” Annie asked Amanda, suddenly feeling as though she’d let everyone down. But Ian needed to realize what he thought he was feeling toward her could probably be extended to anyone who did a good job with his children.
“Actually I do. She just graduated from high school last year and went to Oklahoma State her freshman year, but she has decided to attend Cimarron Community College in the fall. Mary is great with children. I think she could work her school schedule around the children’s in the fall. She wants to be a teacher, but OSU was too big for her. She wants the feel of a small college.”
“Mary Franklin? That tall, redheaded beauty with men lined up at her front door during school holidays?”
“Yes. I could talk to her and let you know if she’s interested. When she was in high school, she worked as a nanny for the Grimms across the street when their three children were out for summer break.”
“I guess you can check with her.” This was the answer to Annie’s problem, yet she couldn’t put any enthusiasm into the sentence.
“I thought you would be excited that I knew someone. Are you having second thoughts about leaving?”
“Of course not.” But Annie sounded weak even to herself.
Amanda hugged Annie. “Good. You’re having doubts about what you think you need to do. These past couple of months I’ve seen you changing. You’re more open. You’ve shared with Ian and his children more of yourself than you have with anyone else. That includes your own family members.”
“But he wants me to have surgery as if I’m not good enough this way.” Annie swept her arm down her length.
“That’s not what he’s doing, and I think in your heart you know that. Ian wants you to have options and to make your own decision. He took the money factor away so you could look into your heart and decide what you want.”
Annie straightened, thrusting back her shoulders. “It’s my life. People should accept me as is.”
“Yes. And in a perfect world, they would. Sometimes people react before thinking.”
Mentally exhausted, Annie tried to stifle a yawn but couldn’t.
“There’s no use talking about the surgery until you hear what the doctor says. You’re tired. Go to bed. I’ll let myself out.”
Annie switched off the lamp and walked toward the light streaming from her bedroom. But even after she got ready for bed and lay down, she couldn’t quiet her thoughts, all centered on Ian. Even if she let herself love, Ian was used to making people as close to perfect as he could. And she would never be that.
* * *
“You’ve been awfully quiet on the ride back. Do you have any questions you didn’t ask Neil?” Ian glanced at Annie sitting in the passenger seat of his Lexus.
“Dr. Hawks was quite thorough. I have all the information I need.”
“What do you think?”
“I don’t know. It’s happened so fast, and the fact he can do the surgery next month makes me feel rushed.”
Ian gritted his teeth. He’d hoped Annie would be excited once she heard from Neil what could be done to improve her scars and replace her ear. She’d helped his family so much—why couldn’t she see that and accept the gift for what it was, a thank-you?
“The choice is yours, of course.”
“Then, why did you arrange this?”
Ian gripped the steering wheel tighter. “Because you’d said you couldn’t afford it, and I wanted at least to take that barrier out of the decision.”
It had been nearly a week since Jeremy’s swim party, when Annie’s news about leaving had rocked his world, and he still hadn’t been able to right it. She wanted to quit. Ian was trying to keep his developing feelings for her to himself, but it was hard when all he wanted to do was hold her and make her life better. To love her as she deserved. He might never have considered a service dog for Jeremy if she hadn’t suggested the possibility. Rex was the best thing that had happened to his son.
“My life is fine the way it is.”
The defensive tone in her voice made Ian wonder if she was trying to convince herself. “Are you sure you feel that way?”
“I should know how I feel.”
“Your words
don’t match your tone.”
Annie folded her arms over her chest and stared out her window.
Fifteen minutes later, Ian exited I-35 onto I-40, not far from Cimarron City. The closer they got to home, the more the tension thickened in the car.
“I don’t want you to leave.” Ian had to try one more time.
Annie didn’t respond.
No one could replace Annie. Disappointment, anger and a deep hurt mingled inside him. “I haven’t told the kids. I don’t want to until the plans are firm.”
“I won’t tell them. But I have a lead on a good applicant.”
Oh, joy. Ian had been hoping Annie couldn’t find anyone. Maybe this applicant wouldn’t be acceptable. “Annie, I have feelings for you that have nothing to do with gratitude.”
“How do you know that?”
“And how do you know they are? To quote you, I should know how I feel.”
“Touché.” Annie sat forward. “I see the exit to Cimarron City. We should be at your house shortly. I’ll talk with Mary Franklin today and set up a time for you to interview her.”
“I won’t interview her at the house. If she doesn’t work out—” and he was sure she wouldn’t “—I don’t want the children upset unnecessarily.”
“How about I take the kids to Sooner Park? They love going there. According to Jasmine the playground is ‘to die for.’”
“Your leaving won’t change what I feel for you. I know you feel something for me. We work well together as a team.”
“Yes, employee and employer.”
“You’re scared to really feel. Be honest with yourself and me. Annie, do you care about me beyond being your employer?”
Again she stared out the window. Ian didn’t know if she would answer him.
“Yes,” she finally said. “But I have my life figured out. I know what I’m supposed to do.”
“What?”
“As I told you before, help children in need. My mother was the best there was. I’m continuing her work.”
“How?”
“My parents used to take in foster children, and Mom especially would be the kids’ support until a home was found for them. Being single, I can’t easily take in foster children, so I chose to work with families whose children needed something extra.”
“Like mine,” Ian murmured.
“Yes.”
“They still need you.”
“But you’re doing great with them, and with the right nanny you all will be fine.”
“Can you guarantee that?” Sarcasm edged his voice, frustration churning his gut. After Ian pulled into his driveway and parked in the garage, he turned toward her. “What if everything you’ve started falls apart? You aren’t your mother. You are Annie Knight. God has His own plan for you.”
“Don’t you get it? I’m the reason my mother isn’t alive. I’m filling her void. Then maybe...” She pressed her lips together and unbuckled her seat belt.
“You can’t forgive yourself for your mother’s death. But her path isn’t yours. The Lord has a unique plan for each person.”
Annie shoved open the door and scrambled out of the Lexus, then leaned down, glaring. “Who are you to tell me what’s best for me?”
“A guy who wants a great life for you, who loves you.” Ian finally said aloud what he’d known in his heart for days. He wasn’t just falling in love. He’d loved Annie Knight for a long time now. She’d been a breath of fresh air in a very stale life.
Her eyes grew big. She straightened, closed the passenger door and hurried toward the breezeway into the house.
Ian slammed his palm against the steering wheel. His love hadn’t made any difference.
Chapter Fourteen
Annie couldn’t get away from Ian fast enough. He was delusional to think he was in love with her. And yet, when he had said it, her heart had soared—until she’d forced reality into the situation.
Annie found her father coming into the McGregors’ kitchen as she entered the house.
“The doctor couldn’t help you?” he asked, covering the distance between them.
“No, actually, he could.”
“Why the sad face, then?” Her dad glanced over her left shoulder.
Although Annie hadn’t heard Ian enter, she knew he was behind her. “Lots of decisions to make. Are the children in bed yet?”
“I just said good-night to Joshua. The girls are playing a game, and Jeremy and Rex are watching TV. I think Rex is more into the show than Jeremy.”
Annie walked to her father and kissed him on the cheek. “Thanks for helping today. I’m going to say good-night to Joshua and check in with the others before I go to my apartment.”
Annie didn’t even know how she strung words together to form coherent sentences, but she did. The closer Ian came to her in the kitchen, the faster her heart beat. She had to get out of there before she actually believed he could love her.
Ian had so much to offer the right woman. But Annie wasn’t that person.
Upstairs she eased open Joshua’s door to see if he was asleep. There was a hump in the middle of his bed with a light shining through the sheet. She tiptoed to his bed and began tickling him. “Boo! A certain little boy hasn’t gone to sleep like he was supposed to.”
Giggles floated from behind the blue sheet, then Joshua popped up and Daisy shot off the bed and raced out of the room.
“What were you doing?” Annie said in a stern voice while trying not to laugh.
“Trying to sneak Daisy in here.” Joshua grinned. “We were hiding, but she doesn’t like the dark. I got the flashlight.”
“I think the only one around here who doesn’t like the dark is you.” Annie sat on the edge of his bed. “And you know it’s Jade’s turn for Daisy to sleep with her.”
“Shh. She doesn’t know I sneaked into her room and got Daisy.”
At that moment Jade stomped into Joshua’s room, carrying Daisy. “I did, too. What goes around comes around.” Then she spun about on her heel and left with the dog.
He scrunched up his nose. “What’s that mean?”
“One day she’s going to take Daisy from you when it’s your night to have the dog.”
“That’s not fair.” Joshua plopped back onto his bed.
Annie inched forward and drew the sheet up to the child’s shoulder. “Time to go to sleep, and I’ll turn on the night-light.”
“Your dad forgot to.”
“Did you tell him you like it on?”
“I never do with you. You always just do it.”
She shook her head and leaned over to kiss Joshua’s forehead. “Good night.”
Annie started to stand. Joshua clasped her hand, keeping her sitting on the bed. “Will you read me a story before you go?”
“Sure.” Annie usually did. She picked up his favorite book and switched on the light on the nightstand.
Within five minutes Joshua’s eyes were closed. Annie rose, turned the night-light on and the lamp off then headed for the hallway.
“Annie, I love you,” Joshua said in a sleepy voice.
Her heart cracked, a pang stabbing her. Emotions swelled inside. Tears threatened.
Annie hurried to give the girls a brief update on the trip and tell them good-night. She needed to escape to her apartment.
After she poked her head into the den to see how Jeremy was doing, she was going to sneak out the sliding glass doors since she heard her father and Ian talking in the kitchen.
“Jeremy, how did it go today?” Annie asked from the doorway.
“Your dad took us fishing. Everyone liked that except Jasmine.”
“Did she behave?”
“For a girl.”
“No other problems?”
He shook his head, his hand stroking Rex’s back.
“See you tomorrow.”
As Annie made her way to the breezeway and heard her dad starting his car, she thought of the last time Jeremy had had a seizure—almost two weeks ago. His medicati
on was working much better. That was a relief and would make it easier for her to leave and a new nanny to take over.
As she neared the staircase to her place, she saw a shadow sitting on a step. Charlie? But then the figure rose, and the security light illuminated Ian’s face.
“Just checking to make sure you’re all right. You fled the kitchen so fast your dad was concerned, and I told him I would look in on you.”
“I’m tired of talking and thinking about my scars. I’ll be fine tomorrow.” Yeah, right. What makes you think that?
“Here is Neil’s number. When you decide, call him. This is totally up to you. There’s no deadline on the offer.” Ian came to her and pressed a small sheet of paper into her palm. “Good night.”
He turned and strode toward his house.
“Ian.”
He stopped but didn’t look back.
“Thank you. I appreciate your caring enough to try to fix me.”
“I’m not trying to fix you, as you say, but to help you. That’s what a person who cares does.” He continued forward.
Why had she said it that way? Because that was her conscience talking. Her scars had become a scarlet letter she wore proclaiming her guilt.
* * *
Annie had spent Sunday at church then at her sister’s until nightfall. That was the first day in months she hadn’t seen Ian or his children at least once. And she was miserable.
Was that why she was rushing to dress this morning, to be at the house when the children woke up? To see Ian before he left for work?
When Annie walked into the kitchen to decide what to fix for breakfast, Ian had a cup of coffee in his hand and was staring out the bay window overlooking the patio and pool. He acknowledged her presence by glancing over his shoulder, then returned to sipping his drink. Since the drive to Dallas a few days before, a barrier stood between her and Ian. Annie had started it, but after that day, he’d added to it. Even the kids noticed. Joshua had said something to her on Saturday about his daddy being mad at her.
After checking the refrigerator for the ingredients for pancakes, she turned toward Ian. “What time will you be home this evening?”
The Nanny's New Family (Caring Canines) Page 16
