The Unbecoming of Mara Dyer

by Michelle Hodkin

  Jamie raised his eyebrows. “Did I? Crazy hormones. Better late than never, I guess,” he said, shrugging. Then he narrowed his eyes at me. “But don’t change the subject. We should be discussing your unfortunate taste in men.”

  “What is your problem?”

  “I don’t have a problem. You have a problem.”

  “Oh? What’s my problem?”

  “Shaw’s playing you,” Jamie said quietly.

  I grew irritated. “I don’t think so.”

  “How well do you really know him, Mara?”

  I paused. Then said, “Well enough.”

  Jamie looked away. “Well, I’ve known him longer.” He pushed his dreadlocks out of his face and chewed on his lower lip.

  I watched him closely as he sat there, and after a minute the evidence clicked into place. “Oh my God,” I whispered. “You’re jealous.”

  Jamie looked at me like I’d gone insane. “Are you insane?” he asked.

  “Umm …” Maybe?

  “No offense, sugar, but you’re not my type.”

  I chuckled. “Not jealous of him, of me.”

  Jamie’s face darkened. “I won’t lie, the boy is hot, but no. I don’t know how you stand him, honestly.”

  “What did he do, Jamie?”

  He was silent.

  “Did he sleep with your mom or something?”

  Jamie’s expression hardened. “My sister.”

  I opened my mouth, but no sound came out at first. Then, “I didn’t know you had a sister.”

  “She graduated. She was a junior when Noah first started here.”

  “Maybe … maybe he liked her.” I said. Something twinged in my chest.

  Jamie barked out a laugh. “He didn’t. He only used her to make a point.”

  “What point was that?”

  Jamie leaned his head back and fixed his gaze on the thatched roof. “So you know I skipped a grade, right?” Jamie asked. I nodded. “Well, I used to be in his little sister Katie’s class. When Noah and Katie first started here, she was kind of confused about the material. So I helped her.”

  “Like you helped me.”

  “Except there may or may not have been tonsil hockey involved. I don’t remember,” Jamie said, as I raised a skeptical eyebrow. “Anyway,” he said pointedly, “Noah totally busted me with a hand up her skirt—she wears thongs, by the way. So hot. And the next day, I came home and all my extremely intelligent, pragmatic sister, Stephanie, could talk about was Noah.”

  I felt a pang of something in my chest. “Maybe she liked him,” I said quietly.

  “Oh, she did. A lot. Until she came home crying one Saturday night after they’d gone out.” Jamie’s eyes narrowed as he watched Noah approach us from the other building. “Noah humiliated her. She insisted on transferring out of Croyden, and my parents let her.”

  “Is she okay?”

  Jamie laughed. “Yeah. I mean, she’s in college, and it was a couple of years ago. But using her to make a point like that? Sick.”

  I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to defend Noah, but could I, really? So I said something else. “What happened with you and Katie?”

  “Nothing. I didn’t want him screwing with Stephanie’s life more than he had, so I shut that shit down.” Jamie sucked in his bottom lip. “I really liked her too.” He tilted his head at me, his dreads falling to the side. “But none of this matters, because you’re not going to listen to your token black Jewish bi friend, are you?”

  My eyes connected with Noah’s as he sauntered over. “I don’t know,” I said to Jamie, still watching Noah.

  “It’s your funeral.” Jamie stopped talking a few seconds before Noah arrived.

  “Roth,” Noah said, inclining his head.

  “Shaw.” Jamie nodded back.

  Noah stepped behind me and kissed my shoulder, just as Anna and Aiden appeared from behind the stairs.

  “God, Mara, are you still holding out on him?” Anna said, tipping her head at Noah. She tsked. “Is that what I was missing, Noah?”

  “The list of what you’re missing, Anna, is longer than the South Beach Free Clinic’s walk-in list,” Jamie said, and I was surprised to hear his voice. “Though I’m sure your hookup résumé includes the same names.”

  Noah laughed silently against my back and I flashed Jamie a conspiratorial smile. He stood up for me. Even though he didn’t agree with my choices. He was a good friend.

  Anna stood there openmouthed before Aiden grabbed her shirt and pulled her in close for a whisper. An evil grin rearranged her face before they turned just as the bell rang.

  It was only when I saw Noah’s face as I walked out of my Bio exam that I realized something was wrong. Very wrong.

  “What happened?” I asked, as he steered me away from the parking lot toward the lockers.

  “Jamie wants to tell you himself. He asked me to get you,” Noah said. “And he hasn’t spoken more than one word to me in years, so let’s go.”

  I was dumbstruck. What could have happened in the past two hours? When we rounded the corner by Jamie’s locker, he was packing up his stuff. Not just his books, but his pictures, his notes … everything. Cleaning it out.

  He shoved the script for the school play in his backpack and sighed when he saw me. “Aiden said I threatened him,” he said in a rush.

  “What?”

  “With a knife. Anna backed him up.” Jamie shoved a handful of papers into his bag. “One of them planted it in my backpack when I wasn’t looking. I’m expelled.”

  “What?” My voice rang out, echoing against the metal. “That’s bullshit! How can they just expel you?”

  Jamie stopped and turned to me, his hands balled into fists. “Even if Croyden didn’t have a zero-tolerance policy, I have a track record. The Ebola thing last year. My parents are already here to pick me up.”

  “Just like that?” I asked, my voice shrill.

  “Just like that,” he said, and slammed his locker shut. “Technically, I’m suspended pending review, but it’s pretty much over—I was already on probation. So now I’m going to be doing all of my work by correspondence.” He imitated Dr. Kahn’s deep voice. “I saw Noah loitering near the administration building and asked him to get you. I’ve been informed that I’m grounded until I graduate. Or take my GED. Whichever comes first. It’s going to completely fuck up my college applications next year.”

  My stomach plummeted. I couldn’t believe this. It was beyond unfair.

  “Well, well. If it isn’t the school bully.” I heard Aiden’s voice and whipped around, furious. Anna stood beside him, looking triumphant.

  So this was how it was going to be. In one stroke, they ruined Jamie’s life, simply because he stood up for me. Because we were friends. And looking at their disgusting faces, I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that this wouldn’t be the last time.

  I itched with violence. I could kill them for this. I wanted to.

  Jamie glared at Aiden. “Don’t make me cut you, Davis.”

  Aiden laughed. “With what, a cocktail sword?”

  I rounded on him before I realized what I was doing. “Leave. Right now, before I hurt you.”

  Aiden closed the distance between us in seconds. Up close, he was even bigger. The muscles in his biceps twitched. “Why wait?”

  Noah’s hand was at Aiden’s throat in an instant, and he pushed him up against the lockers. “You stupid motherfucker,” Noah said to Aiden. “Jamie, get Mara out of here.”

  “Noah,” I protested.

  “Go!” he snapped.

  Jamie grabbed my hand and pulled me away, past Anna. I heard the sound of bodies slamming into metal behind me and tried to turn, but Jamie was surprisingly strong.

  “Noah can take care of himself, Mara.”

  I tried to pull away. “Aiden’s huge.”

  Jamie flashed a small, bitter smile as he gripped my hand tighter and pulled me along. “But Noah fights dirty. He’ll be fine. Promise.”

  He d
idn’t let go until we stood next to the cul-de-sac, in front of his parents’ car.

  “Grounded likely means no phone or computer,” Jamie said. “But if I encounter an owl, I’ll try to smuggle a message to the outside, okay?”

  I nodded, just as Jamie’s dad rolled down his window.

  “Bye, sugar,” Jamie said, and kissed me on the cheek. “Don’t let The Man keep you down.”

  And just like that, he was gone.

  39

  I STOOD THERE, COMPLETELY DAZED AND STARING at the empty campus. The one friend I’d made in the short time that I’d been here, aside from Noah, was gone. I felt a hand whisper on my back. I turned around. Noah’s beautiful face was a disaster. A bright red bruise bloomed beneath his left cheekbone, under a thicket of gashes that extended from his eyebrow to his ear.

  “Oh my God,” I whispered.

  Noah flashed a deviant grin. Then winced. “Come on. We need to go.” He steered me to the parking lot, glancing over his shoulder just once before we climbed into his car. Little beads of blood formed over his knuckles, then dripped on the console as he shifted the car into gear.

  “Should we go to the hospital?

  Noah smiled again. It looked painful. “You should see the other guy.”

  “What did you do?”

  “Oh, once he’s healed, he should be able to live a normal life.”

  I raised my eyebrows.

  “Kidding.” Noah brushed the hair from my cheek and tucked it behind my ear, and winced again. “He’ll be fine in a few days, I’m sorry to say,” Noah said, his jaw tightening. “He’s lucky I left him alive. If he threatens you again, I won’t.” Noah turned his eyes back to the road. “But in the meantime, I have to take my suspension tomorrow for that thing with Kent last week, and if Aiden or Anna tattles—well. I’m going to lay low, as it were.”

  When we pulled into my driveway, Noah parked, but didn’t get out of the car. “I’ll see you Friday,” he said, lifting his sunglasses. “I don’t think your parents ought to see me like this. It wouldn’t help our case.”

  “Our case?”

  Noah reached around to clasp the back of my neck, and ran his thumb over the hollow below my ear. His breath caught with the movement. “I’d like to be around you for a while.”

  My heart thrashed against my ribs at the feel of Noah’s hand on my neck. I was incoherent. What Jamie said and what Noah looked like and how close he was … the thoughts tumbled in my brain before I could make sense of them.

  “Why did you sleep with Jamie’s sister?” I blurted. Completely graceless. I wanted to punch myself in the face.

  Noah’s hand remained on my neck, but a look of amused contempt washed over his face. “What did he tell you?”

  Well, I’d made my bed, and now I had to lie in it. I swallowed. “That you didn’t like that he was with Katie, so you did it for revenge.”

  Noah studied my eyes. “And you believe him?”

  All of sudden, my throat was dry. “Should I?”

  He held my gaze, his hand still on my neck. “Yes. I suppose you should,” he said tonelessly. Noah’s eyes were dark, his expression unreadable.

  I knew I should care about his answer. I knew that what Jamie had said meant something—that I was, and had been, a foolish girl who coveted something many girls had coveted and paid for before, and that I would pay soon. I should haul back and smack him, strike a blow for feminism or something or at the very least, get out of the car.

  But then his thumb traced my skin and without quite realizing it, I leaned toward him and rested my forehead against his. Noah’s lids dropped at my touch.

  “You really should go to the doctor,” was all I could say. I hated myself for it.

  His smile was nothing but a turned up corner of mouth. His bottom lip was split. Noah looked at me then, and leaned in closer. His eyes fell on my lips. “I’m busy,” he said in a low voice, pausing, lingering there with mere inches between us until I tilted my face closer to his without meaning to.

  “I don’t want to hurt you,” I whispered, even though I was the one who would probably get hurt.

  Our noses touched, and there was just one perfect, aching moment separating our mouths from each other. “You can’t.”

  Someone knocked on the driver’s side window, scaring me senseless. I broke away. Noah closed his eyes for a beat, then rolled down the window.

  Daniel and Joseph stood there, Daniel’s face contorted in mock disapproval, while Joseph grinned.

  “Sorry to break it up,” Daniel said, looking at me. “Just thought you’d want to know that Mom’s five minutes behind us.”

  “What happened to your face?” Joseph asked Noah, clearly impressed.

  Noah half-shrugged. “Got in a bit of a row.”

  “Cool.”

  “You want to come in?” Daniel asked Noah. “Get some ice for that?”

  Noah glanced at the clock. “Five minutes?”

  “She had to stop at the dry cleaners. You can make it if you hurry.”

  We got out of the car and the four of us headed into the house. Joseph unlocked the door and ran to the kitchen, presumably to get ice for Noah’s face. Daniel rifled through the mail on the console table.

  “What lucky institution of higher education accepted me today?” he asked, eyes on the envelopes. “Ah, Harvard. That’s nice. And Stanford!” Daniel grabbed my hand and twirled me in a circle.

  Noah peered at the pile. “And Northwestern. And NYU. You ought to go to NYU. More diversity. It’s not healthy to have too many geniuses packed into one campus.”

  Daniel grinned. “You have a point. But it is nice to have options,” he said, then placed the envelopes back down. He eyed Noah’s cuts appreciatively. “Aiden made them call an ambulance, and insisted on being carried out on a stretcher,” he said to Noah.

  “I’d have preferred it if it were a coffin,” Noah said.

  “I heard his mother’s calling for your expulsion, too, FYI.”

  Noah’s eyes met my brother’s. “The rest of the board will never approve.”

  Daniel nodded. “This is true.”

  My eyes darted back and forth between them. “What do you two talk about when I’m not around?”

  “Wouldn’t you like to know,” Daniel said as he stuffed his keys in his pocket and grabbed his handful of validation. Joseph reappeared holding a Ziploc bag full of ice and handed it to Noah.

  “Thanks,” Noah said with a grin. Joseph looked like he won the lottery. “I should go. I’ll see you in a few days?” Noah said to me.

  I nodded. “Don’t forget to go to the doctor.”

  Noah shot me a look. “Good-bye, Mara,” he said, and strolled off to his car. I narrowed my eyes as I watched him walk away, and closed the door once he was gone.

  Daniel’s arms were crossed when I turned inside. I peered at him. “What?”

  “You need to go to the doctor,” he said, looking at my arm.

  I pressed the heels of my palms into my eyes. “Come on, Daniel.”

  “Come on yourself. When was the last time you changed the dressings?”

  “A few days ago,” I lied.

  “Well, Mom said you have an appointment for a checkup. So, either I take you, or she does.”

  “Fine,” I groaned and headed out the door. Daniel followed behind me.

  “I heard about Jamie, by the way.”

  “You know what really happened?” I asked my brother. He nodded. I stared at my feet. “I can’t believe Anna and Aiden did that to him. And they’re going to get away with it.” I felt a stabbing pain in my hands all of a sudden, and looked down. I’d been clenching my fists so that my nails dug into my palms. I tried to relax. “School is going to be misery without him.”

  “At least you have Noah.”

  I stared straight ahead. “It’s not like I’ve exceeded my friend quota,” I said quietly.

  Daniel started the car and pulled out of the driveway. “I’m sorry I said that to you,
you know.”

  “It’s fine,” I said, looking out the window.

  “How are you doing otherwise?”

  “Okay.”

  “When’s your next therapy appointment?”

  I glared at him. “Next Thursday. Did you tell Noah about it?”

  “Of course not,” Daniel said. “But I don’t think he’d care.”

  I leaned my head back against the seat and turned away. “I’d rather he not know the depths of my crazy.”

  “Oh, come on. The guy’s been in two fights in as many weeks. He clearly has some issues of his own.”

  “And yet, here you are, pimping me out to him.”

  “Nobody’s perfect. And I’m not pimping you out. I think he’s good for you. He’s been through a lot too, you know.”

  “I know.”

  “And I don’t think he really has anyone who he can talk to about it.”

  “Sounds like he’s talked to you about it.”

  “Not really. Guys don’t really hash things out like girls do. I just know enough—whatever. All I’m saying is that I think he’d get it.”

  “Yeah. Nothing like hearing the girl you just started dating is on antipsychotics.”

  Daniel took the opportunity to change the subject. “How are those going, anyway? Any side effects?”

  “Not that I’ve noticed.”

  “Do you think they’re working?”

  With the exception of the disturbing phone call. “I think so.”

  “Good. So you think you’ll be up for Sophie’s surprise party Friday night? I’m planning a big shebang. Well, not so big. But a shebang nevertheless.”

  “I don’t know,” I said, thinking now about the phone call. The threat. Jamie. I wasn’t sure I’d be in a partying mood. “Maybe.”

  “What about your birthday? You and Noah have any plans?”

  “I didn’t tell him,” I said in a low voice, as I looked out the window at the passing cars. We were almost at the doctor’s office. My stomach clenched at the realization.

  “Why not?”

  I sighed. “I don’t want to make a big deal of it, Daniel.”

  He shook his head as he pulled into the parking lot of the doctor’s office. “You should let him in, Mara.”