United by Their Royal Baby

by Therese Beharrie

  ‘But you knew it was exactly the thing to say to get me to.’

  ‘Maybe. Or maybe I was waiting for the man who was so insistent—so sure—on the beach when he proposed to me to make an appearance. To tell me he didn’t believe me. Maybe I was hoping for that man to fight so I knew he wouldn’t leave, too. Maybe it was even a test.’ She lifted a hand to her mouth and he saw it trembling.

  But still he couldn’t move.

  ‘But that man never showed up, and you failed that test miserably. And still I waited. I waited for you to come back to me, Xavier, and tell me that my fears weren’t real.’ Her gaze was steady on his now. ‘I waited three months until I saw the picture of you and Erika on your first date, and then I stopped waiting and realised you weren’t that man after all. And that maybe our relationship had been childish, and this was the proof I needed to squash my knee-jerk reaction to defend us and claim that it wasn’t. So I focused on my kingdom. On what was real and stable. Just like I’ve been doing for the past few weeks.’

  He wanted to tell her it wasn’t fair—that pushing him away, expecting him not to accept it, testing him, wasn’t fair—but his voice wouldn’t work.

  ‘You wanted to know, Xavier,’ she said, her voice shaking slightly. ‘Now you do. I’ll head back up and you can follow.’ She slid her hand into the pocket he’d put the ring in, and then slid it onto her finger. ‘Don’t take too long.’

  She left him speechless. He knew he didn’t have time to process what she’d just told him. Especially not if he considered everything that was swirling around in his head. And now he had to go back up and pretend they were happy together—that all the blame he’d placed on her for ending their relationship hadn’t suddenly been shifted to him and hadn’t just rocked his entire world.

  He relaxed the jaw he’d only just realised he’d clenched and made his way back to the festival. Leyna waited for him just a few metres away from where the guests were gathered, out of their sight, and started walking when he reached her side. They slipped into their royal personas as soon as they were visible, Leyna particularly bubbly as she made her way through the crowds.

  He knew she was putting on a show, but he wasn’t sure if it was in anticipation of the announcement that needed to be made. She was supposed to be a blushing bride after all. The other option was that she, like him, desperately wanted things to go back to the way they’d been before he’d rocked the boat.

  When they made their way to where a little stage had been set up to announce the winner, he realised he didn’t even know who would win. Not that it mattered, he thought, and clapped along with the crowd at the announcement of the young blonde with the sick husband as the winner.

  As the congratulations were made and the photos were taken, he felt nerves skitter through him. He held his breath when the time came for their engagement to be announced, and watched Leyna do it with poise and just the right amount of enthusiasm.

  His eyes fluttered over the crowd. He wasn’t sure what he’d expected, but the cheers that came a beat after Leyna announced their engagement was definitely not it.

  Again, he didn’t have time to ponder it. He received the congratulations, posed for the pictures and welcomed everyone to the celebratory ball that evening. It was his only part in the announcement but it exhausted him and by the time they headed back to Aidara’s castle Xavier was longing for some privacy.

  ‘Did Carlos speak to you about the arrangements for this evening?’ Leyna asked halfway to the castle.

  ‘Yes, he did. They’ve arranged for me to change in one of the rooms in the east wing.’

  ‘Good.’

  Silence followed her words again, and then he heard himself asking, ‘Are we going to talk about what happened back there?’

  ‘The engagement?’ she asked, her eyes telling him she knew what he was really asking and that the answer was no. ‘I didn’t expect them to react that way,’ she continued. ‘Did you?’

  ‘I’m not in the mood to play games, Leyna,’ he answered tersely.

  ‘I’m not playing a game, Xavier. I’m trying to stay focused on our task. If you’d let me do that from the beginning, we wouldn’t have needed this conversation in the first place.’

  ‘How are you so calm about this?’ he demanded. ‘You just told me something that brings into question everything about the last decade of our lives.’

  ‘No, it doesn’t. We’ve made our choices and now we live with the consequences.’ Her face was clear of any emotion. ‘We focus on the present. That means we have to convince everyone at tonight’s ball that we’re happy enough to marry. Can you do that?’ she asked very deliberately.

  ‘Yes,’ he said through a clenched jaw.

  She nodded her head. ‘Great.’

  The car pulled up in front of the castle then and when Jacob opened her door she moved to get out.

  ‘I’ll see you this evening,’ she said over her shoulder before leaving the car.

  Xavier took a moment to realise he needed to get out, too, and then went directly to the room Carlos had shown him to earlier that morning. He would have liked to go to the gym—his gym, to use the punchbag he’d grown used to taking his frustrations out on. But, since that wasn’t an option, he poured himself a drink and pushed open the doors to the balcony instead.

  He settled in the chair there, resting his legs on the railing as he thought about the mess his life had become over the past weeks. It had started with Zacchaeus, but the convoluted path Xavier and Leyna had taken to deal with that situation hadn’t brought them any closer to finding out what Zacchaeus had planned.

  It was insurance, yes, but he couldn’t help but wonder if they should have tried harder to speak with the King of Kirtida. Perhaps a simple conversation would have clarified things and his life wouldn’t have got so complicated.

  That was cowardice talking, Xavier told himself. But was it any wonder he wanted to be a coward when being brave had brought him knowledge he should have never pressed for?

  Leyna had told him she’d wanted him to fight for her, and he’d wanted to. He’d desperately wanted to. But his broken heart had kept him from that in the beginning, and then his family had insisted it was time he moved on and, before he knew it, he was dating and then marrying Erika.

  He had to face that part of the reason he’d given in was because he’d been tired of being told what to do. He’d thought that if he gave in to this one thing—this one, massive thing—they would stop. He’d even told himself it wouldn’t matter—the only person he’d wanted to marry was Leyna, and since that wasn’t happening he might as well give in.

  But he’d been a fool. Their judgements about what he did and their opinions about what he should do... It never stopped. In fact, giving in had made them think they had more power. It exhausted him. He’d had to fight to keep Erika happy, he’d had to rule his kingdom and he’d had to deal with his mother and grandmother constantly peeking over his shoulder.

  No wonder he’d missed the light Leyna had brought to his life.

  And perhaps that had been another reason he’d given up on her. His feelings for Leyna had been all-consuming at times, too. His craving for that light had become more and more pressing the older he’d become. In fact, on the day he’d proposed to her, when he’d told her she wanted to escape her royal duties to spend time with him, he had been doing that very thing with her.

  When she’d broken his heart she’d broken it completely. And so, with his father’s reminder about his responsibilities, perhaps it had been easier to accept what they’d wanted him to do. Perhaps he hadn’t wanted to fight for her so hard after all...

  He downed the drink and set the glass back on the ground. He’d so badly hoped Leyna hadn’t been right. Especially since her words made his heart ache. But paying attention to that pain would mean so much more than facing the fact that he hadn’t wanted to fight for her.
No, admitting it also forced him to accept what he hadn’t wanted to in the last ten years—that he hadn’t given his marriage all of himself.

  It crushed him. He set his feet back down and rested his head in his hands. His family’s expectations of him might have been unrealistic at times, but perhaps in disappointing them it had been a bad omen for the future.

  He’d disappointed Leyna by not coming back and, though it might not have been fair of her to expect him to, he agreed that their years together meant she might have expected him to try. He’d disappointed Erika by not being the husband she deserved—not only in what he’d offered her of himself, but by being unable to give her a child, too.

  He didn’t think that feeling could be topped until he realised that he was disappointed in himself, too. And that was perhaps the worst of them all.

  * * *

  She’d fallen back into the honesty that had once come so naturally between them.

  That was the only reason Leyna could think of to explain why she’d told him something she’d only just discovered herself. Perhaps it was because of all the not thinking—and then the inevitable thinking—she’d been doing over the last days. And when she’d finally allowed it to come to her consciousness, the realisations had come spilling out of her mouth.

  The reason they had spilled out to Xavier could only be because she’d been lulled into a false sense of security by remembering what they’d once shared. There wasn’t any other reason—none that would make her feel confident in her decision to marry him and carry his child, that was.

  So, instead, she thought about what she’d told Xavier. It was so clear to her now that she’d been afraid of losing him. It made sense to her, too. More than any other reason she’d given herself for making that decision. In the years following it, she couldn’t think of one reason why she’d done it. She’d regretted it, had felt a knife twist in her heart every time she’d seen Xavier and Erika together—a reminder that she’d been the one to push him away.

  But now she knew that she’d needed time. More importantly, she’d needed him to tell her that he wouldn’t leave. That they could rule together without losing sight of who—and why—they were ruling. She’d been young, she’d had her entire life thrown on its head with her father’s death.

  She reminded herself of that when she felt accusation claw at her. When her thoughts filled with how much she’d hurt him.

  If she didn’t remind herself of it, she’d spend her life struggling to forgive herself. And she didn’t want to live like that.

  Would she struggle to forgive him, too? she wondered, starting the ritual of getting ready for the ball. She’d always told herself she’d been hurt because he’d moved on so quickly to Erika. Now she knew she’d really been hurt that he’d moved on at all.

  She smiled at the ladies who’d helped her get ready for events all her life, but her mind wandered as she let them do their work. She felt...lighter at the realisation. It settled something that had been brooding inside her for so long.

  The feeling made her think that she would forgive Xavier. That maybe she already had. And that the tightness in her chest as she made her way to the ballroom was because she needed to ask him for his forgiveness, too.

  Maybe it would finally help them both to move on. To build their future without hurt being part of their foundation.

  And then she forgot about all of it as she stood at the top of the stairs and saw Xavier waiting for her at the bottom.

  She’d thought it the night of the banquet, too, but then she hadn’t really allowed herself to enjoy seeing Xavier in his uniform that night. Though she wasn’t sure what had changed, she was glad it had. He was strikingly handsome, his hair combed back in a style that made it all the more obvious. The uniform fitted him perfectly—suited him, too—and, though it didn’t reveal much of his body, knowing the muscular shape of it sent a slow thrill through her.

  Their eyes met and lit a fire across the staircase. Her body heated from it—from the fire she saw reflecting in his eyes as she made her way down—and she was afraid that she would go up in flames when she finally stopped in front of him.

  ‘People might suspect that our child isn’t a honeymoon baby if you keep looking at me like that,’ she said huskily as she slid her arm into the one he offered.

  ‘You shouldn’t have worn that dress then, Your Majesty.’

  She looked down at the off-the-shoulder burgundy dress that only really revealed her shoulders. ‘This dress is perfectly acceptable.’

  ‘Sure it is,’ he said softly as they approached the ballroom. ‘For one purpose.’ He glanced down at her and his eyes told her exactly what he thought that purpose was. She blushed and then put on a smile as they were announced in the hall.

  If she had to judge how her people felt about her engagement based on the ball that evening she had nothing to worry about. And though she received comments that told her some guessed the real motivation for their marriage, they were all supportive. And usually accompanied with some form of ‘It’s about time’ remark.

  They gave the proper honour to the winner of the festival, too, and before she knew it dinner had come and gone and she and Xavier were opening the party on the dance floor. Her body braced as he placed his hand on her waist, and as she placed hers on his shoulder while the other took his hand she felt his body tighten, too.

  ‘Relax,’ she whispered when the music started, and she forced herself to take heed of the instruction just as she felt Xavier did. It helped, but didn’t lessen the tension between them. She relaxed slightly when the other couples joined them, and forced herself to release an unsteady breath.

  ‘I take it you’ll be returning to Mattan this evening,’ she said to focus her mind on something else.

  ‘That would probably be for the best.’

  ‘You’re welcome to stay, though.’ She smiled as the festival winner and her husband—who looked healthier than Leyna had seen him in a while—passed them in a twirl, and then directed her gaze at Xavier. ‘You’re always welcome here.’

  Something softened in his eyes, but he shook his head. ‘It wouldn’t be a good idea for me to stay here. But thank you for the offer.’

  She nodded, and told herself it was for the best. She was preparing herself to return to mingle when the next song came on, and felt her breath catch when Xavier pulled her in until their bodies were moulded to one another.

  ‘I don’t think people will mind thinking our child was conceived out of wedlock,’ Xavier told her a few moments later.

  ‘Of course you don’t,’ she replied, fighting to keep her tone light. ‘If you did, you wouldn’t be looking at me like we will be conceiving the baby as soon as we leave the room.’

  He gave a small laugh. ‘I could probably turn it down a notch.’

  ‘You should,’ she agreed. ‘You’re good at that, too.’

  She felt his body stiffen, and shifted her gaze so she didn’t have to look into the eyes that saw too much. ‘You know why I did that, Leyna. It wasn’t because I didn’t want you.’

  ‘Wasn’t it?’ she asked, keeping her tone light. ‘You don’t have to explain it. I know you were married and that—’ she struggled with her next words ‘—you and I aren’t on the same page any more.’

  ‘And that, to you, means that I don’t want you?’

  ‘Wanting someone physically and wanting them emotionally isn’t the same thing, Xavier.’

  ‘I know that,’ he said, his voice strangled. ‘And somehow you’ve got it into your head that I only want you in one of those ways?’

  ‘You loved Erika. I don’t blame you for not wanting to—’ she cleared her throat ‘—tarnish that by...by making love with me.’

  ‘That’s what you think?’ Something in his tone had her looking up at him, and she nodded. He didn’t reply and they swayed together, a weight she’d never expected
settling between them. When the song was done she put distance between them, looking up in surprise when Xavier didn’t let go of her hand.

  ‘Come with me,’ he said, half-plea, half-command. She nodded and followed him to the door where Carlos stood. Xavier whispered something into her secretary’s ear and, without expression, Carlos nodded and bowed to them both.

  Leyna followed Xavier helplessly then, holding her breath when she realised he was leading her through the secret tunnels that went to the beach.

  To their place.

  She shook her head, cautioning herself not to go there. She watched him grab the blanket that was always at the door and went outside with him, only stopping before they hit the sand.

  ‘I’m not going down to the beach in a ballgown,’ she said, exasperated. ‘Especially not if we’re going back to the ball.’

  ‘We’re not,’ he answered, taking his jacket off. Her eyes greedily took in the muscles that were clear in the white T-shirt he’d worn under his uniform jacket, and then she forced them back to his face.

  ‘What do you mean, we’re not?’

  ‘I mean I told Carlos we wouldn’t be returning.’ He dropped to take off his shoes, and then started on hers. She gasped when she felt her feet leave the shoes as he scooped her into his arms, the blanket now over his shoulders.

  ‘Wh...what are you doing?’

  ‘I’m saving you the time it would have taken to tell me you couldn’t ruin a dress made with such effort and expertise by walking through the sand.’

  ‘So you thought you’d treat me like a caveman would?’

  ‘When’s the last time you saw a movie or read a book? This is romantic.’

  ‘I beg to differ,’ she said, though, in all honesty, she did think it was a little romantic. Not because of the action, but because of the motivation behind it. He was being thoughtful as she would have worried about ruining her beautiful dress, and that was pretty romantic.