From Ashes To Flames

by A. M. Hargrove

  Sadness clung to Marin’s features. “She’s told me as much. I’ve explained it the same way. She tells me everything you say. Sometimes I feel like I’m gossiping with a friend.”

  “She does have that older air about her on occasion, and then other times she’s my little polka dot again.”

  “And that sweet Aaron is still kicking those legs. I think he’s going to play soccer.”

  “Maybe so. At least he’ll put the kicks to good use that way.”

  We ate our dinner, continuing our small talk and then I drove her home. She had to direct me because I’d never been to her parents’ house before but when I pulled into the driveway I casually said, “There’s not a chance I can talk you into coming home with me, is there?”

  “Um, no. But dinner was good, and thanks for explaining everything to me.”

  “Marin, I meant every word.”

  “I know you did. I don’t doubt your sincerity. It’s just that”—she pressed her hand to her heart and continued—“I still remember how utterly shattered I was and I won’t allow myself to even feel a shred of hope until I know without a doubt that this is for real.”

  I looked at my lap because I’d never felt shame like I did right now. But I had to man up. Marin deserved that at the very least.

  “I understand, but …” I turned toward her. “I’ll never treat you like that ever again. And … you’ll never find anyone who loves you as much as I do. That was my second biggest mistake. Not telling you. Not telling you how I felt. But that was because I was blinded. Blinded to my feelings. I was stuck in the past. I’m not stuck anymore and I’m not that guy either. I know what I want and she’s sitting right next to me. She has the biggest heart and the most beautiful soul I’ve ever encountered in my life. All she has to do is say the word. But one thing you should know … I’m never going to give up on us, Marin.” I picked up her hand and kissed her knuckles. “Ever.”

  “What was your first biggest mistake?” she asked.

  “You don’t know?”

  “I want to hear your answer.”

  “Not trusting you. Not believing you. I should’ve known in my heart you’d never do anything that would shake my confidence in you. If I hadn’t been such an idiot, we wouldn’t be in this situation right now.”

  Then I got out of the car and walked around to the other side and helped her out.

  “You’re really serious, aren’t you?”

  “You haven’t even begun to see how serious I am.” I walked her to the door, kissed her cheek, and said goodnight.

  The next day I called a florist and arranged for two dozen white roses to be delivered to her home. I noted the address last night when I dropped her off. On the card I wrote:

  * * *

  Marin,

  You’re my one true love who owns my

  heart and these roses are a symbol of that.

  Love, Grey

  * * *

  This was only the beginning. I was going to spoil her if it killed both of us. She didn’t like materialistic items, but there were other ways. And it was starting now.

  A few nights later when I came home from work, Kinsley was running around the house with a small leather book in her hand.

  “Whatcha got there, polka dot?”

  She did her one shoulder shrug, saying, “I dunno. It was in Marnie’s room.”

  “You know what I’ve told you about going through other people’s things.” I held out my hand and she handed it over. Curiosity got the best of me and I found myself opening it. It was her journal. Flipping through the pages, I was stunned to see the number of entries. They began shortly after she started working here. The last entry was written right before we left for Vienna. She must’ve forgotten to take it with her.

  I’m not sure I’ll ever find a way to get Grey to forgive me. He doesn’t know the truth about what happened, but does it really matter anymore? He thinks so little of me now, why would he stop to listen? His trust in me was destroyed by one stupid mistake. Why didn’t I tell him that I did send it in, but I sent it in late? Would it have changed things between us? Does it even matter anymore? He believes the worst of me even though I would never have betrayed him in a million years. I could never do that to someone I loved, even if I didn’t agree with what he wanted. I’m sure this trip will be a disaster, but a promise is a promise and I am good for my word.

  Shit. Shit. Shit. Marin sent in the DNA kit but didn’t tell me. She never lied. She forgot but sent it in late. I am the biggest fucker that exists. Why didn’t she say something? My mind sped back to that day in my office and I remembered her trying to say something but Hudson and I kept interrupting. She probably tried and just gave up. Christ, didn’t this just make me feel even worse than I already did. Fuck my life. No wonder she thought I was the biggest asshole that existed. I had lived up to that description time and again.

  Now it was time to really go to work. Over the next couple of weeks, I put into motion several things. In our texts, she had mentioned she’d always loved animals, but never had the opportunity to have one. We’d talked about getting the dog, but she didn’t want to because of how busy she was with the kids. In one of our conversations she’d said she wished animal shelters had more funding. So, I sent a huge donation to the local animal shelter in her name.

  She’d also talked about getting involved with sick children at the hospital. I sent a donation there in her name. Then I hired someone with a therapy dog to spend time on the pediatric floor. That was all done under the Marin McLain donation. My brother helped find the perfect therapy dog for this.

  When Marin received the letters on these, she went nuts … in a positive way.

  My phone rang at work, but I couldn’t answer it. When I finally got back to her, she was more excited than I’d heard her in weeks.

  “That was so awesome. Thank you for doing that.”

  “Since you don’t like designer handbags, I figured I’d spend the money elsewhere.”

  “Great idea. I think I want to own a therapy dog and do that now.”

  “Really?” This surprised me.

  “Yes. It would be a way to give back.”

  “Hudson could help.”

  “You think?”

  “He’s the one who hooked me up with this owner so I’m sure he could.”

  “Thank you, Grey.”

  I went out on a limb and asked, “Hey, do you want to go to dinner?”

  “Only if the kids can come.”

  “Only if we can talk first.”

  “Yeah, that’s probably a good idea, isn’t it?”

  “Uh huh.”

  “Okay. When and where?”

  We decided on a coffee shop near the house at six the next night. I didn’t tell the kids because I didn’t want to get their hopes up. Well, it was just Kinsley really. Aaron didn’t know anything yet.

  I asked Mom and Dad to stay late and I met her after work. She was waiting for me when I got there. It was comical really.

  “You’re early,” I said.

  “So are you. But I didn’t want to take a chance on my car not starting this time. I don’t have the best of luck.” I leaned down to hug her and damn, she smelled like heaven.

  “God, I could eat you.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “You smell great.” Then I laughed. “That wasn’t the most appropriate thing to say, was it?”

  “No. It shocked me. But I do miss our sexual banter.”

  “I can rectify that.” I winked at her.

  “I’m hoping you can.”

  “Does this mean what I think it means?”

  “Do you think we can try?”

  I took her hand between both of mine. “Marin, I don’t want to try. I want to marry you.”

  Her chin dropped, her eyes popped open wide, and she said, “You what?”

  “I want to marry you. I want to spend my life with you. I want you to be by my side, to walk with me through thick and thin, to keep me warm at
night, to share my bed, and I want you to be the mother of my kids.”

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  Marin

  * * *

  My hand covered my mouth, mostly so I wouldn’t cry and make a fool out of myself, but also because he’d totally shocked me. When he said he wanted me, I assumed it was back in his life, but not as his wife.

  “Marin, I’ve never wanted anyone the way I want you. Ever.”

  He emphasized ever, so I knew what he was saying. I couldn’t breathe.

  “I love you. If you want, I can play the I love you more than game.” It was the game he played with Kinsley. I wanted to laugh. I really did, but I was still trying to breathe.

  “Jesus, are you okay over there? You’re scaring me.”

  Then he went into action, got up, came over and kissed me. That’s when I grabbed his shirt, pulled him closer, and then broke free. I sucked in a lungful of air and said, “I love you too.” Then I kissed him again. “Do you really want to marry me?”

  “Of course I do. That’s not something I’d ever joke about.” He kissed me this time.

  “Okay, but can we take it slow. Like maybe get to know one another better?”

  “Absolutely not.”

  My jaw sagged. “What?”

  “I am not ever going to risk losing you again. We’re eloping.”

  “Are you serious?”

  “Is this the face of a joking man?” he asked as he took his seat again.

  He wasn’t kidding. “No.”

  “Marin, we are in love, and as long as I live, I will never love another woman the way I love you. I can also promise you that you will never find anyone who will love you more than I do. We’ve already muddled through the crap, why do we need to wait?”

  “I guess I’m worried you’ll decide you don’t want me or something.”

  He leaned across the small table and took my chin between his thumb and finger. “That will never happen.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Because I’ve missed you these past several weeks more than I ever thought possible. Life is completely and utterly miserable without you. And jacking off in the shower is a pitiful replacement for you.”

  “Grey!” I jerked my head around to make sure no one heard him.

  “It’s true. Sex with you is amazing. Can you deny that?”

  “I can’t say. I’ve never had sex with me before.” I couldn’t stop a smirk from forming.

  “Just for that, I’m going to make you pay.”

  “How’s that?” I asked.

  “You’ll see.”

  “Oooh. I’m intrigued.”

  He smirked. “Just wait. But hang on. You’re already talking about sex, therefore, you agree it’s amazing, right?”

  “Oh, it is amazing. I can’t deny that.”

  “Then what else?”

  “If you ever have any trust issues before you fly crazy on me, talk to me.”

  “Done.”

  “And we’re a team.”

  “Absolutely,” he agreed.

  “What about more children?” I asked.

  “I’ll do whatever you want. I’d have a dozen if you were agreeable to it, but somehow I don’t think that’s something you’re interested in.”

  “No, not twelve, but I’d like two more.” After being with Kinsley and Aaron, I’d decided having kids was a lot more fun than I’d ever imagined.

  “Done. Anything else?”

  “And I’d like to work?”

  “You can do whatever you want. If you want to stay at home, fine. If you want to work, fine. If you want to get a therapy dog, fine. All I want is your happiness.”

  A warm glow took root in the pit of my stomach and began to grow, expanding to my chest. My lips stretched out in a humongous smile. “You really are serious?” I had to ask.

  “Never been more serious. I’ll give you whatever you want, Marin. You already have my heart. The materialistic stuff is nothing when you don’t have love.”

  I jumped out of the chair and almost knocked his over. He was getting to his feet, but I wasn’t making it very easy for him. Then my feet were off the ground, wrapping around his waist, as he swung me around in a circle, his hands on my hips.

  “Yes,” I said.

  “Yes, to what?”

  “To eloping.”

  He set me down. “When?”

  “When can your parents keep the kids and when can you take the time off?”

  “Good questions. Let’s get those ironed out and then we’ll plan. But there is something I need to do first.”

  “What’s that?”

  “You’ll see. Let’s go home.”

  I grabbed his arm. “What are we going to tell Kinsley?”

  “Nothing yet. But are you coming back to the house to live?”

  “Yes. I still have a few things there anyway. I just need to pack what’s at my parents.”

  “Let’s get that now. I’m not in the mood to wait.”

  “You really are impatient, you know.”

  “So I’ve been told.”

  We went to my parents and while we were there, Dad and Grey disappeared while I went to my room to pack real fast. Mom came in to help and I relayed what was going on.

  “Marin, you’re sure about everything?”

  “Yeah, Mom, I am.”

  “I knew you two would work things out. I’m so happy for you.”

  I didn’t tell her everything. I decided to wait until the kids were told. That would only be fair.

  Grey carried my bag out and we left. When we arrived at his house, his mom was one gigantic grin.

  “Trish called, so I already know. Thank God, you two finally came to your senses.” Kinsley was in the other room, so she spoke freely. I only shrugged.

  I’m glad to be back. I missed the kids so much. All of a sudden, a whirl of motion slammed into my legs.

  “Marnie! I missed you!”

  “I missed you too, short stuff.”

  We hugged for a good long time and then all decided to go out for spaghetti and meatballs.

  “Aaron can get lasagna. It’s mushy enough for him,” Kinsley said.

  “Yes, it is,” I agreed.

  Aaron was a solid red mess before dinner was over, but he didn’t mind. He never minded when he was a mess. I was glad they invented baby wipes. I went through half a container.

  “Paige, what did you do when your kids were little?”

  “I didn’t feed them lasagna,” she laughed. “But I went through a lot of dirty bibs and towels. And diapers. We had disposables, but they weren’t as good as what you have now. Well, when Hudson and Pearson were born they were, but not Grey. We used cloth ones for him.”

  “Ugh. How did you do that? That must’ve been a lot of work.”

  “Oh, it was. But I didn’t know any different,” she said. “He used to have to wear rubber pants over the diaper.”

  Kinsley thought that was so funny she wouldn’t stop laughing. Then we all laughed too because the idea was so ludicrous.

  “Daddy wore rubber panties.” Her giggles were contagious.

  “I bet that was a sight,” Grey said.

  After dinner, Grey suggested we all go get ice cream, but Aaron was asleep in his carrier, so Paige and Rick went and picked some up for us and brought it to the house while I put Aaron to bed. I was nuzzling his neck, inhaling his sweet baby scent when Grey walked in.

  “You want two, huh?”

  “Yeah. This kid is so precious. I never thought about having any until him. He melts my heart every time I look at him. And then I look at Kinsley and see how much fun they are at that age and I know I want them.”

  “I’ll be happy to provide you with the means.”

  “I’ll be happy to let you.”

  He kissed me and desire raged between us.

  “Grey, we can’t. Kinsley is downstairs with your parents.”

  “Right. Let’s go.”

  When we got back downstairs, Grey
looked at me and said, “I think we should tell Kinsley.”

  “Tonight?”

  “No use waiting.”

  “What about our parents?”

  “Kinsley should know first. She’s the most important one, other than the two of us.”

  For some reason, I was suddenly nervous. What if she didn’t want me as her step-mom. What if she threw a tantrum?

  “What is it?”

  “What if she resents me?”

  “You don’t honestly think that, do you?”

  “I don’t know what to think.”

  He took my hand and said, “Come with me.”

  She was watching TV and Grey said, “Hey, polka dot, Marin and I have something we need to talk to you about.” He turned off the TV and she looked at us expectantly. “You know how I kiss Marin sometimes?”

  Kinsley started kissing the air and laughing. “Like this?”

  “Yes, like that. Well, we love each other very much and we want to get married.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “It means that Marin will be my wife and I’ll be her husband.”

  She scrunched up her mouth. “Is that like a mommy?”

  “Not exactly. Your mommy is with the angels and will always be with the angels. But Marin will be my wife now. She’ll be what’s called a step-mommy, but you can still call her Marnie if you want.”

  “Can I call her Marniemom?”

  “You can. Is that what you want to call her?”

  Kinsley looked at me and laughed. “Yeah. I like that. Marniemom.” Then she frowned again.

  “What is it, honey?” Grey asked.

  “Will Mommy get mad at me cuz I’m calling Marnie, Marniemom?”

  Grey picked her up and sat down on the couch with her on his lap. “Mommy would never get mad at you for that. Remember, Mommy’s an angel now and angels only want what’s best for you.”

  “Really?” She was looking at me when she asked that.

  I answered, “Your daddy is right. Angels look out for you and your mommy would never get mad at you for that.”

  “Then I’ll call you Marniemom for now.”

  “That’s a deal.” And I high-fived her.